Chapter 40: I'm Sorry
Santana's POV
After dropping Mercedes and Rachel off at their apartments, the cab driver then took Brittany and me home. The whole ride was quite awkward if I'm honest. Mercedes and Rachel could see I was pissed so they knew not to say too much to me and give me some space but Brittany being as drunk as she was, didn't exactly realise just how pissed I was. She kept chatting to us and even the cab driver about random things that would come into her head. I wasn't completely rude and ignored her but at the same time I wasn't inviting a huge discussion either.
I would say Brittany and I are walking towards our house but it's more me walking while pulling Brittany along behind me. I stop for a second to get my keys out to unlock the door but Brittany again being as drunk as she is, keeps on walking.
"I feel like maybe I should take the couch tonight" Brittany says while walking into the door.
"You're supposed to open the door before you try to get inside" I tell her while unlocking the door and then pushing it open.
"Right, yeah" she says going into a fit of giggles. "You always know how to make me laugh" she tells me while rubbing her forehead where she hurt it on the door.
"You usually make me laugh too but tonight was no laughing matter" I tell her as we walk inside. I then close the door behind us and lock it again.
"I think I upset you and I never wanted that to happen" she says quietly.
"You need to try and drink lots of water so your hangover isn't too bad in the morning" I say while walking to the kitchen with Brittany following closely behind.
"Ok" Brittany shrugs while going over to the fridge to get a bottle of water out. As she starts to drink it, her aim goes a little off and she ends up pouring more water down her front than in her mouth.
"Brittany, come on" I say while rolling my eyes. I know she's drunk right now but it's frustrating me so bad. "Drink slower if you're coordination isn't right" I say while getting her some paper towels to wipe up some of the water.
"I'm usually really good handling things in my mouth" she says while smirking at me slightly before wiping some of the water from her chin.
"Oh really, I can't say I ever noticed" I shrug. I'm not giving her the satisfaction right now of thinking she can just joke around with me.
"Come on, you know you like it when I…"
"Stop!" I say seriously. "Just stop, ok?" I sigh.
"Sorry" Brittany apologises while sitting the water down before stumbling over to me. "Please don't be mad at me until you hear me out."
"I don't want to talk about it tonight" I shake my head.
"Alright well I'll explain everything in the morning once we've had some sleep" Brittany nods. "I didn't mean to hurt you tonight though."
"Not just now" I say shaking my head again.
"Ok well we should probably sleep now" Brittany replies while leaning in to kiss me. However I turn my head away before she can catch my lips leaving her kissing my cheek.
"That mad huh?" she says while taking a deep breath. "The couch it is for me then" she sighs while stumbling out of the kitchen and into the living room.
"You're not sleeping down here" I say while quickly following her.
"Why, I mean you're angry with me" she says frowning in confusion.
"Would you leave me downstairs on the couch where I could roam about in the middle of the night drunk?" I question. She needs to be close to me so I can keep an eye on her so she doesn't take a walk and go outside or something. In her drunk state, anything could happen.
"Of course not" Brittany frowns.
"There's your answer then" I state while heading towards the stairs. "Brittany are you going to bed?" I ask while turning around to look at her when I notice she isn't following me.
"Yeah" she nods.
"Go upstairs then" I tell her.
"I was just giving you some space. I didn't think following you around was the right way so I was going to give you 10 minutes to get yourself sorted before I came up" she states.
"Like I just said, I can't leave you alone right now" I reply.
"Saying that would usually make me blush but somehow I don't think you mean it in the way I'd like you to mean it right now" she states.
"Please just go upstairs" I say while pointing to the stairs. Brittany looks at me for a moment before rolling her eyes and then walking up the stairs. As soon as we walk into the bedroom, she flops down on the bed face first.
"Goodnight Santana" she says while closing her eyes.
"You can't go to sleep like that, you need to change" I tell her while walking over to the bed.
