It's been a year since Hiccup left Berk, and during this time the dragon raids have worsened. A few months after Hiccup had left, their attacks have became an every night routine with more and more dragons showing up each night. Our livestock is the lowest it has ever been in years, and the village is starving and cold. With hardly any sheep, the seamstresses can't make any clothes or blankets out of the sheep's wool, and we can only handle so much fish. Just thinking about another fish-meal is making me sick. I have to eat what I'm given though, especially since even the amount of fish in the sea seems to be going down.

Chief Stoick is doing everything that he can, but for the first couple of months he barely did anything. Stoick was the most stoic I have ever seen him, and yet he was also the most emotional. He never said it out loud, but his actions and facial expressions were enough to tell me that he misses his son. He sent out search parties, questioned everyone, including me, on when we saw him last, and he even sent out a message to other tribes. With that message was a promise of an award.

It was hard lying to him. Not just because he's my chief, but also because he's like a father figure to me. So is Gobber. My father died in a raid when I was a baby, probably a year after Hiccup lost his mother, and the only father figures I had was Stoick and Gobber. Lying to them both about Hiccup was the hardest thing I have ever done, especially since Stoick now lived alone with no family. I felt like I was betraying them. Actually, that's exactly what I did. However, telling them the truth about Hiccup felt like a betrayal as well. Towards Hiccup. It confused the Hel out of me.

I've been loyal to Stoick all my life. My loyalty to Hiccup is new. It was formed within a few hours once he showed me everything I was missing a year ago. However, the thought of betraying Hiccup left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't like it. I could never do such a thing to him, and yet betraying his father...I would do it again and again no matter how hard.

Not telling him the truth about Hiccup wasn't the only act of betrayal I did. For an entire year, I've done more than extinguish fires during raids. I got rid of the dragons by either scaring them away, giving them exactly what they wanted (i.e the sheep and chickens), and helping them out of traps whenever no one was looking. I even helped the dragons captured and used in dragon training by freeing them. Every time I would set them free, a new set of dragons would be brought in a few days later, and just like I would do before, I would release them in the dead of the night. It's always easy to set them free due to the raiding dragons that would distract the village.

Gobber and Stoick were always left puzzled as to how they kept escaping, but not once have they ever questioned anyone. And while I never killed a dragon, not before or after Hiccup left, I was still responsible for some of their deaths by helping others hold them down. They would suspect me for sure if I didn't help. The first time that happened after Hiccup left...I cried. I was alone in my room when I did it, but...it was the first time ever where I cried over a dragon. It was the first time ever where I saw a dragon cry too. It was the first time ever where I saw their fear.

I had grown up eagerly waiting for my first kill and ever since that night with Hiccup...killing a dragon became the number one thing I swore I would never do. Ever since that night where I held that dragon down and watched as my mother slaughtered it...killing a dragon became a nightmare. Speaking of nightmare, the Monstrous Nightmare that Hiccup was supposed to kill was offered to me a few weeks after Hiccup's departure. When Hiccup didn't show up for his final test, it was put on hold to find him. When he was never found, Gobber, Gothi, and Stoick gave me their blessing to kill the beast.

I refused, of course, and said that the dragon belonged to Hiccup and him alone. Snotlout wanted that dragon more than anyone else, and never have I ever been more grateful to Chief Stoick for shutting him down. I set the Monstrous Nightmare and the other dragons free that same night. I was afraid that Stoick would change his mind, and thus my first dragon release plan came to be.

I'm honestly surprised I haven't been caught, but at the same time I'm not. Ever since I could understand words, all everyone has ever told me was that I was the brightest shieldmaiden in my generation. Of course, I haven't been caught. I've got brains and brawn. People would never suspect one of their best warriors either. I'm safe as long as I'm careful.

But still, after a year of dragons escaping you'd think Stoick would put up better locks on the cages or have vikings guarding the arena. He's done neither.

I pray that I can keep this going. So far I think I can. A year has passed already, but I know the odds won't always be in my favor. I can't ever stop being on alert. I can't ever stop being careful. Because if I slip up...the dragons and I are both going to end up dead.