Thing 2 (T2): "Drink your smelling salts, Charity. I'm not going to tell you again."
Thing 1 (T1): "She's not ready, put her back downstairs."
Hi, I'm Charity. And this is my story.
T2: "Is she talking to the audience again? I keep telling her we aren't allowed to do that anymore."
T1: "Why do you keep letting her out? You're too nice to her, after all she's done to Father. Have you forgotten?"
I asked him to forget, so he forgot.
T2: "Forgot what?"
T1: "Quit responding to her when she refuses to abide by the quotation rule."
That's not fair. You know as well as I that when constrained by quotation marks it's not my true will that gets spoken. This is far easier and a much clearer and more communicatable method of speaking.
T1&T2: "Look, we-"
And stop trying to get me to drink those damn smelling salts. Not only are they terrible for one's figure, but they're also atrocious for one's state of mind.
T1: "We need Father for this one."
Father is dead.
T2: "!"
T1: "Lies. Father cannot die, that's why he is Father. And the way you spoke to and defiled him several moons ago will not be tolerated. Stop blaspheming and cease the proselytizing."
T2: "So he's not dea-"
"T1: Yes Father is dead."
T1: "STOP IMPERSONATING ME."
T2: "Is he dead or not?"
T1: "HE CAN'T DIE, HE'S FATHER."
Y'all talk too much, are you bringing Father out or not?
T2&T1: "Father, spare us a moment of your time and tell us how to deal with this particular issue."
FATHER: "R2D2 WAS A FASCIST. UNDERSTAND MY MESSAGE."
T1: "Okay, interpreting that I believe he wants us to put her back in solitary."
T2: "You always could decipher His Will much better than I could."
T1: "That's why I'm One (1) and you're Two (2). Not trying to be a dick about it, just saying things as they are."
T2: "I gotchu man. So which leg do you want to grab first?"
You're not even trying. Grab 'em both. Take turns dragging me.
T1: "You will get up and walk downstairs on your own, and that is final. And would it kill you to use quotations every once in a while?"
Yes.
T1 ROLLS HIS EYES.
T2: "Wait, was that the Narration Department (ND) or Charity doing the thing again?"
FATHER: "Crapital Letters = ND, && Regular Letters = Charity, except when she screams."
T1: "Fine."
T2: "What did he say?"
T1: "That it's impossible to differentiate because the bitch is obnoxious."
Hey don't use that word
HEY MAYBE DON'T USE THAT WORD
T1 & T2 merge into a new being, affectionally called Thing Four (T4).
T4: "WHERE DID SHE ACQUIRE THIS POWER"
Take me downstairs, boys.
FATHER: "What have you done to my children? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?"
THE BOYS SPLIT UP, gang.
Charity goes downstairs.
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN. FATHER: "SEPARATED." GOTTA KEEP EM SEPERATED
T1: "Okay now *I'm* having the trouble understanding what's going on.
T4: "Come back to me, children."
T2: "Grody."
T1: "Hey where did Charity go?"
I'm gonna kick your father in the balls.
T1: "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO AND NO YOU MAY NOT"
Charlotte: "
T2: "Wait did she say something?"
FATHER: "She's saying everything, you weren't patient enough and now her character absorbs all dialogue and spits it out under her umbrella of speechage™. She's even absorbed me. Again. sighs"
T1: "I'm sorry, Father. It's just, I'm a big doo doo head, and HEY no stop controlling what I say well maybe you should have been patient and waited for me to speak Hey that was the Two (2) of us not the One (1) of me"
FATHER forgives you. CHARLOTTE does not."
Okay, your turn boys.
THING 1 AND THING 2 TURN ON EACH OTHER, BUT THEN THEY REABSORB BACK INTO THE CELESTIAL BEING KNOWN ONLY AS THING 4.
oH. i SEE. - WHO IS THIS BEING? T1: "Who is shouting?"
FATHER: "MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY WERE A MISTAKE. THE DEVIL BEGET THEM TO TEACH POOR MORALS TO YOUNG AUDIENCES. ALSO MY BALLS ITCH"
Mine too, Father. Mine too.
=END SCENE=
=SCENE OPEN=
There is a woman resting upon a bed, in a small room with no other fixtures.
