Chapter 27: Tough Decisions
Santana's POV
As soon as Brittany text me, I ran straight home. I mean I know I was already out running but I mean I really sprinted home to her. I have no idea what's going on but I don't want to waste any time in finding out because it seemed really serious. As soon as I make it in the door, I quickly grab a bottle of water. I'm still really out of breath but that doesn't stop me running upstairs to find Brittany. I walk into our bedroom and I don't see her until I notice the en suite light on so I walk into the bathroom and there she is standing at the sink in tears.
"Honey what's going on, are you ok? Is Aiden ok? Are your parents ok? Are my parents ok?" I rush out before taking a deep breath to calm down.
"No I'm not ok" she says bursting into tears while leaning against the door and sliding down it.
"Oh honey" I say in concern while rushing over to her. I sit down on the floor next to her and wrap my arms around her. "What's going on babe?"
"I can't do this Santana, I can't" she sobs uncontrollably.
"Can't do what baby?" I ask but it makes her cry even more. "I'm sorry, what did I say?"
"I'm not ready for this" she says through tears.
"Honey please tell me what's going on so I can understand and I can help you" I say, still hugging her tightly.
"The reason I have been so sick lately is because I'm pregnant" she sighs while shaking her head before pulling out of the hug to look at me.
"Are you serious?" I ask in excitement before quickly stopping smiling when I notice Brittany doesn't find any of this topic exciting. "Why aren't you happy about it?" I ask slightly confused. I mean we're having another baby so what's so bad about that. We've always wanted more children and now it means Aiden will have a brother or sister to play with.
"I can't be pregnant right now Santana, I just can't" she says as tears roll down her face once again. "I love Aiden so much but I can't do this, it's just too much" she's beginning to freak out now.
"But…"
"Santana this is all too much for me. I've barely got over my last pregnancy and now look what's happened" she says taking a deep breath.
"Look are you sure you're pregnant then?" I ask because I haven't been gone long so I don't know how she has suddenly just found out.
"No I made it up because I wanted to torture myself because I didn't think I had been through enough recently" she replies, narrowing her eyes to glare at me.
"Don't take that tone with me Brittany, I'm not a child" I state annoyed.
"Then stop asking me obvious questions" she replies annoyed. "Do you really think I'd be in such a state if I thought there was a possibility this was a false alarm?"
"You're right, I'm sorry" I say apologetically. I guess she does have a point because she wouldn't freak out over nothing so I'm sure she has took a few pregnancy tests to double check. "Look let's just take a minute to calm down and then we can talk, ok?"
"Ok" Brittany nods.
"You go and sit down on the bed and I'll be back in a second, I'm just going to check on Aiden" I say while standing up and then holding out my hand to pull Brittany to her feet.
"Ok" Brittany sighs while walking over to the bed. I then make my way to Aiden's bedroom. As soon as I walk into the room, he's lying so peacefully just sleeping. He has his hands wrapped tightly around his favourite teddy bear in front of him.
"Mommy and I are right next door talking, I'll come back and check on you soon" I whisper to him so I don't wake him. "I love you sweetheart" I say while gently kissing his head before tiptoeing out of the room back to my bedroom.
"Is Aiden ok?" Brittany asks as soon as I walk into the room.
"He's fine, he's still sleeping peacefully" I reply, smiling at the thought of my cute little boy.
"Good" Brittany smiles.
"So let's talk, huh" I say while sitting down on the bed next to Brittany.
"Yeah" Brittany replies quietly while nodding. "I don't know where to start really, it's all so confusing for me right now" she sighs while looking at me.
"Let's start from the beginning, I went out for a run and then what happened?" I ask trying to get an idea of how she found out and what made her even think she might be pregnant in the first place.
"Well I fell asleep initially right before you left but then I woke up needing the bathroom. It must have been like 10 minutes after I heard you leave the house" Brittany starts. "I got up and used the toilet and then out the corner of my eye I saw my birth control pills just sitting by the sink. I didn't really take much notice of them, instead I just picked them up and put them back to where they belong in the cabinet."
