Weather:
M: Very Cloudy, No rain.
T: Drizzle with spots of Blues.
W: Cloudy, Hot.
Th: Cloudy, Hot.
F: Clear skies, to an overcast, to rainfall. Into clear skies.
S: Bipolar Weather
Su: Mostly Cloudy
Mood:
M: Down in the Dumps.
T: Feeling hollow.
W: Feeling a little better.
Th: Tired and sore.
F: Slightly enlightened.
S: Tired.
Su: Motivated.
Date: 07/02/18
Dear diary.
The weather isn't really helping me and my hands are still messed up and I had to use my feet and elbows for my basic tasks, and let me tell you; it wasn't easy. I got Meiling to straighten out my fingers and she suggested I get it fixed with Magic. Why didn't I think of that. Before I got to work I got Patchouli to get my hand fixed up. They still feel a bit numb since it's not the traditional way of getting any hands healed up. At least looking after Flandre wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Monday Wednesday and Friday was the designated days that the small Blondie vampire and I agreed to do Danmaku "Sparring". I've done what I can do dodge as much bullets as I can but feeling pretty depressed didn't help e dodge the bullets at all. Heck even Flan felt bad for me and tried to cheer me up, with a jestful death threats. It still feels that I'm getting intimidated by a little girl threatening to kill me if I don't do better next time.. it also doesn't feel that good.. today wasn't very eventful but I feel awful.. I hope tomorrow is better my Dear Diary.
Date: 07/03/18
Dear Diary.
Today wasn't any better.. I still feel awful and for the first time in two months, I didn't want to get out of bed. My dreams didn't help either. Reliving that event is just awful. I stayed in bed like thirty minutes longer than I normally would and I almost missed my excersise session and the rest of my entire day. My hand feels just slightly better but they still feel rather numb. Everything felt like a blur and I was just floating about through out my entire day. I know I have to impress everyone but I don't think I can manage to do something right now.. I feel so empty inside.. so empty...
Date: 07/04/18
Dear Diary.
Well... My night wasn't too bad. No nightmares or anything. I wonder if Doremy deleted my dream last night. The mansion staff has been asking me some questions too. I've artfully avoided them by giving a vague but acceptable answer. The fairies and the hobgoblins were easy enough to persuade, but the rest were a lot more difficult. Meiling, Sakuya, and my Boss were a little bit more.. questiony? Eventually I spilled the beans and I got a pep talk from every single one of them... I get that they're worried but I kind of wish that they would leave me to my own devises. Also I get that they lived much much much longer than me but they're taking this while murder thing pretty lightly. I still feel traumatized here and they're going on about their first hundred kills they're talking as if it's just a game, but it wasn't and isn't to me. I mean sure Meiling was the only one that at least tried to sympathized with me but even she was talking my experience pretty lightly. Glad the Library crew didn't ask me any questions. Now. Flan and I had a little better time today. She was commending me for dodging better today before she blasted me with what looked like an impossible to dodge Danmaku. Glad she's not getting bored of me. Hopefully it gets better tomorrow too.
Date: 07/05/18
Dear Diary.
Gog I hate Thursdays.. you know how I didn't have any nightmare two nights ago? It came back and it was three times as worse.. not only did I have to relive killing that Youkai I was killed by another one just as the dream ended and I woke up screaming. I swear that Doremy girl is trolling me. Anyway today was exactly how I predicted them to be. Literally nothing going to my favour and me having to hold my frustration back to look okay in front of the others. After looking after Flandre I just chilled in the Library until I got asked politely to leave for sleeping in the Library. The sparring session with Flan isn't helping me with the pain either.. the only good thing that came about today was my hands healing and the numbness going away... On top of all that, the talk that I got from the three Was and still is buzzing in my head like a fly that just won't leave me alone.. I just want today to end..
Date: 07/06/18
Dear Diary.
As if things weren't poopy enough for me, I got a pep talk from Doremy last night. Well at least it wasn't like Sakuya and BigBoss's gloat on their wondrous murders. Her talk was pretty serious and on to the point. One thing that really stuck with me was the fact that if I don't kill, I will be killed by and equal or something stronger. She also told me that that I should hold on to that awful feeling of murdering something. She said that it was the thing that distinguished me from humans to monsters and it wasn't a sign of weakness. Does that mean the Humans of the Mansion was less human? Something to think of for another time. My day for the most part was surprisingly ordinary other than the weather. Seriously, what's up with that? I was on time for everything and when I was sparring with Flan, I tried to do something that I've never done before. Use the spells that I learned in a fight. That's something that I didn't do almost last week when I killed that Youkai. I lacked the experience then and I still lacked it during the sparring. I've taught myself five basic level Utility Spells, and Two semi-intermediate Utility Spells. I can use the Basic spells six times before my head starts hurting due to the lack of "Mana" or two semi-intermediate spells Before my "Mana" basically reaches zero and I black out. I gotta say, it was tough dodging and trying to think of the right spells to use. I got more beaten up than usual. Looking back at this week I feel I've recovered from my traumatic incident abnormally quickly. Not that it's a bad thing, but maybe the fact that I'm living in a world of fantasy and my growing magical prowess helped me. I feel better compared to earlier this week. I'm going to continue to self improve.
Date: 07/07/18
Dear Diary.
It's the start of a new day and I'm making the most of it. Putting an effort into things again are rather tiring I gotta say. But I'm satisfied that I'm at least trying to get back to my usual self again. My coworkers noticed it too and was commending my efforts. Flan and I went to the Garden again to flock and play, but only for a little bit because of the rather strange weather pattern. It was fun while it lasted though, and Meiling joined in on the fun too! All in all today was pretty good. I even had time to really self reflect. I think I'm on the right track, and all I need to do is keep this streak going.
Date: 07/08/18
Dear Diary.
It's another day and I have to say, I'm pretty proud of what I managed to achieve! I've gotten some extra pep talk from Doremy and that helped me push myself over the edge. I woke up early and ready to start the day! I pushed myself even further physically, mentally, and did every thing in my powers to keep my emotions in check as well as understand them. I even asked Meiling to spice up the exercise session with a sparring match as well. I've done what I can to balance both my physical and mental Prowess. I've gotten relatively close. After that wonderful exercise, it was work time. I did something that I haven't done with that pale looking Vampire girl, we went to the library to read books and learn a couple thing or two about magic. I was on a mission to Delve deeper to discover new potential powers. This was also going to help Bolster my mental fortitude. I don't want to break down from another surprise Raid from those Ferocious feral Youkai. Flandre and the library crew seemed pretty happy that I was enthusiastic about my "new self". I need to keep this streak going but now even stronger. There's another thing that I need to tackle and over come. The Human Village. Last time I almost died and never managed to get there but this time, I'm going to focus, plan, and overcome this thing. I know I can do this and I'm going to do as much as I can to make this happen my Dear Diary!