Memories of a life that's been loved

A Choni fanfiction.

Chapter one: I'm not the only one

Relationship: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz

Summary: Antoinette Topaz, a successful business woman had been keeping a painful secret from her wife, Cheryl. What she didn't know, of course, was that her wife already knew all about it, and was ready to confront her.

Is forgiveness for everyone?

A story that may or may not break your heart. You just have to be strong and patient.

Cheryl Blossom slowly brushed her long and red hair, trying her best to untie the morning knots without making herself hurt, as she stared at the broken woman she no longer recognized in the mirror. A tear soon slipped down her rosy cheek, leaving a blurry trace of its prescence behind. Her hazel eyes had once been beautiful, she knew that. She still remembered those times when they were bright and happy and not in constant sorrow or pain.

Oh, how beautiful they used to be, before everything had drastically changed.

She took a deep breath before she opened the curtains of her bedroom, revealing a sky full of clouds on what was now the third grey day of the week. A storm would not take long to come out, as thunders could already be heard across the city. Maybe it was a good thing. As much as she hated storms, she had always loved how they washed everything up. Streets, cars and houses always looked brighter after it rained, making it all seem fresh and renewed.

But really, everything always stayed the same. Misery was the one thing the rain could not erase.

Remember who you are, Cheryl. She told herself for the second time in the morning. Don't let sadness bring you down.

But it was such a difficult thing to do. Especially when she had to wake up to the cold, empty bed she shared with the true love of her life: a woman who, as she was sure, didn't love her anymore. And God knew it hurt like heaven. How could she not let sadness win, when it had been all she had known for months?

The tea kettle suddenly started making that horrid sound Cheryl despised, succesfully getting her out of her own thoughts. She quickly grabbed a mug from one of the shelves above the counter, pausing for a few seconds to stare at it. It was Toni's favourite mug in the world, as she liked to call it herself. The vivid memory of her wife hugging and kissing her the second she gave her the mug she had bought for her during their very first trip to Paris, suddenly made her smile. Genuinely smile for the first time in a very long time.

But it was just a memory. If she was still smiling, it was only because of the memories she held in her mind.

Oh, what would be of Cheryl Blossom, if she ever forgot?

Taking a seat on the red, chesterfield couch -the only object she kept from Thornhill- by the costume shaped window of her Riverdale mansion, she had the first sip of her cinnamon flavoured tea, feeling right away how her wire-framed glasses steamed up helplessly, making it impossible for her to see through the lenses anymore. Sighing to herself, she removed them from her face and placed them carefully on the coffee table, next to one of the books she was currently reading.

The truth is, Cheryl had always hated the way her glasses steamed up every time she had a nice cup of tea or a warm bath. Unfortunately for the redhead, those were her two favourite self-comfort treats. And she was almost completely blind without her glasses. Still, she smiled, suddenly remembering that time when she was no more than a little girl and her mother had taken her to see the optometrist for the first time. She was nervous at beginning, feeling like there was something wrong with her. But then, the second she walked out of the doctor's office wearing her brand-new pair of glasses, being now able to see streets signs, traffic lights, words and faces with much more clarity, she felt truly amazing, as if nothing could stop her anymore. And her mother smiled back at her. Oh, how could she ever forget the memory of her mother smiling back at her?

Of course, those were the times before Penelope Blossom had completely lost her patience. Because after the numerous visits to the optometrist, then came the multiple visits to the cardiologist in order to treat Cheryl's asthma complications and attacks, and then came years and years of speech therapy due to the young redhead's severe stammering problems. So, her mother basically stopped smiling at her as often as she used to and, instead, started to constantly criticize her, telling her off for not being 'normal' like the rest of her family or the kids her age.

The rain quickly began to fall, bringing Cheryl back to reality, forcing her to realize that there was no longer a smile on her face. Staring through the window, she finished her cup of tea, feeling a little better already. But who was she trying to fool, she knew that by the end of the day she would have poured herself more than one glass of wine, and probably whiskey too, because the ache in her heart would be back soon and, that night, it was definitely going to hit her harder than ever. After weeks and weeks of pure doubting, Cheryl was finally ready to have the talk with Toni. But yet she needed to gain the last bit of courage, 'cause she well knew what was coming to her, and it was anything but beautiful.

The evening passed by painfully slow, and the rain never stopped falling. It only got stronger, if anything. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Cheryl patient and nervously waited for Toni, but she was still nowhere to be seen. However, the redhead was no stranger to it, not after all those times she stayed up late, often with tears in her eyes and a bit of hope -which later became a pain in her chest impossible to control-, waiting for Toni. But the brunette hardly ever showed up and not until the morning, when the sun slightly brightened the room through the curtains and their bed became colder than ever before.

Unfortunately, after days and nights of waiting and overthinking, Cheryl had learned to appreciate all the things she had lost. Never in her life Cheryl would have thought that she would miss the smell of the fresh, homemade cupcakes that Toni baked for her in the morning, the sound of her voice when she came home or even that feeling of protection she got whenever her wife laid next to her in bed, asleep to the core, but still, by her side.

Oh, how Cheryl Blossom missed having her by her side.

And so, some rebel tears started to stream down her face as she poured herself a glass of wine, but she quickly wiped them away. Toni would be back any minute and Cheryl did not want her to see her crying. Or at least not so soon, because the redhead knew it was going to be a long night and she just had to stay strong; it was all she could do after all, but she was a woman so easy to break.

