Bloodline

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Chapter 20: A chocolate box to lift your spirits

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Thanks AmayaYoura from AO3 and ButtonPusherExtraordoinare, kalilje, 2781, valevilandra and guests from ffnet for reviewing. Glad you liked it and I hope you enjoyed the preview I sent you.

None of you answered my question about whether you would approve of the idea of making an audiobook out of this, so I guess that's settled now...

Originally this chapter should have started with a short introduction and then directly to the shared dream state part, but I guess I got sidetracked, a lot XD

Slight smut, fluff and foreshadowing ahead, guys.

The alternative title is "Candy and LSD to lift your spirits" but I found it a little too harsh since drugs are not cool, unless it's a fanfic plot device. XD

Enjoy and please review ^^

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They were taking huge steps towards recovering all Barnes had lost. It was incredible how well he reacted to the treatment since they had been able to clear his mind from the triggers. As if he trusted himself more now, could let himself go with the safeguards down. They had also started to use the sensory deprivation tank to dive deeper into the realm of his memories. "What else?" Bruce asked him while checking the monitors.

"I don't know. After that it's mostly black. Something must have happened that made them delete the memory entirely." James sighed in frustration. There was nothing to even start with.

Bruce raised an eyebrow as he read through his notes again, coming to a conclusion. He reached for the button next to the microphone to talk to him. "You can't do it on your own. At least not this part of your memory. You can't connect properly since most of it is wiped from your mind. If you could share the dream state with somebody who has similar memories, that person could lead you."

"Is that even possible? To share it?" His heart rate went up. He knew what Bruce intend to do.

"In theory, yes. We need to get your brainwaves in sync and find a way to make a neural connection. Natasha is the obvious candidate. We now know that the two of you shared a vital part of your past. Tony and I already worked on a few theories and I think they are ready for a test." He sounded proud of his accomplishments which was usually a good sign since it meant he was certain it would work.

Barnes raised one eyebrow, a little unsure of what the science bros had concocted now. "She is doing so much for me already. I don't want her to suffer through the drugs and the entire procedure just because I have a few holes in my memory."

Bruce tried to hide the grin from his spoken words. "I have a feeling she might find it useful."

The Soldier just stared into the blackness of the tank's lid, knowing Bruce could see him on screen with the night vision camera.

"She has a few holes as well although she is very good at hiding that fact. Her teenage and adolescent years are riddled with blanks. That much I could understand from the couple of talks I had with her. That was when we were still mostly working on you. You both have been through similar procedures but Natasha's were... less invasive so to speak. Still, I saw her struggling when it was about you."

"Because it's private," he snarled angrily and didn't quite understand why keeping it this secluded was so important to him. It felt like a treasure he hid well. Of course he knew that they had been on missions and that sex had also been something they had enjoyed, but what he felt deep inside... was a totally different level.

"Yes, and I respect that. But you don't get what I mean. She too has memories she wants back I believe. Natasha rarely drops her mask but I could see..." Maybe he was going too far by telling him this. "... a longing."

James answered him with silence this time. He didn't know how to act now. Risking her health and maybe driving her away with whatever dark secret the two had been forced to forget or... Flashes appeared before his eyes and he felt dizzy. "I guess I'm done for today." He sighed, trying to find a distance to the emotions turning around inside him. "I need some time to think over it."

"Alright." Bruce agreed as he saw the vitals reaching inappropriate levels. He entered a few commands into the keyboard to finish recording and stop the IVs. Then he walked over to the tank and helped him out, disconnecting him from the machines and sensors.

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She was waiting in his room when he came back from a briefing with their handlers. Her hair still damp from the shower and the nightgown much too big for her. She was still a child, her body had barely started to form womanly proportions. So young. Yet the darkness in her eyes showed how much she had been forced to endure in her short life. There was knowledge, coldness and pain.

