The Joker's perspective
The Elysian Fields are where most people want to be after they die. It is paradise. But for The Joker, it was a boring fate worse than Hell. Because he had been judged too insane to be accountable for his crimes, he was in the one place where there existed no negativity, no way to hurt others.
And to The Joker, that took all the joy out of the afterlife. However painful Tartarus would have been, he would have been able to inflict pain on others. The only happiness he got anymore was laughing at the irony of the fact that he wanted what others feared more than anything else, including death.
Then one day, The Clown Prince of Crime saw flames briefly materialize before transforming into man in a black suit of armor similar in form to the uniform of the former Roman Empire wore. Some fun. Maybe. Better make the most of it.
"Who the Hell are you supposed to be?" asked The Joker with a smile. "Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones?" He laughed at his own joke.
"Actually," said the man in black armor, "I do believe that I have appeared in much of your entertainment, mortal. "Ares, god of war."
"My kind of god," Joker complimented him. "The kind that causes beautiful destruction."
"Such as the destruction you wreaked upon yourself," Ares pointed out.
"If I gotta go," said The Joker. "Blowing myself up is my first option. Now what do you want from me?"
"I have been watching your rivalry with The Batman," explained Ares. "Very entertaining. More importantly, it reminds us that violent competition is the natural order. It is the one true way to settle the conflict between justice and injustice."
"Isn't it, though?" Joker agreed. "Unfortunately, I've lost that particular war and will be bored to permanent sleep. 'Cause I can't very well die now."
"It need not happen that way," said Ares. "Not yet. In fact, you may receive a chance for revenge."
The Joker did something he rarely did: frown. "What do you want?"
"For you to kill the Princess of the Amazons, Diana." Joker wasn't following, so Ares added, "You may better know her as Wonder Woman."
"Oh, yeah," The Joker began to remember. "That one. Sexy woman from some island of Amazons. Not that I'd ever say that in front of Harley."
"I never imagined you to be one of those weaklings who fear being without a woman," said Ares contemptuously.
"It's not that she'd leave me," corrected Joker. "She hasn't the guts. She might have the guts to shoot me in the head out of jealousy, but not to leave me!"
Ares now changed the subject back to Wonder Woman. "But while he fights crime the natural way - through war and the unspoken conquest of Gotham City - the Amazon Princess deals with crime not merely with war, but also love."
"I thought it was the lawful ladies she inspired with those women's rights speeches," said The Joker.
"She also speaks against war as she was taught to by my bitch sister, Aphrodite. She tries to turn the hearts of evil and conflicted men with the talk of peace, love, wisdom, and friendship. And she has made much progress in the many decades she has been in America. Already, men do not treat war as the first method to fighting tyranny as it should be. It will only be a generation or two before she has made man as naive and weak as her own gender."
The Joker realized that he was dealing with a misogynist, even if he was a god. Not that the murderous Joker was in any position to judge anyone, nor would he care to get into such a position. "How does that explain Poison Ivy?" he asked.
Ares smiled. "Now she has the model for advancing causes. Alas, she is only an exemplary exception. But I would much rather tell you my proposal to you than debate. I fear that the other gods would strip me of my divinity if I killed Diana myself. She may be supermortal, but she is mortal nonetheless."
"Or," The Joker taunted, "Since she has won battles against you, you can't beat that girl fair and square. That's where I..."
"Take that back," Ares immediately interrupted with anger. "Or I will leave you here in boredom."
"And I thought Batsy needed a sense of humor," complained Joker.
"You are to destroy her," said Ares. "A high amount of that Joker Venom of yours should be sufficient. She needs to breath like any other mortal, despite her divine strength. If you kill her, I will not be blamed, and her 'lessons,' at least in the eyes of men, will be tainted by her failure."
"They'll think her being a hippy chick's what got her killed?" asked The Joker.
"Exactly," said Ares.
"What's in it for me?" asked The Joker.
