Chapter VII: Allegro Part 1
Monday, June 17th, 08.30 a.m.
The day after, Erin needed to go to the gym quite early, therefore Jarod, as his black belt lesson was due in the evening, returned to the motel.
Jean welcomed Erin with a smile full of anticipation:
"So, how was it?" she enquired, intrigued. Erin put on her best poker face:
"Fine, thanks", she answered in an indifferent tone, to keep her hanging a little longer. But she could't fool Jean not even for one second: they had been friends for more than ten years, and she knew her far too good.
"C'mon, spill the beans!" Jean urged her, eagerly. Erin kept silent for a few moments, just to increase even more her friend's expectation, then produced one of those smiles as bright as the sun of hers:
"We spent the whole weekend together."
"WOW!" Jean cried, enthusiastic, "And you stayed in bed the whole time?"
"Jeanie!" Erin burst out, laughing, "D'you know you're really indiscreet?"
"Sure I do, but are we or are we not best friends? This means we exchange the hottest secrets, isn't it?"
This was true, Erin admitted by herself; but in the last two years or so, it had always been Jean telling hot secrets to her, and not vice-versa. Well, finally time had arrived for her to tell hot secrets, thought she with a naughty grin.
"No, we didn't stay in bed the whole time", she answered therefore, chuckling, "We stayed also under the shower, and in the swimming-pool..."
Jean burst into laughter, glad for her friend.
"It's fantastic! I'm so happy for you... You truly deserve it."
"Thank you, Jean... But please, when you'll see him, tonight, don't scold him again!" at her quizzical glance, Erin explained, "He told me that the first day you threatened to hit him..."
Jean giggled:
"I saw immediately the way he looked at you, and I warned him", she admitted, "But later I realised he wasn't kidding around: otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged you, for sure!"
They chatted for awhile, speaking in the explicit way that women use among them and that could make the most experienced gigolo blush, but had to stop when the first patrons arrived.
Jarod couldn't stand to stay apart from Erin the whole day and at noon he called her for a picnic. She accepted gladly and, under Jean's mischievous gaze, she left the gym to jump in Jarod's car. The urban park was much smaller than the state park they had visited on Saturday, but equally nice; they spread out a blanket on the lawn and sat on it, eating the sandwiches and the fruit salad that Jarod had prepared, and drinking apple juice. Then they laid under a tree, holding one another, for a short rest.
"Will you stay at mine and sleepover tonight?" Erin asked after a few minutes.
"Only sleepover?" Jarod joked. She laughed:
"After the black belts training, usually I'm exhausted!"
The young man thought briefly:
"I, too, as a matter of fact", he admitted, "But you can never say..." he grinned, then he kissed her hair, "Sure I'll come at yours. Anytime you want me to."
She crouched against his chest, feeling all of a sudden a great peacefulness. Her fears forgotten, her loneliness forgotten, she felt as if she was living a magical moment. Her wounded heart had found a balm that was healing it little by little. Tears of pure happiness filled her eyes and she held Jarod tight.
But she wasn't able to speak out the fatal sentence.
Wednesday, June 19th, 09.40 p.m.
T he cordless phone rang only two times:
"Sydney."
On the other side of the satellite connection, only two words:
"It's me."
"Jarod!" the psychiatrist cried, happily surprised, "It's been a long while since you called last time. Are you all right?"
His interlocutor didn't answer directly the question, asking instead another one:
"Sydney, what is happiness?"
Sydney thought quickly:
"It's different for each person. But as a general rule, you can say that happiness is the satisfaction of a desire, the soothing of a worry."
A short pause.
"Is it possible finding your happiness in another person?"
The elderly man lifted his eyebrow, realising suddenly what his ex protégé wanted to tell him. He thought about his own life, the woman he had met and lost because of the Centre, and then found again thanks to Jarod's help, along with the son he didn't know he had. Michelle and Nicholas. They could well be his happiness.
"Sure", he answered, "Mostly it's this, indeed", he kept silent for a moment, "You know, there's an ancient legend in Greek mythology... It goes that, at the beginning of time, existed a perfect being, complete, both male and female. Then, one cursed day, this being wronged the gods; to punish it, they flung a lightning that divided it in two separated parts. From that time on, the two halves spend all their lives seeking for one another to reunite and regain the perfect harmony, the ineffable completeness they have lost."
