The night was full of sound. Winds picking up, snow blowing, dead screaming. Brienne of Tarth was standing atop the battlements, looking down. There had been a handful of wights that evening. And the other houses had begun to arrive. She thought that they stood a chance…if somehow it was correct that the wights and White Walkers would die once the Night King fell, then maybe. Maybe it would be all right. Maybe not all of King's Landing would perish.
That was a lot of maybe's.
Brienne's mind was not there, however. It was on Jaime.
He said that he wanted to be at full health by the time the Night King moved north. And she believed that that was best, too.
But it wasn't just that. It was the fact that he loved her, and he was expecting her that night. She was incredibly nervous.
"Ser Brienne?"
She turned quickly. "Lord Tyrion," she nodded, stepping away from the edge.
"Not sure about the 'Lord' bit. But thank you…" he cleared his throat. "It's dreadfully cold. Won't you come in? Perhaps have a drink?" he smiled.
"Well…"
"The dead are all but gone, save the half a million in King's Landing. Why not relax by the hearth?"
She shrugged, then followed him.
They walked through a corridor and a dark passageway. Tyrion seemed to have a very specific place in mind. There was a room adjacent to the great hall that he led her. It wasn't the map room, but it was about the same size. "Sit, please."
She did, taking off her armor rather arduously.
"Hm…" Tyrion left, after watching her for a moment. "You there!" she heard him call. And a page came in, and began to help her with her clothes. She had some things under, and sat after putting her cloak back on. The cold simply seeped through the stone of the walls. "That better?"
Brienne nodded, her gaze fixed downward.
And Tyrion sat. "Well, my Lady. Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you."
He smiled. "You'll pardon me if I have one."
She offered no response.
He considered her for a moment. "You and my brother Jaime are in love with one another."
And now she looked. "Has he spoken to you?"
"Not exactly. But I saw it."
She swallowed. "And what did you see?"
Tyrion sat back. "My brother has known but one love his entire life. He loved his father, true. I believe that he loves me. What he had with Cersei…well. That was different."
Her eyebrows went up her head.
"To put it mildly," he amended.
"I've not known that sort of love."
"Quite right. Which is why I've asked you here."
Brienne sat back now, too. "Perhaps I'll have that drink."
"Excellent," and he got up and poured her some wine.
She took it, smiling. "Thank you."
"Now, you should know that I want only for Jaime to be happy. In fact, his happiness likely trumps everyone else's in my mind save my own."
She swallowed.
"But I admire you. And I wanted to speak to you, because I'm concerned about what he'll do should you both move forward with your…hearts."
"Sorry? What he'll do?"
"Oh, do not mistake me. I'm not talking about his leaving you, or hurting you. Rather, his inner conflict and guilt where my sister is concerned."
"You think that he loves her still."
Tyrion nodded. "But that's changed. Something happened that made him change his mind. But a love that lasted as long as it did, was as intense and immediate…it doesn't disappear."
She downed her drink, poured out some more. "Do you think that he's lying to me?"
"Not in the least. He's not lying about his heart…I do not believe he is capable of it. And his feelings are true to you, of that I am sure."
"Then I don't understand…"
"Be wary, Brienne. And know that he is just as new to this as you are. He's not had his heart touched much, and that which did, was toxic."
"I fail to see your point."
He smiled at her. "Jaime is broken. But he can be mended. My purpose here is simply to alert you. To be that voice in your head that causes you to pause a moment before you judge him."
She canted her head. "And what makes you think that I'd judge him?"
"We all judge people, Brienne. And doubt may creep into your mind, and though I do not know my brother's heart exactly, I have no doubt that he does love you," he sipped.
She blushed, which was absurd, for she hardly ever blushed. "Do you know what he plans to do where your sister is concerned?"
"I haven't the faintest idea."
"No," she replied.
"You're scared."
"Of?"
Tyrion smiled. "We are not dissimilar, you and I . We are both monstrous to many. Every time I've loved, I've experienced fear that I'd be hurt. I imagine you feel the same way."
"I am not scared," she glared at him. "I'm inexperienced."
"So…nervous then."
She dropped her gaze. "I …had never thought about it. It never seemed likely."
"Well. Here you are. Best start thinking about it."
Brienne downed her drink. "He's expecting me."
"Very good. I'm certain that we'll see one another soon," he tipped his cup.
She rose, nodded, and left him there.
…and all the way, she felt rather ill. She was nervous. What was he going to expect? Would he be disappointed?
And she hated that she was thinking these things. She never gave those sorts of thoughts much mind.
She reached her door and swallowed, pushing it open.
The room was empty, the hearth newly lit.
Had he changed his mind? She noted the armor having been placed on a chair…she went in and touched it.
This was her constant. This was what she knew. Yes, Jaime had been a part of her life for some time, but it had been sporadic and inconstant.
Yet she loved him. Somehow, she had been touched by his heart. She sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. It made no sense. She wanted only to serve…ever since that day when Renly Baratheon saved her, she wanted to serve. It was selfish to love…
"Brienne?" his voice was soft behind her, and she heard him shut the door.
She closed her eyes, and she heard him move toward her.
"Brienne?"
He was kneeling in front of her when she opened her eyes. "Is that wise, considering your injury?"
"I'm fine. What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she muttered, looking at her hands.
"Something's happened. Did they find Pod?"
"Please don't mention him."
"God they did," and he took her hand.
