Chapter 28: Longing - or: Control and pleasure
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Wir waren geboren um zu leben - We were born to live
Mit den Wundern jeder Zeit, - With the miracles of time
Sich niemals zu vergessen - Never to forget onself
Bis in aller Ewigkeit. - Up to eternity
Wir waren geboren um zu Leben - We were born to live
Für den einen Augenblick, - For the one moment
Bei dem jeder von uns spürte - When everyone of us felt
Wie wertvoll Leben ist. - How valuable life is
In diesem Augenblick - At this moment
Bist du mir wieder nah, - You are close to me again
Wie an jedem so geliebten vergangen Tag. - Like on that lovely past day
Es ist mein Wunsch - It is my wish
Wieder Träume zu erlauben, - To allow dreams again
Ohne Reue nach vorn in die Zukunft zu schauen. - To look into the future without regret
Ich sehe einen Sinn - I see a meaning
Seitdem du nicht mehr bist, - Since you've been gone
Denn du hast mir gezeigt - Because you have show me
Wie wertvoll mein Leben ist. - How precious my life is
translated extracts of "Geboren um zu leben" by Unheilig
(there is a beautiful vintage styled piano cover (by pianoandre1 (André Fuckert) who sings while he plays with so much feeling. I rewatched it for this and thought: Yeah, that could be Bucky with a suit in that black and white video XD) on yt of this German song that I listened to while writing. My translation might suck, not sure XD Lyrics are difficult to translate)
It fits perfectly for the second half of the chapter.
Thank you all for the encouraging reviews I got. Oh, and as usual the full version is on archive of own so they don't delete the story because it's too explicit, but it is borderline. If you think I left in too much, tell me, and I'll correct. There are a lot of memories they tell each other that have strong language.)
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James couldn't shake the tension that was building up while he got ready for the night. Natasha was already in bed, waiting for him to join her, to take her, to make love to her. They had had a lot of sex the weeks when Alexei had been conceived but that was while a big part of his mind had still been controlled by HYDRA. Right now he was doing it on his own accord, without ulterior dark motive. It was just them, and their need to be together.
Brushing his hair he again considered cutting it for convenience but Natasha had told him she liked it and that weighed so much more. While the brush went through his strands he imagined Natalia stroking through them, pulling him closer, her grip hard as she pressed his face between her legs while he tasted her passion.
His hand lost hold of the brush as the other one gripped his cock. He was already hard enough that it hurt. The last attempt at relieving the fierce need fueled by HYDRA's drug had not only failed but was already a few days in the past. And their little fun in the barn had not nearly been enough, only taken off the edge which had rebuild by their teasing chats during dinner. He wondered how the night would play out, hoping that he wouldn't disappoint her by coming instantly as soon as he entered. And the Soldier knew that might actually be a possibility. Maybe he should find relief now in private so he could last longer later. Quickly dismissing that idea he picked up the brush and set it back on the shelf.
The drug had more than once proven that his stamina could outlast her need. He knew his cock was ready for a marathon of bedroom activities. He had enough pent up cravings to nail her to the mattress for a week. At that thought he saw something weird in the mirror. There was a young man staring back at him with a boyish gleam in his eyes that promised mischief. He was taken aback for a second before he realised that it was actually himself. How he had been before all things had gone to hell, before he had fallen from the train, before… Maybe there was more of Bucky left inside him than he had believed previously. Of the young charmer that had satisfied two women the night before he had gone to war. Steve had left him alone with their dates he could now barely picture anymore. But they hadn't been disappointed, that Bucky remembered well. The memory flooded him with that cockiness he had thought he'd lost. Oh, Natalia would melt under his touch tonight.
One last time he checked his appearance. Cleanly shaven so his beard wouldn't rub her skin raw when he ate her out. The scruff would be back for the morning sex, giving him a more tousled and wild look that would fit perfectly to his sated, lazy smile when they started the day with another round.
The good nourishment Stark provided and the workouts he had in the gym had helped him regain his usual muscle mass. The scars from when he had rescued Natasha from HYDRA's grasp had faded already. He knew he wasn't as bulky as Steve but still an example of male perfection, despite for his arm. He promised to take special care when he touched her with the metal limb. The weapon inside him would rest tonight, bound in chains in his mind. His dress code lessened the usually dark and gloomy appearance of his. The only thing he wore were some loose training pants that were now tenting embarrassingly much. He tried to tuck himself away so it wasn't too hilariously prominent.
While he worked he wondered what Natasha had selected. She was a master of seduction. Well, only one way to find out. "Here goes nothing," he chuckled as he opened the door to the guest room.