"I can't be bothered changing" she states.
"You also need to brush your teeth" I add.
"Does my breath smell?" she asks while frowning.
"It doesn't smell the best after the amount of liquor you had" I say. "Plus you should really brush your teeth at night regardless of whether your breath smells or not" I shrug.
"Ok" Brittany sighs while getting off the bed and stumbling towards the bathroom. She then picks up my toothbrush and squirts some toothpaste on it.
"That's mine" I say while taking the toothbrush from her. "Yours is the blue one remember" I say while handing her the correct toothbrush.
"Sorry" she apologises while putting some toothpaste on the other brush. We both then start to brush our teeth. Ideally I did want to change before I did that so I didn't put toothpaste all over my dress but since Brittany had practically prepared my toothbrush for me, I figured I might as well just clean my teeth.
"Can you do that at the sink please because I just cleaned in here this morning so I don't want dripped toothpaste all over the floor" I say as Brittany starts dancing around as she brushes her teeth.
"You're very bossy tonight" Brittany says while gently nudging my arm and smiling.
"I'm not bossy, I am just giving you some direction" I tell her.
"Get down from the table Brittany, put your shirt on Brittany, come to bed Brittany, brush your teeth Brittany, do that over the sink Brittany…yeah I would say bossy" she shrugs.
"Well you're acting like a child not an adult" I state.
"I understand I messed up tonight but sometimes you can be slightly uptight about things" she replies. "I'm not saying it to hurt you, I'm just saying I'm almost 24 so I'm still young and I still think I can have a little bit of fun when the kids aren't here."
"I'm not stopping you from having fun" I assure her.
"No but you're stopping yourself from having fun which you don't need to do. I mean so what if you're a little older than me, you should still be able to have fun with me. I tried to dance with you tonight and you clamed up" Brittany replies while finishing up cleaning her teeth.
"I was uncomfortable with what you were doing" I admit. "It was too much for a public display" I say while putting the toothbrush away.
"You're the sexiest girl I know so there is no reason to feel uncomfortable. I couldn't care less who saw me, I just cared about you" Brittany shrugs. "There was no reason for you to be embarrassed about dancing with me because you're incredibly sexy when you dance."
"You're not getting it Brittany" I shake my head.
"Ok well tell me…"
"I just want to go to bed so can we do that please and talk in the morning?" I ask, interrupting her.
"Ok" Brittany sighs while walking over to the bed. "Sleep well" she says while climbing into bed.
"Brittany…" I sigh. "We agreed you'd change before going to bed so let's do that please" I tell her. I know I seem like a pest but she's not going to be comfortable sleeping in what she's wearing.
"I really don't have the energy for it" Brittany sighs.
"I'll help you then" I say while rolling my eyes before grabbing some pyjamas for her to wear. I then make my way back over to her. "Come on then" I say while waving the pyjamas in front of her when she just sits there looking at me
"What?" she asks with a shrug.
"You need to lift your arms up Brittany so I can get your shirt off" I say. "It should be easy enough to do since you've had it off and on the whole night" I mumble.
"Ok" she sighs again before lifting her arms in the air. I then remove her shirt and put her pyjama top on once she removes her bra. I then unzip her skirt and she kicks it off.
"Here are the pants" I say while holding them out to her. She just looks at me once more.
"Surely I don't seriously need to take your panties off for you?" I say rolling my eyes. Usually that would sound sexy but this situation is not sexy whatsoever.
"Yeah" she replies smirking at me.
"Do you know what, forget about the pants and just go to sleep like that" I state. I'm not playing games anymore. She's drunk but not drunk enough that she can't remove her underwear.
"Ok" she nods before getting comfortable in bed. "I love you" she mumbles.
"I love you too" I tell her. I know I'm mad but not saying 'I love you' back I think would just give her the wrong message. I'm pissed off but of course I love her. I don't want her to think I don't especially in this mental state.