"Ok" I nod indicating I'm following what she's telling me.
"It wasn't until I put them away properly that I noticed a box of unopened tampons at the back. As soon as I saw them it reminded me about earlier when you asked me if I was on my period" she replies.
"Oh, ok" I nod kinda seeing where this might be going.
"Then it suddenly clicked that it had been ages since I last was on my period so I quickly got a bottle of water and drank as much as I could so I had a full bladder again since I had just been to the bathroom, and then took a pregnancy test. I hoped I was just being stupid with my math and it hadn't quite been 4 weeks yet but it turns out I was right with my math" she says.
"I've only been gone 40 minutes now so how did you manage to go out and buy a test already especially when Aiden is still sleeping right now?" I ask curiously.
"I already had a pregnancy test" she replies. "There was one still in the bathroom from when we were trying to get pregnant before we had Aiden. I know it's been there a while but the expiry date on it was ok plus everything else adds up. The sickness, the tiredness, the body pain, not remembering my last period."
"I don't know why we didn't see this sooner" I say shaking my head.
"Me neither. I mean especially me, I should have picked up on things since I was the pregnant one and I've been pregnant before" Brittany points out.
"Can I just apologise babe for accusing you of relapsing with your eating disorder. I should have known that wasn't what was happening" I say sincerely.
"Don't worry about that right now, we have bigger fish to fry" Brittany sighs. "Plus all the sickness wasn't exactly in the morning and it was often after I ate so I do see where you were coming from."
"So what are we talking, week wise I mean?" I ask.
"I think I'm about 7 weeks along" she replies. "I mean it's been about that since I last had my period and the sickness did start around last week and it usually starts around 6 weeks."
"Yeah I guess that does make sense" I nod in agreement.
"The big issue now though is where to go from here" Brittany admits.
"Yeah" I reply. Of course I know where I want to go from here but I think its obvious Brittany isn't at the same place as me right now. I can tell she's terrified and doesn't think she could mentally cope with this right now.
"I want to have more children with you Santana, I do, but I don't know if I can really handle this right now" Brittany admits. I can tell she's being genuine but it doesn't mean it makes me worry any less. Brittany is pregnant with my baby and she doesn't want to be, it's not a great feeling right now.
"I understand what you're saying but you've got 9 months to feel better about things" I reason. "Plus you'll have me and your whole family with you every step of the way."
"It's not just when the baby comes, it's the things pregnancy does to me too and the fact I have a baby growing inside me for months. I need to take care of that baby as well as myself and as we can see I wasn't doing a very good job of looking after me so what am I going to be like with a baby too" she says.
"Perhaps it's worth revisiting the specialist we saw before we make any rash decisions" I suggest.
"Yeah maybe it is" she shrugs. "Or we just work out things on our own?"
"Somehow I don't see that happening any time soon" I point out.
"Please don't be mad at me right now Santana, I don't need it" Brittany sighs while getting off the bed and going over to the bathroom.
"Britt don't walk away from me right now when we're talking" I say softly so as not to cause an argument right now.
"I'm not walking away from you Santana, I'm brushing my hair but I can still hear you talking to me" she replies.
"Ok" I nod.
"Look maybe we shouldn't talk right now anyway. I think we're both confused and our emotions are everywhere right now. Well I mean I know mine are so maybe we should give it some time before we get into a big discussion about this" Brittany suggests.
"I don't mind giving you space but we can't drag it out either. We will have to properly talk soon" I say.
"I know and we will, just leave it until after dinner though" she states while walking back into the room.
"Ok that's fine, we'll wait until we've eaten" I say.
XXX
Brittany and I spent most of the afternoon apart. I checked a few things over for work tomorrow before spending time with Aiden while Brittany went downstairs to the study to look over some notes for a new patient. She likes to be really familiar with the patient's case and what kind of injuries require rehabbing.
"Britt can I come in?" I ask while knocking on the door of the study.