He nodded his head at her while opening his combat vest. They never spoke much when he bedded her, the orders clear enough. The soon-to-be Black Widows had to gain expertise in both fighting and seduction to earn their title. And their personal trainers, the chosen few who had served the motherland well and were able to teach, had the privilege of also enjoying the night with their students.

He knew they were being watched to analyze the progress the girls made so he wasted no time in ordering her to her knees. His member had hardened the moment he laid eyes on her delicate body but where was the point in teaching when he didn't improve all of her skills? Grabbing a fistful of her hair he made her swallow him whole.

With a gasp James woke from his dream. "What have I done?" The memory faded before he could fully remember, leaving merely the phantom touch of a dream as well as a painful erection tenting his jogging pants. How long could he continue to stand his ground when his body tortured him like this?

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Natasha had just gotten back from a successful mission, her entire body vibrating with the thrill of combat. Back in shape and back in business. She felt alive, invigorated... and horny. The fights had awoken the darker side in her, the Black Widow. And as fun as the battle had been it wasn't enough. She craved more and the easiest way to get satisfaction was... him.

In the first moment she was glad that Barnes was nowhere to be found in their living area. She put her gear onto the couch. A nice warm shower was now her main priority. She didn't want to pick up her son from Pepper with blood still on her skin.

Just as she finished selecting some fresh clothes she heard the bathroom door opening. And there he stood, the solution to all the suppressed feelings inside her, a mere towel blocking her from what she craved right now. Natasha had to avert her eyes and tried to hide her blush.

"You're back early." They hadn't expected her before nightfall.

"Yeah, we had to improvise when Clint's cover blew. Then we had to be quick and effective." She smiled at that.

Her grin went straight to his loins. God, there was this blood lust in her. Something he was sure had drawn him to her even when she was still a young woman in the Red Room. Then he saw the bruises on her neck from strangulation. Somehow his inner, darker self was angry about that, jealous even. He was the only one to put his hands there. James swallowed the feeling down and motioned towards where she had been hurt. "You need help with that?"

"No, I'm fine. I just need a long, hot shower. My back is a little sore, that's all." She stretched and flinched instantly.

"I could give you a massage," he said without thinking and cursed inwardly. Sometimes another part of him resurfaced, something cocky and young, something he wouldn't accept, yet.

"That would be nice," she answered with an honest smile. "But please pick up Alexei first." Natasha had seen him biting his lower lips after offering it. He wasn't ready so the boy would distract them both to drop the idea without making the situation even more awkward.

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"Why didn't you kill her? It was your order. Yelena has proven unworthy of the program."

Natalia didn't answer, merely looking straight ahead with what he thought might have been a slight smile.

The Soldier reached into his pocket and pulled out something wrapped in plastic, handing it to her.

With furrowed brows she took it from him and stared at the bright colors. "You are giving me candy?"

He merely smiled behind his mask and walked away.

James blinked. Had he been dozing off again? The clock on the wall indicated he had spent a few minutes daydreaming while staring out of the window. Alexei was still napping in his bed and Natasha was currently in Fury's office to debrief their latest mission. There had been no backrub for her thus far.

A sly idea formed in his mind. There were a few ways to lift her spirits. "Jarvis? Where is the next sweet shop?"

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Natasha marched through the lobby, aggravated and in the fierce need of a punching bag. It wasn't HER fault that Clint had blown their cover. One funny remark about her being a mommy with a job was all it had taken. Overheard by the ones they had been shadowing it had lead to disaster. Damn, she was fuming. Fury had wanted a detailed description why their mission had almost failed and well, yeah, that ended in the issue of her now being a mother as well as an assassin.

She quickly calculated her options. Clint was visiting Laura, Steve was out on another assignment and Tony would be a pain in the ass. No way to get it out of her system besides... him... Well, then a mindless training simulation had to suffice, or a couple of minutes in the shooting range.

Passing through the security check she went straight to Stark's private elevator and froze when Jarvis opened the doors for her. There was a side table in the middle with a chocolate box and a note on it. At first she suspected a prank, or a misunderstanding. Maybe Stark had done something that needed apologizing to Pepper. But then she saw who it was addressed to. 'моя маленькая вдова. (My little Widow.)'