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Sunday 30th January 2022
I'm just in the kitchen alone, sitting by myself drinking a cup of coffee. I woke up a few hours ago and did think about doing some chores since Brittany is in bed and the kids aren't home but I decided against it. I didn't have nearly as much to drink as Brittany last night but I still had a decent amount so I've got a bit of a hangover so I'd rather just relax.
I can't stop replaying last night over and over in my head. I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole thing. I mean one minute I feel like maybe I was overreacting slightly but the next minute I feel like I was right to feel like that because my wife was dancing on tables shirtless with guys drooling over her.
"Morning" Brittany grumbles as she walks into the kitchen.
"How are you?" I ask.
"Not great and it's nothing to do with the hangover" Brittany sighs. "I'm sorry for how I was behaving last night."
"Last night was not fun for me" I tell her honestly.
"I really didn't mean to make such a spectacle of myself or you for that matter" she admits while walking over to the coffee machine.
"I don't really understand what happened" I say. We've both got a bit tipsy before but never once has it led to dancing on tables and stripping.
"I had way too much alcohol and I let my emotions get the better of me" she says while sitting down. "What Melissa and Zoe said really got to me more than I thought it had and then that coupled with the drink made me just explode I guess. I turn 24 in a few days but I'm not ready to let go of having fun. The girls made me feel like shit and made me feel like I don't know how to have fun anymore."
"I thought that might have been the case" I nod. I mean I don't know how I didn't see something like this coming.
"Me dancing on tables and taking my shirt off had nothing to do with getting guys' and girls' attention. That was purely about me" she states.
"I know it was" I smile slightly. I know 100% that Brittany doesn't want anyone else but me.
"I just wanted to feel young and carefree for a minute but I know I took it too far and I'm really sorry" she says honestly. "Not to be conceited but I'm still young and hot so I wanted to show everyone that after having two kids I've still got somewhat of a decent figure."
"I agree, you are hot" I nod. "But personally I felt you went a little overboard last night just showing everyone how hot you were" I shrug.
"When I have too much to drink, my mind runs away from me and I do stupid things" she states. "I know it's not an excuse but I honestly couldn't help it once I had all those drinks."
"You nearly showed your breasts to all those guys in there" I tell her.
"I know but I was never really going to do it" she admits. "Plus I don't think anyone was sober enough to really comprehend what I did."
"I was" I say shaking my head.
"Santana I was never going to lose my bra; I was just teasing you" she sighs. "I know I said I was hot but I don't think I'm hot enough to be comfortable baring my breasts in public. As for the dollar bills, I put them there myself. Not once did I let someone touch me."
"That's a slight relief, I have to say" I nod. I'm not happy but I'm a little less unhappy knowing no one got as close to her as I thought they had.
"I was pissed last night because my friends said I was boring and then you didn't like dancing with me so that's why I got up there on those tables. I wanted to prove to myself that I can still have fun" she admits.
"I had to change your clothes like you were a child last night" I tell her. "Despite what you might have though last night, I was not your mom nor do I wish to be."
"When I called you mom, I was trying to make a joke because you were telling me what to do. In no way do I think of you as my mom. You're my wife and right now you're being the most amazing wife ever putting up with me" she replies.
"Compliment me all you want but it won't make me overlook things about last night" I state.
"I'm not doing it to butter you up; I am saying these things because they're true" Brittany points out.
"Fine, whatever" I say waving it off.
"Can we talk about you not wanting to dance with me because clearly we had two different issues with it last night?" Brittany asks.
"You are a great dancer Brittany and very sexy when you dance too but it made me uncomfortable when people were looking at us" I tell her.
"I could understand this reaction if I danced with someone else like that or if you didn't usually like it but you do. You normally really like it when I dance with you getting all sexy and stuff" she smiles.
"Yes in the privacy of my own home" I sigh. "Girls and guys were watching us and it made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of high school when girls would make out with other girls for a laugh or to get guys attention. I don't make out with girls for a joke, that is my life and I don't need it publicised."
