A/N: This chapter is dedicated to TheNibblets, , who has talked me into and out of so much this past week. Who has been a confidant, a friend, and an inspiration. Keep fighting the battle love, and I'll be with you from the next state over!
The beating of your heart against your ribcage is too loud. The sound of the wheels rolling against the asphalt is too loud. The sound of your breathing is too loud, everything is too loud when you're surrounded by silence. You chose to sit in the backseat with Lex for the short ride to the nearest ice cream parlor, offering her silent support as you clutch her tiny hand. She didn't say anything for the ride, didn't ask for music to be turned on like she normally does, didn't complain when Luke drove too fast past her favorite mural. Lex was silent.
Pulling up in front of the brick building causes your heart to race faster than it ever has before as Lex stills in her booster seat, her eyes cast downward and you realize that you're hurting for her. There is a clenching in your chest as if a vice was closing around your heart in this moment, but you realize that you're the outside party here. You're the adult.
"You'll stay the whole time?" Lex asks, looking out the window towards the building. You can see Robin's dark car parked directly in front of the door, her face turning to look at the blue truck as it rolled to a stop on the opposite side of the street.
"I will be by your side the entire time, Lex," you whisper to the girl while giving her hand a gentle squeeze, and unbuckling her once the vehicle comes to a complete stop. Luke pulls her from the car, and for that, you're grateful as you're not sure your arms could carry her in this moment, and you walk around the truck in order to clutch his hand.
"Are we doing the right thing?" he asks, turning to you as you shrug because this is dangerous and uncharted territory for the both of you. Realizing in this moment that you're not sure of anything anymore, besides your job and them. He pulls the door open for you, letting you walk in and placing his daughter on the checkered linoleum. His hands are holding her firmly, afraid that if he lets her go she will disappear as he walks her closer to the booth that Robin had situated herself in. Hanging back you watch as he reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck before smoothing his hand over the dutch braid you had plaited into Lex's long hair.
"Lex, this is Robin...your uh, mother," you hear him tell the girl as he looks back at you, begging you with his eyes to join the awkward introductions. As you approach he slides himself into the booth, reaching out for Lex who you help climb up before sliding into the seat yourself.
"Did you have to bring your girlfriend?" The woman asks, an edge to her voice cutting through you, and you find yourself wondering if this is what you were all here for? Was she just going to lash out at you because you were there? Opening your mouth in order to respond to the woman, you pause in shock and look down at Lex as she speaks.
"I want Penny here," she says, looking into the blue eyes of her mother with a challenging look, a flash of pride dashing across your face at her words. You remain silent as Luke hands Lex a menu and the small child begins to look over the pictures. It always amazed you that she would continue to look for something new to order, but you already knew what she would be getting.
"My name is Josh, I'll be serving you all today, do we know what we want?" The waiter asks pulling a pad of paper from the apron tied around his waist. You rattle off drink choices for both you and Luke before turning to Lex.
"Strawberry ice cream in a cup with rainbow sprinkles, please," she says, grinning at Josh with a wide smile. The teenager nods his head and begins to walk away. "Oh! The sprinkles on the side!" she calls out after him, laughing when the young man turns around and flourishes his arms.
"As you wish, my lady." You take this time to look at Robin, truly taking in her features as she stares openly at Lex across the table. The silence surrounding the four of you is tense as Lex leans over and asks to play a game on your cell phone, and you're too happy for the distraction of rustling through your purse to deny her. By the time you find your phone at the bottom of the bag her ice cream has arrived, Josh sliding a bowl of rainbow sprinkles across the table to the child with a wink.
"Penny, can you put my sprinkles on for me?" She asks and you nod, reaching out for the bowl. Before you can clasp your fingers around the metal rim, Robin has dumped the contents onto the scoop of strawberry ice cream. Lex turns to her father with her mouth open, before turning back to you. "She did it wrong!" The child exclaims, folding her arms over her chest with a pout. You reach out for her spoon, moving some of the excess sprinkles to cover the ice cream.
"She didn't know, Lex," you tell her with a soft smile before turning to Robin. "She likes the sprinkles to cover the entire ice cream, not just the top." The woman nods her head and reached out to take a sip of her ice water.
"Lexington," she begins causing Luke to snorts out a bewildered chuckle, clutching his glass of soda in his left hand while his right wraps protectively around his daughter. Reaching up you let your fingers graze over the top of his hand. "I can't believe how big you are! And look at you, you're beautiful! What do you like, what's your favorite color? Are you in school?"
