The Fractured but Whole: Freedom Pals Unite!
Chapter 4: Side Mission: For Nippopolis!
I look at the lower right corner of the map and see a destination point. It's from Mysterion, at his house!
(What's going on with Mysterion? … Only one way to find out. Time for my first mission!) I lock my screen and place my phone into my pocket. I trudge across the Black's front yard and out of the side gate. I turn to my left to walk over to Kenny's when I notice a navy-blue flag with a yellow oval in the center and a T in the center of the oval. I recognized it as the symbol of Tupperware's belt buckle on his utility belt.
(Tupperware must've made this. But what is it?) I walk over to the flag pole to get a closer look. There is a panel taped to the front of the pole with a hand-shaped carving in it. I can't help but place my right hand in the imprint. I feel my hand slightly vibrate and I see the flag rise up to the top of the pole. I hear my phone ping again. I pull it out of my pocket and unlock my screen.
(It's a text message from Tupperware.) I open my Coonstagram app and read the message.
"Hey New Kid," it reads, "you found one of my Tupperware Transporters. I just finished putting them in all over town. You can use them to teleport to any of the transport stations you find once you link up to them. BTW, we also have a communicator for you. We forgot to give it to you before we left. We can call you if we need you or if a new mission is in your area. Enjoy." I suddenly see a ring of light blue light envelope my right wrist. I feel my wrist slightly tighten once the light disappears. A black watch is now around my wrist.
(More free stuff? … I love these guys!) I lock my phone and put it back in my pocket as I head down the side walk to the movie theater. As I turn at the street's corner, I notice a red pile on the sidewalk ahead.
(Oh, don't tell me!) I stop just ahead of the red mound and feel heat waves wash across my face.
(LAVA?! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE LAVA?!) I then hear my communicator turn on and watch as it projects a holographic screen ahead of me. I look into the screen to see Doctor Timothy on the other end.
[New Kid! I have been receiving reports from our team that piles of lava have been mysteriously placed all over the town, restricting access to certain buildings and walkways! Toolshed does have the power to clear lava with his sandblaster, but he can't use it without lugging around a large generator. This is nothing but chaos! … Wait a minute!] I suddenly see a second screen emerge next to Doctor Timothy's. I see a boy with light blonde hair, a helmet made out of what looks like tin foil with a small red and orange circle where his forehead would be, gloves that also look like tin foil, and a turquoise shirt appear on the second screen. He laughs in villainous triumph.
"MYAH HA HA HAAAAA! TAKE THAT, FREEDOM PALS!"
(BUTTERS?!)
[Professor Chaos! I should've known you were behind this!]
"THAT'S RIGHT, DOCTOR," Butters … err Professor Chaos gloats, "I have strategically placed lava throughout the town. I can't make it too easy for you. What good is the world without a little … CHAOS? HA HA HAAAA! Ok, turn it off now." The screen disappears from my communicator, leaving only Doctor Timothy's.
(Oh yeah, I almost forgot that Butters had an alter ego named Professor Chaos.) During the Stick of Truth game, I stumbled upon Professor Chaos' lair. He was trying to end all of humanity by burning as much energy as he could by leaving the lights in his lair on forever. He also turned into Professor Chaos for one of his attacks. I always thought that the fact that Butters had an evil alter ego was adorable, since the most "evil" thing he has ever done was leave the lights on. I turn my attention back to Doctor Timothy's screen.
[We'll deal with Professor Chaos later. You'll need to use an alternate route. Head over to the construction site near our base. There's an alley that leads to Main Street. Good luck New kid. Doctor Timothy out.] The screen vanishes from my communicator. I look at the lava pile and let out an annoyed groan. I turn on my heels and head back the way I came. I jog past Tupperware's house and approach the senior center. I notice something on the bench next to a bronze statue of an old man lifting his hat in hello. As I walk closer to it, I see that it's a jar full of member berries.
"Member The Rockford Files?"
"Ohh, I 'member."
"Member Lawrence Welk?"
"Oh, yeah I 'member! Moon River is my favorite!"
(… What the fuck are these things even doing here?) I then realize that debating this is a waste of time, so I turn away from the mutant grapes and continue on to the construction site. They're still fixing up the South Park mall after I helped crash an alien space ship into it. I thought they would have finished a long time ago, but this is South Park, where you have to deal with idiot adults and constant social and political issues that are blown way out of proportion, so it shouldn't surprise me that the workers would slack off once they heard about the latest tweet from the President or the newest fight between boys and girls at the elementary school.
