The second anniversary of Hiccup's departure was a month ago. By now, everyone believes he's dead. I know he's not. I don't know for certain, but deep within my very soul I just know that he's not. How can I believe him to be dead when I constantly dream about him being alive? About him living happily in a dragon utopia? The only thing that disturbs me in these dreams is that it's only him and me that live in this world. No other person from Berk ever makes their appearance in my dreams. Just him and...me. The second thing that disturbs me is that our utopia isn't even on Berk. I don't know where we are. It's the same place every time, but this same place isn't Berk. The third thing that disturbs me is that I like how things are in my dreams. No Berk, no stubborn, murderous vikings, no war. Just Hiccup, me, dragons, and...peace.
I sometimes think my dreams only came to be because of Stoick declaring Snotlout his new heir. He had done so during Snoggletog a few months ago, and while everyone was ecstatic, I felt sick. Snotlout is the absolute worst choice. I know Stoick knows that. He only chose Snot due to him being the next in line; he's Stoick's nephew. Sure, Snotlout has the strength and determination needed to be chief, but there's so much more to being chief than just those two qualities. There are other qualities needed, and Snotlout does not have any of them.
It's not uncommon for chiefs to choose someone who isn't blood related to be chief. He could have chosen me to be chief, and I told him straight up how I felt about it.
"Snotlout will kill us all before the dragons do, Chief," I had said to him once I got him alone after his announcement. "I know that he's next in line after Hiccup, but you're able to choose someone else. The heir doesn't have to be blood related. Why didn't you choose someone else?"
"You mean you?" Stoick had asked, amused.
Of course he knew I was talking about myself and of course I wanted to take the role. With me in charge I could help bring peace. Not more destruction. "Yes, but I also wouldn't mind if it were someone else. There are plenty of vikings who are better qualified for the role than Snotlout. Berk has had plenty of chiefs who were women, plenty of chiefs who weren't blood born, so why didn't you choose me?"
"Because Astrid," Stoick had said, his voice stern but also tired, "the previous Chieftesses of our tribe have struggled more than any male chief Berk has ever had in our history. And yes, it's because they were women. However, it never had anything to do with their physical or mental state. They only ever struggled so much because of the stubborn viking chiefs of different tribes who deliberately wanted to make their lives Hel. Who saw them as nothing more than objects. Property to be owned. They've had to deal with men who are worse than dragons. You're like a daughter to me. I don't want you to suffer with what those strong, brave women had to go through."
"Are you saying I'm not strong and brave like them?" I had asked, as calm as I could possibly be as I shoved back the attitude that wanted to cover my tone.
"No," Stoick had chuckled, "You're exactly like them, but a lot of them...a lot of them did things that I don't ever want you to do. I know you can take care of yourself, but by not choosing you as my heir, I'm protecting you. Besides," he had put his large hands on my shoulders and smiled fondly at me, "I can't see you being Chief."
"Why is that?" I had asked as I stared up at him.
"Because for some reason, I see you having a different purpose. You're going to help Berk in your own way that's going to make me and everyone else proud. I know it."
The only way I can help Berk is by helping Hiccup help Berk. And that's by making peace with the dragons once he's learned everything there is to know about them and returns. Who knows how long that will take.
I just hope Berk will still be standing by the time Hiccup comes back. I honestly don't think we'll survive another year.