"Hades owes me two favors," explained Ares. "But only the first is free to you. I will bring you back to life. After you have slain Diana, you will have the gift of eternal life. Wait... yes, I believe your lady should be in on this with the same promise made to her." He drew his sword and it blasted fire at The Joker, who gasped as it hit.
The Joker was alive and with a plastic explosive just outside Harley Quinn's cell at Arkham Asylum. Blowing it open, he waited for Harley to walk outside and squeal with joy.
"Puddin'," cried Harley as she jumped into Joker's arms and kissed him. "You're alive. Alive!"
"W-well, yes," said The Joker. The thing he hated so much about Harley was how aggressively loving she was. Didn't she know that The Joker was supposed to be a madman incapable of love? And why did that identity feel a little less true when he was around Harley?
"Enough of your weak human emotions," Joker heard a voice behind himself and Harley. It was Ares, who stood beside a car that he had presumably summoned. "Drive to Washington DC," commanded Ares. "I will meet you there."
"Why can't you take us there?" asked The Joker.
"Can you escape by wheel?" asked Ares.
"Yeah," declared a determined Harley. The Joker nodded his agreement.
"Then you drive."
Bruce's perspective:
"Hear about that dude in black armor busting out The Joker and his girl," asked Lucius Fox to Bruce Wayne during a coffee break the next night.
"Yes," Bruce affirmed. "If you get any news, you'd have to have heard that."
"Good thing for us they left Gotham City for some reason," said Lucius.
"Yes," Bruce said. "Good thing for people like Bruce and Lucius." What Bruce neglected to say was that his alter-ego, Batman would feel compelled to follow The Joker. He had to.
But how had the Joker recovered? Bruce could believe that he could survive the explosion, but to be back in top form without months of rest? Bruce found that hard to swallow. Yet he had been witnessed. Somehow, it had to be true.
Upon returning to Wayne Manor, Bruce said to Barbara Gordon and Jason Todd, "My young comrades, I'm afraid I can't patrol with you tonight. Maybe not for many nights."
"You're following The Joker and Harley Quinn?" guessed Barbara.
"No choice," explained Bruce. "While Batman ordinarily only works Gotham, he hasn't been able to permanently deter The Joker and Quinn. Therefore, he feels a certain responsibility for whatever those lunatics do."
"I'm with you," said Jason.
"No," refused Batman. "You and Barbara have to hold down the fort in Gotham. Oh, and Barbara? You better be tough with him. He doesn't follow orders easily."
"Don't worry," said Barbara. "Every big sister has to deal with someone like this."
"Have you?" asked Bruce.
"Oh, yeah," said Barbara. "My brother, Jimmy, used to be a real bad kid. Mom and dad couldn't deal with him, so it fell to me."
"When did I get to be the bad guy?" asked Jason outrageously.
"Because you are the bad guy," said Bruce and Barbara in unison.
"Anyway," said Bruce, "I'm flying to Washington. The graffiti The Joker left on the outer Arkham wall to the side of Quinn's cell said, 'B, meet me at DC. - J.' Gotham's in your capable hands."
"I'll tend to the young lad and lass as though they were my employer," promised Alfred, who was listening in.
"Thanks" said Barbara.
On the way down the stairs, Barbara and Jason caught up to Bruce again. "Bruce," Barbara called, "If you meet Wonder Woman there, tell her Batgirl said 'hi'."
"Me, too," said Jason.
"You don't have a shot at her," said Batman, knowing that like most males, Jason was attracted to the Amazing Amazon.
"Let him have his dream," said Barbara. "I had some hopeless crushes three or four years ago, too."
"Will do," Bruce granted their request.
The easy part was over. Locating The Joker and Quinn alone would prove much more difficult. To save time, he flew his Batjet to northern Virginia, a stone's throw away from Washington. He had packed himself a few changes of clothes and made a call to set up a welcoming committee for a motivational speech Bruce Wayne would give.
Diana's perspective:
As Diana, Princess of Amazons, Ambassador to America, and the legendary Wonder Woman, brushed her teeth, she saw another female face in her bathroom mirror.