I notice that I reached the construction site and I see the alley. I look both ways before crossing over, since I was almost hit by a car when I was fighting the dragon. I walk carefully through the alley; the hairs on my neck stand on end. I've been stalked by homeless people and sixth graders around the alleys all over the town before, so I'm usually on guard around here. The scent of piss and smoke invade my nose, nearly making me gag. I notice a white, metal box to my right, slightly opened. I see something shining in there. I can't help my curiosity and slowly open the metal box. Inside, there is a sealed vile containing a yellow liquid. I remember Doctor Timothy suspecting cat urine being used as a drug. This must be a vial of cat piss!
(I'd better hold on to this and any others I find. We don't want any of this on the streets if it is used for drugs.) I carefully place it into my pocket and continue through the alley. I come to the end and unlatch the metal gate across the opening. I walk onto Main Street and turn to my left, heading toward the playground, a short-cut to Kenny's. I pass the D-Mobile store and approach Tom's Rhinoplasty. In between it and a thinner building was another one of Tupperware's teleporters.
(Might as well kill two birds with one stone.) I place my hand in the imprint and link up with the teleporter. I can now teleport from here to outside of Tupperware's house. The flag rises, letting me know that the link is complete. I continue my jog across Main Street, passing the lava-restricted bank guarded by some kid on the roof.
(… Wait, WHAT?!) I stop in front of the bank and look up at the kid. He's decked out with a top hat, a black mask and shirt, and is covered with sheets of tin foil. There is a #35 etched with black marker on his chest.
"Sorry superhero," he taunts, "The bank is closed due to a lava emergency! Soon everyone in South Park will be unable to deposit or checkout money, leaving their accounts untouchable! They will have to reduce to hiding money in their mattresses, easy pickings for thieves! It will be nothing but delicious CHAOS! MYAH HA HA!"
(That's … actually a decent plan. I'll have to let Toolshed know about the bank later.) I leave the strange kid to his hostage of the bank and continue down the sidewalk. I decide to let nothing else stop me until I get to Kenny's house. I speed on past the last line of shops along Main Street and trudge on over to the playground. I walk over the basketball court, pass the "gender appropriate" bathrooms, and pass kids glued to their phones before heading out of the south gate.
I can see the old Soda Sopa buildings as I leave the playground and head to Kenny's house. I felt pretty bad for Kenny and his family during our town's modernization in order to fix our reputation because of Mr. Garrison's performance in the election. They basically got screwed over with the Soda Sopa, and it only got worse when it was abandoned to focus on Historic Shi Tpa Town. Now Kenny has to deal with homeless people camping out near his back yard and other shady characters using the abandoned buildings for God knows what.
I finally cross over the train tracks dividing Kenny's house from the rest of the neighborhood. I see Mysterion leaning against the wall next to his front door. I walk on over to him, but then I hear something crunch under my sneaker. Mysterion whips around and kicks me hard in the gut. I feel all the air escape my lungs as I fall on my back. I feel my head hit the hard ground. That helmet would have really come in handy right now. Colors are spinning around my eyes. I slowly sit myself back up and rub the back of my head, squeezing my eyes shut in pain.
(OWW! Son of a bitch, that hurt!) I slowly open my eyes and look back at Mysterion. At first, he gives me a hard glare, but it quickly melts into a look of shock when he sees that it's me who he kicked.
"Oh my God! Douchebag," he cries as he runs over to me, "Dude, are you ok?" He helps me back on my feet. I stumble a little bit, but that's the worst of what I got. My vision is back to normal and I'm not bleeding anywhere. I give him a soft smile and a gentle nod to let him know I'm ok. He sighs in relief.
"Sorry about that," he apologizes, "I've been on edge these past few days. The crime wave is getting worse and worse, and a lot of crimes have been happening near my house. With this and our rivalry with Coon and Friends, I haven't been able to relax." I pat my hand on his shoulder and give him a warm smile. I suddenly remember the notebook Doctor Timothy gave me to communicate with the guys. It's a good thing I'm a fast writer. I quickly write down what I wanted to say before showing it to Mysterion.
{You've been through a lot of shit before I joined huh?} Mysterion gives me a confused look.
"Where'd you get that?"
