Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail.
Summary: Zeref is the reaper. He guides dead souls into the afterlife. His entire life revolves around death, and never has he even thought about sparing someone's life when he knows it's their time. Now, again, he waits for a little boy to die in his sleep. In a few ways the boy's already dead, and he and Zeref have a conversation. When it's time to take the little boy's life Zeref's ready. This is what he's done since forever. He never grows old, he was never born, he doesn't live, he's not human, and he doesn't feel human emotions. But if that's so, then why does he hesitate?
Warning: Suicide (not graphic)
Zeref sighed. he was in the hospital, again. there was someone else dying today. This time, a young boy. Zeref watched with empty eyes as the doctors rushed two-and-fro to try and bring him back. And all Zeref could do was watch. The parents were beside the small boy, their eyes filled with tears. "Please my little dragon, stay with us." The man whispered. His name was Igneel. The woman only buried her face in her husband's clothing, but her shoulders were shaking from the sobs that wracked her body. Zeref knew that the boy's time was almost here. He was the reaper after all.
After a few minutes of watching the couple sob the doctors came back. The couple looked at them with desperate eyes, too far gone to feel hopeful but not so far as to feel hopeless. The doctor's faces were grave. "I'm sorry to say but… the boy will not be waking up from the coma. It's up to you when we pull the plug." The woman was overcome with a new wave of desperate sobs.
"Can't you do anything." The doctor shook her head.
"I wish we could." She whispered and then left. Zeref watched her go. He had known the child was going to die from the beginning. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't. but still, some part of him had still hoped that the doctor would say she had one more trick up her sleeve. In many ways Zeref was much like the sobbing couple. Not hopeful, but not hopeless either. Zeref watched as the child materialized in an intangible form. Until he died he would be in limbo. Much like Zeref was.
"What's happening?" the child asked. Zeref walked over to the small child and kneeled in front of him.
"We'll be leaving soon." he told the child. The pink-haired boy frowned at him.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. he turned to look at the couple his expression becoming even more confused.
"Why are mommy and daddy crying?" he asked. his questions did not give Zeref pause. There were many that had asked him this over the course of his very long life.
"They have lost something precious." The boy tilted his head.
"What have they lost?" he asked.
"They've lost all hope." The child continued frowning, obviously not understanding and ultimately not attempting to.
"Who are you?" he asked instead.
"I've come to guide you." Zeref said. The child's eyes suddenly lit up at that.
"Are you my guardian Angel?" he asked excitedly. No, Zeref was nothing like a guardian angel. He reaped souls and guided them to afterlife. He let death take them. Guardian angels were meant to save people from death. Zeref sought it out.
"I will guide you." Zeref said again. the child raised an eyebrow obviously confused by his answers.
"I'll take that as a yes." He said. Zeref honestly didn't care the child could take it however he saw fit. The child kept on staring at his parents with that sad expression. "How do I make the hope come back?" Natsu asked.
"Not even I have that answer." Zeref said. Mortal lives were so short. It honestly disturbed him how someone so young could be taken by someone like him. how mortals could die in just one instant. And to think of the ones who were left behind. Zeref didn't ponder too hard on death. It was too painful a subject, even for the reaper himself. Zeref was almost glad that he had never had to watch someone he knew killed. He was old. Billions of years old. Older than time itself. Ever since there was death, there he was. even before death he was there. Waiting for it. That was his only purpose in life. to reap the souls of those that were meant to die. Was anyone meant to die? Zeref didn't think so.
"How come mommy and daddy are in there?" the boy asked.
"Because that's where they went." Zeref said. The child seemed to understand this. But still he frowned. Zeref would never be able to relay the kind of grief his parents must be going through at the moment. After all, Zeref had never experienced grief of any kind. But it sure looked painful.
"Where are you guiding me to?"
"A place where even your wildest of dreams can come true." The child's eyes lit up.
"You mean, I can even see dragons!" he cried with excitement. Zeref smiled sadly and nodded.
"Yes, you can see dragons." The child bit his lip and looked around before looking into Zeref's eyes.
"Can mommy and daddy come with us?" he asked. Zeref closed his eyes.
"No." he said softly. The child frowned.
"Then I don't want to go." He said. Zeref glanced at the child and bent down.
"What is your name, child?" Zeref asked. it was common curtesy. Zeref already knew his name after all. He knew the name of all things living.
"Natsu!" the child exclaimed. Zeref smiled softly.
"A nice name. you should be proud of it." Zeref said Natsu nodded enthusiastically.
"I am." He said. Zeref blinked and sighed. The silence didn't last long before the child spoke up again. "Say, I want to play a game." Natsu said. Zeref blinked.