"Honey we're not in high school. I very much doubt anyone gave a shit" Brittany shakes her head.
"I just told you people were staring at us" I state annoyed. It's like she's not listening to me or something.
"I hear you babe but I think you're overreacting a tad because I didn't see anyone remotely interested in what I was doing to you. I mean yes the guys were drooling a bit when Jessica and I danced on the tables but when I was paying attention to you I don't remember anyone looking" she tells me.
"I felt uncomfortable, please respect that" I sigh again.
"Ok I'm sorry" she says while placing her hand on top of mine. "Do you know what I think this is?" she asks.
"What?" I ask while shrugging my shoulders.
"I think you don't realise how attractive you really are" she states.
"Excuse me?" I ask confused.
"I touched on it last night babe but I feel like maybe you think you're too old to have fun or whatever" she states.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" I shake my head.
"Clearly we know there is an age gap between us but that doesn't mean you're old or can't mess around in the way I do. You're an insanely attractive woman who is still extremely young" she replies. "Yes you're a mom now to two kids but that again doesn't mean you can't have one crazy night out with your wife. Do you think your parents stayed home knitting after you were born or do you think they had some fun night outs together?" she asks.
"What are you trying to say?" I ask.
"I am trying to tell you that you have nothing to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about. I'm also trying to say that you're crazy sexy so no matter who was watching or not watching us, it shouldn't matter because you should have the confidence to not give a fuck basically" she tells me.
"Ok" I nod.
"Look you know I struggle with my self-esteem so I've been kinda good at picking up things from myself that I can now see in you" she states. "All I'm saying is you really have nothing to feel uncomfortable about. I mean to be honest with you, the kids weren't sent from angels in the sky so for them to be here you did have to get kinda sexy."
"Is this your way of saying I'm boring?" I ask. I'm not sure I agree with what she's saying or really understand.
"No it's not" Brittany shakes her head. "All I am saying is just because you're a mom does not mean you have to act professional all of the time. Yes it would be ideal when the kids are around but when they're not then you don't need to think, 'oh I'm a mom, I can't do that'. Like I keep saying, you're a very attractive person so you don't need to hide away just because we have children."
"Ok, I understand now what you're saying" I nod. I'm beginning to think she does have a point here because it's only natural that couples like couples time every now and again so when the kids aren't around I probably could be less uptight.
"Look I know I went too far so I understand you're still mad but keep in mind what I'm saying" she smiles.
"I am still pissed but I think there is also an element of truth in there. Maybe I do act differently now that I have children" I shrug.
"I know I have a lot of making up to do so how about I start with breakfast. Can I make you something?" she asks and I nod. We pretty much spend the next while in silence as Brittany finishes cooking and we begin eating.
Brittany's POV
Oh my goodness, I majorly fucked up last night. The one thing I never want to do is hurt Santana and I have. I just let my emotions get on top of me so when I had too much to drink my judgement became clouded. Instead of stopping at the dancing, I ended up going one step further and took my shirt off. I probably wouldn't like Santana doing what I did either so I can totally get where she's coming from. To be fair though, I have been in love with Santana since I was 16 or whatever so she's the only person I've really been with. I've never had those crazy drunken nights at college or snuck off to high school parties so I've never really fully had a night out where I've went crazy. This doesn't excuse what I did but I think we all do silly things when we're drunk. I just wanted to feel young and carefree for a minute but I never planned to do anything that would affect my relationship.
"Are you finished eating?" Santana asks looking over at me.
"Yes but let me clear up. It's the least I can do" I smile while taking the plates over to the sink.
"Ok" she shrugs. "I think I'm going to grab a shower before Aiden and Ella get home."
"I'm guessing company is out of the question?" I say while turning around to look at her.