There was a pause, longer than earlier, then Jarod concluded:
"Well, I've found my other half."
Sydney perceived a smile through the air and smiled in turn:
"I'm glad you found a woman."
"My woman", Jarod corrected, "Tell Miss Parker that she can take a long holiday, you won't hear from me so soon."
This said, he broke the call off, as usual without taking leave.
Sydney placed the phone back on the desk, passing his fingers through his white hair as he leaned on the stuffed chair-back. A faint smile played on his lips: did Jarod truly meet his woman? He still remembered how he was at a loss, a few years back, when he had met Nia and consciously discovered love for the first time. Sydney knew that Jarod's true first love had been Miss Parker, but he also knew that, at that time, the boy didn't have a clue about his feelings, and he felt still guilty for never having told him. But, unlike with Nia, Jarod had now sounded different, certain about his feelings like only an adult can be. And indeed, in the years he had spent away from the Centre, Jarod had matured at a stunning speed as a person, and to his huge knowledge – that could easily be compared to half a dozen graduations – he had added the wisdom of experience, becoming a man.
If he really had met his woman, Sydney could only be happy for him. He decided, not for the first time, to tell no one about this call: Jarod had the right to enjoy a happy time.
Friday, June 21st, 03.30 p.m.
During that entrancing week, Erin decided to suspend her reason, which didn't' cease to warn her against the future, and to enjoy the wonderful moment. The words of the elderly Chinese woman she had met in San Francisco still echoed in her mind: You are not alone anymore, and you won't be ever again. Not that she had ever unconditionally believed in supernatural, but she had always been sure that there had to be something real; and something inside of her told her she had to trust those words. Therefore, at least for a few days, she set aside her fears and lived fully the astounding new blossoming of her heart.
As the days passed by, the conviction that Jarod was the true embodiment of her ideal partner became increasingly stronger: he was always there when she needed him, but at the same time, he was very discreet; he sensed her wishes and moods, and respected them; he was willing to give his all and asked nothing in exchange for it. Nevertheless, she continued perceiving inside of her some sort of hard nucleus that refused the complete surrender to her feelings: her heart had just begun to recover, and it was still very reluctant to expose itself again to the risk of a wound as deep as the one it had already suffered.
There was only one thing troubling her, in Jarod: now and then, in the most diverse moments, she caught in his gaze such an abyss of sadness that left her crushed. When he realised she was noticing it, he always quickly changed expression and forced himself to put in better spirits; Erin would ask him about the reason of his melancholy, but she didn't want to pry, therefore, for the time being, she decided to keep silent.
They didn't foresee spending together another fiery week-end, because Erin, as regular as a watch because she was on the pill for years for medical reasons, had her period; furthermore, several weeks before she had booked a camping-place in Yosemite National Park; so, this day, by mid-afternoon, they left for the park on Erin's motorcycle. Jarod had purchased helmet and gloves, and a leather jacket, too, with appropriate protections, so he journeyed well equipped.
On Saturday morning, they admired the fantastic Yosemite Falls, the fifth highest falls in the world, which with three spectacular leaps jumped over a height of about 2400 feet (730 metres); then, they spent the rest of the day in Yosemite Valley, enthralled like children in front of the extraordinary sight of the Half Dome and El Capitan, and of the fantastic formations called Three Brothers and Cathedral Rocks and Spires. Erin pointed out the exact spot where a number of scenes of a Star Trek movie had been shot, and with Jarod she cheerfully sang the song the three main characters had intoned in the light of a camp-fire.
On Sunday, they walked among the giant sequoias of Mariposa Grove and then had a merry picnic on the shores of Mirror Lake, so called because of the beautiful reflexes the sun takes from its surface.
Jarod drove on the way back, turning out as a very good rider.
They returned to Santa Lorita in the evening, tired but satisfied with this wonderful trip in the nature.
Thursday, June 27th, 10.50 p.m.
On this evening, Erin had suggested Jarod to play Dungeons & Dragons, a board-game. Erin was the master, while Jarod was busy with a single-character-game, and they were having very much fun. At last, Jarod was able to complete his mission and, as a prize, Erin kissed him passionately.
"Mmmmmhhh…" he breathed, as finally Erin pulled back, "For such a kiss, I'd face ten dragons, not only one!"
She couldn't help but smile:
"Wait until you reach at least the twenty-fourth level, my handsome druid!"
