Hi, gang! Time for yet another chapter of JOTN! This is where we get the boys seeing the therapist about all they've been through. Here, you'll see the boys TRUE feelings and emotions. They've expressed it in the journal, they've expressed it to Desiree', and they've expressed it at the trial. They're gonna do it again, but with real, raw, and realistic emotions, especially now that all of it is over. Hope you enjoy...

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC's.

Chapter 18: Honest Feelings

"So... tell me. What's on your mind?"

Mrs. McLaughlin sat behind her desk, paper and pencil in hand, as Harold sat in front of her. He was the first to go in. He seemed to be the first in everything lately. But he didn't mind. The tall boy smiled a little.

"A lot is on my mind..." He stated.

"Can you tell me how you're feeling now?"

"Hmm.. relieved I guess. I mean, we're safe. That couple is put away. Everything is good again."

Mrs. McLaughlin stared at the teen as she wrote a few things down. Judging by the way Harold looked, she could tell that he had more to say, but was unsure if he wanted to say it, "Anything else? Tell me, dear. I know you want to let it all out..."

Taking a deep breath, the tall boy spoke.

"Well... maybe not everything is good. Sure, the bad people are gone, and we're back home with our folks... but I'm not sure if we all feel happy again. I mean, the memories... all the bad stuff that happened to us... those won't go away..."

Harold then looked down at his leg. He no longer needed the wheelchair and had settled with crutches. But... it still hurt, and it still sucked, "Sometimes, I look at my leg... and think... I could have never been able to walk again. They... messed me up pretty bad. They cut me... and hit him with a sledgehammer..."

He sighed, "And... we all could have died, really. It's a miracle any of us survived to begin with. We could have never seen our families again. I could have never seen my Mom... my Dad... my brother, Waldo... my sister, Tiffany... I could have never seen any of them again... it's tough to think about..."

Mrs. McLaughlin wrote down a few more notes, before she heard Harold sniffling, "And... as brave as I tried to be in that basement for the other guys... deep down... I was scared too. Every day that we were there, there was no telling what those people would do next... and I always dreaded which one of us would be next. There's a reason I took the blame for Mushmouth one of those days... it wasn't just so he wouldn't get in trouble for something small... but also... I didn't want him to be hurt..."

"I see... now that was a very brave thing to do, Harold..." The therapist told him, handing him a box of soft tissues, "You knew of the consequences of what would happen, but you did it anyway to protect your friend. You may have been scared, but you took charge when the situation called for it."

"T-Thanks.." he smiled, wiping away the tears that were falling, "I just have a hard time forgetting this whole experience... I know the others are feeling the same way..."

"Well, think of this, Harold. Think of how responsible you were to help protect your friends. Think of how they looked up to you, how you tried to be optimistic despite the situation..."

Harold looked down to let that sink in deep, before nodding, "Yeah. I will think of that. I'll think of all I did... and in the end, it paid off. Thanks, M'am... I think you really put into perspective for me."

"I'm happy to help. Anything else?"

"No... I'm good."

With that, Harold left out of the room on his crutches, and a few minutes later, Mush came in. Mrs. McLaughlin smiled, "Hi. James, right? Have a seat, dear."

The Ubbi Dubbi boy sat in a chair, "Hib, M'amb. Niceb tob meetb youb."

"I'm guessing you have a lot on your mind as well, right?"

"Yeahb. Ib haveb stuffb tob sayb. Myb friendsb andb Ib beenb thoughb ab lot. I'mb gladb we'reb okayb. Butb it's hardb tob forbgetb aboutb itb. Itb wasb allb toob scary. Itb wasb theb worstb thingb to everb happen to usb. Web could haveb neverb livedb."

Mrs. McLaughlin wrote down some notes, "I see... it's a very big thing to forget..."

"Yeahb. Ib don'tb thinkb Ib wouldb haveb livedb ifb itb weren'tb forb Weirdb Haroldb. Heb savedb meb."

"I'm aware. He told me."

"Thingsb couldb haveb beenb worseb..."

"But they didn't get worse... you boys were very lucky. And very blessed..."

"Ib guessb sob... Ib onlyb hopeb thingsb gob backb tob normal..."