"You're guessing correct" she smiles before exiting the room. I can see she's still mad which is ok because I don't expect anything different. On the other hand though, I don't think she's quite as angry as she could be so maybe we have come to a slight understanding. What I did was wrong but I didn't cheat on her or anything so I think we're ok for the moment.
As soon as Santana finished in the shower, I quickly took a shower before helping her to tidy things up before the kids got home. We caught up with my parents for a bit and then they left to do their own thing. I love my kids but they've only been home for 15 minutes now and my head is pounding with the noise and my hangover.
"There you go, mommy will be more than happy to sing along with you" Santana says while placing our screaming son on my knee.
"Thank you" I mutter sarcastically.
"You're welcome" Santana smirks before leaving the room. She left me with Aiden on purpose because she knew his loud screaming would irritate my already sore head.
"Ok buddy, remember what mom told you about singing?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "You have to let the words flow, you don't scream them" I say. He has a tendency to scream songs rather than sing and actually listen to Santana when she is teaching him how to sing.
"Mom said scream" Aiden giggles.
"Oh I see, mom told you to scream your songs this time" I nod. It makes sense actually. What better way to punish me than to rile up our son and have him screaming in my ear.
"Ok well I think you've screamed enough now so how about we sing the song properly?" I suggest.
"Ok" Aiden screams in excitement.
"We're going to sing quietly, ok?" I say and he nods. We then sing some of his favourite songs together while I pray internally that he gets bored soon so we can stop.
"Brittany can you put Aiden down for a second and take Ella" Santana asks while walking into the kitchen with our screaming daughter this time. "I need to make up a bottle for her but she won't stop screaming so I can't put her down."
"Aiden why don't you sit on your own chair and play with your cars just now" I say while placing Aiden on the seat next to me. "Mommy just needs to look after Ella for two seconds" I tell him.
"Ok mommy" Aiden smiles while playing with his cars.
"Why are you screaming sweetheart?" I softly ask Ella as I take her from Santana.
"She's not going to answer you" Santana states.
"Yes I know that babe" I say rolling my eyes at Santana. Ok I fucked up but this is becoming childish now.
"I'm just saying" Santana shrugs.
"Dylan!" Aiden screams suddenly.
"No Dylan isn't…oh you are home" I say surprised. "I thought you weren't getting home until later" I add.
"We weren't supposed to but we lost the game last night so no one really wanted to stick around any longer than necessary" Dylan sighs.
"Oh that's a shame, was it a close match?" Santana replies while preparing Ella's milk at the same time.
"I mean it was 4-1 to them but I feel like we lost more than they won. We made some silly defensive errors so the goal was wide open for them to score. I managed to score the loan goal for us though" Dylan says with a shrug.
"These things happen I suppose. I mean sometimes the losses teach you more than the wins" I tell him.
"Yeah I mean I'm pissed we lost but at the same time, it's not like it means too much. It's not like it was a major competition and we just got eliminated" Dylan says trying to keep upbeat about it.
"That's true" Santana nods.
"Anyway, enough about me. Did you all have fun last night?" Dylan asks.
"Well…" Santana laughs. "This is going to be an interesting story for you" she states.
"It is?" Dylan asks confused.
"Aiden and Ella had a great time at Brittany's parents' house which was good" Santana says and Dylan nods. "However, I didn't have such a great time last night but apparently Brittany had the time of her life."
"Santana, please" I say shaking my head. I don't mind her filling Dylan in on everything but I don't want a negative atmosphere in front of Aiden and Ella.
"What happened?" Dylan asks worriedly.
"Brittany got drunk, got up on a table and danced and then started stripping" Santana states while taking Ella from me. "Also, I'm apparently her mother now which is all kinds of weird and horrific" she frowns.
"O-k" Dylan says not really sure what to make of all this.
"Anyway I'm going to feed Ella in the other room" Santana states while walking towards the door. "Aiden are you coming with me or do you want to stay here?" she asks.
