Chapter 25: How to make the Winter Soldier purr

~.~

Aside from all those amazing reviews I got for the last chapter, I also got an anon for chapter 6 complaining that "Nat can't have kids". Aside from posting this short message anonymous I see you have read further than the prologue so you must have showed some form of interest.

I have read every possible plotline Marvel provided and (at my early days I must say) I came up with a conclusion that they could also reverse it if they wanted to. I know it's weird, but come on, with Steve getting from skinny to bulky from one second to the next and what the Hulk can grow on body mass and whatever else I think this is just a minor inconvenience. I have used the goal to create an impossible soldier via natural conception to fuel my storyline. Which isn't as absurd in comparison to the entire lore history.

Be aware there is a very dirty talk-y blowjob in this one I will only fully post on archive of our own. Usually not my style, but I let myself go there XD There's also darkness in here which I totally illuminated with bright, fluffy, cheesy ideas so poor Bucky and Nat aren't discouraged. Yet I had to bring them in here as well to guide them. (or in other words. Just realized I had to put them somewhere since they were in my "smutty Red Room memories" stash and they have to be there before they finally have sex again.)

summary:

Nat and Bucky remember how the Winter Soldier had once treated her right after a wiping, and how they deal with it. Natasha thinking about how she once pleasured him with her mouth to make him succumb. Fury sending James to the Bartons with a another present for the two assassins. Natasha and Barnes finally making up their mind and following the path they need to go to find...

Have fun and please review ^^

AN for ffnet reader: Everything I censored has brackets to mark it. (If it's still too much, contact me before reporting/deleting the story)

~.~

It was rather early in the morning for a weekend but the kids didn't want to waste any time to play so they had dragged the adults out of their beds and after a quick breakfast had went straight to work.

Natasha smiled at the excitement her son had with the less technological toys the Barton's owned. There was no need for high tech. This was a simple life, a happy life. And she was glad Alexei could experience what she never had as a child. Building blocks and dolls instead of cold, harsh beatings and the order to kill. No joy or laughter for the children in the Red Room. They only had each other. And she had James. But not always...

Natalia didn't understand what was going on. After one of their missions they had separated them instantly, dragging James away to another part of the building and she had been sure the muffled screams had been his. In the three weeks she had known him this had never occurred and it worried her.

She hadn't slept that night, wondering if they had gone too far. Weapons were not supposed to have feelings. They had always been professional on missions, nothing had gone wrong. Yes, the intimacy had taken place outside the surveilled rooms but they had kept their relationship a secret as best as they could, and damn they were the best.

There was no breakfast for her and no lunch either. She hadn't been hungry anyway, a queasiness and the foreboding sense of something dreadful making her sick.

In the afternoon they had dragged her into a bleak white room with a two way mirror for observation, torn off her clothes and strapped her to a hospital bed. She was already used to losing all dignity for whatever test they performed on her, so she didn't protest. Protest only brought pain.

As the door opened again the Soldier was making his way inside. At first she had been relieved, then she saw his eyes and knew this was not her James anymore. He was a shadow of himself, a ghost.

Natasha gasped at the image of him while she tried to tell herself that it must have only been a clever little plot of theirs to fool their handlers into thinking there had been no romance between them. Desperately she tried to figure out how it had ended, but well… there weren't many options to choose from. Yet still she stood by her belief that this hadn't been her James. So whatever had happened afterward had not been his own decision and she couldn't blame him for it. Hell, she didn't even blame him for almost killing her a few times in his brainwashed state. Her entire hatred was centered around the Red Room, around HYDRA, and what they had done to them.

"Everything alright, Nat?" Laura asked her as she saw her friend tensing up.

"Yeah, just the slightly darker past making a house call." She answered and blocked the bad memories.

"Don't dwell on it. Then was then and now is now." Mrs Barton recited.

Natasha took a deep breath and used these words as a shield against the darkness. Yes, the Red Room no longer pulled the strings. She had all the power now to shape a better tomorrow for her friends, her family and herself.

~.~

Hundreds of miles away and after exhausting hours with countless in the end destroyed punching bags James had finally been able to find rest, although the sleep was far from peaceful...