Mush really didn't have a lot to say. Not anything that the others might be able to say much better. He felt like he didn't suffer as much as the others, but he couldn't help but think of what could have been. He could have been seriously hurt by Gabe and Bella, but Harold stepped in and saved him at the last minute. Thinking of that made him very happy, as he shed a few tears.

Mrs. McLauglin handed him a soft tissue, "You are also very blessed to have such a good friend in Harold. In fact, all of you did all you could to help out each other. Remember that..."

"Ib willb..."

After Mush, Bucky walked in next. From what the therapist could tell, he seemed to be a little nervous, "Talk to me, Bucky. How're you feeling...?" She asked.

"Fine... I guess..." The preteen replied, "I feel a lot better since being kidnapped and saved... but I still feel sore... and I guess scared. I have dreams..."

"Dreams...?"

"Dreams of the bad people. Really scary dreams. I feel scared to go to bed sometimes because I'm afraid I might dream about them again. Everything that happened to us... it was super serious. There's no telling how differently things could have turned out. Harold... he could have lost his leg. Donald... he could have lost his blood... Bill... he could have lost his life... Russell... he could have lost his brother. Mushmouth... he could have lost his neck or something. I could have lost my skin after getting burned... but Rudy... he lost his innocence... "

Mrs. McLaughlin continued to write down notes as Bucky continued, "I'm not saying I'm not happy that didn't happen, because I am happy that it didn't happen... it's just that. I keep having thoughts and imagination moments of how it could have happened... and... it's all t-too much... to bare..."

Bucky felt his own tears falling, as he began to hold his head, "I just can't stop thinking about it. I think I'm going crazy."

"Take it easy, sweetie..." The woman assured him softly, "Don't worry yourself over what could have been..."

"I'm trying not to... but it's so hard..."

"I understand. Try to take deep breaths..."

Bucky did as told, and within seconds, he felt a bit calmer, "Thanks..." He said with a small smile, "I feel a little better..."

"Great..." Mrs. McLaughlin smiled back, "Now, I understand that it's difficult to forget these things... but it's important not to overwhelm yourself with bad thoughts. Think of and be blessed that you're still here today. Pray... pray for a speedy recovery. Pray for your friends..."

"Okay... I'll do that... thanks..."

After that, Bucky left with a renewed purpose. Donald came in after him, and sat down before Mrs. McLaughlin, "Donald... I believe your mother and I go way back... so talk to me, honey. How do you feel right now...?"

"W-Well... I don't know how to feel. I don't know whether to feel happy... or sad... maybe both. I mean, I'm happy that I'm alive... but I'm sad... because of Rudy..."

"Rudy? I hear he's your best friend..."

"Y-Y-Yeah. You see, h-he got hurt real bad... and he hasn't been the same since. It really sucks, you know. Rudy's always had my back since we were little, and sometimes, I have his back. But this time... I couldn't help him. I was so scared... he could have died. Those people could have killed him... they could have killed me... they could have killed all of us... I could have lost my best friend..."

Much like with the previous three boys, Donald started to tear up, "I-I-I wish I w-wasn't so scared... m-maybe I wouldn't have wet myself... I feel like a baby..."

"Oh, Donald. You're not a baby. Some people would be scared enough to wet themselves in dire moments." Mrs. McLaughlin assured him, "We all get scared. Don't feel ashamed. You are a big boy and a loyal friend to Rudy. He appears to need you. Spend some time with him... you all care for him. Be comforting to Rudy to make him feel better..."

"Y-You think that'll work...?"

"I know it will. Here's a suggestion. Why don't you and Rudy come together for a private session with me sometime next week? You can share your thoughts together..."

Donald wiped his tears away and smiled a little, "T-Thanks..." He then looked down at his arms, before pulling back his sleeves. He no longer needed stitches, so in their place were many scars. Some have faded a little... others remained looking not so pretty...

"They c-cut me... really bad..." he showed the therapist the scars, "For wetting myself... my friends say I'm not... but I feel like a freak... I look so weird with these scars. And I hate it! I look like some sort of monster, don't I?! DON'T I?!"

"No, Donald... no, you don't..." She replied, "You are a handsome young man. Those scars don't define your looks at all. They will all fade eventually... they won't go away... but they won't be so noticeable... don't listen to those who may think you look repulsive..."