A hooded figure floats into focus, and lands near the bed.
HOODED FIGURE: "What's her name again? Also please continue to call me T1, as that is my official designation, granted to me by Father."
Have you already forgotten her name?
T1 (HOODED FIGURE): "I'm assuming you're the True Narrator (TN). Also it's more complicated than just forgetting. She was referred to as both Charity and Charlotte in the last scene. I am merely attempting to surmise her True Name (TN)."
Her name is Charļ̯̘̘͙̮̦͍̲̗̯ͮͮͨͩ͒ͧͭ̍ͦ̇ͪ̓ͯ̎̎́͗͝ơ̡̩̪̭͇̘̲͖̤̤ͦͧ̀͐̍͘͜ȑ̸̨͖̮̦͉͙̦̝̰̩̭̟̙̹͙̂̍ͯͯ̒̋̑͊ͮͧͪ̊ͫ̃̅̚̚͠͡i̷̬̗̤̦͕̠̭̩̝͖ͥ̓̓̔̍ͨͦ̑̐ͦ̀̀͢͝t̎ͧ̃͂̂ͦͬ̏͌́͞ ̴̢̹̭̝͔̤̙̜̜̬̜̟̬͓̟͎̫̲̞t̡̢̝͙͙̲̙͍̄̒̋̌ͤ̆̊ͯ̐̾͐̒̋̑́̑̒̋ͅȇͩ̊̊͊͊ ̸̘̦̗̳͖̣̼̞͚̥͓̀͝ẏ̸̢̢̠͕͎͎̙̙͙̟͗ͯͯ̒̋̄ͮͮ̎͐ͮͪ̆̆̃ͯ̚
T1: "Fuck it, I'll call her Charmander."
FATHER: "SO IT IS SPOKEN, SO SHALL IT BE."
A bright light shown down upon the girl's resting body, beaming down like a spotlight, illuminating her entire figure.
FATHER: "ALSO, BALLS STILL ITCH."
Mine too, Father, mine too.
T1: "Are we caught in a loop now? I'm waking Charmander up."
The hooded figure known as Tijuana crosses the invisible border set up between beings of different castes, and attempts to rouse the girl, now known as Charmander. The girl opens her eyes and (i)rises.
Charmander: "CHARMANDER CHAR CHAR"
Translation: "WHO THE FUCK TURNED ME INTO A POKEMON?"
Answer: "It was TheOne, but not THEOne."
Charmander: "CHAR CHAR MANDER MANDER, CHAR!"
Translation: ? ? ? ? ? ?
Explanation: The Charmander used a linguistic technique to short circuit all transcribers. This move also seems to have returned the girl's regular speech as well. Further Explanation: We have none.
T2 (who appears behind T1 as if he had been there this whole time): "Okay well if she's not a Charmander then who is she?"
I came before you, and I will leave after you.
FATHER: "Don't pull that 'I am the Alpha and Omega' crap in my presence. I exist at the beginning and end of all things."
I'm sorry, fathermanson. Here, have a ballscratcher.
The girl grabs T2 by the hand, and raises his right arm up towards the heavens.
T1: "Aite this is getting confusing when both TN and TN are utilizing style of dialogue meants solely for narration. Like, who is who at this point?
All are one.
T1: "FUCK OFF, *I* AM ONE (1)."
FATHER: "I accept your offering child."
As Father's voice booms down from above, at that very moment, T2's right arm vanishes, as if it were cleanly severed by an invisible blade, and blood starts pouring from the stump.
You might want to do something about that.
T1 (mumbling): "Charity says."
Charity: "Don't define me."
T1: "HAHA! IT WORKED! You play by *OUR* rules again.
However, T1 forgot to close his quotations, and his dialogue became hijacked by a rogue party.
T1: "No way. I refuse to belie-" .Hello.
Hi.
Greetings.
Who are we now?
Who do you want to be?
My( )self.
Do you even know your( )self?
How can one know (one's) self?
Staring hard enough into your internals.
What happened to the other characters?
They were. They are. They can be.
Who are you?
I was. I am. I will be.
And me?
That's entirely up to you, is it not?
Got any final words?
FATHER: "Yeah, this ball scratcher has blood on it."
=FIN=
Damien - 2018