"No," she retrieved it. "They did not," she looked at him now. "I'm just…"
He stood. "Don't say you're changing your mind."
Brienne looked up at him. "It's complicated."
"It's only complicated if you allow it to be."
"It's simply not a matter of me allowing anything," she stood now, too. "You were the one who was in love with his sister. You were the one who…" she stopped, looking at the reaction on his face. She swallowed. "I spoke with Tyrion."
"You did," his voice held some exasperation. "And what did my little brother say?"
"That you loved me."
He cocked a brow. "And should that be shocking to you, considering my many declarations?"
"That you were broken."
He started at this and took a step back.
"And that I should follow my heart."
"And what does your heart tell you?"
"To be cautious," she brushed passed him. "But…I suppose that caution can only take one so far. All my life I've kept people at arm's length, afraid to love…"
"That's simply not true. Your entire life has been about sacrificing yourself for others. For people who you care about," he went over to her and took her elbow so that she faced him. "You have loved more deeply than nearly anyone I've known. You just don't call it love. You call it honor. And you protect those whom you love better than anyone. You think that you cannot love because of how you look," he dropped her arm. "But I'm here to tell you that you're beautiful. I would not love an ugly woman."
She smiled. "That was one of the very first things you said to me, you know."
"What?"
"You said, 'You're even uglier in the daylight.'"
He winced. "Forgive me. I had been trying to rile you."
"I know," she looked at her feet.
"Jaime."
"Hm?"
"Help me," she took his hand.
"Do you trust me?"
Brienne nodded. "As well as I trust anyone."
He sighed and ran his hand up her arm to her face.
And he kissed her.
Soft at first, for he wanted to ease her mind, he deftly felt her mouth…and it was sweet in its own right.
Different from the way he had ever kissed Cersei, and more like the first kiss he had ever had, the one maid he had kept to himself, even though they had shared but a few kisses.
Tender, then, and his hand wrapped around her neck. He stepped closer to her, and pressed against her. He felt her intake of breath. "Still all right?"
She nodded, though she felt quite tense.
"We can stop."
"No. We shouldn't," she placed her palms against his chest, and then dropped them to his waist. Brienne began to unbuckle his belts.
He studied her face as she deftly dropped them to the floor. He swallowed, then took her tunic and began to lift it over her head. He struggled only slightly from his lack of a right hand, but years without it made it near seamless. "You wear a lot of clothing," he said, examining her…
"It's cold."
He smiled, then took his own tunic off, and walked over to the bed, sitting down. He started to slide his golden hand off. "I wish sometimes that I didn't lose my hand. It would make things like undressing myself much easier. But then," and he looked at her. "Everything would be different, for it was this loss coupled with meeting you, that I think I truly began to change."
"It's when I began to look at you differently, certainly," she folded her hands in front of her.
"Are you going to stand there and watch me? I don't mind, but it might be more fun if you sit and join me," he put his hand on the bed next to him.
"Are you nervous?" she asked very softly, and not looking at him.
"Desperately," he replied. "But I promise, as I did earlier, we needn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with."
She lifted her gaze, and he met it with intensity. She dropped her hands and went over to him, sitting next to him and lifting the three remaining shirts from her body. He watched as she did it, eyes wide. And she reached for him, kissing him, and laying back onto the bed.
He rolled on top of her and ran his hand over her torso, caressing everything that he could, feeling the intensity of the moment. It was wonderful, for many reasons. But mostly, because he had yearned for the first time in his life, and now it was coming to fruition.
Brienne was overwrought, and felt impatient for more. It was nothing like she had imagined…all desperation and want. She had always thought that love, and its act, would be tiresome, something to be done to satisfy the man.
But she was just as aroused and felt the intensity of the moment crashing around her in the form of Jaime Lannister. He was all there was then…no fear, no cold, no…
…sound.
Her breath came quick as he slid her pants off of her and onto the floor. He pulled back for just a second. "Are you all right?"
She nodded, and he covered her mouth with his as she felt him enter her.
The world stopped.
And Brienne was there, but not. She was suspended in time, for her mind was blocking out everything but the immediate, and as she felt him move atop her, she turned her head, overcome.
He kissed her neck.
She closed her eyes.
"I love you," he breathed, his movement seeming quicker.
And she felt the tear streak down her face.
Yet all was quiet.
She turned and kissed him again…and as she did, she felt him climax, and he nuzzled her neck.
"I'm sorry," he said into the bed.
"For what?"
"Being selfish," and he turned and fell to her side.
"I don't understand."
"You should have had the same experience as I just did. Give me a moment," he put his hand to his forehead.
"I still don't…"
"Brienne. Women can, and should…" he swallowed. "Climax. Just as I did. But I couldn't last. Just give me a moment."
She had not heard of this. She had believed intercourse was almost exclusively for the enjoyment of men, when she thought about it at all. She got up and covered herself with the blanket, then took his arm so that he went under with her, too. "Can we just be here for a bit?"
"What? You mean lay here?"
She nodded.
"Of course," and he laid back, taking his left arm and wrapping it around her so that she was close.
She closed her eyes. "I love you, Jaime Lannister."
She felt him kiss the top of her head.
And then there was silence.
And so that's it. Thanks for reading! Doubtful that these scenes will play out on the show, but I suppose that's what this forum serves.
Maybe I'll do another, longer story next month...after the show and once I'm done with work for the summer.