"You" Aiden yells while jumping off his chair and running after Santana. It seriously never gets old just how cute Aiden and Santana are together.
"Is someone in the doghouse?" Dylan asks laughing.
"It's not funny, I really overstepped the mark this time" I shake my head.
"I really don't think Santana is that bothered by it" Dylan states. "I mean I can't say she'll have liked you dancing and stripping on tables but she doesn't think any less of you."
"I really didn't mean to piss her off" I sigh.
"She won't hold this against you" he states.
"I know and that's what frustrates me. She is way too forgiving towards me sometimes" I admit. I love that about her don't get me wrong but at the same time, I kinda like being put in my place a little. I know it sounds weird but Santana has gave me everything and sometimes I feel like maybe she needs to be firmer with me and make me realise what I'm doing.
"Come on, you would forgive her just the same" Dylan points out. "You two are one of the strongest couples I know so I wouldn't let some silly drunken night worry you. Plus I'm pretty sure my mom and Santana had a few wild nights back in college."
"She didn't piss off her girlfriend though, did she?" I ask.
"She might have done, I don't know" Dylan shrugs. "Look, Santana means a lot to me but I'd be lying if I said she wasn't milking the situation slightly. Yes she's mad but there were worst things you could have done. I think you just need to show her how much you love her and give her some extra attention. I mean you're not going to do what you did last night again, are you?"
"No, never" I shake my head. "So I want to ask something, is she more mad about the stripping or the calling her mom because I'm not quite sure."
"I'm guessing both together are making her mad" Dylan shrugs.
"I can't take back what I did so I don't know how to put things right. I mean I can show her how much she means to me but other than that how can I make it right?" I ask confused. I really didn't mean what I did but I can't take it back either. I'm going to do everything I can to prove how sorry I am but I don't know if that's enough for her.
"I don't know but showing her how much you love her is at least a step in the right direction" Dylan states.
XXX
While Santana was watching the kids and Dylan was doing some homework, I took the opportunity to sneak out and run a few errands. I've just got back now so I'm making my way inside to see where everyone is.
"Brittany is that you?" Santana whispers from the living room.
"Yeah" I say, frowning in confusion at why she's whispering.
"Can you be a little less loud then please because the kids are in the other room sleeping?" she states.
"Sorry" I apologise as I walk into the room. "So…uh…these are for you" I say smiling as I walk over to Santana.
"Flowers?" Santana asks.
"Yeah" I nod.
"This doesn't fix what happened last night" she tells me.
"I know that but I'm trying to prove to you how sorry I am. I never meant to behave the way I did. I was just upset" I reply.
"How many times do I need to ask you to come to me when you're upset?" she asks.
"I know I should communicate more but it's just who I am. I let things build up inside of me and I just explode when it all gets too much" I say honestly. I'm not proud of what I did but I can't undo it.
"I want you to trust me and let me help you" she states.
"Santana I do trust you, why wouldn't I?" I reply.
"If you trusted me then you would have confided in me" she points out.
"That's not fair" I shake my head. "Trusting someone and being embarrassed are two separate things. I trust you with my life but it doesn't mean I'm able to tell you every embarrassing thing about myself."
"Embarrassing? What are you talking about?" Santana asks confused.
"I have a never ending list of issues so sometimes I don't want to voice them all aloud because it's embarrassing. You're my wife not my therapist so sometimes I don't like loading all of my crap on you. It doesn't make me feel good being so weak and insecure all the time and I don't like you seeing me like that either" I reply. My friends made me feel like shit but at the same time I didn't want to unload that on Santana when she and I have been really happy recently. I didn't want to lower the tone between us because I loved how great things were going and we were both happy.
"I don't see you as weak Brittany, I never have" Santana states.
"Ok well I'm sorry, again" I sigh. "I just can't do anything right anymore, can I?"
"You don't get to be mad right now, I'm the one who is pissed off" she tells me.