"Yeah" I hear Brittany faintly reply so I open the door and walk in.
"Mommy" Aiden screams excitedly at Brittany.
"Hi honey" she smiles while putting her pen down on the desk and standing up to take Aiden from me. "What have you been doing?" she asks him.
"Cars" he replies while bouncing in Brittany's arms.
"Did you play cars with mom?" she asks him and he nods enthusiastically.
"So Aiden is starting to get hungry so do you want some dinner just now or shall I just make Aiden's and we can eat later?" I ask Brittany.
"I don't mind eating just now so we don't need to bother with the hassle of cooking two dinners" Brittany replies.
"Ok" I nod.
"Do you need any help with dinner?" Brittany asks looking over at me.
"No it's fine but perhaps you could just keep an eye on Aiden for me because it's not really the kind of dinner he can help with tonight" I say.
"Yeah that's fine" Brittany smiles at Aiden. "Why don't you and I go outside and you can see what a real car is like? You can sit on my knee and I'll tell you all about my car."
"Car" Aiden yells while clapping his hands together in excitement.
"Will you just come and get us when it's time for dinner?" Brittany asks me and I nod. "Cool, right let's go little guy" she says bouncing Aiden a little before carrying him to the garage.
As soon as I prepared dinner, I went to get Brittany and Aiden. They quickly washed their hands while I plated up the food before we all sat down together to eat. I was expecting dinner to be slightly awkward but as usual we had Aiden to distract us so it wasn't as bad as we thought. Once we had finished, we cleared up and then played with Aiden for a little while before taking him upstairs.
"Ok it's bath time honey" I say as Brittany follows me into the bathroom with Aiden.
"No" I hear Aiden quietly mumble.
"Honey you need to take a bath so you're all nice and clean" Brittany says smiling at him. "Mom and I always take baths so don't you want to as well" she says trying to encourage him to do the same. He doesn't verbally reply, he just shakes his head.
"Come on sweetheart, we'll make it fun. Right mommy?" I say looking at Brittany.
"That's right, you can play with your water toys and we can watch the little ducks swimming in the tub next to you" Brittany smiles. "How does that sound?" she asks and he slowly nods his head.
"Good boy" I say kissing his head. "Now I'm going to take you from mommy and she's going to get you your car pyjamas to put on once you're done" I tell him.
"His car pyjamas haven't been washed yet babe" Brittany replies while handing me Aiden.
"Yeah the older ones haven't but I may have bought him some new ones the other day" I say nervously.
"Honey…." Brittany takes a deep breath. "I know he's your little boy and you love spoiling him but buying the same pyjamas he already has isn't really necessary. You're spending on things you don't need to."
"They're not the same because his old ones have blue cars on them but the new ones have red race cars on them" I point out.
"Ok, fine" Brittany shrugs. "I'll be back in a second with the pyjamas, you get the bath ready" she says before leaving the room. I know it maybe wasn't the best thing to buy something he basically already has but they were so cute I couldn't resist.
After bathing Aiden, we got him settled and stayed with him for a little bit until he fell asleep. Once we were sure he was fully asleep, we quietly left the room and headed to our bedroom.
"Alone again" Brittany says filling the silence between us. "I guess we should talk about…you know…what we need to discuss" she says not quite mentioning the word 'baby'. I guess it's a bit hard for her to say right now.
"Yeah we should" I reply quietly.
"I am so conflicted right now Santana" she admits. "Like I said before I do really want more children but what happens if I relapse now or after. I'm going to put not only myself in danger but your child as well. If my eating disorder returns then goodness knows what could happen, I mean I read up on my condition and similar ones and there's lots of stuff about liver failure and other internal organs shutting down."
"I don't mean to sound so blunt about this babe but didn't your eating disorder develop because you lost confidence in how you looked and you were worried about our relationship?" I ask.
"Yeah that was part of it" Brittany says frowning in confusion because she can't see where I'm going with this.
"But we worked through our relationship and you know I only love you" I say.