"Great Athena," Diana bowed to the goddess of goddess of wisdom and the one of the patron gods of the Amazons that she respected the most. The others being Artemis, Aphrodite, and Ares, although Diana and Ares were now enemies.
"You have company on the way," warned Athena.
"Who may I ask is coming?" asked Diana.
Athena managed a smile. "My foolish brother, Ares, recognizes why you and I appreciate mortals. He has recruited one known as The Joker. He and his lover, Harley Quinn, possess a special intoxicant that could destroy you."
"Thank you for your warning, your brilliance," said Diana. "I will make sure this intoxicant doesn't do that."
"It is not so simple," said a skeptical Athena.
"Oh?"
"You have a friendly visitor coming. He is known by mortals as The Batman."
"Who is he?"
"I told you. He is The Batman."
"With all due respect, your brilliance... who is he?"
"I cannot tell you. He has done too many great things for me to violate his right to privacy."
"I see."
"I can see into your mind. You do not like him, but that matters not. I sense that you need his help."
Diana thought on this. I knew very little of The Batman, other than that he is secretive and strikes at criminals from the shadows and without honor. The fact that he relies on fear and intimidation when compassion and positive persuasion are required likely belie a cowardly barbarism under that mask, though I can't be sure.
"I've always found a way to foil the god of war by myself in the past," insisted Diana.
"You are going down the wrong path."
"I will not accept the help of an honorless cur! I have been teaching man, with some success, to reject this sort of thinking all these years. How can I possibly validate it now?"
"If he does not help you," warned Athena, "it will mean tragedy. Farewell." The face of Athena vanished from Diana's mirror.
I think I'll confront this Batman when he arrives.
Batgirl's perspective:
"How come we're taking out small-time drug dealers?" asked Robin for the fourth time of the night as the Batmobile drove towards a crack house.
"Because no crime is too small for us," Batgirl explained again.
"OK," said Jason, "But I don't like it."
"Who's asking?" asked Batgirl. "Bruce put me in charge. Look, the mob unions are gone. The Traylors have replaced them. That means that every little gang has to kick regular payments back to them. If we squeeze enough gang leaders, one might give us what we need to bust the last big mob once and for all!"
They jumped through the windows and started assaulting gangsters. Though the enemy had guns, it is difficult to use one effectively in a dimly lit crack house. Throw in that almost none of the criminals were skilled in hand-to-hand combat and Batgirl and Robin were almost on easy street.
But the "Almost" was important. All that were left to fight were the boss and one six foot eight, three hundred plus-pound man in a tanktop who walked as if he was a modestly skilled combatant.
"Stubb," commanded the boss in fear. "Kill!"
"Yer da boss, Jackie," said Stubb. Batgirl and Robin both delivered flying kicks that barely budged Stubb. He began choking both masked heroes. A few knees under the chin from both Batgirl and Robin loosened the grip on their necks enough for them to slip free.
"You're doin' da dishes," declared Stubb. "I don't like pastin' kids an' pretty girls... but I will if you won't pay fer the trouble you've caused us."
"A frontal assault won't work," Batgirl whispered to Robin. "Keep out of his reach. Try provoking him. He might just get tired."
"Gotcha, boss lady," said Robin. Batgirl and Robin each dodged some blows, all the while constantly but slowly moving away from Stubb in different directions from each other.
Batgirl noticed that Stubb was breathing more heavily, but it was Robin who capitalized first by taunting, "Hey, Stubb, where'd Jackie find you? Cleaning toilets so you could spend the rest of your life doing the boring work nobody with a career wants to do?"
"It's a trick," warned Jackie. "Keep your cool."
"You know I'm right," yelled Robin. "Toilet scrubber."
Stubb screamed and ran at Robin. Stubb was even foolish enough to chase the smaller, more mobile Robin onto tables.
