Reluctant Hero

16. Kaito's regret

Kaito was late. But at the same time, he couldn't give a damn.

If he had to give an excuse, it would be the place was out of the way. Located at the outskirt of town, he had to ride his bike for nearly two hours before he reached the lone mansion in the middle of the secluded forest; which was one of the organization's headquarters in Tokyo. It was very rare for Snake to suggest that location, unless he already happened to be there. And the only reason why Snake would be there was because he had an important meeting with the other organization's stakeholders, which Kaito—Kaitou Kid—was not invited.

He never was invited for any, even when he was the main key to getting Pandora.

But even though Kaito was late, Snake didn't call and demand where he was, and he wondered if the meeting was still on-going.

Ten minutes later, the mansion came to view as he drove his bike through the forest, hitting loads of bumps from the roots and fallen branches. Beside it was an empty parking lot, saved for a car he knew belonged to Snake; black and black and black all over. He parked his bike under a tree, away from anything and everything, and headed to the massive, wooden door.

He spotted another car parked just beside the building.

A bright yellow Ferrari.

Kaito frowned.

He wasn't surprised if any of the higher-ranked members could afford such a car, but it was the colour that made the situation weird. No one in the right mind belonging to this so-called discreet organization would have a car of this colour.

But ignoring that bugging feeling, Kaito entered the mansion, acknowledging a few of the underlings that worked here and headed up the stairs and to the room that he was only allowed. He'd been here twice and only been to Snake's room and the restroom, nowhere else. He would have snooped around, obviously, but with so many cameras and eyes looking, it was near impossible. And coming from the infamous Kaitou Kid, this meant something.

Still, that didn't mean he wouldn't try it one day; it was near impossible, but not entirely, which was why he didn't argue with Snake about the distance he had to travel just to get a slip of stupid paper.

On the second floor, he passed the first room, and then the next room...

Wrapping his hand around the knob of the third room's door, Kaito was about to make his way in when he stopped and leaned his head closer. There were people talking inside, and he wondered who could Snake be talking to. If it was any of his subordinates, Snake would already be shouting, but all Kaito heard were murmurs of a proper conversation.

It got to be someone important.

The owner of the yellow Ferrari?

Kaito opened the door.

Two heads turned.

"You're late." Snake narrowed his eyes from the couch.

Kaito didn't bother to recite his excuse or even acknowledge Snake. All he could focus, in the big room filled with antique furniture and priceless paintings, was the man sitting on another couch opposite of Snake, with crossed legs and smug-look eyes.

Spider.

It was as though the temperature in the room dropped a sudden ten degrees, but neither Snake or Spider flinched.

Only him.

"My, it's been long, Kid." Spider smiled, showing the contrast of his white teeth against his tan skin.

Tentatively, Kaito closed the door behind him. "Why are you here." He muttered.

"I'm back since last week, haven't you heard?"

No, Kaito obviously didn't, and that was why he was at the edge of spilling all the emotions he was trying to hide behind his thinning facade. He slowly approached towards the sofas, hands dug inside the pocket of his jacket.

Fidgets.

"Here's your next steal." Snake said, handing him a slip of paper.

Kaito didn't bother to look. He snatched it from his hand and stuffed it back inside his pocket. "Is that all?"

"No failures."

Same old thing. "I won't." Kaito drawled.

"So confident, Kid." Spider spoke. He added a grin, too, which made Kaito change his mind about glaring and decided to leave instead.

He had no intention to stay anywhere near this compound anymore.

It almost felt like Kaito was flying as he brisk-walk; past the corridors, down the stairs, out of the front door and towards his bike. His movements were causing a breeze, but the air that rushed into his nose and lungs felt hot. Like fire.

Fire—

"Hey."

Kaito nearly jumped. Nearly. He fumbled with the keys in his hand and turned, eyes wide and glaring.

Now he could glare.

"Don't touch me." Kaito snapped and shrugged his shoulder, jerking Spider's hand away.

Spider smirked, swatting his hands. "Speaking of which, don't touch my prey too."

It was a good change of conversation, away from the fact that Spider had and always been one of the people who managed to surprise him, in the worse kind of way.