"Yes I know that but that doesn't mean I won't relapse due to other reasons. Once you have an eating disorder it's hard to say whether you'll ever truly be free of it. I don't want it to happen but pregnancy does a lot to you not only physically but mentally too" Brittany points out. "You can't always control things like that, sometimes they just affect you."
"I just feel that what your alternative is could be kinda drastic" I admit. I don't mean to be insensitive but this is a big thing we're talking about here. "What I mean is you'll have all the support you need around you and we'll do everything we can to help you."
"You just don't get it Santana" Brittany shakes her head. "I don't think I am mentally strong enough yet to go through something like this. If I end up not eating and doing stupid things then I could die."
"Brittany please don't say something like that" I say taking a deep breath.
"That's what could happen though Santana if I am not 100% with it mentally" she states. "Right now I'm not concerned but what happens further down the line and I start to hate how I look so I stop eating and then not only do I get sick but I've put our baby's life at risk?"
"I'll help you through it" I tell her.
"How will you help me though? I mean it's not like you can just transfer the baby from me to you so you're the one who is pregnant" Brittany sighs.
"I don't know what to say anymore" I admit.
"I don't know either because no matter what I do something isn't right. I don't go through with it and you're heartbroken and will resent me all your life and if I do go through with it then my eating disorder could return or I could have some other mental health problem" Brittany says.
"I think talking about this right now is way too soon" I admit. "Maybe we need time to process things and we can talk again in a few days" I suggest.
"I think that might be best" Brittany replies quietly while nodding in agreement.
"Just please promise me that you won't do anything without me" I say quietly.
"This situation is far from ideal at the moment but I would never ever do something without you, ok" she replies honestly.
"Ok" I nod.
It's times like these when I wish I was a real woman and could actually carry a baby. All our problems would be solved right now if I was the pregnant one because Brittany wouldn't need to worry about a thing and I would do all the work. We'd both be happy that way but I guess there's no point into thinking about it anymore because it's not going to happen like that. We need to focus on where we go from here.
Brittany's POV
The whole time I was at work today, I couldn't stop thinking about how I'm pregnant and how I have no clue what to do. I want to have Santana's children so bad but at the same time I don't think I could cope with how it affects me mentally. I can see now that every woman looks different and we should embrace what we have physically so I'm not concerned about that. I'm more concerned that I will get very stressed out being pregnant and handling a one year old at the same time. I know I don't have college anymore but I also haven't been in my job very long either so I still have stressful times.
My eating disorder wasn't even about food in the end, it was about being in control and I'm worried I'll go into that mind-set again if I get stressed. I'm also worried about taking time off after just starting my job. I haven't been there long and now I'm going to need to take maternity leave. Of course my family is my priority but this is the first time I can work full time and earn a decent salary to know I can provide for them. I don't want Santana working herself sick because she has me and 2 kids to take care of.
"Mommy!" Aiden squeals breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Yes buddy" I say smiling down at him as he plays with one of his toys on the floor.
"Mom?" he questions.
"Mom is not home yet sweetheart but she should be soon. Do you want to sit on my knee and we can look out the window for her coming home?" I ask him and he nods enthusiastically. "Come on then" I say as I place him on my knee and we turn to face the window.
"Doggy?" he asks looking up at me.
"Yes that was a doggy walking past" I smile at him. "Do you see anything else sweetheart?" I ask.
"Car" he replies while looking at me to see if he got it right.
"That's right there are lots of cars out there" I smile at him again. "Ok what else do we see?"
"Um…mom" he screams excitedly while pointing outside. Her car isn't in the drive so I lean closer and then I notice her car coming along the road.
"So it is, why don't we go outside and meet her?" I suggest before lifting Aiden up and we make our way outside. I stand by the door until Santana is parked properly before I walk over to her.
"Hi honey, did you miss me" Santana leans down to kiss Aiden before taking him from me.
"We've been watching out for you from the window but when Aiden saw your car coming along the road we decided to come out and greet you" I tell her.