That was indeed the character he had chosen as an alter ego in the fantastic world of Dungeons & Dragons.
"You mean it'd be better, hah?" he grumbled, having been many times in trouble, "Maybe you're right", he admitted, kissing her on the tip of her nose, "But don't you write exactly this – how did you call it? – heroic fantasy?"
"Yeah, right", Erin confirmed, "That's why I adore this role-play-game."
"I was being serious, when I told you I'd like to read some of your stuff", Jarod declared, and recalling how she had reacted, he quickly added, "But only if you want to."
Erin looked into his eyes, those warm eyes the colour of chocolate that could show such deep and vast feelings, leaving her breathless; instinct told her loudly that she could trust him, completely, in all circumstances, but her reason still warned her about letting herself go. She bit her lower lip: on one side, she would like him reading her latest novel, about the warrior/healer woman, but on the other side, there was so much of herself in what she wrote that it was like exposing her very soul, naked, to the reader's mockery… whoever he or she was.
"I allowed only very few people reading what I write", she said therefore, lowering her gaze, "but I'd like really much you reading my latest novel. Just… give me some time to get used to the idea, will you?"
Jarod lifted her chin and kissed her lips, softly.
"But sure, baby: all the time you need. You already know that."
It was true, she knew that: he wasn't pushing her about their relationship, and surely he wouldn't push her to read her writings.
Erin looked at him again.
" I'd like you to come and move in with me", she declared impulsively, then, realising the enormity she had just spoken, she added shyly, "Unless you think it's too much…"
Jarod smiled at her: he couldn't ask for anything better than moving in with her.
Possibly for the rest of his life.
"I'd be happy to, sweetheart."
Saturday, June 29th, 04.45 p.m.
"Erin, would you like to go out dancing, tonight?" Jarod asked her unexpectedly, performing a quick move of salsa, "You told me you like Caribbean dances, don't you?"
"Yeah, right", she confirmed, "I know a very nice place, where sometimes the patrons of my gym go; you can dance outdoors, and if you want, you can have Mexican food. There's also a bar where you can sing karaoke style, if you like to try."
With Erin's lovingly help, combined with his Pretender skills, in the last days Jarod hadn't taken long to learn everything about singing.
"Sure! It'll be fun", he said therefore.
Thus, at about 6.30 p.m., they changed and prepared to go out.
Once more, setting eyes on Jarod, Erin felt her blood boil: with a dark suit and black t-shirt, he was simply fabulous.
"If you look at me that way a little longer, we won't go out tonight", he warned her huskily. Indeed, her sight had taken his breath away: her hair was up in a complicated hairdo uncovering her neck, one of the parts of her body he found most attractive; she wore a quite short dress of some kind of sparkling violet cloth, and it turned around her neck, baring her shoulders and the upper part of her back. Moreover, around her floated that exciting vanilla and white musk perfume of hers that drove him mad.
Erin took swiftly her eyes off him, because his gaze had set her on fire. Okay, she had chosen on purpose this sexy outfit to be admired by him, but she hadn't believed she would be able to stir up such a devastating effect. All of a sudden, she wasn't so sure she wanted to go out anymore…
Somehow, they managed to restrain themselves from jumping each other and drove to the Blue Caribbean. There, the waiter, an attractive Hispanic guy in his middle twenties, led them to the table they had booked, where they had a very spicy appetizer of jalapeños y queso, followed by tasty tacos and enchiladas, with some light Mexican beer.
As they finished, they headed for the dance floor in the garden; the orchestra was playing a Cuban salsa, and Erin and Jarod joined the other people, beginning to dance. After a few pieces, it looked as if they had danced together forever: Jarod had just to do slight moves, and Erin reacted, and they performed increasingly more complicated and spectacular steps. Quickly, it was plain that they were the best dancers on the floor, and the most expert couple, and many people turned to look at them, impressed or envious.
Later came a few merengue pieces, a funny dance with a steady rhythm and simpler steps, so they took it even easier. At last there was bachata, a dance that could be extremely sensual if performed by an actual couple. As they were it, their moves became very sexy: allusive without being explicit, flesh and soul tightly interlaced, love and not only sex. To those watching at them it was plain that they loved each other deeply.