{Doctor Timothy. He wanted me to communicate with you guys. Better than just silence right?}
"Heh, yeah it's an improvement alright. … Wait, what are you even doing here?" I pull out my phone and open up the map. I show him the icon saying that he needed help at his location.
"Huh, I guess I forgot to turn off my beacon. We're only supposed to use it if we're in trouble, and I don't think this qualifies as really dangerous."
{What do you mean? What's going on?}
"Listen." I hear a soft sobbing coming from inside his house.
"It's my little sister Karen. I came here to check the old Soda Sopa buildings for thugs when I heard her crying. I can't walk inside because my mom and my brother are in the kitchen."
{Why not?}
"They don't know I'm Mysterion. I've been using my superhero identity to try to force my parents to change their ways. I don't know what they'll do if they find out who I really am. They may be drunk or high in there, which would explain why they aren't checking on her, but I don't want to take any chances."
{Can't we go in through the backyard?}
"We could, but …" He leads me to the junction between the house and the garage. I see another pile of lava blocking the way into the backyard.
(ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DAMMIT BUTTERS!) I squeeze my fists, trying to avoid screaming in pure anger.
"Yeah, the whole lava situation is pretty annoying, but at least it keeps Professor Chaos from doing something that could really get him into trouble. … The whole scheme is actually kinda cute when you think about it." I just stare at Mysterion after he said that. He stares at the lava with a soft look in his eyes and a gentle smile on his face.
Now that I think about it, he and Butters are really close. They told me about their trip to Hawaii together and how they've been hanging out more with everything that has happened since Mr. Garrison joined the election and surprisingly won the presidency. I also noticed how close they were in our last game. That always seemed to have each other's back in our battles. Butters even said that he had a crush on Princess … Kenny.
(… Wait a minute!) I can't help but feel a cheeky grin creep onto my face as I stare at Mysterion. He looks back at me and is taken back by my grin.
"What?" My grin only widens as I turn to fully face him, crossing my arms and occasionally shifting my eyes to the lava pile. His eyes widen in realization and his cheeks burn a soft pink to what I was thinking.
"Woah dude, there is nothing between me and Butters! We're just friends. Best friends in fact, but that's all there is!" I fight the urge to giggle at his outburst. I really shouldn't torture him with this, even though the idea of him and Butters being a couple was adorable. Kenny is one of my best friends, along with Stan, Kyle, and Butters. I was considered part of their gang after all. I decide to drop the issue and return to helping him get to his sister. I place a hand on his shoulder and pull out my notebook again.
{I believe you. I was just pushing your buttons. So, how are we going to get inside?}
"We can get to the roof through Bi the garage. From there we can climb down into my backyard. Follow me." He leads me over to the abandoned white shop attached to his garage. I don't even remember what this shop was for. I watch Mysterion force open the glass door and before following him inside, avoiding stepping on the broken tiles and knocked over chairs. I follow him up the stairs and up to the balcony. We carefully climb onto the glass railing and pull ourselves onto the curved roof.
"Hail, warrior of Mammaria!" I jump at the sudden sound. I quickly turn around to see who said that.
(Mr. Broflovski?) He's practically naked, except for his kippah and a pair of underwear. As I get closer, I can see that his eyes are spaced out and there is something yellow on his nose. I catch a familiar, disgusting smell and step back. He has cat urine all over his nose! He's cheesing!
"Looks like Doctor Timothy was right about the cat piss," Mysterion whispers. I can't help but hear a little guilt in his voice.
{Are you ok?}
"Yeah, just … old memories about this are coming back," he sighs. I place a comforting hand on his shoulder before being spooked by Mr. Broflovski's outburst again.
"I am the rightful suitor of the Princess of Nippopolis … the greatest warrior to ever grace the Brestriary," he chants. He turns his head over to us and I see his eyes fall onto Mysterion. They narrow in vengeful anger.
"YOU," Mr. Broflovski exclaims. His outburst even causes Mysterion to jump back. We watch as Gerald picks himself up form the ledge. He starts advancing on us, keeping his eyes locked on Mysterion.
"You are the foolish whelp that tried to challenge me for the hand of the Princess," Gerald growls. He bends over and picks up a broken piece of wood from the roof and starts handling it like a sword.
"Mr. Broflovski," Mysterion coaxes while we slowly back away from him, "none of Nippopolis is real! Not the Princess, not the Locknar Trophy, not the amazing boobs! You're just high on cat piss again!"