After a few minutes, Batgirl decided she should cut in to give Robin a break. "But that's not why you're here is it? You don't have a chance with pretty girls like me. Because we like both brains and brawn. But some will settle for a 'cool' gangster, right, jock?"
Now it was Batgirl's turn to play the mouse to Stubb's cat. That's right, moron. Waste the energy in that big bod.
After running for a bit, she noticed that Stubb, finally tired of running, had almost slipped and fell. "Attack," commanded Batgirl as she delivered a jump kick. This time, Stubb staggered back several steps, and Robin knocked him out from behind with a chair.
"A bit much, don't you think?" asked Batgirl.
"He can take it," said Robin. But Batgirl wasn't sure; Stubb had a bloody head.
"First," said Batgirl to Jackie, "You're gonna call an ambulance for Stubb. Then we're talking." After Jackie had made the call, Batgirl said, "What do you know about the Traylors?"
"I'd rather take my chances with you than them," Jackie refused.
"Let's test that," said Batgirl. She and Robin dragged Jackie up to the roof.
"You're tryin' to scare me," chuckled Jackie, "But I'm told you don't kill nobody."
"Wanna bet?" asked Robin as he kicked Jackie off the crack house, sending him down to the sidewalk below.
"What have you done?" screamed Batgirl in shock and horror.
"Making sure he knew we meant..."
"Shut up," Batgirl wasn't having it. "We've gotta take care of him. If he doesn't live, you're in biiiig trouble." Damn you, Bruce! You fire Dick and this is who you leave me with?
Dropping down to the ground, Batgirl checked Jackie's pulse. It was slower but steady. He would only need some traction.
"See?" Robin seemed to read Batgirl's face. "He'll be OK."
"That was still way out of line," scolded Batgirl. "He came too close to death. Don't ever do this again."
"I won't," Robin said as he walked back to the Batmobile. Batgirl moved in front of him.
"You think you don't to have to listen to me or Batman?" asked Batgirl. "For all of Dick's mistakes, he listened. More importantly, he never stepped past the line."
"And if I weren't listening?" asked Robin, "What are you gonna do about it?"
Batgirl smiled. "I think you have the wrong impression of me." Sometimes when little Jimmy acted up, there was only one way and one person to stop him. Once again, Batgirl locked the littler kid's head in her right arm and gave him noogies.
"That's not fair," Robin groaned in pain.
"I warned you," said Batgirl. "We're a family of a sort. 'Dads' like Batman have to take a lot of crap from bratty little kids like you. But not siblings. We can fight back. Do we understand each other?"
"I'm sorry," Robin said through gritted teeth. The noogies got rougher. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"This time you mean it," acknowledged Batgirl. "I think you've learned your lesson. Let's go." Bad kids. You just have to know how to handle them.
The Joker's perspective:
The Joker was sitting in the chair of the leader of the Wild Pitchers (a name that referred to their tempers and skill with guns as well as baseball). His feet rested on the desk as Harley gave him a body massage.
Finally, the boss, Jakon, entered in surprise. "Who the Hell are you?" he asked as he walked towards the desk.
"Would you believe..." The Joker paused for effect. "...Friends. Me, neither." With that, he crushed a gas pellet on the desk. Jakon began laughing.
"If you're wonderin' how come we ain't affected, we're immune," said Harley. She pretended to cry, "But you ain't." Before long, Jakon had literally died smiling.
The Joker and Harley Quinn took the body outside. "See how easy it was fer us to wax the boss?" asked Harley. "You better accept Mistah J as the new boss or..."
Bickering of "I never liked him anyway" and "Pussy" began between the gangsters.
The Joker decided he'd settle this. He pulled up his shirt to reveal a bomb. "Who wants to die?" he asked.
"N-not me," said one thug.
"Yer in charge, I guess... boss," said another.
"Good," said The Joker. "I really didn't want to blow myself up a second time." He and Harley laughed. Soon enough, their new goons joined in the laughter, not realizing that no joke had been told.
