It was getting dark when I finally pulled up to the metro juvenile correction center. I knew they weren't setting Casey lose for another week but I need to talk to someone about the disaster my life had become. It was too late for visitors so I found a little no tell motel and got a room for the night. Falling asleep wasn't really a choice as everything that happened hit me and I passed out. Some time during the night I became aware of an annoying repetitive sound I couldn't place. As I rolled over on the bed I saw my cell phone flashing brightly. Grabbing it without thinking or looking at my caller ID I heard a loud sigh, "Hello?" I asked tentatively. "Tell me your alright" I heard Shane say quietly. "I'm alright, if that's all you needed I'm going back to sleep." I huffed preparing to power down my phone. "Wait...wait J when are you coming home?" I flopped back down onto the bed knowing Shane wasn't going away that easy. "I don't know Shay. I guess I'll be back when I'm ready to come back." "Would you at least tell me where you are so I know you're okay?" I looked around quickly, "I'm not sure that's the greatest idea. I don't need you sending cops to my door to drag me back." He chuckled darkly. "How do you know I ain't tracing this call right now?" "I know because you're calling from your house phone not the station number." He laughed again, "Guess you got me there detective. Seriously Jenna when are you coming home?" The concern in his voice had me on the verge of tears as I squeaked back, "I don't know. I don't even know where my home is anymore. Daryl's not going to let me back, you're probably kicking me to the curb, so I just don't know." There was a heavy silence on the other end of the line as I gave up and let the tears flow. "You really think I'm dumping you because of all of this?" Shane asked quietly. Trying to catch my breath I between tears I mumbled, "I don't blame you Shay I really don't. Maybe I just won't come back I'll spring Casey and that'll be that." "What do you mean you're not coming back? For fucks sake Jenna just tell me where you are we can't do this over the phone." Shane barked at me. "No Shane I need to work this out without you two around. If and when I come back I'll call you I promise." I heard what sounded like a door slamming. "So that's it? I'm supposed to be sitting around watching my phone wondering if you're ever coming home? How's that fair to me or…..Daryl? I'm not pushing you or anything but we all have to settle this shit, all three of us." "You know what Shane I can't do this right now. I love you I'm so sorry." I started sobbing as I powered down my phone.
I realized that was the first time I ever said the l word to Shane. No matter what I said or did someone was going to get hurt in all of this. I wanted to talk to Daryl so bad, he always knew what to say to calm me down, tell me everything was going to be alright but I knew he wouldn't say that this time. I cried myself to sleep praying for daylight so I could talk to my Casey. He was going to jump down my throat about my bruised face and love triangle but I didn't care I needed someone to talk to about all this. Waking up at the crack of dawn I quickly showered before driving over to the correctional facility. It seemed to take forever to go through all the security bs before they showed me into the creepy little visitors room to wait. My legs were bouncing I was so excited and anxious. I dove on Casey as soon as I saw him only to be pulled away by a guard who informed me no pda's allowed. I sheepishly sat down with Casey as I giggled nervously. I could see fire in his eyes as he stared at me before motioning for a cigarette and huffing loudly as we both lit up. "So you gonna tell me why you're a week early and all busted up?" I took a long drag to settle my nerves before answering. "It's part of a very long story bud." He snickered softly as he looked around, "I got nothing but time sissy." I laughed lightly before checking how many smokes I had and buying a couple sodas from the machine and sitting down about to spill my messed up life to my brother. I thought about skimming over the gory details like catching Daryl with the whore in our room or Shane smacking me in the face but I figured what the fuck he might as well hear it from the horse's mouth. I knew Casey would never judge me but I also was never going to hear the end of this. I was about to start my fucked up tale when Casey burst out laughing. I couldn't figure it out until I noticed he was looking over my outfit, "Nice shorts sissy. You've gotten into basketball since I've been away?" I laughed kicking him under the table. "Shut it brat they're Shane's. I took off pretty quick I forgot my jeans and purse. Thank god I had my cell and wallet in my pocket. It's been a fucked up couple of days I don't even know where to start really. I've just made such a mess of my life and I have no idea how to fix any of