"LIES," Gerald screams, "You will not steal what is rightfully mine pathetic fools! Come forth and face me! FOR NIPPOPOLIS!" He charges at me and Mysterion, slashing his wooden weapon and knocking us back, dealing 15 damage each. I feel my right foot slip off the edge. I try to lean forward and flail my arms to stop myself from falling off the roof. Luckily Mysterion grabs my left arm and pulls me back onto solid footing. He glares daggers at Mr. Broflovski.
"Dude, I'm not a suitor anymore," Mysterion yells, "I gave up on that a long time ago!" Gerald just let's out a battle cry and gets into a battle stance. I hear Mysterion let out a frustrated groan before turning to me.
"Looks like we'll have to fight him," he declares, "We'll need to be careful of knockback attacks, we don't want us or him to fall off the roof." I give a sharp nod and turn back to Gerald. I notice that it's my turn to attack. I examine Gerald and notice his health bar. It's pretty short, only 100 Hp, probably from the cat urine, so a few good attacks should finish him off quickly. I move forward about three spaces and charge my Triple Burn attack, feeling the heat buildup in my palm. I release the fire balls, hitting Gerald straight on target.
"Luck shot you unworthy clod," Gerald growls. I hear Mysterion chuckle from behind me.
"If you think that's lucky, try Dread Rush on for size," I hear him say. Mysterion crouches down and a purple mist swarms around his body. The next thing I know, Mysterion dives forward and disappears into the mist, hitting Gerald in the process. I see Mysterion re-appear from the mist behind Gerald as he jumps up and kicks him in the back, making him stumble towards me. I quickly push Gerald to deal additional damage. He's almost lost half of his total health.
"Mr. Broflovski snap out of it," Mysterion snarls. Gerald turns to Mysterion with a threatening fire in his eyes.
"The Princess is MINE," he shouts. He charges toward Mysterion and slashes his "sword", knocking Mysterion back. Luckily, Mysterion stops himself about two spaces from the edge. My flames finally kick in and drain more health point from Gerald. I notice Gerald panting and hunching over.
(We've almost got him! Two more attacks ought to do it!) I charge up my Plasma Beam and fire straight into Gerald. He looks even worse now. He has cuts and bruises around his body.
(Sheesh, these powers pack a punch!)
"I … will not … go down … like this," Gerald pants.
"Looks like you'll have too," Mysterion snarls. I watch as Mysterion delivers a jab followed by an uppercut into Gerald's gut. He then jumps and spins to kick Gerald before quickly backflipping to give him another kick. Gerald finally goes down, falling face first into the roof.
(… This was kind of anti-climactic.) I rush over to Mysterion in case Gerald gets back up to challenge us again. Gerald slowly picks himself back up, stumbling around, trying to keep his balance. He eventually falls on his ass in exhaustion.
{Kyle is going to kill us.}
"Nah," I hear Mysterion whisper, "It's more likely that he'll thank us for this. His dad can be kind of a dick. I'd say this is payback for everything he did as SkankHunt 42."
{Fair point.} Gerald screwed over the entire male population in South Park Elementary and nearly caused the end of the world with his online trolling. His quest for laughs nearly allowed everyone's internet history to be completely free to see to anyone who looked it up. I was extremely worried since the government could use Troll Tracer to instantly find me no matter where I hid. I was also worried for Kyle and his family. If anyone other than us found out that his dad was SkankHunt 42, his family would have been run out of town, or worse.
He also caused a lot of strain between the male, female, or other gender identity population in our elementary school. His insults towards women pushed the girls over the edge and caused them to declare war on all boys. I was spared since the girls saw me as an honorary girl; quite ironic since I'm really one. Things have started to smooth over, but I still have to at least be present in the room for the girls and boys to not start a fight.
I watch Mysterion approach Gerald and help him sit up. He stays silent for a few seconds in deep thought before softly sighing.
"Great and noble warrior," Mysterion chants in a knightly manor, "even though my companion and I have defeated you in battle, the hand of the Princess is rightfully yours." I'm taken back by this, but then I realize that just allowing Gerald to believe that he still won was the best option. Gerald straightens back up, trying to give us a smug smirk, but failing miserably.
"Ha ha," he taunts, "even though I lose to you peasants I still come out victorious, but … weakened. I must ingest a potion of healing, so I can return to Nippopolis and caress my beloved! Can you … help a guy out?"