"Cool" she smiles at me briefly before turning her attention back to Aiden.
"Shall I go and start on dinner now?" I ask.
"Yeah" Santana replies before opening the trunk of the car to get her stuff out.
"Here let me help you since you're holding Aiden as well" I say while grabbing her work bag and lifting it out of the car.
"That's heavy Brittany, I'll get that" she tells me while taking the bag from me.
"I could manage" I say while lifting her purse out instead.
"I know but I don't want you lifting anything heavy since…you know" she replies while gesturing to my stomach.
"I'm barely that far along so you don't need to worry about me lifting things right now" I point out.
"I know but it makes me feel better so just let me carry the heavier stuff" Santana says before closing the trunk of the car.
"Ok, fine" I say giving her a small smile.
"So has my handsome boy been behaving today?" Santana asks while bouncing Aiden slightly as we walk inside.
"Gillian said he was great today and he even managed to eat all of his snack this afternoon" I say while shutting the door behind us.
"Oh that's good" Santana smiles at Aiden before placing him down on the ground.
"Hey why don't I just make dinner and you spend some time with Aiden. I'll come and get you when dinner is ready" I suggest.
"As long as you don't need any help" Santana says looking over at me.
"No I can manage so you go and play with Aid" I assure her.
"Ok" she smiles before scooping Aiden up and taking him to the living room to play.
XXX
"So have you had any other thoughts about what we should do?" Santana asks hesitantly as we clear up from dinner.
"It's all I have thought about Santana but I can't say I'm any clearer on the situation" I sigh. "I want to be able to tell you I can do this 100% because I do want this baby, I just don't know if it's the right time though."
"There's never going to be a perfect time though" Santana states.
"I know that but this isn't even a relatively good time for me" I say. "We're going round in circles here Santana and I don't want that. I want us to figure out what the best thing to do is."
"Brittany this is an impossible decision to make, I don't think working it through will give us the answer. I think we just need to decide one way or another" she replies and I guess she maybe does have a point.
"Why are things always so hard" I say shaking my head. "Everything bad that can happen seems to always happen to us and I hate it. It always ends with you hurting and I don't want that."
"What do you mean?" Santana asks confused.
"Our life is like a frigging soap opera all the time, it's like you can never catch a break and 98% of the time I'm the cause" I state. "Without fail, it's always me that does this to you" I shake my head.
"I still don't know what you mean babe?" Santana states.
"Ok I've had an appendicitis; I turned down your marriage proposal; I didn't want a baby when you did; I didn't react the best in the beginning when Jennifer claimed you had a daughter; I now don't think I can handle being pregnant again. It's like you're the most perfect person in the world and I always find a way to bring you down" I say.
"Britt that is not true. Yes we've had our issues but they're never solely your fault I can assure you" Santana says moving closer to me. "The appendicitis wasn't your fault, it just happened. Yes I was worried about you but I wouldn't say it affected us in any way. Then the marriage proposal thing, you didn't turn me down you just postponed it. I like to think about it that if I hadn't proposed in the first place then neither of us would know how we felt about marriage so that was a good thing that I did propose. Also not being ready to have a baby wasn't a bad thing either because it showed you how much you did want one in the end. Lastly the whole Jen thing was no one's fault but hers. She just likes to cause trouble but she'll never bother us again."
"I appreciate you saying all that but there must be a reason we always have these issues" I sigh.
"There's no reason Brittany, that's just life. We should feel lucky that we both have each other and a family who loves us. I'm glad we've had the issues that we did because I'd hate to have other ones like going through a breakup with you" she points out.
"I suppose when you put it like that" I admit. "Although it doesn't help us with what we've got going on right now."
"Yeah I know" Santana nods.
"You really want this baby don't you?" I ask.
"I really do and I can't apologise for that" she admits.