Loyalty has been scared into them! Beware, Wonder Woman! You too, Batsy.
Batman's perspective:
Two days after The Joker challenges me to meet him in Washington, an alleged gang vacates its base of operation. Too much of a coincidence.
Batman was investigating the place He about finished with his first room when he heard a female voice declare, "You're a long way from home, Dark Knight."
There were few could successfully shadow Batman without his knowledge. He turned around. No one was there. "Up," suggested the woman. Batman looked up to see the woman floating horizontally just under the ceiling. No wonder.
The woman descended to the ground. "Wonder Woman, I presume?" asked Batman.
"You presume correctly," said Wonder Woman.
"How long have you been following me?" asked Batman.
"Long enough to realize that you are what I hoped you weren't," frowned the Amazon. "And no, I don't like you."
"Tell someone who cares," said Batman. "But what has driven your disrespect of me?"
"I saw you ambush a group of ruffians from above like a coward before coming here," said Wonder Woman. "Then I see you sneaking around here with clearly no intention of sharing any information if asked by the authorities. How anyone considers you to be one of the good guys is beyond me."
"They're the smart ways of going about this," said Batman. Now Wonder Woman was seething, hands on hips. Suddenly, Batman was concerned. It looked like Wonder Woman was ready to attack. Batman wasn't prepared to battle a super-powered opponent. To say he was in trouble would have been an understatement.
Wonder Woman's frown became a smile as she taunted, "You're scared, Batman. And all I had to do was look scary. And I haven't even gotten into how you answer to no one."
"I am not afraid of you," said Batman, though he wasn't so sure of that.
"First cowardice," groaned Wonder Woman, "Then too much secrecy by half, then excuses, and now dishonesty. Don't deny. I've been dealing with man since your grandparents were children. I can see the intent to lie on even a poker face."
"Is there no way I can be tested?" asked Batman.
"You had your test," said Wonder Woman. "And you failed. Go home, Batman. You don't belong here."
"What makes you think you're keeping me out of this town?" asked Batman.
"I was hoping you'd say that," smiled Wonder Woman, playfully.
Suddenly, Batman's mask and cape were off. Wonder Woman held the mask in her hands with the cape still attached. "Telekineses or teleportation?" asked a curious Batman.
"Super-speed, Mr. Wayne," explained Wonder Woman. "And this piece of information reveals to me that you are a womanizer for no better reason than to improve your disguise. That is most offensive to me."
"I take care of them," said the unmasked Batman.
"I knew you'd say that," said Wonder Woman. "You wealthy men are all alike. You think you can buy our dignity like you buy everything else. But some things should not be for sale."
"I think you live in a black-and-white world," suggested Batman.
"Enough debate," said Wonder Woman, throwing him his cape and mask back. "If I ever see or hear of you in my town again, I'll tell the press who you really are!"
"You do that," Batman tried, "I'll be found dead in bed one morning."
"So run back to Gotham like the coward that you are," suggested Wonder Woman. "That desperate cesspool of crime will tolerate your faults to a degree that the rest of this country, much less my paradise of a homeland, never will!" She flew away.
Putting his mask and cape back on, Batman thought. He had to admit that some of those things Wonder Woman had accused him of were true. It was not as though his motives were the most pure in the world. It was to get justice for the murders of his own parents, not crimes against all.
But Batman was not a coward. To prove it, he would continue as though he had never heard of Wonder Woman. And if she carried out her threat, Bruce Wayne would just have to learn to sleep with his eyes open.
The Joker's perspective:
"All work and no play make The Joker a joke," suggested Harley with a hungry smile. The Joker returned it. Then a familiar flaming sound was heard to their side.
"I see I am interrupting something," Ares said with a grin after materializing.
"No apology?" asked The Joker. Ares choked him. Bones immediately cracked.
"I never apologize to inferior mortals," said Ares.
"Me, neither," said Harley kicking Ares underneath the chin, only to hurt her right foot trying.
