Chapter 30: Unleash the beast

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Sorry it's been so long but I've had the BuckyNat secret santa fanfic (which still lacks at least one chapter), and several WinterWidow drawings on my list. Take a look at them on my tumblr, devart, fb, twitter or insta. The newest ballet one with Bucky actually dancing with her this time will be uploaded today or tomorrow.

I didn't have a beta. So if you find a mistake tell me and I'll fix it ;) The paragraphs were all written over the period of a whole year and I might have missed some issues with contingency when I put them together XDD

Warnings for smut in this one. The uncensored version is on archive of our own. I left the dot dot dot where some should have been so it's not too confusing.

Summary:

Natasha and Bucky's first night continues. She wants him to let go and might get more than bargained for.

Darker memories ahead but Nat and James deal with them.

Also some fluff with the Laura Barton and Bucky talking about when he would propose.

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Breathing heavily they collapsed into the sheets, sated at least for now. "Hand me one of the pillows," Natasha said as she got comfortable on the bed.

He complied and looked at her curiously while she put it beneath her hips, lifting them up. "Why are you doing this?"

"Since we're already trying it, we should have to go all the way. And like this," she motioned at her position, "they can swim downstream."

"Don't you dare make any old man jokes about my virility…" James chuckled as he studied the blissfully relaxed body in front of him. Her position was inviting. He merely had to slide his thighs beneath hers and thrust forward. "I have another way to ensure a higher chance of conception." He looked at her with a hungry expression.

Natasha eyed him innocently. "Oh, which one?"

The Soldier moved over the bed like a panther, with deadly elegance and powerful muscles. He grabbed her legs and positioned himself between them, lifting her thighs over his shoulders. The tip of his manhood pressed against her entrance.

"Oh, if I had known how fucking horny the thought of knocking me up would make you, I would have asked earlier."

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Natasha knew the headboard would have dents the next morning while she clung to it for dear life. She would replace the bed later… Right now the only thing that mattered was James...

"Not yet, doll. I want to work you up even more." ...

"James…" She was limp in his embrace, totally lost in the pleasure he could invoke. And there was so much more to come. Cold metal sneaking down...

... "Oh, doll… you are perfect…"

It felt so good to hold her like this, to watch her experience the most intense pleasure he could give her. A darker part inside of him wanted her to submit, to tie her to him in this primal kind of bonding. Natalia was his and he would fight a war to keep her.

It took her over a minute to see clearly again. ... Holy… She leaned to the side to steal a quick kiss before resting her head against his chest. "This is amazing…"

"I can only return this praise." He rearranged her hair with his free hand while the other continued to rest on her belly, keeping her close to him. "Shame we don't have a large mirror on the wall in front of us…" His voice was dark and full of lust.

Natasha felt another wave of pleasure ripping through her as the memory came back clear as day. "James…"

The Soldier grit his teeth and let out a low growl.

There was nothing better in the world than this gorgeous woman and she was his.

Even with Barnes' help it became difficult to remain in this position so she led him down to the mattress.

At first James growled in denial as his maleness slipped out of her. But once he was resting on the blankets she returned to her place between his hips, letting him slide into her once more. Much better…

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His little twitches made her smile as she listened to his heartbeat while laying sprawled out over him.

"Oh, we really should have done this sooner. Every minute I'm not inside you it feels like torture, even if I'm still trying to recover…" He joked and weaved his fingers in her hair.

"I hope you won't tire of me quickly because I can only return that sentiment." She bit him into his chest in a playful manner.

"Oh, I'd rather die before I let you go…" He whispered as he pulled her face towards his again, giving her a gentle kiss. "I would never…" Suddenly a memory flashed before him, now much clearer than in his dreams or flashbacks.

"Мне так жаль…" ("I'm so sorry…") James was trembling now, breaking under the weight of his sins, his wretched life as a mindless weapon, of what he had done to her.

"What happened when we disobeyed them?" He suddenly blurted out.

Natasha knew that a memory had crept up again and she tried to solve it as best as possible. "They wiped one of us and ordered a… brutal sexual act."

"So… is this memory real…?" He had no idea of how to explain what he remembered but somehow he was sure she knew.

"Yes, it is. But…" She had registered every tremor in his body, every hint his reactions had given her. "It didn't end as you think."

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Natalia still denied the tears to falls since they had dragged her back into her own chamber, but inside she shed lakes, silently and hopefully without anyone noticing. If this was what awaited her everytime she let go, she let the Winter Soldier into her heart…. then she wanted a heart of ice. Yet somehow…

A soft knock on her window before he let himself in skillfully.