One glance was all it took to make his heart skip a beat. "Holy cow." Bucky muttered with his mouth agape at the sight before him. She was standing next to the window. The only light in the room was a dimmed lamp on the bed table and the moon illuminating her in the most celestial way.
Natasha smirked when she watched how her lover stared at her unabashedly. "Enjoy what you see?"
James could only nod and he knew how stupid that must look since he was still unable to close his mouth. She looked like a goddess. Her pale skin almost a surreal white in the moonshine, her hair glowing like rubies. He hadn't even noticed they had growth out long enough to cover her breasts. The loose morning gown she wore did nothing to conceal her body. How could something be this translucent? "You know how to bring a man to his knees." He murmured in awe. James looked at that perfect woman in front of him and realized how lucky he was to have her. That she hadn't been repulsed by his nightmarish deeds, by how bad he had treated her. That she still saw salvation in reach for him. And he would do anything to make right by her, and their son.
Her fingers moved to the vintage record player on the table next to her, turning it on and sliding the needle over the disc.
Old dance music from his youth filled the room. She had staged this perfectly to sooth his tense nerves. And it worked. His body responded as she began to sway to the rhythm. Muscle memory took over and the need to move with her, as close to her as possible, was overwhelming. "Would you grant me this dance?"
"I'd love to." They met in the middle of the room. It wasn't spacious or had a fitting scenery, but that didn't matter. The only thing that counted was the two of them. She gently slipped her fingers through his as he rested his other hand on her hip.
The steps came to him easily and she never missed a beat, being the perfect dancer she was. He felt clumsy next to this grace. Memories flooded them, of how they had danced on galas during some of their missions. It hadn't exactly been part of their orders, but a good cover and a source of great pleasure.
It was so surreal. They were on a farm of one of her Avengers friends, dancing to music from the 40s with almost no cloth between them. He knew she enjoyed the bulge pressing into her stomach by her way of gently teasing him, rubbing ever so slightly to make him swell even more.
When the last note rang out she lifted herself on her toes for a gentle kiss. Just the barest touch but it set his body on fire.
She looked at him, her eyes promising everything he could ever wish for, and so much more. "James…"
He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her like air to breathe. Yet he just stared, trying to get himself under control. The need to simply throw her on the bed and fuck her through the mattress was overwhelming.
Her fingers trailed up his biceps, leaving a path of tingling skin and want for more. She mustered him closely. He was frozen in place but she could see how much he fought by the slight tremor in his muscles. How could she make this easier for him?
"Do you remember, how it was when we first…" James began, the memory suddenly so clear as if it happened yesterday.
Oh, she remembered well. "К вашим услугам, сэр. (I am at your service, Sir.)"
He shuddered and tried to breathe steadily. The words held so much meaning, so much history. "Your first night…" His fingers took hold of the flimsy gown's collar, somehow feeling the urge to cover her, take make the right thing this time around, as weird as that sounded.
She gently caressed the side of his face, missing the stubbles that made him appear all the more raw and primal. "I gave it to you."
"No, the Red Room has offered it without your consent. They forced you to pleasure me."
Natasha chuckled. "You want to know how I actually felt?" She laid her hands on his strong shoulders. "You were a legend, a mysterious dark angel the girls in the Red Room whispered about at night when no supervisor was around. It was a privilege I looked forward to. I knew it was part of the training, a ceremony. And you led me through it, made me enjoy it. The older girls had told us how brutal and filthy sex was, especially the first night. We were meant to hate it, enough to use it as a weapon and don't feel anything when we ride our target while stabbing him in the neck. But you… you taught me better. You held me like a treasure, saw to my satisfaction first. You were so gentle. That moment was the first time in my life that I was truly happy and glad for. It was a gift you gave me and I still hold it dear. Yes, it was your mission and losing the virginity hurts but you turned it into the most exquisite agony to feel."
He listened to her words and didn't know how to react. "Natalia…"
She gave him a quick kiss, to shush him and as a reassurance. "The pain, the joy, the longing, and then… you allowed me to play with you. God, you have no idea how it turned me on when I made you moan." As if to ram her point home she took a firm hold of his groin, eliciting the same sound from his throat.
"We did have a lot of fun after that." From the moment he had seen her the Soldier had fallen for her charms.
"I flirted with you when we were training." It had been a dangerous gamble to show affection so openly in a world where no personal feelings were allowed.
The memory made him relax visibly. "I couldn't wait to get you into the sheets and fuck you senseless. You were such a tease." Right now he was glad that their superiors had let it happen and turned a blind eye. It seemed like their results in both training areas had outweighed the risks of getting compromised. They had been the most deadly couple, effective and unbeatable. At some point they must have torn them apart then once her training had been finished but James wouldn't dwell on that right now because the time they shared made up for every beating he surely had gotten, every wipe. Now when he felt her his arms emotions came back from memories he couldn't remember, yet. But the knowledge that there were some things they could have never entirely scrub out of his brain made his eyes glisten with tears. We won over them. They have fallen and we are back together and live the life they never intended us to have.