He walked over to her while opening his belt and pulling out his member. The Soldier forced his body onto her, spitting into his hand and using it to get himself ready.

Natalia watched his movement in disbelief. This wasn't how they usually did it. It was wrong…

[...]

This time there was no kindness or a smile. It was cold and calculating. Only chasing the end, using her as a sheath while she tried to suppress the pained gasps.

Natalia looked up at the white ceiling with the flickering lights, blocking all the hatred and desperation she was feeling. What had they done to her Soldier?

The other men laughed as he abused her. In the end they left the observation room, looking for one of less valuable and more likely disposable the girls for themselves.

The moment she felt no more eyes lingering on them she finally gave in to her emotions, letting the tears fall freely.

The Soldier too must have realized that the audience had seen enough and left, his job nearly finished.

[...]

In the end he gripped her hips tight enough to leave marks before burying himself as deeply as he could. He threw his head back but made no sound as he came, filling her up. Entirely exhausted he didn't even care about crushing her as he collapsed on top of her small body.

Natalia closed her eyes and swallowed down all her grief. It wasn't his fault. "James…" she whispered gently as her fingers ran through his slick hair.

Then it happened. He froze on top of her, realizing, memories flooding back to him in waves like the aftershocks of his orgasm.

Natalia felt something damp in the crook of her neck where he had buried his face. Shushing she continued to provide him comfort.

"Мне так жаль…" ("I'm so sorry…") James was trembling now, breaking under the weight of his sins, his wretched life as a mindless weapon, of what he had done to her.

At least their ways would part soon and she wouldn't have to stand this torture for much longer. He didn't want to be the one defiling her. In a week she would show the first signs and he would report it, so she could have her graduation ceremony and be done with him.

If only… no, he wasn't allowed to hope…

~.~

"Sir, I am sorry to wake you but Fury requested your presence in his office." Jarvis voice woke him from the dream.

Bucky gasped as he bolted up in his bed. He was drenched in sweat and there was another salty moisture on his cheeks he didn't understand. The memory of the dream slipped from him while his brain booted up. But it filled him with a lingering horror and the knowledge that he had abused Natalia while being her trainer. She should not have to deal with him any longer. He was a nightmare for whoever he had feelings for. For everyone he cared for. As much as he wanted to be a gentle lover and a good father this could never be his life…

But damn, he was a stubborn jerk who would rather die than stop trying. HYDRA could no longer control him the way they had before. They would never ever be able to erase his memories of her. He would treat her like the woman he loved, not a mission.

"Sir?" Jarvis asked again.

"Yes… I'll be there…" Giving in to duty and whatever way of redemption the director might have for him seemed like a good distraction.

During a quick shower he heard the text alarm of his phone and knew a few more pictures would be streaming in.

While brushing his teeth he looked at the screen of his mobile phone and felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He should be there with his family, reveling in all the fun time they had, being a part of it and adding to the amount of joyful experiences. But how could he? There were civilians in the perimeter as far as he could see. Bucky swallowed down his anger and looked at the pictures with longing. Soon, one day, whenever that might be. He could have this, with Natalia and Alexei.

He wondered what Fury wanted from him now. He was still not cleared for missions. A week without incident and yet another evaluation still in front of him.

Skipping breakfast he had made his way to the office, quickly allowed inside.

"Good afternoon, Sergeant Barnes."

He nodded his head. "Sir. May I ask why I was summoned?"

"A jet will be provided for you. I want you to get to these coordinates." He outstretched his hand and gave him a simple paper with a few numbers on it. "It is secure and has to remain unknown to anyone else."

That sounded familiar. How much did the director actually know? Even Stark couldn't tell him where Natasha had went off to in the cloaked jet. "What is my mission?" He asked as if he hadn't connected the dots.

"Just be there in time for dinner. And take Stark's present with you."

"How did you…?" Bucky muttered but was stopped when something made out of metal was shoved over the table toward him.

"And this." With that he was dismissed.

~.~

Sleep hadn't come easily last night, leaving her an exhausted and nervous mess the entire morning while flashbacks unsettled her. At least the memories after the… bad one had been mostly pleasant. Many of them about the friendly way they had behaved around one another when they had been sure nobody was looking. Smiles, a specific reaction to something or just a phrase he had said.