Natalia waited for ages until he made his next move, or so it seemed. The Soldier appeared frightened and deeply in mourning. "James?" Was her careful question, not knowing how much remembered already.

"Natalia, I am so sorry… I… I don't even know why and how… I just… I'm so sorry. The moment you held me in your arms I remembered." He was broken, showing it in his voice and posture.

That was all she needed. "Come here."

Her embrace was soft and warm and he indulged in it. The memory came crushing down on him in all it's force, making him tremble. "Natalia…"

"Hush… It wasn't you." A gentle kiss on the top of his head. "But I forgive you either way."

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"I forgive you." Natasha repeated and felt James beneath her stiffening. "I want you to remember the whole thing. That night you escaped again, just to show me what it really felt like, to set things right. And I trusted you. I now believe there was never a single moment when you didn't love me. Even when your actions had been forced by… them, you wept. Crying, knowing what you did to me. James, I never felt any kind of grudge against you for this…" She could feel him relaxing, accepting words he didn't believe to be true before.

"I don't deserve you…" He breathed against her skin.

Well, one way to turn him around. "What if our roles had been switched? You know I am very well capable of brutalizing a man against his will."

That broke the ice. James chuckled in dry humor. "I understand your way of thinking. Both of us don't hold a grudge, yet… I just want you to know… I'm sorry."

Natasha pulled him into her embrace. "And I forgive you." She repeated. "What counts is that we found our way into each other's arms again. Past be damned. This here, right now, our family is all that matters. We wouldn't be here without our dark past. Also, after all these years I have a totally different kind of perspective. Now I know about seven ways which would have brought your true self back and have made it possible for us to escape." She pressed her hips against his. "And you were so wonderful that night. It was one of the best we ever had. Don't know how you managed it but the hours you were able to stay in hiding, with me, were the best. You tried to make it up so hard. For every sore spot, every bruise… you drowned the lingering pain in pleasure. While I was there, on my own, not even knowing how to cry anymore, I felt so numb. But then you came back. I know my explanation might sound silly, but…. you showed me how much you loved me, with every movement of your hips, your tongue, your fingers…" She took a deep breath and felt him doing the same. "That was you."

He aided her as she lifted her body up to lock her gaze with him. She felt so vulnerable in his grasp that he didn't even dare to touch her properly in fear of damaging her fragile body.

"I'm not fragile." She read his thought. "We are a match. Whatever strength you have I am able to conquer it with my flexibility and my own powers. And I yearn for the moment you let yourself go, in love and passion." The last words were added to guide and help him.

"You think I am not a danger?" His voice was hoarse, as if he tried to hold himself back.

"Not to me… and I shall prove it to you…" She gave him another long kiss while beginning a slow, sensuous rhythm that left him moaning.

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James felt his back aching after they'd finished the seventh round. Damn, this was harder than training, yet way more rewarding.

But Natasha wasn't done with him. She licked the scars right next to his metal arm and felt him shudder. "You can do more, James. Please, I want it. I need you to let loose. Show me what you are capable of. I know half of this was just child's play. Use your power, don't hold back."

James gave a long sigh. This was what he actively tried to avoid by using his skills to drown her in pleasure. "Talia… I'm drawing a line there. I don't want to hurt you. Sex can be primal and brutal and filthy, and I am fine with most of what we can do, but this… It's too much."

"Soldier." A feral growl left Natasha's throat as she bit down on his vulnerable skin.

His instincts took over as he grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the sheets before...

...she remembered from some of their darkest times. Her lover was ready to claim her. The only goal now was to keep him on this path until he grazed the edge of sanity and control.

Natasha could feel every ripple of his muscles, every breath that he took, every tremor that indicated he was holding back. "Stop rejecting what we can do. I promise you that I won't be hurt…" permanently. "I can do it. Just… let me feel you. It's been so long, James…"

"No…" His voice was barely human anymore.

In annoyance Natasha raised her hand and slapped him as hard as she could. "You will comply, Soldier."

He froze and Natasha wasn't sure if she had gone too far. Maybe she had… The Winter Soldier lunged forward, reaching for her wrists and slamming them into the pillow above her head. His grip got so tight he left bruises. "Я готов отвечать."

Yes, maybe she had stepped over the red line…

Her body needed time to get used to the pleasures he evoked, every movement so perfect, hitting the target, making her see stars.

Then he unleashed the beast inside of him.

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Natasha awoke to the most wonderful aching between her legs. It took her several minutes to gain the strength to open her eyes and even more to stretch out her sore muscles. A low purr sounded next to her and she rolled around to relish in a little cuddling. Who knew the Black Widow liked to cuddle?