"A… game?" he wondered. He'd heard of games, of course. Death was always everywhere, so he was as well. He'd seen humans play these games and had honestly thought it was rather stupid. After all, it served no purpose other than silly entertainment. And that obscured the thought process of why any of them were really here. Humans had pondered this question before. None of them had the mind capacity to understand. Ironically, it wasn't until after death did some humans understand what it meant to be alive. Natsu smiled at him,
"Yeah, a game! Don't tell me you've never played one before!" he exclaimed.
"I haven't." Zeref said. He hadn't any intention to either.
"How come?" Natsu asked him.
"Because there's no need to. Games are trivial things that serve no purpose in this world." Natsu stared at him blankly.
"Well sure they do." he argued. Zeref raised an eyebrow. No one had argued with the reaper. Not in all his years. Many were scared of him. children didn't understand. They almost never did. But somehow, they knew something bad had happened and they associated him with it. Zeref didn't mind since that was a natural human reaction. No one had ever been brave enough to argue. Although, it seemed Natsu didn't really see his action as brave. How could he? He didn't know who Zeref was. he didn't know what Zeref signified. He didn't know that Zeref possessed the power of death. "Games are fun!" he cried. "That's a purpose, right?" Zeref blinked at him and then sighed.
"Fine, then they serve a useless purpose." Natsu frowned obviously not understanding how a purpose could be useless.
"How come you don't like games?"
"No one likes useless things." Natsu pouted.
"Well you're obviously wrong since I like games! So, either I'm a part of no one, or games aren't useless after all! I think the second one is most right!" he exclaimed holding up two fingers. Zeref stared at the child impassively
"Maybe." Is all he said. The child glared now.
"I don't like you much anymore. You're not being very nice!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, come now child. I'm only stating my opinions." Natsu glared at the ground.
"Well, I don't like your opinions." Natsu grumbled.
"That's your opinion." He could tell the child was getting very frustrated.
"You're mean! You aren't my guardian angel! I'm not letting you take me anywhere!" Zeref frowned. There were very few that refused to let him guide them to the afterlife. They stayed in limbo part of the world, yet not part of the world either. It was a painful eternal existence. It was his existence.
"I don't think you should do that child. You do not know what you are talking about. Should you not let me guide you, then you will stay here in this state forever… alone." Zeref said. Natsu peered at him curiously.
"Are you alone?"
"I only have people like you to keep me company." Natsu blinked.
"People like me? What is happening to me anyway? Why am I in here instead of in there?" Natsu said pointing to the other side of the glass. "With mommy and daddy." Zeref supposed that there were no hiding things now.
"You are in a near-death state." Zeref said.
"What?" Natsu asked taking a few steps back.
"I am the reaper, come to guide you to the afterlife." Zeref said. Natsu stared with wide eyes.
"Is that why you're so lonely?"
"Is what why I'm so lonely?" Natsu rolled his eyes.
"Because you're the reaper! People are afraid of you! That's why you're so lonely!" Zeref frowned but nodded.
"Yes… people are afraid. They think I reap lives when really I only guide them to the afterlife once they are dead." Zeref said. Natsu gave him a sympathetic look.
"You've never had a friend, have you?" Natsu asked. Zeref shook his head.
"The reaper does not have friends." The child smiled and hugged him around the waist.
"I could be your friend." The child said happily. Zeref slowly let a small sad smile cross his features. He knew that perhaps Natsu wanted to be his friend, but even if he was Zeref would still be lonely. Natsu would go on to the afterlife and Zeref would stay. In limbo, guiding souls, until death did not exist. Even then, Zeref would be there, waiting for death to be apart of the world once more. It brought a whole new meaning to the word eternity. Because Zeref would be perpetually in limbo, apart of the world, yet not apart of it. It was the loneliest existence in the world. Zeref didn't even have an option for death. You can't die if you never lived, after all.
"I would like that." Zeref said instead of going on and on about his thoughts. This child wouldn't understand anyway. Natsu smiled at him and turned to face the window again.
"Alright. I guess I'll let you guide me then. And we can be happy there, forever." The child said. "And when mommy and daddy come too, we'll all be happy!" Natsu exclaimed. Zeref only nodded. "So, how much longer till I die? you can tell stuff like that, right?" Natsu asked hopefully. Zeref smiled slightly.
"You will die when it's time for you to die." Natsu wrinkled his nose.
"That's a cheap answer!" he cried.
"Yet it's an answer all the same." Zeref said and watched as Natsu's parents stared at Natsu.
"You're sure he has no hope for recovery?" the mother asked. the doctor frowned.
"Well, of course there's a chance. There's always a chance but… listen, you're not the only ones who've ever had this happen. There've been other people I've told that there was a chance. It never happened. They waited years to pull the plug. They only pulled it when I told them that it was only prolonging the guilt and grief." The doctor said. "It is, your choice though. There's a chance. I'm just saying that it's very slim. Nothing short of a miracle will wake your son up. I'm sorry." The mother burst into a new round of tears.