"Мне всегда нравились рыжие" ("I always liked redheads.")

"Почему?" ("Why?")

"Не знаю. Просто у меня к ним слабость. Они выделяются из толпы, приятно пахнут. О, и мне всегда нравилось, как их волосы рассыпаются по подушке, словно розы на белом снегу." ("Don't know. Just have a thing for them. They stand out of the crowd, smell nice. Oh and I like the way their hair spreads out on the pillow like roses on white snow.")

Why were the last words so bittersweet?

Before she could wonder about it the flashback continued. She saw her own reflection in his eyes as he laid her down on the bed. It was like a mirror making her understand why it was such a beautiful image, as if he offered her this insight into his mind through the windows of his soul.

Compromised, lost, in love. That was the best way of describing the foolishly childish behavior during their relationship decades ago. And you know what else?, Natasha said to herself. I want it back. Because it was lovely, sexy, irresistible and turns me into a mewling mess of hormones and basic instinct. And I don't give a damn about how stupid that sounds.

This threw her into another predicament of having her body ready for something she would not have in the near future. Natasha knew sexual frustration could turn into violence even for a woman as self-controlled as her. Once the vacation ended she would either have to drag Barnes into her bed or go out on a mission to let out some steam.

Sensing her issues Clint had stepped in and ordered her to take a nap while he took the kids outside to play. In the end her grumpy self had succumbed to his advise but rest was forevermore something unachievable.

Make the kitten purr... Laura's words still lingered in her ears while her mind pondered over how to seduce the Soldier and lead him back into her bed.

A long time ago he had been at her mercy. That much Natasha knew but which techniques she had used on him, what worked the best, what made him lose all rational thought, what made him shout her name..., the details were still beyond reach. But she was getting closer to recover them every minute she concentrated on regaining them.

The Soldier in her memories had never been a very vocal one. Reaching a level of physical exertion that made him pant and groan was a hard won achievement with his serum powered body. But it was not impossible. The other reason that had made it difficult was his programming which muted and deadened the emotional sensation behind the sex, turning it into a purely physical act like combat training. But the Black Widow had managed it, had broken the weapon until he praised her in his dark, sultry voice.

Natasha could almost feel his metal fingers gently caressing her red curls while her mouth worked on him, sucking him dry. She had turned the feline predator, with all his might and control, into a purring kitten. She had been the best at ensnaring her mate and James had been the one who taught her this. He had been her testing ground and her teacher. And oh god, how much he surely had enjoyed his role.

The knowledge about this moment during their first night came back slowly, spreading a warm glow inside of her and making smile. More and more little glimpses came back which made her heart yearn for the Soldier. With a sigh she gave in to a deep, restful sleep.

After the last shudder of pleasure Natalia collapsed on top of him, instantly embraced by his arms. She drank in his masculine scent as her heart slowly calmed down and her senses came back to her. Never had the young woman thought that this aspect of her duty could be so satisfying. All the horrific stories the other girls had told her were nothing but lies. James had shown her that.

"Хорошо?" ("Good?") He asked with a smile as he gently stroked a sweaty strand of hair out of her face. His eyes were ablaze with lust and desire. He enjoyed his reward for good services very much. This girl was like clay in his hands, a virgin to shape into the perfect lover. She had so much potential, just waiting to be unlocked.

"Очень. Вы так добры ко мне, сэр." ("Very. You are so good to me, sir.") A thought bloomed in her head. The other girls had told her how men liked to be treated. But given his size she didn't know how that could even work. But she wanted to know more about him, learn about his weaknesses and use them to her advantage. So she let her fingers wander lower and the moment she reached his center Natalia could see his pupils dilating in excitement. "Если позволите…" ("If you allow me to...") At first she hadn't been sure of what he might think about her taking initiative. The girls had to follow orders, not develop a mind of their own. But somehow Natalia was certain that her Soldier would be fine with it.