(Potion of … wait. Does he mean …) I reach into my pocket and pull out the vial of cat piss. Mysterion grabs my arm once he sees the vial.
"Is that? … You're not really going to give him cat pee are you," he harshly whispers. I pull my arm out of his hand and put down the vial to write.
{I don't really like the idea, but would you rather have him become conscious and remember what we did here? His wife will kill us!}
"Hmm, good point," Mysterion replies.
{As long as we keep him here, he won't get into any trouble. After I give him the 'potion', you call Mrs. Broflovski to let her know he's here and high as fuck.} Mysterion stifles a chuckle before heading over to the other end of the roof with his hand-me-down cell phone he got from Butters. I pick up the vial and give it to Gerald.
"Of course, this will do nicely," Gerald says, "If you ever need help, call me and I shall fight by your side." I then hear my phone ping. I open it up and see a new update in my character sheet. I open up the add and scroll over to the newest update. It's a list of summonses. I can call on Gerald to help me in battle as long as I have a cheesing vial on hand.
(I knew it was smart to save these vials!) As I exit the app, I remember that I need to take selfies in order to expand our franchise awareness. I open up my camera and show it to Gerald.
"Of course," he exclaims, "A portrait with Nippopolis' greatest warrior!"
(I'm surprised he's able to understand that I want a selfie.) I switch on my selfie camera and attach my phone to its attachable selfie stick. I stop myself from smiling and instead give a worried look. I don't want those who see my selfie to think that I like cheesing. I snap the photo and hear a little 'woo-hoo' letting me know that the photo has been added into my Coonstagram page.
"Our bond is sealed," Gerald declares. I let out a half-relieved, half-annoyed sigh and turn on my heels to head back to Mysterion. I hear the familiar 'WHAT, WHAT, WHAT!' of Mrs. Broflovski's voice. I see Mysterion holding the phone to his ear while using his other hand to cover his mouth. His voice sounds just like it does whenever he wears his signature orange parka. It was hard to understand what he said at first, but I learned how to interpret what he says over time.
"Yeah, he's pretty beat up," Kenny says into the phone, "I think he got into a fight with the cat he got high off of. … I don't know how he got up there like that. … Ok, thank you Mrs. Broflovski. Bye." I hear Mysterion sigh as he turns off his phone.
"Good news, Mrs. Broflovski is on her way to pick up her husband. We should get down to my backyard before she gets here. We still need to help my sister." I give a quick nod and follow Mysterion to the far-left corner of the roof. He carefully slides down he slope of his garage before backflipping off it. He flips over twice before landing quite gracefully in a classic superhero landing pose in his back lawn.
(… Wow … just … wow!) I know that I can't do what he just did. I just got lucky when I flipped into Cartman's backyard. I didn't even intend to flip. I notice a rain gutter pipe running down the back wall of Kenny's house. I slide down the edge of the roof and leap over to the roof of the main house. I stumble for a second, but I'm able to regain my balance. I then climb over to the gutter and slide down it into the backyard. Once my feet are on the ground, I follow Mysterion over to the gap between the house and the garage. There is a window just before the pile of lava. I can hear the gentle sobs from before.
(This must be where his sister's room is.) Mysterion slowly lifts open the slightly broken window before pulling himself up onto the railing before helping me up. There is a sheet covering the inside of the window. Mysterion carefully pulls off the tape before gently placing the sheet on the floor. We look into the room to see a little girl trying to stifle her upset hiccups. I can feel my heart sink within my chest. I look over to Mysterion to see a worried and heartsick look on his face. He slowly exhales before returning his face to its usual stoic stare.
"Karen," he quietly calls. Karen slightly jumps at the sound of Mysterion's voice. She turns around and her face lightens up, just a little bit.
"Guardian Angel," she softly cries.
Author's note:
This took longer than I thought it was going too! I hope to finish the next chapter quicker.
As shown from my profile and my many favorited stories, I am a Bunny shipper. I will add some splashes of my favorite ships in the story, but not too much.
The story can also be used for helpful tips on how to beat the game and where to find special objects such as the fast pass system (Tupperware Transporters for the story), Member berries, and Yaoi. I just hope I'm not adding to much filler.
I didn't know whether to have Sally and Kenny fight Gerald, but I decided that it would make a good side story since Kenny and Gerald both fought in the episode. Thank you all for your support on the story. I plan to write for the whole game and the DLC's. 😊