"Attack the National Mall tomorrow night," said Ares, releasing Joker, who now gasped for breath. "Draw our enemies out."
"Is that plural?" asked The Joker.
"Yes," said Ares. "The Batman is in Washington. I am not without respect for his combat prowess, although his weakness of mercy, he could do without. But the moment he gets in my way, he is mine!"
Batman's perspective:
Because Washington, DC was small for one of the capital cities, pulling off a big crime without alerting others wasn't the easiest thing to do. But Batman suspected that the explosions in the National Mall were specifically designed to draw him and/or Wonder Woman out, particularly since it seemed that only those that the ignorant would consider minor exhibits had been damaged so far. The biggest pieces of history, such as the statue of Abraham Lincoln, remained intact, to be saved in case Washington's defenders didn't take the bait.
Batman saw that the military-grade weapons used by whoever had taken the National Mall hostage had driven the police into retreat. It would take too long for a SWAT team to arrive. He Batgrappled up to a windowsill, used his protective cape to deflect machine gunfire, and punched out the gunman. He punched out more men as he ran towards the castle.
Batman noticed Wonder Woman deflecting bullets with her bracelets in the Smithsonian. Seeing an opening, she swamped over half a dozen men. But an opportunistic Harley Quinn launched a bazooka shell at her left arm, launching her a distance away and bloodying the arm.
"Happy endin'," gloated Harley as she took aim at the head of a stunned Wonder Woman. "We get away with this an' you get to be a women's rights martyr!" But Harley had wasted too much time taunting. Batman roped the bazooka, pulled it free of Harley's grasp, and dispatched her with a jab-jab-cross-roundhouse kick combination.
Wonder Woman's perspective:
What an embarrassment! Rescued and by the devious coward in a Halloween costume. I guess I should let this night pass without exposing him. I do owe him whether I like it or not.
Wonder Woman found herself looking upwards - and a good thing, too! Ares had teleported above her with the intent of splitting her head with his sword. Wonder Woman raised her good arm just in time to block the sword with her bracelet. But with one arm struggling against two, Wonder Woman was quickly forced into a sitting position. She kicked at a man's weakest spot, but Ares' legs were closed and the boot could not get through them.
"It is over," declared Ares. "Now you know after so many years that society is driven by warriors, not 'peacemakers.'"
No! It can't end like this. I've got to believe I can win. Even with a disabled arm. Force of will drove Wonder Woman in the next moment. She stood up and drove Ares' sword into his nose and chin, badly cutting both and forcing him to drop the sword and take three steps back. He reached for the sword, but Wonder Woman had recovered and held it to the ground with her right foot. Turning on that foot, she did a side kick that launched Ares into what remained of The Joker's men, knocking them out.
Wonder Woman heard Batman coming and said, "When this is over, I still don't want to see you here again."
"Just want what I came here for," said Batman.
Ares and The Joker were also standing side-by-side.
"Sending a mass murderer to my city just to get the upper hand?" asked Wonder Woman contemptuously. "This is foul, even for you!"
"Predators are a part of the natural world," said Ares.
"Humans and gods squaring off," said The Joker. "Two good, two hilarious. George R. R. Martin couldn't have written this fantasy epic better!"
"Only you could reduce murder to a novel," said Batman.
The Joker forced Batman to take cover by firing an assault rifle at him, then fired it upon Wonder Woman. Good shooting, Joker! I actually have to try to block these.
Batman's perspective:
Batman ran after Wonder Woman as she pursued The Joker when Ares materialized in front of him. Oh, Great!
"Out of the way," said Batman.
"And if I do not mortal," challenged Ares, "What are you going to do about it?" The implication: Batman could not hurt him. For the moment, that was true, but with some sleight of hand worthy of Houdini, Batman managed to stab Ares in the eyes with Batarangs. This didn't hurt him, but it did momentarily blind and stun him.
Batman fled out of National Mall and used the control he had for the Batjet in his belt and concealed it with his cape. Before long, Ares teleported into his direction. The Batjet still wasn't there. Perhaps if Batman kept Ares talking...