"We practically fucked on the training mats as well. My preference for using my thighs in combat came from you." She lifted her leg, drawing him closer so he could feel her heat and arousal.
"I think I remember one or two occasions where our… training led to ruined trousers long before we made it to our private quarters." He visibly cringed as he thought about the stickiness and how much effort it had taken him not to show anything as their superiors talked to him about Natasha's progress.
"Poor Soldier… trying so hard to trick them. You did well but you couldn't fool the Madame B. She knew and praised my skills in a private talk after that." She saw him freezing up. "Don't worry. She was actually positively impressed. Her perfect creation for the motherland making HYDRA's most feared and cold-hearted asset come in his pants like a teenager. When my tricks worked on you they would work on anyone. I got rewarded with another portion for lunch the entire next week."
"Well at least you got something out of my shame." He sighed.
"As I recall during another occasion like that you dragged me right to the showers after we were done. Your revenge. I couldn't walk straight for a day you took me so hard." She spoke as if she just remembered it, chuckling.
He stared at her in shock. "Did I… hurt you?"
Natasha shook her head with a grin. "Oh no. I even urged you on, teasing you. I would love to relive some of these memories." She admitted while her fingers played with his waistband. He had not shied away yet and he wouldn't unless she wanted him to. Natasha smiled at him before closing her eyes and grinding against him with a pleading sigh.
Although his body told him to rub himself against her thigh, he froze, searching for her eyes to know if she actually meant what she had said. "Natalia… you…"
"Soldat. Just follow my lead on this one. You are ready, I am ready, more than just that. It's a miracle I'm not jumping your bones or present myself to you, naked and with widely spread thighs, pleading for your cock."
A low growl worked its way out of his throat. "Fuck, Nat, you little tease…"
"Language?" She snickered.
James gave her an exasperated look. "Look who's talking…" He didn't know when she had gotten them into her possession but the moment Natasha lifted the handcuffs in front of his nose he knew he would surrender to her tonight. "Natalia…" He groaned as his cock twitched in anticipation.
The Black Widow grinned as she pushed him back down into the pillows. "At ease, soldat. I won't hurt you. I'll be gentle…" The gown slid from her shoulders, pooling on the floor as she joined him. Her fingers trailed along the muscles of his upper torso as she straddled him, her weight resting on his loins.
James groaned as he pressed his covered cock against her heat. "That's not what I fear." To emphasize he balled his hands into fists, the metal one protesting. "If I let go, if I don't remember to restrain myself…"
Natasha huffed as if to chide him before she took the metal arm and guided it towards her breast. "I'm the one who will control your strength." A smile spread across her lips as the cold metal engulfed her flesh, caressing it with so much gentleness, a crass contrast to his words. "And believe me. What your brute force can do…" she repositioned his hand on her throat. "... it turns me on more than I can possibly say."
James just stared at her with his eyes torn open. He wanted to claim her, to fuck her while his metal fingers closed around her throat, bringing her to the edge in more ways than the one. And then, when the spark was about to leave her eyes he would bring her back with the most brutal thrusts, making her groan in pain until she was torn and bloody, a sheath to sink his… "Handcuffs!" he growled before his desire could overpower his self control.
Natasha realized how close to slipping into insanity he already was by the trembling of his arms. His entire body was shaking with the effort to not succumb to his need. Oh her poor Soldier… but she'll make it all worth it.
When the last cuff snapped into place, he released a sigh and his body visibly relaxed. Both of them knew that the bonds wouldn't hold but… the symbol behind them was what could keep him under her control.
Until she decided to let the beast free. Natasha used her position to look at this marvelous creature ready to fulfill her every wish. His mouth was slightly agape, his hot breath hit her breasts and his pupils blown wide with need.
"Come here, doll. Let me work you up nicely." He lifted his head to indicate what his intentions were.
She understood and climbed upward, her hands holding the metal rods of the headboard.
The second she was in reach Bucky went at it, and damn, how he did. His tongue and lips the most skillful tools as he brought her to new heights. He didn't need to find out what she liked, he simply knew, remembered. His body worked on its own accord, driving her wild until she was singing his name in praises. He had to restrain himself to not come at the mere sounds of her. Who would have thought the calculating Black Widow could be so vocal?
Natasha buried her hand into his hair as she pressed her hips onto his face. God, that man had a silver tongue. She wasn't able to keep track on how many of her buttons he could push with only a few licks and kisses. That girls must have taught him well back in the old days. He was taking pride in how good the lover felt after their night. And damn, he really had a reason to be this smug bastard. Already sobbing as she hit her completion the fourth time she had lost all concept of reality.
