Chapter 7-Nikolai
Alina
No matter how I tried to shake the thought of the betrayal the Darkling had described to me I could not manage it. I couldn't imagine how he must have suffered to be so talented, so beautiful and yet be too afraid to allow anyone near him. How long had it been before he had felt strong enough, secure enough to take the risk? I was not a fool, I knew he had had women before but was there any intimacy to what he had enjoyed? I couldn't think about it. I could not afford to pity him he would use it as a weapon against me.
Aleksander
I had never told anyone that story, well not all of it, not even my mother. Why had I felt compelled to tell Alina? Was the bond that tied us so strong that it made me want to spill all my inner most secrets? I knew it wasn't; it was my old weakness, the weakness I had described to her that 'want' for friendship. Still after all these years, when I ought to know better, I sort the solace of a friend.
For a fleeting moment I thought she had felt something for me. It may have been no more than pity but it was a start. I knew she was my last chance. I also understood that I had all but ruined that chance; she didn't trust me and I could not be confident she ever would but I had meant what I had said; I could not live another life time alone. If I failed, if I could not win her to me, that would be the end for me.
I sighed and got wearily to my feet, I had a promise to keep. I was acutely aware that Nikolai Lanstov was both an opportunity and a threat to my success. Alina might thank me for bringing him back to her but I knew she had cared for him and he may take her from me. This time though I would fight for her, I would not concede as I did to Oretsev, this time Alina would be mine.
Alina
"Lady", I was woken suddenly by Marie's gentle voice, "the Darkling sent me for you." I slipped from my bed and wrapped a robe around myself, my loosely bound hair was in disarray but when I went to brush it Marie told me anxiously;
"There is no time my lady."
"Where are we going?" I asked her trying to shake myself alert,
"To the healers," she said calmly but my heart twisted in my chest;
"Is the Darkling hurt?" I asked trying to suppress the sudden and unexpected panic.
"No lady, it is the Tsarevich, Nikolai."
Nikolai, I moved as fast as my leg would carry me anxious to find if my old friend had survived.
Aleksander
Lanstov looked like a ruin of a man. His hair too long, his eyes wild and cautious, his fingertips blackened where once there had been claws. A black tracery of scars remained across his hands but he had not aged. I suspected that cleaned up he would look very much as he had once done. I knew I should feel regret for the ruination I had caused, but I envied him too greatly. He had held the love of the people and of Alina. I could not bring myself to regret anything where he was concerned and as he stood there, surrounded by a guard of oprichniki, a small vicious part of me hoped he was insane even though I knew it would hurt Alina.
"Lanstov," for a moment there seemed to be no recognition but then as he looked at my face and something sparked,
"So…" he coughed his voice hoarse and rusty with lack of use, he began again, "so Alina failed."
My heart sank; with so few words he had tarnished my burgeoning hope. His first thoughts were of Alina, he clearly knew my face, I suspected he was entirely lucid and that in itself posed another problem I had not considered, that he knew what I had once been. His words could be as deadly to my cause as his deeds. Again I regretted keeping my promise. As I thougth this Alina came racing through the door and hurled herself into Lanstov's arms heedless of any potential danger.
"Nikolai," she beamed at him. An agony of despair pulsed through me as I saw her in his arms. Overcome with nausea I turned and all but fled the room.
Alina
"Nikolai," I screamed unable to believe my eyes. He looked as I remembered, perhaps a little more unkempt and a tracery of scars was still apparent but it was clearly Nikolai and I launched myself at him without thinking if he was a danger.
He laughed, it was the rasping sound of a man who had not used his voice in a long time but to me it was the most beautiful sound in the world. He cupped my face as if he could not believe what he saw.
"What have I missed?" he asked with all the bravado of his alter ego , Sturmhund.
In the larger picture much remained the same I realised but I would not tell him this at least not yet.
"Let's get you cleaned up then we will talk."
Alina
I was so thrilled to have my friend back though scarred and dishevelled he seemed entirely himself. Over the next few hours together we spent time catching up;
"So he let you go?" Nikolai asked looking at her incredulous as she told him that the Darkling had released her to spend her life with Mal.
"Yes," I confirmed
"Why?" Nikolai asked.
Alina had asked herself that question so many time and she still didn't really know.
"I don't know," I admitted.
"He never does anything without motive," Nikolai warned.
Aleksander
For the next few weeks I felt like a ghost. Alina barely spoke to me or noticed me. She was so caught up with Lanstov and slowly the resentment I had felt as she embraced him twisted in my gut and turned bitter until I could bare it no more. I had to act.
Rage was coursing through me as I saw her walk out of the great hall all smiles and happiness as if she just came from a tryst with Lanstov. Logically I had no evidence that they were intimate but jealousy whispered in my ear. 'She is his lover now' and I couldn't bear it.
I followed her out of the doors into the corridor, quickening my pace to catch her. I didn't think, before I acted. I had her pinned against the wall before I had consciously instructed my limbs to act.
"Aleksander?" she looked at me startled. Only Alina ever used my name and the way she said it calmed me. Dropping my hands I apologised;
"I'm Sorry," I told her realising that jealousy and anger would get me nowhere.
"What is it?" she asked.
I could not keep the anguish from my face. I closed my eyes in an attempt to still my fearures and felt her hand gently cup my cheek.
"What is it?" she repeated so quietly that it was more of a sigh.
"I thought we were better than this, I thought we were friends," I let out, "why have you been ignoring me?"
Author's note
I hope you are enjoying this-please review some feedback would be wonderful.