She spent a few minutes playing with her thoughts as she stared at the raindrops in the window, wondering why the brunette was taking so long to come home…pretending that she didn't really know the answer. But she knew. Oh, Cheryl Blossom knew the reason why.

She was not the only one.And it broke her heart in a thousand pieces.

Her heart picked up speed when she heard the sound of the entrance door being opened, followed by some keys being thrown onto the coffee table. She swallowed hard, as if she had suddenly forgotten how to breathe. Her hands quickly started to shake, becoming more and more clammy as the seconds passed by. Toni was now home and she had no idea what to do or say.

"Cher?" She heard Toni calling her from across the hallway. The redhead had longed to hear her soft voice calling her name for days, so why did it not feel right? When had it stopped feeling right? "Cheryl baby, I'm home"

"Don't you call me that" Said Cheryl coldly, her voice sounding tired and broken as she watched how the brunette slowly entered the bedroom, looking like she was asking for permission. "Don't you dare call me 'baby'"

"What's going on?" Asked Toni, clueless about the redhead's mood and sudden change of behavior. "Is there something wrong?"

Cheryl sighed before turning her back on Toni. She just could not look into her eyes anymore. It was too painful for her to handle, especially when she remembered the exact brightness those eyes used to have, and how they would never lie to her. But they were dead now, no longer honest.

Knowing that more tears would come out any minute, she finished her glass of wine. Outside, the rain got even stronger.

"You know… my whole life I've been called stupid…" Cheryl started, nervously passing the cup from one hand to the other as she talked. "I've been pushed around, humiliated and ridiculed. But this, Toni?" She quickly turned around to face her, careless about the tears in her eyes or the way her voice hardly remained strong. "This just has to be the biggest insult"

"But honey, what are you even tal…"

"I know about it, Toni. I know there's someone else in your life." Cheryl interrupted her, rubbing her forearm as she tried her best to not look away. "Do you think I buy those tales of you going for a jog at night? Of you working late? Of your 'business' trips? Come on, I've heard you getting home in the morning, smelling like alcohol and cigarettes. I'm not deaf, or stupid whatsoever. But you thinking I am… that's the biggest insult."

Toni stared at her without knowing what to say or do, completely frozen in place. In other times, Cheryl would have told her that she looked as if she had just seen a ghost, and then she would have laughed. But those times were far gone and all she had now was that dark present that apparently would never stop getting worse.

"I…"

"Is it me, Toni?" Asked Cheryl, removing her glasses from her face since her tears had steamed them up. Her face had never looked sadder. It broke Toni's heart in a half. "Do I just not make you happy anymore?"

Toni swallowed hard at her wife's words as some tears began to form in her eyes. She hated herself in that moment, realizing how stupid she had been to hurt someone as pure as Cheryl. How ruthless. She had made the biggest mistake of her life, pushing her wife away to let that other woman who was not worth it in. But it was in the past and she knew it. God damn she knew it, but Cheryl didn't and she would neve believe her, or at least not in that moment. Why would she, though? She knew she had fucked up and the redhead had every reason to be mad at her. But still, Cheryl seemed more sad than angry, and it broke her heart and made her weak in the knees.

Cheryl Blossom would never forgive her.

"Cheryl, you are the love of my life. You still are, the only one."

"If you love me… then why did you do it? Why did you go after another person?"

Toni closed her eyes, allowing all her tears to stream down her cheeks. She hated the fact that she had to explained herself, that she actually had a reason why. Taking a deep breath, she started walking towards Cheryl, getting closer to her. But when she tried to reach for her hand, the redhead rejected it, looking away.

"I was lonely, Cheryl. You pushed me away for months when Penelope died. I want to be there for you, to comfort you, to give you as much love as I could, but you kept pushing me away…"

"My mother had died! I pushed you and everyone away because my mother had died"

"You hated your mother!"

"That for sure didn't make it any less painful!" Realizing they were now shouting at each other, Cheryl tried to calm down, placing her empty glass of wine on one of her shelves by the window. She quickly wiped away the tears from her eyes, even though she didn't care about them anymore. "I still needed you to be there for me, even if it had to be through the silence. I still needed you to hold me thigh at night, to share a bed with me, to make the mornings warm... But you failed."

"Baby, I…"

"Don't fucking call me that, Ant-t-t-toinette T-topaz"

The redhead covered her mouth in surprise and quickly turned around, feeling embarrassed. Silence appeared in the room, creating a tension that could have cut anyone like a knife. Toni stayed silent for a minute, too shocked to ignore what had just happened: Cheryl Blossom had stuttered for the first time in ten years. Or at least, in front of her.

"Cher…you…"

"I k-k-know…it's not the first time that h-happens. It´s been back for a little while now." Said Cheryl looking through the window, too ashamed to turn around. "It's my n-nerves, I guess."

"Tell me it wasn't my fault. Please, tell me I did not make you stutter after all those years of progress."

But Cheryl didn't say a word, letting silence speak for itself. Then she crossed her arms.

"I want you out of the house, Toni. I don't care where you go, I don't care who you go to. I just want you out. I w-won't be able to deal with this if I have to look at your lying, cheating face." The redhead said, slowly turning around, putting her glasses back on. She sniffed, pushing them up the bridge of her nose. "Don't call me, don't write me, don't try to reach for me. I n-n-need my time and space. That´s the only way I´ll know if I can f-forgive you."

"Cheryl…"

"Get out, please." She pointed at the door with her sight glued to floor, not daring to look at Toni in the eyes. But she was sure of what she was doing. "I'm done with this conversation. Have a good night and life, Antoinette T-topaz."