"And I would never ask you to apologise honey" I tell her honestly. The last thing I want to do is terminate my pregnancy but at the same time what kind of mother would I be bringing a baby into this world when my mental health is not what it should be at the moment. It took me a while to realise what was going on with my situation and I don't want that to happen again. I don't know if I can risk putting a child through that.
"I have to admit, I really am struggling to see the other side of things because I thought you loved being pregnant with Aiden" Santana says.
"I did but seeing what happened after that and how much stress I was under then I don't know if I could cope with that right now" I say.
"Britt can't you see that all the things that's been happening recently are because of the pregnancy and not you. You weren't relapsing babe, you were just being sick because of the pregnancy" Santana tells me.
"I see that now but it doesn't mean something won't happen to me as the pregnancy moves on or even after it" I say honestly.
"I'll be here to support you though" Santana states.
"That's all good saying that but I just don't know if risking it is the right thing. What happens if your support just isn't enough for me?" I ask.
"I don't see why it wouldn't be" Santana frowns in confusion.
"Because it's not that simple" I reply. "You being there might not be enough because I might need to go back to my therapist so are we really sure we want to let things go that far right now?"
"I think you're panicking when you don't need to Britt" she replies.
"Trust me that is not the case right now" I state.
"Well maybe…"
"Do you know what, let's just not do this right now" I say shaking my head while standing up. "I can't fight with you right now Santana, I need to go" I say while walking to the hall and grabbing my car keys.
"Where are you going?" Santana asks while quickly following me.
"I need time Santana and you're not giving me it" I say, tears threatening to fall. "I'm trying to tell you how bad I feel about things and you won't listen to me. I know you want this baby Santana but it seems like you want it more than you want me right now."
"How can you say that to me?" Santana asks hurt.
"Because I am trying my hardest to open up to you and explain and you won't listen. How can you not see how you're making me feel?" I ask.
"Brittany I am trying, honestly" she sighs.
"Ok that's fine but I still need time I think to deal with all my emotions right now" I say. "I need a few hours to myself so just let me go please."
"Fine" Santana shrugs. "Walk out then and I'll just stay here worrying about you."
"Stop trying to argue with me Santana" I say before walking out the door. I know it's childish but we're clearly not ready for a mature conversation about this because neither can understand the other person's opinion.
XXX
"Hello, it's me" I shout to see if anyone is home as I walk into my parent's house. "Hey dad, is mom home?" I ask when he comes walking out of the living room.
"She is but don't ask me where she is" he chuckles. "I was watching some sports in here so I haven't really been paying attention to anything else."
"I'll go and look for her then, you go back to whatever game you're watching and I'll catch up with you later" I tell him.
"Ok sweetheart" he nods before going back into the living room to continue what he was watching. I search a few rooms downstairs before I find my mom in the sunroom doing some work. As I walk in she notices me.
"Hi darling" she smiles at me. Just seeing my mom's face is so comforting that I literally burst into tears right in front of her.
"Mom…I really need you" I reply in tears.
"Honey what's wrong, come and sit down" she says while walking over to me before guiding me to sit down next to her on one of the sofas. "What's going on sweetheart?" she asks while comfortingly rubbing my back.
"I'm not ready yet" I say as floods of tears come tumbling out of my eyes.
"Just take a breath and then we'll talk ok?" she says while continuing to rub my back. After a few minutes I eventually manage to calm down and feel like I can talk again. "So what's going on?" she asks while wiping away a stray tear from my cheek.
"I'm pregnant mom and I don't think I can handle it right now" I admit.
"Oh honey" she says hugging me tightly.
"I do really want more children but I don't think I can mentally handle it right now. After everything with my eating disorder and going to see a specialist then I don't think I'm fully recovered yet. I'm fine parenting Aiden but what happens with another young child thrown into the works" I say.
"I understand sweetheart" my mom nods.
"I'm such a bad parent aren't I?" I say looking at mom.
"You're not so don't ever think that. You are trying to do the best for your family" she assures me.
"Santana wants another child so bad and it's tearing me apart knowing it might not happen just yet" I say.
"Have you talked to Santana about it all?" she asks.