it. You're never going to let me hear the end of this. I finally had an actual normal life you know job boyfriend cell phone, all the mundane bullshit I should have known it would blow up in my face. We were never meant to be normal, any of us." Casey took my hand as he said seriously. "Listen to me Jennifer Christina if any of us could have a normal life it's you. I mean hell you finished school, you have a job. Don't let this go to your head but you've made something out of yourself." "Yeah I'm a receptionist at an auto body shop with a GED." I spat back. "It's more than Zach or I got." I startled, "Wait what do you mean Zach? I talked to him two weeks ago and he said everything was going good. What do you know that I dont?" Casey was fidgeting in his chair, I knew that guilty look, he'd let something slip that he hadn't meant to. "Nothing I just meant school is hard for him that's all." Casey muttered. "Fuck you you're lying, your left eye squints when you lie." Casey sighed loudly he knew he couldn't lie to me. "You tell him I told you this and I'll kill you. He dropped out of school about four months ago. His foster parents are threatening to kick him out, throw him back into the system." "What? What the fuck, why wouldn't he tell me that? Why would he lie to me? I could try to help him out, talk to social services or something. Hell I could have asked Shane what to do, maybe there's something that could be done I don't know." Casey scoffed, "Yeah I'm sure officer Shane would love to help out." "You know what Casey shut up. I've been with Shane for more than a year and you have no idea the work he put in to help me find you lot after the accident. I can't believe I'm telling you this but I love him. He makes me a better person or want to be a better person I guess." He flopped back into his chair as his mouth hung open. "Wow never in a million years would've thought you'd be sitting here telling me you're in love with a cop. I figured you were gonna tell me you finally fucked Daryl and you're knocked up or something." I let out a small laugh. "You know it's not like that with Daryl and I, well it never was, now I don't fucking know." I laid my head on the table as I tried to suppress the urge to cry and scream all at once.
My whole life was crumbling around me and I didn't feel like I could do anything to stop it. "I just really don't know much of anything anymore I guess. My life went from pretty routine living with Shane a couple days a week, home with Daryl. Working, going out, normal everyday stuff to what the fuck in the course of twenty four hours. I fucked up I know that but there's got to be a way to fix everything. I can't lose them it would crush me." "Hey hey J slow down what are you talking about? You're just rambling, who are you going to lose?" Casey asked me with a concerned look on his face. I wiped away the tears I didn't realize I'd been crying as I let out a long sigh and lit up yet another cigarette. I smoked way too much when I was stressed. I let out a long exhale as I mulled over how to start. "We had a huge blow up today, Daryl, Shane and I. I was stupid I forgot about our day and Daryl was alone on his mom's anniversary. He called me to rip me a new one, I tried to apologize but he didn't want to hear it. Shance convinced me to talk it out with Daryl so I stupidly went home to try to smooth things over. I don't wanna go into detail but things weren't good when I got home. I took off back to Shane's everything went sideways from there. Daryl ended up going to the station looking for me, Shane was spazzing out. I fell asleep only to wake up to Daryl pounding on Shane's front door. He told me all this stuff about how he overreacted to me not being home, how things hadn't been good between us recently yadda yadda. I burst out crying and he uh..he kissed me." Casey's mouth fell open with a stupid smirk. "Wait, wait Daryl kissed you?" "Yeah." I mumbled sheepishly as I felt my face burning red. "Holy shit, what did you do?" "I just panicked I guess. At first I kissed him back but then I came to my senses and pushed him away. As I did Shane came charging out of his cruiser. That's how this happened." As I gestured to my bruised face I saw Casey getting fired up. "He fucking hit you? Really, knowing all the shit you've been through." "Case...hold on. It was an accident, I got between him and Daryl. He tried to shove me out of the way, it was just an accident and I know he feels terrible. Shane would never hurt me on purpose. I don't know I just snapped after that I started taking off. Really don't know where I thought I was going but Daryl tossed me the truck keys and now I'm here. I talked to Shane early this morning. Don't know if that was good or a bad thing. I finally told him I loved him, feel like shit doing it over the phone but oh well I guess if I don't go back at least he knows." "What do you mean if you don't go back, like back to King county?"