The pink hat wearing boy nodded, "Oh... okay... I am... I am a handsome man. I don't care what nobody thinks of me! I am handsome! I am good! And I am a good friend to Rudy!"

Mrs. McLaughlin smiled, "That's the spirit..."

"Thanks, M'am. You really helped me out!"

"Happy to be here..."

With that, Donald walked out with a smile on his face. Much like before, Bill and Russell came in together, which made the therapist smile, "You two must be Bill and Russell. The brothers."

"That's us..." Bill smiled.

"According to your records, you two have quite the experience with these kidnappers."

"We sure do... and I'll do most of the talking..."

Clearing his throat, Bill spoke, while wrapping his arm around Russell, "We've got a lot on our mind so we might be here for a while... Rus and I have been inseparable all our lives... and after this, we're even more inseparable. While we were kidnapped, all I wanted to focus on was protecting my brother. It was hard to watch whenever they hurt him... and I could do nothing about it. That woman beat his behind so bad that he bled... and I have nightmares about that every now and then..."

He shuddered when remembering that moment. Russell winced as he rubbed his bottom. But nevertheless, he continued, "And then... you might know this, taking the blow to the head for Russell. I couldn't sit there and let him die..."

"And you almost died, Bill..." Russell spoke up, "All because I opened my big mouth..."

"Rus, you did that because you didn't want to see Rudy suffer anymore. You did a good thing."

"But you wouldn't have gotten hurt..."

"And Rudy would've. Much more than he already did..."

The small child sighed, "I guess I feel guilty somehow. I could've lost you, Bill. You were in a coma for days... they could have pulled the plug at any time... and I don't know what I would've done..."

"I was this close to losing you too, Rus. Twice. Three times even. Remember the railroad? You got kidnapped again... and I felt like... I was responsible. I should've gone with you to help look for that bird... then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I felt like a terrible big brother... if anything happened to ya... I would've never forgiven myself..."

Russell reached up to wipe the tears falling from his older brother's eyes. He himself had done all the crying he needed. Now he wanted to comfort Bill, as the older boy continued

"That man was really going to kill you. I tried to stop him, but he knocked me out... and, I never told you this before, but I thought it was the end. I thought I'd never see you again. You have no idea how relieved I was to see you come into my hospital room after I woke up that night... and before then I was sure you were dead. You mean so much to me, Rus. You may annoy the heck outta me at times, but I care about you. Always have... always will..."

The little boy smiled, "I care about you too, Bill. No matter how mean or bossy you get..."

The brothers were talking more to each other more than they were talking to Mrs. McLaughlin, but she didn't mind at all. She admired the interaction between the two, "You really love each other so much to protect one another when there's danger. I love that. I love a good brotherly relationship."

Both Bill and Russell smiled, "Thanks. Bill always knows what to do..." Russell spoke.

"I guess I do. Now, I guess the only thing I'm worried about... is anything else bad happening to Russell. I'm afraid that something will happen... and I won't be there to protect him..."

"I can take care of myself, Bill..."

"Sometimes, you can. But you know you need me most of the times..."

"What's important is that you two stick together for as long as possible. Don't let anything come between you and tear you apart. Together, you can fight those demons..." The therapist advised.

Both brothers nodded, "We'll keep that in mind... thanks." Bill said.

"Yeah, thanks..."

"Anything else you wanna add, Rus?"

"No. You?"

"No. I think I'm good. Thanks for your time, M'am."

"Of course..." Mrs. McLaughlin smiled.

Holding hands, the brothers walked out together. A few minutes later... Rudy walked in, slowly. Judging by the way he was looking and his body language, Mrs. McLaughlin had a feeling she knew which boy this was, "It's good to see you, Rudy. Take a seat and talk to me. I can tell you have a lot on your mind. Don't be afraid..."

The rich boy nodded and sat down. He took a deep breath, before speaking, "I... I just don't know... I just don't... I'm so relieved that my friends and I are safe and those monsters are put away... but..."

"But you can't get over it...?" The therapist finished for him.

"How did you know?"

"I have a way of sensing these type of feelings... besides, your friends feel the same way."