"Lex," the small girl says before anybody could correct the other woman, ignoring the rest of her questions. "My name is Lex." You smile softly as you look down at the girl situated between you and Luke in the booth. She had discarded her spoon as she looked up from her ice cream. "But you wouldn't know that, can we go home Daddy?" she asks looking at Luke who nods. You take this as your cue to slide out of the booth and extend your hand out to the girl as Luke tossed money on the table. You have made it a few steps away before you turn back for your boyfriend, who you find standing at the edge of the table.
"Why now, Robin, why after seven fucking years," he asks, staring down at the woman. You call out to him and he turns back with an apology on the tip of his tongue. He walks over to his daughter, placing his hands on her shoulders and guiding her towards the door.
"I don't know," Robin says causing you to turn around and look at the woman still sitting at the table, her eyes staring at the ice cream she unknowingly ruined. You walk back over to the table and slide into the seat holding your hand up to Luke and Lex who have paused by the door.
"You can't come crawling into her life with 'I don't know' because that's not good enough Robin, not for Lex. You are either all in or all out, so take some time to choose, because I won't let you hurt her any more than you already have with your half-assed apologies, and your half-assed attempts to get to know her. Get it together." you say before standing up.
"You can't keep me from my daughter," she says, her eyes hardening as she looks at you.
"No, but I can keep you from my daughter," you respond to the woman as you walk back over to Luke, relaxing as he wraps his arm around your waist and opens the door. With a look back at the woman, you follow Lex out the door and into the fading daylight.
"What else do you think she has put money on?" you ask as you and Luke lie in bed later that night. His eyes are trained on the television with his fingers running softly through your hair.
"Knowing my daughter, a lot," he says chuckling as he continues to flick through the channels. "Do you ever think about it?"
"About what?" You ask him as you reach out to run your fingers across his stomach, causing him to shudder under your touch.
"Marriage," he responds while looking down at you. "When we first met you had turned down a proposal."
"Sometimes," you whisper as you let your eyes flicker back to the television, hoping that anything would turn his attention away from this subject.
"Just sometimes?" he asks quietly, reaching out to turn the volume down on the television. You sigh clutching your arms tighter around him
"More so recently," you admit as you draw in a breath and sit up on the bed. "But you have to know that commitment scares me, and marriage isn't always a source of happiness in my line of work. I'm bubbly but I'm jaded." Reaching out for his hand you lace your fingers together and look him in the eye. "When Kevin asked we had been dating for a few years, but we hadn't been in a relationship, you know like we didn't argue over bills, or who took out the garbage that morning." Luke nods his head giving your fingers a gentle squeeze, but remaining silent. "Our relationship was real, I can't deny that, but it wasn't real. Marrying him would have been logical, but love isn't supposed to be logical is it?"
"I don't think so, but I'm not an expert," he replies, pulling you back to his chest. "Did you mean it?" You hum in reply, asking him what he meant as he inhales deeply. "Considering Lex your daughter, I mean?"
"Every word," you reply, pressing your lips to his chest. "I'd give my life to protect her."
"Move in with me...with us, I mean?" he asks and you still against his chest. "I have to walk Roxy but take some time to think about it, okay?" He says as he gets off the bed. You find yourself nodding at him with your mouth hanging open. Watching him walk away, you wait for the door to shut behind him before springing off of the bed and tossing on the nearest pair of shoes you could find. Clutching your purse in your left hand and your keys in your right you pace the living room as you wait for him to return, your heart beating a continuous beat against your rib cage again, what are you thinking? When he returns, he takes one look at you and his face falls when he sees your shoes on and your keys clutched in your hands. Silently you move to his side and press a kiss to his cheek, letting your hand press over his heart, and with a whispered I'm sorry you walk out of the house. You take comfort in the fact that he didn't lock the door behind you, or shut off the light as you race to your car.
When you return you find him in the living room holding a beer and watching television with Roxy curled up in his lap.
"Okay," you say as you lean down to place Sergio on the floor, the cat walking over to the nearest chair and rubbing himself against the surface. Luke looks up at you in shock before placing his beer on the coffee table and crossing the room to take you into his arms. He doesn't give you the chance to say anything else as he covers your mouth with his and presses you into the wall.
"Okay," he whispers, as you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into another kiss.
A/N: To the guest reader who said this was unreadable, thank you for the input. I have filed it in my circular bin.