Zeref stared with sad eyes. He understood why they waited too. Any hope, no matter how slim, was something. People wanted to believe in miracles. It was too bad death didn't give second chances. The mother turned to Natsu's body. "Natsu…" she whispered. "My baby, I'm so sorry. I wish… this never should've happened." She sobbed. In an instant his life would be taken. "I miss you sweetie." She said, touching his face. Natsu was banging on the glass.
"I'm right here!" he screamed. The banging on the glass could not be heard, however, and he had no voice.
"The dead have no voice in the living." Zeref stated. Natsu fell to his knees and cried.
"I'm not dead!" he screamed. "Not yet… so why can't she hear me!" Zeref stared ahead.
"I honestly don't know. I'm not dead either, yet they can not hear my voice." Natsu didn't answer.
"Mommy, daddy." He whispered, touching the glass. "I'm right here." And Natsu was right. He was right there, but no one heard him. no one would ever hear him again. no one except Zeref.
"I love you, baby… mommy loves you." Igneel put his hands on his wife's shoulders.
"Daddy does too." Igneel said. The couple looked at each other and Zeref could see the instant their eyes hardened. "We want to pull the plug." Igneel said.
"Are you sure?" the doctor asked.
"YES!" Natsu's mother screamed and then her face fell again. "I mean… please do it, before I change my mind." She whispered.
It was hard, Zeref knew. He did not know what grief felt like, but he did understand that it felt hopeless. And Zeref did know what that felt like. He could almost hear the questions running through her mind. What if he wakes up? What if he would've woken up? What if I pulled the plug and he would've woken up? What if I had only waited one more day? Would he still be with us? "It's time for me to do my job." Zeref said, walking forward. He passed through the glass over to Natsu's body.
The doctor pulled the plug to the machines keeping Natsu alive. Without them, Natsu would die. Zeref looked from Natsu, to his parents. Natsu who was screaming that he was here, to the parents with dead, hopeless looks on their face. Zeref wondered if with every singular death, there was more than one life he was reaping. Death was apart of life. all living things died, such was the natural circle of life. that cycle was never meant to be tampered with.
However, for once in, he couldn't reap Natsu's life. he couldn't take it. This boy deserved to live. he deserved to laugh and cry and play and grow up. He deserved love and hope and peace and all the things that came with being able to feel.
What was wrong with him. Zeref felt a twinge in his astral body. It hurt and overcame his body. It was so consuming, and it happened so fast that Zeref couldn't help the choked noise that escaped him. he didn't know what was wrong. he didn't know why his hands were shaking or why water poured out of his eyes. "Mr. Reaper, sir… are you crying?" Natsu asked.
Crying? Was this what humans called it? No! this was an emotion. A feeling. This was a human feeling! Zeref didn't feel anything. His life was a cycle of taking, and reaping, and death. Zeref was the reaper. He was death itself. He took lives with no regrets. It was the cycle. Zeref had to uphold it. But he couldn't reap this boy's life! he couldn't. it hurt so much! Too much. Zeref couldn't take it.
"I can't…" he whispered. "I can't do it." He stared incredulously at the body in front of him. not dead, yet not alive. Zeref took lives, not gave them. However, if he didn't take their lives then they were always there to begin with. Natsu was not dead. And Zeref would not make him so.
"What's happening?" Natsu asked. his ghost-like body started disappearing. "Mr. Reaper, sir, what's happening!" Natsu cried. "I… I thought I was dead!"
"You are not dead." Zeref told him.
"Then… I thought I was going to die. it's my time to die now, isn't it?" Zeref stared at the child.
"When it's time for you to die… you will die." Zeref told him. "It was not your time yet. And so, you live." Natsu frowned.
"But what about you? I promised I'd be your friend." Zeref smiled sadly.
"It's of no importance." Zeref said. "I have existed since eternity. I have always been. I always will be. Compared to that, a century or so for me is like a day to you humans. I will see you again." Natsu blinked at him.
"That's cool." Natsu said. "But, I'll still be your friend, even if I can't see you." Natsu said. "I'll talk to you even if you're not there." Natsu told him happily.
"You would do that for me?" Zeref asked. Natsu grinned.
"Well, of course I would!" He exclaimed. Zeref sighed.
"I'm sorry to tell you this but… once you wake up this will all seem like a dream." Zeref told him. it would seem like a dream, even if it was reality. Natsu didn't look deterred.
"I don't care if it is a dream. I don't care if this is real. I'll still talk to you. You'll always be my friend." Natsu paused. "My best friend." He said. "But, I'll need to know your name. I can't just keep calling you Mr. Reaper, sir." Natsu said. "That's too formal for how friends talk to each other!" Zeref blinked. He wasn't supposed to tell humans his name, but he supposed it didn't matter. He'd already broken nearly all of his own rules today, so what did one more matter?