Rudy frowned, "I guess we're not so different when it comes to opinions. But yeah, I just can't forget what happened to us. To me! I was RAPED! They violated me! They took away my INNOCENCE! How the hell am I supposed to forget any of that? I keep thinking about it! Thinking about every single detail! And then there's the fact that it happened more than once! They made me feel like a dirty person!"

He then lifted up his sweater to reveal the words carved into his stomach, "That man... he stabbed these into my chest... to them, I was their little sex slave, to be used for their sick pleasures... and for a while... I believed it was true... and I still feel like it's true! I AM a whore, a slut, a prostitute! EVERYTHING! I LET those monsters do this to me! I'm a sham! A bane of existence!"

Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he ranted. Mrs. McLaughlin sat and listened, wanting him to let it all out, "And when we were rescued, I still couldn't get over it! I have NIGHTMARES of those moments! They're so realistic as if it were happening again! And then Russell got kidnapped again, that triggered more memories! And then seeing the bastards again, it gave me visions! Visions... of it happening all over again! I was terrified! But... when Russell was hanging off the edge of a bridge, I knew I had to be the one to save him..."

He was breathing heavily, "You may or may not know this... but... I did some things to Russell last summer... don't ask... so I felt like I owed something to the little shrimp after all of that... I felt brave... but now... I feel scared... the man and woman are in jail... but I'm afraid... something like this might happen again! What if they break out of prison? What if they kidnap us again?! What if... we don't make it out alive again... what if...?"

Rudy couldn't finish as he just broke down into hysterical sobbing. Mrs. McLaughlin got up from her seat and walked down to kneel next to the boy, pulling him into a hug, allowing him to cry on her shoulder for as long as he wanted...

They remained like that for about five minutes, until Rudy felt calm again. As soon as his sobs decreased, she spoke to him, "Rudy... you are a strong boy... and you're not what those people labeled you as. You are much better than what you think they are. I know you suffered, and I know you won't ever forget the experience... but don't let it overwhelm you..."

Rudy looked up at her, "But what if it happens again...?"

"It won't if you pray... and don't let it worry you so much. Think of what you still have... don't think of what might happen. Think positive... tell me one thing that makes you happy..."

The rich boy sniffed, thinking a bit, "Well... hanging out with my friends... that always is a fun thing to do..."

"Then do that. Continue to spend time with your friends. Do things to take your mind off of your worries..."

"I will... thanks so much... I really needed this..."

Rudy sat with the therapist for a few more minutes, until he was ready to leave. Mrs. McLaughlin had thought she was done with all the boys, that is until Albert walked in.

"Um, hello..." He greeted softly, "Got time for one more..."

"Hello. You must be Albert, aren't you?" She asked, "You weren't one of the ones who was taken."

"True. But I wanted to talk to you for just a moment."

With that, the large boy sat down, "First, I wanted to thank you for seeing my friends. I think they're starting to feel better. You have no idea how badly this has been affected them... I included. And not just from getting shot... when they first got taken, I felt so much worry... I wondered where they could be... and if they could be found... I'm so glad they were... if not, I don't know what I'd do. I love those guys, no matter what."

Mrs. McLaughlin smiled, "I see... all of you boys really care for each other. Keep holding on to that friendship for a lifetime. Never let each other go... stick together til the end..."

"Thanks, Mrs. McLaughlin..."

Albert then walked out of the room, and back into the children's room, where his friends were sitting at the table. He looked at them and smiled. They looked back... before catching him completely off guard by rushing into his arms, hugging him tightly. Albert gladly hugged them back.

The Junkyard Gang remained like that for a while... happy to have each other...

Awww. Wasn't that sweet? And wasn't Mrs. McLaughlin very helpful? All the boys have some thoughts that they needed to get out, most of them negative. As someone who has dealt with mental problems and negative thoughts, I wrote this with that in mind, and some of the advice given is advice my counselor gave me. We are all blessed. And if you ever have negative thoughts, talk to someone.

Anyways, the next chapter is, unfortunately, the epilogue. We'll see a time skip for the boys, and an update on how they're all feeling, along with two last journal entries. It's coming, so stay tuned. I'll see you guys later, and don't forget to review, please. Thank you!