She took both items while the doors closed behind her. The chocolate wasn't any random stuff from a supermarket. Her most favorite sweets were among them. Her heart swelled. God, despite all the pain and grief James was carrying with him there was still a young charming man underneath.

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The little present had lifted her mood enough that she didn't mind being summoned by Banner as soon as she entered the top floors. Barnes was nowhere in sight, but that would give her time to find a proper way to thank him for it.

Bruce had opened a couple of tabs on the screens around him as well as balancing a more traditional clipboard on his lap while he explained. "Natasha, to help Barnes, I also need to talk to you. And the topics won't be easy."

The Black Widow almost wanted to answer with 'If you can make him join me in the sheets, I would tell you fucking everything.' but she instead said: "You want to know more about the time before he abducted me?"

"Yes." He replied without continuing, trying to urge her to tell what she was comfortable to share.

"What do you want to know? We had fun. It wasn't something a man should do with an inexperienced virgin." Somehow there was a fragment at the edge of her memory... sending a warm shiver down her spine. "And I let him. At first I thought I could turn him around with my skill set, so I gave in. The only real regret is that I simply could not think straight whenever we got intimate. I was selfish, enjoying myself too much."

Bruce suppressed the urge to clear his throat, making his voice sound awkwardly high. "So it was… consensual?"

Her eyes narrowed as she understood what he was asking. "James and I have a wider definition for that word. If you mean he forced me as in rape," she thought about it for a moment, "I have been through worse. And it was never like during the Red Room missions when I was forced to pleasure my target the way my handlers ordered me to. We enjoyed each other. He was not only chasing his own peak. He always made sure both of us got our fun. And at any time I could have stopped him. Also," she chuckled darkly, "it's rare to have someone who can fulfill your wishes, especially those concerning inhuman strength."

Bruce blushed as she told him these secrets. "So you want to continue this relationship."

Natasha grinned, the smile genuine as she tried to hide her face behind her hair. "Oh yes. It feels right, and I can help him." But she was sure he already knew that, only asking to be certain. And to make her say it out loud, so she finally gained the courage to admit it to herself and act accordingly.

"That was my impression as well. You and him share something very rare, and also…" He thought about Barnes' concerns for a second. If she knew they had the option she would instantly agree, for James' sake.

She knew he had a lead to something. "What?"

"How much do you know about your past with him?" He tried to read her, but the mask was firmly in place.

"Not much. I know he was my trainer for a while, but the memory has faded over the years." She said it lightly but there was no point in concealing their physical relationship anymore. Although she thought there could have been more than simple sex, but was this memory real or only wishful thinking?

"To help Barnes I will need to bring his old memories back to the surface. To regain what was lost during the wiping. Most of it is from the time he was working for the Red Room. It is difficult, if not impossible. But he remembers fragments. And to heal him, we need to put them back together."

"What does that mean exactly?" She was getting impatient. Barnes hadn't talked much about failures thus far, only telling stories from his youth with Steve and occasionally confessing about what he had done as the Winter Soldier, seeking salvation in her comfort because she knew how affliction felt.

"You would also be in a tank and under the influence of the same drugs." He said as if disclosing a secret.

"So we share the dream state?" It didn't seem that much of a mystery, more like something scientifically difficult.

"Yes, whenever his memory has holes you might be able to fill them and vice versa. Although I would not advise this right now since you are still breast-feeding Alexei."

Natasha shook her head and gave him a true smile for the first time since they started talking. "He already prefers mush and the weaning period is over." She had been nourishing the boy for longer than usual mothers did nowadays but only because her body hadn't been as quick as his growth.

"If you have any difficulties concerning transitions like that..." He offered but was silenced by her raised eyebrow.

Natasha took great pride in her success as a mother. Also this wasn't something she wanted to discuss with a man even though he had been her doctor so far. She had gotten used to motherhood, excelled at it. And what once seemed impossible was now natural and wonderful. "No, it's fine. Now let's continue with the topic at hand."