"Good morning, doll. I hope you had a pleasant night." He whispered, his voice rough and incredibly sexy.

The sound of his words make the wetness return between her thighs. Waking up to another wonderful round of sex. What could be better? "Morning. And yes, I did." She gave him a quick kiss before moving closer, feeling how he was already hard and ready. "A very good morning…" Natasha tried to climb on top of him yet was held back by his hands.

"Natalia… your neck…" He gasped and fearfully pulled the blanket down further. Her entire body was covered in bruises and bite marks. "I hurt you." They had this talk last night but it seemed like her confidence in her endurance wasn't proven right.

She looked at herself with furrowed brows. "They didn't heal yet? Well, looks like our bedroom acrobatics drained most of what the serum is able to do. Just give it a few hours. Also, I think I've left my mark on you as well." She pointed at the angry, red lines on his torso before showing her nails, dried blood beneath them.

He knew Natasha wouldn't allow another argument so he went at it logically. "Did you bring a turtleneck? Or a scarf?" He asked while biting on his lip. There was no way they could hide the hickeys and bruises under her loose, woolen sweater. And the bed was in even worse shape… Her nails had torn through the sheets and the headboard had been slammed into the wall so forcefully that it had left dents.

"Actually…" she looked at him with a lascious grin. "I'd like to wear a shirt of yours, a simple one, but way too big for me, so it covers my hips, and then walk around, showing you what you can have…" She waited a moment until he pictured it - and groaned. "But not today… Clint would notice and he is a man who thinks I'm a fragile little glass object, just like you do. No, I have a better option." She leaned over to her bag, pulling out a small case. "We'll take a quick shower to wash most of it off and then you'll help Laura with the breakfast. I'll put on some makeup and be down a minute later."

Bucky nodded and reached for his own pullover. At least his was black and would hide the blood stains in case one of her scratches broke open when he moved. A darker side in him loved having been marked by her. Maybe that was how she felt as well… Then a grin spread across his chapped lips, one of the wounds breaking open again and giving him a rougher, wilder appearance. "You've mentioned a shower?"

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He could hear her walking down the stairs despite her silent steps. "How do you want your eggs?" James asked as he opened another carton.

Natasha knew he wasn't alone in the kitchen, knew Laura could hear her as well, but still she couldn't stop herself from replying in a totally casual voice. "Fertilized."

Mrs Barton could barely hold back a fit of laughter. "You're wasting no time, I see."

Bucky blushed furiously. "Yeah, well… We've had our first kiss half a century ago. We have to make up for the time taken from us."

Making sure Natasha was busy talking to the kids Laura elbowed him in the side. "So, then when will you put a ring on her finger to make it official? Or didn't they teach you proper manners back in the old days?"

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"I will get us out of here. But in case I can't..."

"What?"

He reached into his pockets and pulled out a little box. "I wish I could have found a better moment. But then this will have to do."

"James...?"

"I want to do this right." He pressed his hand harder against the bleeding wound at his side and braced himself before going down on one knee.

Oh god. Was he...? There was an explosion not far away.

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James almost dropped one of the eggs as the memory came back. But it couldn't be, could it? Maybe he was just imagining things now. Wishful thinking. "I wasn't entirely sure she wanted me to after all I put her through."

"But last night changed that, correct?" Laura wondered how much information he would reveal.

"I would be proud to wear a visible proof of our bond on my finger. There is no one like her." his eyes got that distant, dreamy look.

"Good to hear. Hey, I'm going to town today, getting some stuff for Nathaniel's baptism. Join me and then we'll prepare and equip you with everything you need to propose. The jewelry has some beautiful rings and they're not too expensive." she offered.

"Er… I don't know. I'm not sure if I should be out there in the open too long. It might draw attention and that would inflict danger on your family." James bit his lip. He also didn't like anyone looming over him while he made the decision of which ring he would give her.

"No, not when you wear a disguise. It might be a good point, but mine can beat that." She looked at James with a sneaky grin. "I know Natasha's ring size."

Stunned for a second he reconsidered. "So be it, Lord of the Rings." Barnes gave her a quick mock-bow. "Then I shall be glad for your companionship on this quest."

Laura smiled at the reference. He was adapting well.

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Ups and downs in this chapter but I hope you liked it. Please review.

Check out my newest BuckyNat WinterWidow fanarts. The finished second ballet drawing will be uploaded either tonight or tomorrow. It's my little baby and I'm still not happy with a few points. I want it to be as perfect as I can make it.