He actually grinned. "Считай меня своей морской свинкой" ("Consider me your guinea pig.") He knew how most men, no, all of them, just used the students as sex toys, as something to stick your dick into in any way they liked. It didn't matter to them if the girls felt comfortable, let alone enjoy it. But he was sure that enough room to experience and learn in their own pace was much more fruitful. With a quick glance at the camera he wondered if the watchdogs had approved thus far. But since no one had entered yet, pulling them apart from each other, they either sanctioned and approved or simply didn't care. Well, give it a few weeks and they would see how well he trained their best student.

Natalia licked her lips at his words. This man was now her playground and she was eager to discover every hidden secret. Lifting her body she settled between his spread legs, calculating what to do. He was half hard, but still a formidable sight. Her mouth watered. She would claim him. But how? Doubt overshadowed her faith in her own skills, wondering if she could reach the high expectations. Natalia didn't realize she was staring at him for almost a minute, making him wait. God, she made him wait. A cold fear ran through her but it seemed unfounded. She had expected him to grab her head and push her down but he didn't. No, James even submitted and let his hands close around the metal headboard with a smug smile of his face and a cocky wink of his eyebrows. He was giving her the reins, thoroughly. Damn, did he know what that did to her?

"Не укушу. Если только ты не будешь." ("I won't bite. Unless you do.") He added and reveled in her slightly nervous expression, her trained face remained blank but there was something in her eyes, betraying her. This girl was so wonderful. He could already see that she let her guard down more for him than she might ever had in her life. And he liked that. The thought about what pleasures they could give one another made his cock twitch and harden.

She raised an eyebrow before finally engaging. Her fingers gently massaged his thighs, working toward the middle, but shortly before she reached his center she started over again. His manhood responded, swelled and rose up. He was a masterpiece, sculptured to perfection, ready to be worshiped.

[several pages of smut. read on AO3 if you like ^^]

She didn't mind, sucking him dry until he was a shivering mess, mumbling praises of how well she had done.

When Natalia gave him one last lick she looked up again, into his eyes full of adoration and bliss. He gently caressed her head, stroking through her hair. "Ты великолепна." ("You are magnificent.")

~.~

The moment Natasha awoke she could still feel the force pounding into her throat. God, he was perfect and she wanted this example of maleness more than anything. And in this century she couldn't have him... Too wrapped up in his guilt, too afraid to hurt her. Oh, why was fate so unkind? These angering thoughts were enough to wake her up entirely and make her growl in frustration.

Blinking away the memory she knew there was no way she could stand being around James as soon as she came back. They had texted a few times since she had left and it seemed like he was actually faring better. So this was the logical choice. He could take care of Alexei as soon as she was out again. Now, she only needed to convince Fury. Him being on quick dial didn't give her enough time to prepare herself when she decided to make the call.

A rough yet warm voice answered her. "Romanoff, it's your weekend off. Why are you even talking to me? Shouldn't you be playing house with your family?"

She bit back an angry retort and took a deep breath before answering. "The weekend won't be enough. I just need to get out as soon as I leave them and am back at the tower. I need a fight to let out some steam."

"Trouble in paradise?" There was just this tiny bit in his voice that told Natasha he was keeping a secret, a mischievous, dirty little plan.

"It won't bother me on the field. So, do you have a mission for me as soon as I come back?"

"I think I have a better idea." He said with a grin.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? "What?"

"Let's just say, be outside near the pond in about two hours."

That ominous message really riled her up. Why could the man never talk to to her in proper statements? "Why?"

"I have a present for you."

~.~

During his flight in one of Stark's concealed jets Bucky couldn't stop wondering why they had let him go all on his own so easily. Yes, the trigger words were gone and he had been on his best behavior for a while now except for the incident with Natasha. And that was exactly where he was heading right now. Closing in on the coordinates he realized how far away from civilization the "secure location" actually was. Nothing but a backwater countryside with farmers that took care of their own food supply and needs. So whatever happened wouldn't lead to that many casualties.

He still couldn't shake that dreadful feeling about something that had happened in their past. He couldn't quite pinpoint it and the harder he tried the more he seemed to forget, like he was protecting himself from the revelation until he was… ready. But when would that be? And what would he find then? The Soldier tried to focus on what was important and see the light. So many wonderful things had happened to him since he fled HYDRA and even more were within his reach. He had to think positive, take a page out of Steve's book and believe in himself and that he could do it right. No more lingering the past for now. The future was bright and shining like the snow that covered the area. God, did optimism make him cheesy?!