"Why are determined to kill me?" asked Batman. "I don't exactly live a life of peace."
"Actually," said Ares, "I would prefer not to kill you. But there are consequences for mortals who dare contend with the god of war!"
Still no Batjet. "What about Wonder Woman?" asked Batman. "She is certainly self-righteous, but she's a good person, all in all."
"Yes," admitted Ares, "But one who does understand this universe. She believes that there are better things than war and combat, that if people learned to live in peace and harmony, most of the world's problems would go away."
"And that is your problem with her?" Batman asked in disbelief.
"Is competition not what brings out the best in people?" smiled Ares.
"Killing contests as competition," Batman tried to make sense of Ares' point of view. "I think I may have found someone even more insane than The Joker!"
"Do not compare me to any mortal," boomed Ares.
Made him mad. A mistake. Wait! The Batjet's nearly over him. About time! Batman began backing away.
Ares drew the sword that he had apparently gotten back after dropping it. "You are going nowhere," he said. The sword inflamed.
"Maybe not," Batman referred to the damage that was about to be done to the Batjet. "But neither are you!" He pushed a button on his concealed controller to cut the Batjet's engine. It fell from the clouds onto Ares! It would need repairs to fly again, but it may have saved The Dark Knight.
Out from under the Batjet crawled Ares, moaning in pain. "Don't," warned Batman. "You're weak enough for the weapons in the Batjet to finish you."
"Savor your victory over your far-superior," Ares smiled and pounded his chest respectfully. "But I have not failed. I sense that Princess Diana is dying, courtesy of your old 'friend.'" Ares teleported.
Batman ran back into National Mall. If The Joker really had also proved that it's not just about power, Batman had to hurry!
Wonder Woman's perspective:
The Joker had backed into Smithsonian's gift shop, where he could use aisles to ambush Wonder Woman from behind or the side. Batman's type, all right; sneaky and squeamish.
Wonder Woman entered the gift shop. No Joker, but the only way he could have escaped was the way the Amazon Princess came in. She concentrated, hoping to maximize her enhanced senses to prevent the surprise attack that was coming.
A minute and twenty-nine seconds of searching passed before Wonder Woman heard a step to her left. She turned just in time to block a spray of bullets with the bracelet of her good arm. Soon enough, the machine pistol clicked. Lifting The Joker up by his suit coat, Wonder Woman declared, "It's over."
"Don't you 'heroes...'" The Joker paused to give Wonder Woman a raspberry. "...Say, 'It's not over until it's over?"
"The lady with weight issues," the sensitive Wonder Woman retorted, "Just started singing." She prepared to give Joker a light but knockout headbutt when he squeezed his suit flower, launching gas at The Amazing Amazon. She coughed, then began laughing before falling as pain and dizziness came over her.
"She finished her act with a gasser," Joker declared victory. "You might have withstood the poison, Princess of badass chicks, but that's moot since you're as capable of laughing yourself to death as anybody!" He laughed hysterically on that note.
So this was Ares' plan all along. But he's not winning. Hera, Aphrodite, Athena, Artemis, if I ever needed you, I need you now! She gritted her teeth and concentrated. As she did, her laughter slowly died down. While still poisoned, her superhuman constitution would save as long as she maintained self-control. She stood.
The Joker hopped backwards, drew a pistol and shot. Diana blocked just in time to stop the bullet and, although she always tried to avoid ricocheting shots into anyone else, she was too weak from the gas to block with finesse. Instead, the flat of the bullet struck Joker in the gut, causing him to fall in pain, dropping the gun on the way down. Wonder Woman kicked it away.
"Not that this isn't every man's fantasy," The Joker maintained his sense of humor in defeat, but you got me, gorgeous! You won't tell Harley I said that, will you? I have to live with her in Arkham."