"I'm not doing this for attention, this is just who I am" I sigh. I don't want to feel like this or be this insecure all the time, it just seems to be who I am.
"I'm going to check on Aiden and Ella" Santana states while leaving the room. I just take a deep breath before deciding what to do next. Once I have come up with a plan, I make my way upstairs to find Dylan.
"Hey, how's the homework coming along?" I ask him curiously.
"Not great actually, I've just got no concentration tonight" he sighs.
"Why don't you leave it until tomorrow night then" I suggest. I know he's a good kid and always keeps up with his school work so I don't mind him leaving some until the next day.
"Yeah I might do that" he smiles.
"Ok so here comes the cheeky part" I smile. "I know you have school and practice and a life but can you look after Aiden and Ella tonight?" I ask Dylan. It's too short notice to ask my parents or Santana's parents. I do feel bad asking Dylan but I really need to put things right with Santana.
"Of course" Dylan smiles.
"Ok thank you" I say surprised. I didn't think he would just say yes right away. "I'm going to take Santana out for a little bit where we can talk just the two of us. We won't be late though so don't worry if the kids don't go to sleep early because we'll be back soon enough" I tell him.
"Honestly, take all the time you need. I know you want to put things right so do what you need to do" he smiles.
"Thank you" I smile back. "Hopefully I'm still married by the time I get back" I joke.
"Of course you will be" Dylan replies. After I run through a few things that he might need to know about the children, I then make my way downstairs to find Santana.
"Babe we're going out just the two of us" I say while handing Santana a sweater and taking her hand to lead her to the door.
"Brittany we have the kids to look after" Santana sighs while shaking her head.
"Dylan is looking after them so please come with me" I tell her.
"Fine" she sighs while following me. "Just wait a second though until I put the sweater on because it's cold" she states and I nod. Once she's ready, we leave.
"So…"
"Are we walking?" she interrupts me while looking confused.
"Yeah I thought it would be more therapeutic than taking the car" I shrug.
"Ok but if it gets too cold then I'm turning back" she tells me.
"If it gets too cold, you can have my sweater too" I say.
"But you'll be cold" she points out.
"Honey I couldn't care less about me right now, I just want to fix this with you" I reply. She doesn't say anything, she just nods her head. We continue walking in silence for the next 10 minutes or so.
"Where are we going?" Santana asks curiously, breaking the silence between us.
"I'm not really sure" I admit. "I was just seeing where my feet took me" I say. I hadn't really thought of where we could go, I just thought being anywhere just the two of us would help us talk.
"Ok" Santana nods as we keep walking.
"You mean the world to me Santana, you have to know that" I say while turning my head to look at her.
"I do know that but when you're drunk you can't disrespect me like that" she tells me.
"I made a mistake ok, please accept I never meant to hurt you" I tell her. "I have never in my life did something like that before so doesn't that say something. I don't go around stripping in bars for strangers to see. I got really drunk and took my shirt off."
"Do you understand how that makes me feel?" Santana asks looking at me.
"I do because I know how much I would hate it if you did what I did" I reply. "Can you give me another chance?"
"Brittany I am upset with what you did but you can't think I'll break up with you every time something happens" she states. "You don't need another chance but you do have to make this up to me because it made me feel like shit."
"I promise I will put things right" I smile. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone so when I do things, I never want them to affect you."
"I get that but it still felt like slap in the face last night, especially when you called me mom" she admits.
"Santana I never think of you as my mom" I shake my head. "I only said it because the way you were talking was like a mom. I'm not used to you telling me off for things so I was making a joke."
"I love and care for you but I never want to mother you, that's just weird" she states.
"I know and I don't want you to be like a mom to me either" I reply. Of course I don't want that and I've never thought like that either. I literally just called her mom because she was telling me what to do and I was drunk.
"It's getting cold now, are we going to keep walking?" Santana asks.