"Er..." He opened up a few tabs on the screen. "We need to open up your minds to give you the ability to connect with each other. We can't really do anything from the outside as in receiving data, saving and translating it into a language your brain can decipher and then transferring it over to you. Even with our equipment it simply isn't fast enough. Your own brains have to make the link with the shortest connection we can create artificially." He showed her something that looked like it was hand-made by Stark. Or better: his sadistic side.

"Where exactly will you put that?" She asked with a grimace.

"As close to the brain as possible. Into the back of the neck."

"Into my spine?" Natasha wanted to be sure but she saw his face falling and that was answer enough. "Does it hurt?"

"Once we have given you the chemical cocktail you will only feel a sharp sting when we put it in and we're gonna use a local anesthetic for that as well."

And there came the other thing... "Chemical cocktail? Will it be same drugs you used on James?"

"That and more, a lot more. That's why I asked about Alexei." He pulled up a very long list of medications. "Your minds need to be able to openly receive information and send it. For that we have to rip open your consciousness. Our modified versions of street drugs help with that. I wouldn't advise this as a long term solution, by the way."

"Of course..." Natasha murmured as she looked at the list including LSD, ketamine and other things.

Emotions ghosted over her face and Bruce was sure she was about to decline but then Natasha spoke up. "When do we start?"

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Sleep didn't come easily the following night. Too much was on her mind. From the quiet footsteps in the room next to her Natasha knew James had the same issue. Under the cover of watching over Alexei's sleep he lingered around unable to rest.

Natasha drifted in and out of sleep, her current wishes mixing with past memories until she wasn't sure anymore what had actually happened or what was just her imagination.

"I am at your service, Sir." - "Call me James."

The mother jerked awake. What was this?

"The doctors have given me a pill to make this procedure easier. Should I take it now?" - "No, I don't think you will need that."

She blinked. The images she had seen in her dream and the reality switched each time she closed her eyes. A windowless cell with a mirror and a simple bed. A spacious room with beautiful interior and a huge, comfortable bed.

"So sensitive… No, my dear, lean into it. Doesn't this feel good?"

Natasha felt a ghost-like touch on her breasts. Her body responded, arching into it. Blazing heat spread in her lower belly.

"Look at yourself."

She whimpered, biting her lip as two fingers slipped between her thighs. Hearing the Soldier say these words brought back a picture of her younger self, bare and vulnerable to his skillful touch. In the corner of her eyes she could see her mirror image kneeling with a male hand working its magic on her virgin body.

"Oh, you are so wet…"

Natasha could barely contain the groan as her own fingers changed from caressing touches to forceful thrusts. But it was not enough. She needed more.

"You're big." - "Don't worry. I will prepare you."

Her body shuddered in excitement and fear. God, she had been terrified, hadn't been able to grasp the concept of sex at her young age. None of the girls had been prepared for their Virgin Night, leaving them to the terror ignorance could cause. Their trainers had been allowed, even ordered, to brutalize them, to make them hate it, so they would find a twisted pleasure in torturing their mate before the kill, savoring the death blow more than any orgasm could. Yet her first night had been different.

"The Red Room isn't gentle." - "But I am, when I want to be."

Natasha remembered her body falling into bliss, climaxing, right before he invaded her, spreading her, tearing her open and mixing pleasure and pain in equal parts, working her through it until he let himself go, flooding her womb with his seed.

A breathless moan left her lips as she came.

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When Natasha arrived James was already sitting on the table while Bruce attached sensors to his body. The Soldier was able to hide most of his emotions from the outside world but for her he was easy to read. James was scared, for several reasons. On one side there were aversions to everything labeled experiment or test, of everything they had forced upon him over the years. And since his eyes met hers there was even more. He feared for her safety.

Natasha gave him a reassuring smile before she hopped on one of the examination tables. "Sorry, I'm late but Alexei just didn't want to let go when I dropped him off at Pepper's office."