They danced without stopping for over two hours, then, tired and hot, they headed for the bar. They took a seat at a table and a waitress came for their orders. Erin chose tequila and Schweppes, and Jarod decided to have the same. The girl returned after a short time with their drinks and a plasticised booklet, which turned out to be the list of the available songs the patrons could perform. While leafing through it, an idea formed in Jarod's mind: what about singing a song for Erin? Something special speaking about his feelings for her…
His gaze lingered on a title of Shania Twain, Erin's favourite singer. It was From This Moment On, a poignant love song that he judged perfect. He booked it without telling Erin a word; even if she was curious, she didn't ask anything, with her usual discretion.
Meanwhile, on the stage men and women followed one another, alone or in groups more or less numerous; all received applauses, proportionate to their skills, even the most tone-deaf, at least for the pleasantness or the bravery they showed. When it was his turn, Jarod stood up under Erin's encouraging gaze and headed for the stage; he took the microphone the deejay was handing him and prepared to sing. He felt his heart pounding hard: not because of the way the audience would judge him, as he didn't care about this, but because of what Erin might think about such a romantic and passionate statement in front of a crowd, among which there were also many people she knew.
Well, the dice had been cast and it was too late for withdrawal.
The music began to play and Erin's eyes, recognising immediately the piece, slowly widened.
Jarod delivered the first verses in a low voice:
I just swear that I'll always be there,
I give anything and everything and I will always care
Through weakness and strength,
Happiness and sorrow
For better, for worse
I will love you with every beat of my heart
The electronic player piano imitated a low organ chord that gave Erin shivers along her back; Jarod, too, shuddered.
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
A lump stuck in Erin's throat, as her heart swell with emotion; Jarod felt his throat closing and swallowed hard.
From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'll give my last breath
From this moment on
Tears welled up in Erin's eyes, and she blinked; Jarod had to make great efforts to control his trembling voice.
I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can't wait to live my life with you
I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
Tears overflowed Erin's eyes and began streaming down her cheeks, but she didn't care to wipe them off; her heart ached from the intensity of the emotion she was feeling.
Jarod was looking her straight in the eyes; as he saw her weeping, his voice almost failed him, but somehow he was able to go on.
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
Erin began to realise what he was trying to tell her, and felt as if she couldn't breathe anymore.
Jarod could barely control his voice, which threatened to stick in his throat; he began the crescendo:
You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from all above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
Then Jarod's voice reached full power on the final verses, which went as straight as arrows to Erin's heart, crushing, erasing all possible doubt that could still harbour in it concerning the honesty and deepness of the feelings Jarod had for her:
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
The conclusion arrived with a pianissimo, that Jarod sang with a voice, gravelly with emotion, which stirred up tears in the eyes of the whole audience:
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
Jarod didn't wait the song to fade on the finale: when the crowd burst out into a thundering ovation, he went off stage and headed hastily for Erin, pulled her to stand up and wrapped his arms around her, wiping off her tears with kisses. Involved in their plain emotion, the audience increased the intensity of the applause.
Erin couldn't utter even a single word, as a huge lump was sealing her throat, preventing her from speaking, but she grabbed him desperately. As the ovation around them faded, she held him, trying to tell him silently that she felt the same way he did.
Jarod perceived clearly her emotion, but because she wasn't expressing herself with words, fearing he could seem presumptuous, he didn't fully trust his intuition, even if it told him loud and clear that she loved him as much as he did love her.
"Let's go home", he heard her finally whisper in his ear, "This crowd suffocates me."
They got in Jarod's Corvette and drove home. He would have liked to take her hand during the trip, but the stiff pose of her shoulders dissuaded him. He felt her confused feelings as if they were his own, and thought it wiser to give her some time to make them up.
But the 30 minutes they needed to arrive home weren't enough to calm down the emotions that whirled in Erin's mind, on the opposite, they became wilder. Inserting the key in the keyhole, she realised her hands were shaking hard. She needed two attempts to manage opening the door, and when she entered into the dining room, she ran through it and took shelter in the bathroom. She needed to be shortly on her own, to meditate, to understand if, between the two contrasting feelings stirring inside of her, the stronger was love or terror.