"I'm happy to go home as long as you know how sorry I am" I say. "I don't expect you to be ecstatic about everything but I want you to know I am trying to make it right."
"I know you are" Santana sighs. "Let's just go home" she says.
"Ok" I nod. We then make our way back home. Slowly I move closer to her and gently take her hand in mine. I'm actually quite surprised she didn't pull away and that she gripped my hand tighter.
Santana's POV
Tuesday 1st February 2022
I'm still not back at work yet and Brittany took a few days off work this week so we're getting to spend her birthday as a family today. Things have been ok between us because I'm getting over what happened at the weekend and I can tell Brittany is really trying to make up for it. She made me breakfast in bed yesterday and looked after the kids the whole day so I had some time for myself. She even brought me coffee in bed this morning and got the kids ready even though it's her birthday.
We're having a bit of a family gathering this afternoon at home to celebrate Brittany's 24th birthday. All the family are coming over and some of our friends are coming too. It's not necessarily a party since it's in the middle of the week and a lot of them are working tomorrow but we have put together a buffet for everyone and Brittany will open her presents too.
"Happy birthday boozy" Puck says smirking at Brittany as he and some of our other friends walk in.
"Oh come on guys, why did you have to delight Puck in my antics at the weekend?" Brittany groans.
"He's one of our good friends so we couldn't lie to him" Mercedes smirks.
"Yeah sure, that's why" Brittany says rolling her eyes.
"So how is everything now, I know you weren't very happy Santana?" Tina asks.
"Everything is fine" I shrug. I don't really want to go into things in too much detail because it's between Brittany and me.
"Did you give her a pretty hard time Santana?" Sam asks nosily.
"I…" I don't get a chance to reply since Brittany interrupts.
"Santana was great about it as usual" Brittany smiles at me. "She just gets more and more amazing every day." I am so thankful she stepped in because like I say, I don't really want to discuss this too much because it's a personal thing.
"I thought she would have been super pissed" Jason shrugs.
"To be honest, as much as it's my birthday and I'm glad you all came, I just want to address a few other things right now about it" Brittany says. "I need to apologise to you girls because my behaviour at the weekend was not ok and not only did I embarrass myself, but I embarrassed all of you."
"Honestly, we're not even that bothered by it" Mercedes replies.
"Yeah I mean you were just having fun" Rachel shrugs.
"Too much fun I think" Brittany sighs. "Anyway I also just want to say how grateful I am to have Santana. She puts up with me and all my issues when she shouldn't have to and I just don't know how I can ever live up to her standards. I couldn't put up with me if I was her so I just want to say how sorry I really am and how much I really love you" Brittany says honestly while turning to look at me.
"Britt, we don't need to talk about this now" I assure her.
"No I want to apologise again because I want to make sure you know how much I didn't mean to hurt you" she says while taking me to the side so we can talk more privately.
"Brittany don't apologise for who you are" I say shaking my head. "Yes I was pissed at the weekend but you don't need to apologise for the way other people make you feel. You have battled some real emotional stuff so as much as I hated what happened at the weekend, I can't be mad at you for mentally struggling with some stuff."
"I still shouldn't have let things get this far though. I should have just told you I was upset and maybe I wouldn't have had all those drinks and embarrassed you" she states.
"I agree you should have talked to me and I am glad you apologised for what you did but I don't expect you to apologise for how Melissa and Zoe made you feel" I say.
"Aren't you fed up with all my bullshit though, there's always something to worry about" she replies.
"Everyone has issues. I mean I have issues to but they don't make you love me any differently" I tell her. My issues are not the same as Brittany's but they're still there.
"Nothing could stop me from loving you" she smiles.
"I feel the same" I smile back. "We may get pissed at each other along the way but I think we're both strong enough to know we love each other and that's not going to change" I tell her.
"I'm still going to make things up to you though because what I did wasn't ok" she replies.
"Ok" I nod.