At the same time he felt Natalia's voice in his mind, a memory of so long ago.

"У тебя когда-нибудь был секс в снегу?" ("Ever had sex in the snow?")

"Нет" ("No.")

"Хочешь попробовать?" ("Care to try?")

Bucky sighed as he started to land the jet close to a line of trees that would hide the vehicle in case something malfunctioned. Well, here goes nothing...

~.~

Natasha was currently questioning Laura about a recipe she was cooking while she checked on Alexei behind her. The snowmen endeavor had ended with the oldest boy being the fastest finishing it, the girl with a female one just the size of Alexei's. And well, her own son had made a very… detailed version. The children had gotten along very well with Alexei perfectly adapting to the situation as if he had always been around others, being kind and polite, creative and entertaining. The boy was currently playing with the Barton brood on the carpet, the little Lego object already representing the Stark tower in all its details. The Widow could picture that even the interior was a perfect replication.

Hawkeye stiffened next to her and she knew some alarm must have been tripped. Clint pulled out his phone to look at some picture or so it seemed. "We have a visitor." He muttered into her ear, only audible for the Black Widow alone.

The moment she realized what he had meant by that Natasha went white. She tried to breathe but it was impossible.

"The guest room is ready for you. Hasn't been christened thus far but…"

Natasha growled at that. "I am not that impulsive." And he isn't either.

"We'll see." He chuckled and threw her jacket at her.

~.~

With quivering legs she had taken her route outside, leaving Alexei to the Bartons and the boy had instantly given into his mother's weird whims, almost as if he knew his mother needed this moment right now.

It was freezing out here since the sun started to set, a fierce wind taking up where the joyous winter day had stopped. But Natasha could barely feel it. Everything felt numb as she ventured down the pathway to the pond where she was certain she would find him.

Even from so far away Natasha knew this shadow by heart. It was her Soldier, walking towards her with a determined stride. Oh dear god… Her knees were already turning weak. She felt the flashbacks creeping up on her while she tried suppress their strong impact, but it was in vain. The burning desire between her thighs intensified and the fact that she had rather decided to phone Fury instead of giving her body at least a little bit of satisfaction after the dream was now taking its toll on her self-control.

It was awkward, standing there in the snow with his gaze entirely focused on her. As soon as he was in front of her none of them moved a finger. Not knowing of how the other might respond.

Natasha was sure she would scare him away if she kissed him right now. And James was certain he would step over the line if he spoke a word.

Natasha tried to find a topic that might hide her need for him. "This is unexpected, but thanks for coming. Alexei already asked why you didn't come with us. He wants to ride a sledge with you."

"It's a beautiful winter day. I will gladly indulge in his desires."

And what about mine? "Yes, he is very excited about the snow."

It had taken him about ten seconds to analyze his surroundings. "There are snowmen in the backyard." James chuckled. He used to build them with Steve while lifting the heavier orbs Rogers had created onto the leg part since the skinny boy had made them too big to carry around.

"Have you seen…" She didn't continue, letting him figure it out on his own.

"The one with the chunk of wood for a left arm? Yes, I did."

"He made you." Natasha said with a smile. "Considering the objects he had to work with it is very detailed."

"I noticed. He is very creative." The thought that the two of them, trained killers, broken by force to feel nothing, had created a child so wonderfully innocent made warmth spread in his body, making him relax a little, opening him up.

"And smart." She knew now he wouldn't shy away anymore and hugged him tightly. "He adores you, looks up to you."

"He shouldn't…" The Winter Soldier countered with a sad smile. All the thoughts inside of him racing, making him want to be good enough for his son. And Natasha would lead him on that path, just like she had always done. So her embrace was a longed for touch and he held her tightly, protecting her from the cold wind, as her delicate form melted against him. She didn't show any signs of fear which made him temporarily forget that he had the ability to hurt her.

"He should." She answered in a determined voice.

"Did you see the red rags on the snowman next to… er… mine?"

"I did." Lily had made it with a certain image in mind.

"I think it's meant to represent you."