"Yeah we've talked but I don't think we understand how one another feels. She's struggling to see why I'm so worried because we fixed a lot of things in therapy and I'm struggling to see her point of view because I feel like this" I say. "I feel fine right now but it worries me that in time I will get sick again because I can't cope with the stress and pressure of it all."
"I can see why you need to really think about this honey and it's perfectly ok to think about your own health. I know you're pregnant right now but a baby needs their mom healthy and if you're not then 2 people aren't getting what they need. I know it sounds bad but it's better you're healthy right now and perhaps not have the baby then go through with it and both you and the baby are not well" she replies. That is exactly how I see it but at the same time I'm hurting an innocent baby.
"I can't do this to Santana though. It's like I need to choose between my health and Santana and I don't know what to pick" I sigh. "I want to give Santana more children more than ever. That's all she's ever dreamed of so how can I live with myself if I don't?"
"If it does come to it then Santana will understand. Of course she's going to be upset in the beginning but she'll see it was the best for both you and the baby" my mom says.
"What if she divorces me though, I can't live without her mom" I say in tears.
"Santana is not going to do that, trust me" my mom assures me while hugging me again.
"How do you know for sure?" I ask looking at my mom.
"Because I know how much she loves you and you know it too honey" she smiles.
After a long talk with my mom, I finally head home again. As soon as I walk through the front door, Santana comes rushing through to the hall. She doesn't say anything, she just watches me put my keys down and take my shoes off. When I walk into the kitchen to get some water, she quickly follows me.
"You've been away for a while, where did you go?" Santana asks finally breaking the silence. "I was really worried about you and you didn't answer my calls."
"I told you I needed time to think so I was hardly going to answer my phone" I reply while sitting down at the table.
"I'm going to ask you again, where did you go?" Santana asks starting to get annoyed.
"I went to talk to my mom" I say looking over at Santana. "I just needed to let my feelings out to someone else because this is our situation to deal with whereas my mom can see both sides."
"I guess that makes sense" Santana nods.
"It's getting kinda late so I want to kiss Aiden goodnight but I'll be back to talk to you ok?" I say.
"Yeah that's fine" she nods. "In fact I'll come upstairs with you because I need to get a few things ready for work that are up there."
"Ok" I say while making my way upstairs with Santana following me. She goes to our bedroom and I go into Aiden's room. "Hi sweetie" I whisper to him before leaning down to kiss his head. I just look at him for a second just thinking about how precious he is and how I love him so much. As I look at Aiden I can't help but think of this baby inside me so I gently place my hand on my stomach. "I know I'll regret it if I did it because you're one of the best things to ever happen to me Aid and I guess your little brother or sister would be too" I say. "You and your mom mean the world to me" I tell him.
I continue to talk to Aiden for a few minutes and just as I stand up to leave, I hear something behind me so I quickly turn around and there is Santana.
"God you gave me a fright" I say clutching my chest. "How long have you been standing there?" I ask trying to tiptoe out of the room so I don't wake Aiden.
"Just a few minutes" she smiles.
"So you heard pretty much everything that I was saying then?" I ask slightly embarrassed as we go back to our room.
"Yeah I did" Santana replies while closing the bedroom door.
"Ok" I say looking down at my feet.
"Babe come here" Santana says pulling me closer to her before wrapping her arms around me. "I love you so much Brittany and nothing will change that, absolutely nothing."
"Are you sure about that because I wouldn't like me very much right now" I admit.
"Listen to me, you are so important to me so if you don't think you can mentally handle this then I don't want you to" Santana says as tears begin running down her cheeks. "I would never want to put your health at risk so if I'm doing that then I want it to stop."
"I don't want to feel like this Santana" I say beginning to cry. Just seeing Santana cry made me cry because I hate upsetting her.
"I admit it's not an easy thing to take right now but I do understand Brittany" Santana says hugging me tighter. "I know I joke about getting older but we do have plenty of time to have more children" she says.
So what's going to happen now?