Jarod understood it; however, he couldn't help but feeling hurt. Their relationship had started just 15 days ago, and he had promised her he would wait as long as it took, but only now he was realising how hard the waiting was. He had hoped that somehow, with that song, he could unfreeze the situation, making Erin admit her love for him – he knew she loved him, every move, every gaze of hers said it unmistakably. Sure, actions spoke louder than words, but Jarod wished desperately to hear her saying the crucial I love you, too…
No, he told himself, it was selfish from his part, and heaven knew how much selfishness Erin had suffered in the past. He hadn't to force her, he couldn't do this to her. He would grit his teeth and wait longer; sooner or later, his patience would be rewarded, sooner or later she would realise that, rather than hurting her, he would prefer killing himself.
But – God! – he wished so badly that she would throw her arms around his neck, telling him she loved him! He would daze her with kisses and hold her tight all night long. He would reassure her, cuddle her, persuade her that she could trust him…
Miserable, he sat on the couch, propped his elbows on his knees and laid his head in his hands. He felt like weeping.
OOO
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, under an almost cold shower, Erin was thinking about the man sitting in her drawing room.
Her brain was swirling, seeking an answer, a certainty, but she wasn't able to make up her mind, torn into violent and opposite emotions.
Then, with no warning, Erin felt a flutter in her stomach.
She blinked, incredulous.
She payed more attention.
Again, she felt the butterflies.
"Oh, good heaven…" she whispered, at the same time with joy and terror, "Oh, good heaven…"
Her legs shook uncontrollably, so she had to sit down on the box floor, her heart thumping wildly. She gathered all her strong will, the terrible will that only a person who has deeply suffered possesses, and finally managed to find an almost normal resemblance of equilibrium that could allow her to face Jarod.
About ten minutes later, Erin came out from the bathroom, barefoot and with a light bathrobe wrapped around her. She saw Jarod through the open door of the drawing room; she froze on the threshold, as if slapped across her face: he seemed as in deep grief! Her heart ached and she felt the urge to run to him, to wrap her arms around him and reassure him.
So it was that, suddenly, the truth was revealed, undeniable: love was stronger than terror.
She approached the sofa and knelt in front of Jarod; he lifted his head to look at her, and the tears that were sparkling in his dark eyes almost made her heart split. She grasped his hands and kissed them tenderly.
"Do you really love me?" she whispered in a trembling voice, looking for confirmations, "Really?"
Ever since he had told her two weeks ago, he hadn't repeated it, sensing it would embarrass her. Now, his throat too tight, Jarod simply nodded, slowly, solemnly. Erin cupped his cheeks and looked deeply into his eyes.
"How… how do you know?" she whispered, stumbling on the first word. He covered her hands with his and pressed gently. His mind was whirling, trying to find the right answer, the one that would definitely dispel the doubts that still lingered in her eyes.
And at last he found them:
"Because I feel butterflies in my stomach."
Erin's eyes widened as she stared at him, frozen, speechless. Then, with a stifled cry, she threw her arms around his neck and held him tight, shaking. Jarod returned her embrace and sank his face in the mass of her soft brown hair, now falling free on her shoulders.
"Oh, Jarod, Jarod…" he heard her whisper, almost sobbing, "I love you, too, but I'm afraid, so afraid…"
At last, she had been able to say it! Touched, Jarod stroked her back, gently.
"Yes, I know", he told her in a low and reassuring voice, "and I understand you. But trust me, honey, and you'll see that I'll do everything to make your fear becoming only a bad memory…"
He rocked her back and forth, tenderly, almost like a child. Little by little, Erin stopped trembling and rested quiet in his arms. Then, she pulled back to look again into his eyes.
"I believe you", she declared softly, and Jarod felt his heart melt: she was willing to give him a chance! It was all he needed… all he asked for.
"Let's go and sleep", he said, standing up and helping her to do as much, "It's been a long day, and you're exhausted."
It was true: Erin felt very weary, much more for the power of the contrasting emotions that had torn her apart in the last half-an-hour, than for dancing non-stop two hours. She barely managed a nod, then Jarod lifted her in his arms and headed for their bedroom.
"I can walk…" she protested weakly, but she was glad of his thoughtfulness.
"I like carrying you", Jarod confessed, laying her on the bed with a smile, "I go and freshen up a bit."
When he came back, he found her sound asleep, still wrapped in her short bathrobe. He smiled tenderly at her side-turned shape; he closed the curtains, undressed, crept between the sheets and turned off the light, wrapping his arms around Erin, softly so as to not wake her up. She mumbled something, crouching against him, her back to his chest. A few minutes later, Jarod, too, was sound asleep.