"Oh, don't worry. We are still setting everything up." Tony turned away from a monitor and grabbed a gown for her as well as a second set of sensors. "As much as I would like to watch this I am sure Barnes would tear me in half if I enjoy the show too much. You can change over there for more privacy." He wanted to brighten the mood a little with a joke but as usual it failed and made the Soldier even more uncomfortable.

Natasha forced a laugh. "I am sure Pepper has trained you well enough. Also I came prepared." She waited until Tony had turned towards his screens again and glimpsed at James and Bruce. The doctor was well and truly in his element while Barnes sat there uncomfortably. They were just working on getting an IV into him which got more and more difficult with each treatment although his body healed quickly. Natasha saw how much he had to concentrate not to hit Banner so she tried to distract him a little bit.

Bucky stiffened as he watched Natasha lifting her shirt to reveal the plain sports-bra and her flawless skin. Well, not entirely flawless. The scar on her shoulder from their recent fight in D.C. wasn't old enough to have disappeared by now. Above her waistline was the bullet wound he had given her in Odessa. A mark that would never fade. And he hated himself for those. Another life he'd killed and another person who got hurt because he had fulfilled his mission. While his mind replayed those moments in the heat of Odessa Natasha had turned to the other side, putting down the shirt and opening her jeans to reveal yet another scar. The cut she had to endure to have their baby was fading but still visible. And as she leaned over to get out of the trousers there were lines appearing and disappearing on her lower abdomen. They were barely visible, only to the trained eye, but they were there and they marked her as a mother. The mother of his child. The urge to kiss her skin was overwhelming and he felt his body responding and hated himself for his desires. He was instantly pulled away from his thoughts when Banner attached the IV drip, releasing the drugs.

"Alright, we're gonna numb your necks now with an anesthetic." Bruce announced as he saw Tony attaching the sensors to Natasha's upper body and head before putting in an IV and connecting the drip.

James didn't even blink as the needle injected the fluid but Natasha saw him struggling internally. He kept looking in her direction for mental support, to keep himself steady.

The mother was next to receive the injection and she shuddered as the two scientists prepared the metal probes that would link them.

"Ready?" Tony asked.

"This is a payback for all the stuff we destroyed during our brawl, right?" James' voice was shaking.

Natasha sat close enough to reach for his hand and he didn't reject the comfort she was offering.

"One, two, three."

The Winter Soldier inhaled sharply as the pins went into his spine. He took a deep breath to steady himself, to fight against his instincts to lash out. He tried to concentrate his focus on Natasha again while she braced herself now as well. A reassuring smile was all he could give her as the rod invaded her neck.

She fell over with a groan and fought against a wave of nausea. God, this felt horrible. But just as promised the stinging pain subsided quickly and she was able to take a shallow breath again. "If this works, I expect you to find a better solution for the connection, Stark." She felt terribly ill and the world started to blur around her as she lifted her head again.

Tony seemed to notice this. Barnes though looked ready to go. "Okay, let's give Red a minute before she pukes into the tank. You're sure you haven't already knocked her up again?"

"Stark!" Natasha growled and braced herself against Banner. The drugs were already affecting her and since she wasn't used to them like James was by now, she had a hard time keeping her breakfast down.

"Barnes, you can already make yourself comfortable in the tank. We'll calibrate the sensors." Bruce tried to clear the tension while also reaching for a vial with something that would help Natasha get through it more easily. "This will keep the nausea at bay."

Everything was lost in a dark fog as she felt hands guiding her into the tank. Time turned into a more flexible construct of measurement while she listened to the reassuring voices of the scientists. Then suddenly everything went dark around her.

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Let me know what you think ^^

No time for beta and I am sure I missed a lot of mistakes I saw on my phone but didn't find again in the doc file on the computer. So if you see anything incorrect, tell me ^^

Please review, that would really make my day (night). Got an important day tomorrow. *scared*