"Not anymore, you don't," said Wonder Woman to a look of confusion. "I've battled mythical beasts, divine beings, and practitioners in magic. I sometimes killed them. I've never killed a non-magical human before, but you seem as much of a threat to society as any of them. Why, Joker, I don't think anyone's ever seen that look on your face. Is it fear?"
"T-this isn't how it works," insisted The Joker. "I have some fun, kill some people, and some costumed hero puts me away for awhile."
"I appreciate your honesty," said Wonder Woman. "Your confirmation that you consider human lives to be toys makes this a lot easier. Don't be afraid. I'm no barbarian. You will feel nothing. Close your eyes and you won't even know what hit you."
"Batman! Batman!" called Joker.
"Shut up, Joker," sneered Wonder Woman, lifting a leg up to cave in The Joker's skull. "You've preyed on the weak for years. What goes around, comes around!"
But a rope twirled around the stomping foot and slammed her through a glass window. Breaking the rope and flying back through the window, Wonder Woman saw that her new attacker was Batman. "I can't let you kill him," declared Batman. "Leave him for the police."
Wonder Woman was in shock. How could Batman, of all people object to The Joker's execution. "You know this is justice," said Wonder Woman. "With all your ethical compromises, how can you object?"
"Because this is the one line I won't cross," said Batman. "Maybe... the one thing that keeps my conscience clear." Wonder Woman eyed him. Perhaps he wasn't just a cynical cad after all.
"Say," Wonder Woman tested Batman, "Where's Ares."
"I took care of him," said Batman.
"You've settled this argument in my favor," scoffed Wonder Woman, "But just to make sure..." she roped Batman. "This Lasso of Truth will compel you. Did you defeat Ares?"
"Yes," said Batman. He actually did it!
"Perhaps I've misjudged you," Wonder Woman had to admit. "Fine. He lives. Let's hope for the sake of your city that you haven't made a mistake."
"Thanks for the save," The Joker taunted Batman.
"You're not welcome," Batman responded in kind.
Batman's perspective:
"Batman," Wonder Woman said uneasily as the two heroes watched The Joker, Harley Quinn, and their men get arrested, "I'm sorry I thought you were a sneaky coward. It seems that you simply have different means to the same end that I strive for. The fact is, it takes great courage and character to confront an Amazon who you think is wrong."
"Apology accepted," said Batman.
"Also," said Wonder Woman, "I believe you saved my life back there."
"And knowing you," reasoned Batman, "You want to repay the debt." Wonder Woman nodded. "My Batjet won't fly anymore. Could you fly me home?"
"Absolutely," said Wonder Woman.
"You should stay for a few hours," suggested Batman. "I suspect that my partners, Batgirl and Robin, would love to meet you."
"I might just do that," Wonder Woman smiled at Batman for the first time. "First, here's some advice. I'm more used to giving it to abused women, but stop having feelings for criminals. It won't end well."
"I never..." Batman broke off in mid-sentence, then continued, "...OK, I'm attracted to two criminals, and struggle to resist the botanical charms of another. Happy?"
"Very," Wonder Woman untied her Lasso of Truth from Batman's ankle. "How'd that get there?"
"After all your judgments," said Batman with anger "You tricked me?"
"You'd have never thought rationally about it if I hadn't," said Wonder Woman. She's got me there. This is, in fact, a constant lapse in my judgment that I haven't allowed myself to grasp. Batman nodded.
"Time was, I'd have saved you from those ladies of evil," beamed Wonder Woman.
"I know," said Batman. "You took numerous lovers during World War II and the Cold War but got tired of men when the Berlin Wall fell."
"There's more to it," said Wonder Woman. "Men are stubborn creatures. They wouldn't hear that they shouldn't interfere in my battles against the supernatural. I couldn't do that to anymore males. I'm wreaked with guilt as it is."
"Good choice," said the always stoic Batman.
Wonder Woman seemed to not appreciate Batman's cold remark, but said simply, "Get in your plane. I'll fly you home."
This is the end of this fanfic. But the story will continue in a third part. Check out my profile in a week or to for that. Peace!