Only a few more minutes and she was sure she would suffocate him if she pressed against him any harder. How could he keep this pace up without his tongue getting a cramp? The thought made her chuckle which turned into a series of moans and Russian curses as he brought her to the peak again. Natasha knew her thighs couldn't support her any longer so she climbed off of him, snuggling close while her breathing steadied again.
A grin spread on his glistening lips as he saw her expression of utter bliss. She looked at him with adoration and love, unguarded by her usual mask. That the great Black Widow felt safe enough to be herself with him brought a cocky grin on his face.
"You look like a cat that got her cream." Natasha chuckled.
"Those words couldn't be any closer to the truth." The way she tasted, the pheromones, drove him into mating mode. She was so ripe and ready for him to claim her. It was intoxicating. His heightened senses picked up so much more and he revelled in the reactions they provoked.
"If the entire night will be like this, I never want to leave this bed again." She vowed with a sigh.
"No objections on my side. And that was only the beginning." James promised with that dark undertone that made her imagination go into overdrive. And the Soldier knew he would surpass these ideas.
She gave him a passionate kiss as response, tasting herself on him. Natasha's hands wandered over his torso. Gentle at first and soon nails followed, marking him for the next few hours until he healed. A minute they fought until she couldn't stand it any more. Now! her mind screamed.
She leaned down and licked his neck, her tongue tracing his pulse. "I need to feel you inside of me but first…" Natasha moved over him like a wildcat and before he could understand her intention she already had him between those beautiful lips of her.
[...]
With that, impossibly, he was gone again.
Natasha worked him through the next seconds before he finally collapsed on the bed. His breathing quick for a person with his endurance, his heartbeat even quicker.
When he at last had the power to open his eyes again he groaned at the sight. His cum was dripping down her chin, a smug smile on her lips while she held him in her hands gently. And dear Jesus, he was still hard. Well, talking about his fears about not being up for it… "That was… just… wow." He chuckled as he relaxed back into the pillow. His grip on the metal rods of the headboard lessened and he knew from her chuckle that he must have put a serious dent in them with his metal arm.
"Not just with the metal one." Natasha corrected him as if reading his mind. "I think we need to replace the furniture and renovate the room once the night is over."
"Collateral damage." James commented drily with an arched eyebrow. "Why the entire room? Do you think we will put a dent into the wall as well?"
"That, too. But I was thinking about the ceiling." There was this smugness in her tone.
"I don't understand…" He was capable of many things but fucking against gravity wasn't one of them.
She pointed upward with one hand while the other stroked his dick with just enough pressure to get another wave out of him. Granted it wasn't as forceful as before and he was already hypersensitive to every intimate touch but he didn't disappoint.
"You mean I can hit the ceiling?" He asked, exasperated after he watched in disbelief as… well…
Natasha shrugged with a grin on her face. "You would have if I hadn't swallowed most of it." She stated matter-of-factly as if this was just a mission briefing.
James didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry or just simply fuck her senseless. "You'll be the death of me." He wanted to bury his face in his hands as he felt the blush creeping up on his face. "God, you're impossible."
"You are impossible." Natasha corrected him as she wiped off the last remnants of his come from her face and licked her fingers clean. "I think you just had the male equivalent of a multiple orgasm." When she was done she took hold of his cock again. "And you're still hard."
"Eager to please the lady?" It was more of a question.
"The lady certainly approves." She chuckled. "Okay, I'm done waiting. If I don't climb on top of this epitome of masculinity soon, I'll die of want."
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*evil chuckle* Yes, I am stopping here. Just finished writing. Did 7 pages in one evening.
Sorry for the late update. I think the next ones with come faster.
The reason why it took me so long was my Hela Cosplay. I did it for the Comic Con Germany. I have pictures, a video from the con where I snatched Thor's hammer to beat him up, tutorials (also one video) and more. Check it out.
The Cosplay was made before the new trailer and the action figure came out and that's why I messed up the headdress, but it's still quite impressive. Hit every damn door on the con XD Came back with a torn up forehead and a BAD sunburn on my shoulders.
Typos will be corrected over the next days. I couldn't wait to release it. The feels it gave. I love the two of them. I tried to mix every part of their history into this, the good and bad stuff. How they overcome it and how they rely on each other. They are just perfect. The mass of content these two can give me. I could on like that for ages which is weird because personally I don't like contact XDDD
And yes, Bucky can hit the ceiling *cough* Don't be angry for working this in. I DO believe he can XDDD
So, reviews, wishes, everything is appreciated and makes me write faster.