"Zeref." Is all he said. And then Natsu was gone. He watched the boy on the bed open his eyes.
"Mommy, daddy?" he whispered hoarsely. His parents gasped, and they stared at Natsu a moment. That was before Igneel bounced into action.
"Doctor! DOCTOR!" he screamed running out of the room. Natsu's mother only cried.
"My baby… Natsu." She whispered and sobbed.
"I'm okay, mommy." Natsu said. His mother nodded and buried her face in her hands.
The doctor came running back and hooked the machine back in, mumbling, "I can't believe it." To herself, probably questioning herself as a medical professional.
"I had the strangest dream." Natsu told his mommy. Zeref only smiled at the boy and his family. Zeref turned to leave. There was another life that needed reaping elsewhere. His angels of death told him to handle this one. Much like they had told him to handle Natsu. Zeref knew Natsu would think his time with Zeref just a dream. And maybe he was. maybe it was all a dream. But Zeref felt no need to wake up. Not yet, at least. "Zeref." The boy whispered. Zeref froze. "I don't know if you're really a dream or not." He said. "But I promised I'd talk to you even if you weren't around to hear me."
"What's wrong with him?" Igneel asked.
"He's in a state of shock. He's just a little delirious is all." The doctor reassured him.
"Goodbye for now." Natsu said. Zeref blinked and then smiled. Not sadly either. It was simply a smile of joy. "I said for now because I know you'll be back… next time I'm about to die." then he laughed. Zeref turned away and left. He'd spared Natsu's life. he had no idea why he'd done such a thing, but he had. And Zeref was actually glad he had. Another human emotion. Strange. Perhaps he didn't feel human emotions, not because he was not human, but because there was no one around to share the emotions with. Emotions were rather useless when there was no one to understand them with you.
So, years passed and now Zeref watched. It was amusing to think that there really was such a thing as the end of the world. Humans, scattered, every man for himself, out there. Zeref had reaped many lives over the last few years. One here, one there, and lots, lots more, everywhere. "This is the end of the world. I knew aliens existed." Natsu said, smirking. "I don't know if you're here Zeref. I don't know if you're listening." But Zeref was always listening. "I don't know if you're a dream or not, and I guess this is one way to find out. I won't let them take me. I won't let them have the satisfaction of turning me into a mindless soldier." He spat. Zeref knew Natsu was about to die. they were standing on top of a tall building, the sun about to set. Zeref had come here to reap his life. his other angels had tried to do it for him, but Zeref refused. He would reap Natsu's life this time. It was his time. "I won't let them get me." He said, stepping toward the edge. "Zeref, you gave me this second chance at life. And I can't help but feel I'm wasting it. I'm so sorry… but I hope that you understand regardless." Zeref watched as Natsu stepped off the edge of the building. Down, down, down he went. "Like an angel falling from the heavens." Zeref thought amusedly.
When Natsu's body hit the ground there Zeref stood. Natsu, next to him staring down at his body. "You are real." Natsu whispered. Zeref smiled.
"Of course, I'm real. I'm the reaper. I guide people over to the afterlife. It is my job." Natsu frowned.
"I don't like that job."
"Then it's a good thing it's not yours. Come now, let me guide you into the afterlife."
"What about you though? I promised to be your friend forever." Zeref smiled.
"We don't have to be together for us to be best friends." Zeref said. Natsu frowned.
"But we won't be able to talk, or hug, or play games or pranks!" Natsu cried.
"But we will know of the other's existence. We will know that we are friends, thus making us content that at least we have that." Natsu sighed.
"Somehow, you make even being friends depressing." Natsu said. Zeref shrugged.
"I am surrounded my death. Sorry I'm not happy." Natsu pouted.
"When you say it that way…" Natsu trailed off. Zeref took Natsu's hand. He was already turning transparent, fading away.
"Come. Your happiness awaits." Zeref said.
"But what about your happiness?"
"My happiness is from the joy of knowing that you are happy." Then Natsu faded and Zeref was left alone, in the middle of the apocalypse, smiling.
A/N So what did you think? I thought the ending kind of sucks. I hate the ones where everything's about to turn out alright and then... they all die. But, if you think about it, Natsu got to live a full life. There was nothing really left for him in the living world. And Zeref got to watch over Natsu and then guide him into the afterlife, knowing that they were friends. It isn't a typical happily-ever-after, but Zeref's the reaper, so what did you expect? Anyway, thanks for reading, I really appreciate it, reviews and constructive criticism welcome. I'm sorry if these aren't very good, but this is my first fanfic and I'm still trying to figure everything out. Have a good day, and I'll post again later tonight!