Chapter 11-Doubt
Aleksander
"What have you done?" she immediately rounded on me
"Nothing," I sought to reassure her, "I have done nothing."
For once I wasn't lying but I could see immediately that she doubted me.
"I swear it Alina, I have done nothing to make this happen," I reiterated.
"Then how can this have happened?" she demanded.
"That's just the problem Alina, I don't know," I tried to keep my voice calm but there was something of panic in my tone and she picked up on it immediately.
"You've lost control of it…no, someone else has control of it," she concluded more quickly than I expected.
I didn't respond to her instead I attempted to move the conversation on.
"I have sent scouts to investigate, but I need to find the firebird, Morozova's third amplifier-I will need your help this time Alina."
I watched as she stiffened anticipating her anger.
"What sort of game are you playing Aleksander? I would not aid you to control the fold before; I will not do it now."
The look of doubt and distrust in her eyes almost destroyed me.
"Alina…" I broke off as she rose from her seat.
"No!" she said emphatically and she left me.
Not even for Ravka? I asked her silently as I listened to her retreating footsteps.
Alina
I couldn't help doubt him. I felt he was manipulating me again, that somehow he had manufactured a catastrophe so he would need me to help him prevent it, need me to save Ravka to save the Grisha.
"How do I know if it is real? How do I know if he is sincere?" I asked myself in frustration.
Besides it didn't matter, even if it was real, there was no third amplifier Mal was long since dead. I could do nothing. We could do nothing.
Dread filled me, what if Aleksander had done this and there was no stopping it without the amplifier? Could I have avoided this if I had told him sooner.
I needed to tell him before it was too late, perhaps he could stop the expansion.
"Do I dare tell him?" I spoke out loud. Truth was I wasn't sure I was brave enough. He might well descend into a rage as he had done before.
I paced my room for hours, uncertain what to do. I missed lunch then dinner. It had grown dark when there was a hesitant knock on my door.
"Lady?" Maria's voice asked tentatively.
I opened the door a crack.
"The Darkling sent you food and enquired if you are well."
"Tell him I am quite well," she waited expectantly as if I might say more, "that is all."
Maria turned as if to leave but then she halted and said;
"My Lady forgive me if I speak out of turn but you should not judge him too harshly, it is not an easy thing to have such power and remain an innocent man." She blushed that she had dared to misspeak.
"What do you really think of the Darkling? You may speak in confidence," I reassured her.
She blushed again.
"Never mind, Goodnight Maria," I told her. It was pain to me that the Darkling had seduced this girl with his charm as he once had done to me.
I set my food aside and slumped into my seat.
Did I dare to trust him? I wondered one more time.
Aleksander
I thought I was patient, I thought I could wait but as I saw the doubt appear in her eyes I realised that, even if I waited for eternity, she might never trust me. What hope I thought I had gathered to me slipped away , sand through widespread fingers. Still, I determined, I would pay my debt to Ravka. I would have the love of her people even if I failed to win Alina's love. I would destroy the shadow fold somehow, with or without Alina's help.
I would leave immediately to find the firebird.
Alina
The next morning, gathering my courage I rose determined to tell the Darkling the truth about Morosova's amplifier. I was too late.
"The Darkling left late last night," I was told
"Where did he go," I demanded of the Oprichniki who guarded the entrance to the war room.
"To hunt the firebird, lady."
No, I screamed internally, I was too late.
I settled at one of the grand tables to eat amongst the other Grisha and to think. Could I catch up with him? How much of a lead would he have? My thoughts were disturbed by a commotion by the doors. In the Darkling's absence, in my black kefta, I was the highest ranking Grisha presence and it was at my knees that the travel worn message finally took his ease.
"Lady, I have grave news,"
I rose and ushered the messenger, along with a few close advisors into the privacy of the war room not wishing to alarm the assembled Grisha.
As soon as the door sealed shut behind me I motioned for him to continue;
"The Tsarvich Nikolai has control of the shadow fold, he has called the volcra to him and the fold expands towards you here in the Little Palace, even as we speak. It sweeps away all in its path.
I sat down heavily, afraid that if I did not sit I might faint, no, not this, not this Nikolai.
The Darkling had been telling me the truth. Aleksander had been telling me the truth. I realised that as I had doubted him I had ceased to think of him by his true name. I had made him my villain again. It was contemptible of me.
"Lady?"
All eyes looked to me for direction. I would not fail Ravka this time.
"Send massagers out, use the fastest horse, summon the winds to give them speed, spare no effort. Have them tell the Darkling he must return and give him my message."
I sat as others sprang into action; gathering pen and paper I wrote my simple missive;
Aleksander,
I'm sorry I should have trusted you, I should have told you sooner but trust me now when I tell the firebird will do you no good. I promise you my aid, we will work together for the sake of Ravka but you must return as soon as you can. The second army is in grave danger.
Alina.
I could only hope that it would reach him in time and he would not be too late.
Author's note
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