"I know. Did you see how close they are standing next to each other?" They were tip-toeing around the very important question, always sure of being on thin ice with the other one. They couldn't have been more wrong.

"They could practically hold hands."

Natasha didn't reply, she merely entangled her fingers with his and moved toward him. Her lips close enough to steal a kiss.

James drowned in the mesmerizing color of her eyes, taking all his defenses down and pushing his doubts far away. He swallowed and took a deep breath. "I want to try it again."

"No breaking bones this time?" She just had to tease him a little bit, with a sultry tone and a raised eyebrow.

He pulled out some ordinary handcuffs, Fury's farewell. "I've got this." Well, and the duffle bag with Tony's present in it over his shoulders. Was everyone a matchmaker nowadays? It was like there were betting on… oh no...

Natasha chuckled at the absurdity of their situation. "They won't hold."

"But they'll keep me focused until Stark can make adjustments to my arm."

He allowed others to tamper with it? The Black Widow couldn't quite believe this and from his looks neither did he. She stared at him, trying to find words that might strengthen his decision, before finally grinning. Natasha couldn't stop herself from asking this question. "Do the adjustments also include a built-in vibrator?"

"What?" He gasped out laughing.

"Just kidding." God, he was so sweet. "I adore you." Then she pressed a kiss against his lips. A quick one to ease the tension in a playful way. But she hadn't expected his reaction, or her own, as soon as she had made that contact. Her lips still tingled and the sensation went straight to her belly, making her ache for more.

For a few seconds a variety of emotions fought inside of him, clearly visible on his face. Surprise, kindness, cocky arrogance. These were something from before the war. His first reaction being the most natural one, the original. Then a shadow of doubt darkened his features once more. Fear, frustration, anger. All of them laced with the brutality and coldness of the Winter Soldier and how much he hated this side of him.

Natasha's breath hitched in her throat. God, how could she love both of these façets on him? The young man eager to prove how good a lover he was, a father and a friend, lucky to have her and showing it to her in the sheets at night and with simple smiles at any time.

And on the other hand the Soldier who pound into her so forcefully and without mercy, tearing at her hair and biting into her skin to cause pain until she was turned into a mewling mess, craving his brutal touch.

The thought of him dominating her body, of him owning her, conquering and hunting her like a wild animal slaying its prey, brought back her darker side. The Widow, the seductress that could make men weep or cry with joy, until she had them at her mercy. Oh yes, James had been a good teacher. And now she would tame him, the monster, the predator. She would bring the beast down to its knees until she could have him on a leash like an obedient dog. Well, James certainly had the puppy look mastered right now. The final emotion on his features being helplessness and in need of her guidance. He was begging her to do the next step, ready to submit to her ideas of how this would end. Oh, and she'd shape this into a wonderful experience that he would never regret.

"We have two options now: Going inside, eating dinner and entertaining the kids until it's bedtime and we can have our fun. Or we do it in the shed, but we have to be fast."

"As much as I enjoy a good quicky, I want our first time together again to be properly consummated in a bed. I had thoughts about nailing you to the mattress for hours. Now I want days."

Since she was so close to him now she could feel his heartbeat, his desire and the surely painful issue he must have now. "I'd still advise we'd do something to take the edge off. Can't let you walk in there and spook the kids with your hard-on."

He chuckled helplessly at that. "The moment I saw you…" His hand closed around his groin, trying to give himself enough friction to calm down. Natasha was right. He couldn't meet children with that tent over his hips.

"Come with me," she took his metal hand and already felt how he was holding back, the fingers limb in hers as to not crush her. Well, if that was a problem she knew how to conquer it.

~.~

Hope you enjoyed it. Totally let myself go with that blowjob scene. Normally I don't use that dirty talk to this extent but… I just had to try it out once. ^^ And cloaking it to be a task to do, a training for her, made it a lot easier, since it was half act, half truth.

And there is a reason why some memories don't fit together or why they don't remember them after waking up. Bear with me. All will be revealed once they retrace their past. But we first have smut, smut, smut, a wedding, a conception and a lot of family fluff in front of us.

Expect the barn to be nearly torn down in the next chapter. ^^

Please review. They keep me going!

And I think I just reached page 200 of pure story text in my file XDDD