Chapter 6-The Truth

Alina

Of all the things the Darkling had done, nothing had shocked me more than this, not even his initial betrayal. I could not believe that he had consulted me over this. It would have been so easy for him to have lied. To have claimed Nikolai was dead, to hold the Prince captive in some dark distant tower. Yet, despite the mounting evidence that he had changed, I refused to acknowledge it. He has to have some ulterior motive, I told myself, but what? None of this made any sense; it would have been so much easier for him to kill Nikolai. This route risked both his own safety and his crown; there has to be a higher prize, I decided, something worth the risk. Whatever that prize was knowledge of it eluded me.

I lay there in my darkened room and considered the Darkling. In many respects nothing had changed in a hundred years. He had not aged a day; his hair was still raven black and his face all beautiful lines and angles. He still held power jealously to him yet; he had offered to share it with me. He ruled Ravka with an iron fist but the realm was at peace and prosperous. The Darkling had become an enigma to me.

I was no longer a love sick fool so desperate to belong that I clung to any scrap of attention. I was no longer the naïve girl who saw a beautiful, powerful man and believed him benevolent, still I could no longer see the Darkling as entirely evil. There was something unsettling at the heart of my worldview, something discordant, the pieces no longer fit as they once had. What had once seemed black and white had bled to grey.

'What does fairness have to do with any of this?' The Darkling had once said to me, 'The people curse my name and pray for you, but you're the one who is ready to abandon them.'

They no longer cursed him and they had forgotten my name and I increasing felt that I had abandoned Ravka to my own selfish desire.

I knew it was reckless and that I shouldn't do it but I needed to know what he wanted from me. I reached out to the tether that bound my life to his. I felt myself pulled towards him and emerged in what I knew was the Darkling's private room.

He stood there with his back to me, hair damp and muzzled, a thin silk shirt accentuating the long lines of the muscles in his back. Something inside me twisted, I sensation I had all but forgotten.

"You could have just walked," he said.

"What and start a scandal and besmirch my honour?" I replied.

He actually chuckled.

"How can I help you Alina?" he said turning and taking two quick strides towards me.

"I want to know what you want from me." I told him

"Fine," he said, "then join me in person and I will tell you"

"The truth," I demanded.

"The truth," he agreed though he added under his breath, "Though I doubt you will believe me anyway."

I returned to my room and dressed pulling on the black kefta he had given me. By the time I arrived at his room he had settled himself by the fire; two chairs and two glasses of kvas waiting for me to join him. He looked more casual and relaxed than I think I had ever seen him.

As I sat down and took my first sip of my drink he began.

"I want what I have always wanted," he began and I stilled fearful that he would ask me again to help him wield the Fold as a weapon, but he went on, "for more than half a millennia I have been alone. I don't want to be alone anymore."

I didn't move I held my breath afraid to break the spell that he wove around me with his words.

"As I child all I ever wished for was a friend, but we moved constantly, my mother and I. Afraid to stay any place for too long. Even Grisha feared us and those who did not fear us coveted my strange power." He paused to take a sip of his drink, I remained still and quiet as he drifted off into memories of his past.

"My mother guarded me furiously, taught me never to touch another for as soon as they touched my skin they would know Morozova's secret. Once, I thought I had found a friend," he continued wistfully, "I had taken her hand to help her to her feet, a gallant fool, immediately she took my hand she knew what I was but she promised not to tell."

"Do you know Alina the easiest way to con a man?" he turned to me and asked, I dare not speak but shook my head, "tell him what he wants to hear. I wanted so much to believe her, to believe she was my friend and would keep my secret. Later I agreed to meet her for a moonlight swim, she was a tidemaster and she froze the water around me so I could not summon and then she took a rock to my skull."

I swallowed to hold down the sorrow that welled within me, but he had not finished his tale;

"Betrayal is a hard mistress Alina, I learnt a hard lesson that day." He was quiet for a very long time but then when I thought he would say no more he asked me a question;

"How many lifetimes do you think a man can live untouched and alone?"

I couldn't answer, my heart raced with a foolish desire to hold him in my arms, slivers of tears lined my eyes but Beghra's warning screamed at me; 'little fool,' she reminded and I chastised myself for allowing him to draw me in.

"I have waited for you a long, long time Alina," he finished quietly. I remained in stunned silence, despite all my caution my heart still ached for the little boy who had been alone and friendless.

Author's note

Hope you enjoyed that-please review.-many thanks to my first anonymous reviewer hope you are still reading :)