"What are you talking about?" Kaito retorted

"Gozu."

So it was about that. Kaito rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't you be grateful that I cleared a mess for you?

"No." Spider said, twitching the eye that had the spider tattoo over. "I don't appreciate anyone touching my prey when it's supposed to be mine."

"Do I look like I give a shit about what you like or don't?"

"That hurts, when I've always been so concerned of your affairs."

"Are you done? If so, I'm leaving." Kaito turned, stalking off for his bike.

"You got me curious, Kid." Spider continued speaking, his voice amplifying in the forest like an echo. "And I'm curious about what you're curious too."

There was a heavy weight tied to the lightness of Spider's words, and unable to fight that bad urge to know what he meant, Kaito stopped, his feet sinking into the soft soil and mud underneath him. He turned, showing only half of his face to Spider.

"Get to the point."

Spider's smirked, and the magnitude of that smile seemed to grow bigger in Kaito's vision with every step Spider took to close their distance.

"Shouldn't you know what you're curious about?" Spider said with a tilt of his head.

"I said get to the damn point."

It felt like a beat too long before Spider breathed out, "Nakamori Aoko."

What should have been Kaito's response if he was rational enough was to stand there, tilt his head back and ask who the hell is Nakamori Aoko? with the most impassive gaze he could ever muster. But he didn't—because he wasn't thinking straight, wasn't cool in the head to understand it was all a trick that Spider used (and Kaito fell for the hole he dug himself).

So what actually happened in that split second instead—because Kaito wasn't rational enough—was stomping towards Spider, grabbed his collar and pinned him against a tree.

Spider wasn't fazed.

Kaito was breathing hard.

Fire in his lungs—

"I met her. That girl's pretty. And smart." Spider rattled on like nothing happened. "Her intuitive senses remind me a lot of you."

They met? They actually met? Snake was one problem, but Spider? This was the worst. The worst. Kaito felt himself reeling, but the only reason why he was still standing strong was because of the grip around Spider's collar.

So tempting to end it all.

"What the fuck do you want?" Kaito growled.

"You'd stolen my prey, Kid. And this is my way of telling you I don't like it." Spider said, still with that smile plastered on his face.

"What the exact fuck do you want?"

Spider lifted his hand, and in between his fingers was the slip of paper Snake gave him. "Maybe this?"

Kaito backed away, checking his empty jacket's pocket before snatching the piece of paper from Spider's hand. He had really fucked up big time—when a thief himself didn't realize something was stolen away from him.

That shitty piece of paper wasn't the only thing he was talking about.

"You want this?" Kaito snapped, the paper creasing under his tight grip. "You want the jewel?"

"No." Spider said as he adjusted his collar and suit. "Unless it's Pandora."

Kaito widened his eyes.

"If it's Pandora, tell me. If it's not, tell me. I want you to report to me before you tell Snake anything about it, including all the other jewels that he is going to ask you to steal in the future.

"Your demand means betrayal to the organization." Kaito muttered warningly. "I can tell Snake this."

"Betrayal to the organization?" Spider cackled. "Who has a better stand on that? The dead body of Nakamori Aoko—a private investigator working for the good, or your accusatory words with no evidence?"

With the confidence in Spider's tone, Kaito knew he had lost the game even before he started playing. At this point it was too late to pretend he didn't know Aoko, but he suspected Spider must already be confident about their relationship to throw in his threats beforehand. The outcome of the match was already set, and Spider was just waiting for Kaito's pointless turns on the check-board before making his victory moves.

Kaito crushed the paper in his hand.

The biggest question was how? How did Spider figure who Aoko was? The last time Kaito met her was at the hospital two weeks ago, which was way before Spider came back. So what slipped up? What did he do wrong? Hadn't he already gotten Aoko off Snake's radar? Or did Snake suspect something and told Spider about Aoko?

Shit.

But that didn't matter anymore. How didn't matter. Why didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

This was a lost case.

"I'll be keeping watch of your news closely, Kid." Spider said as he casually made his exit with a turn and a wave of his hand. "Don't disappoint me."

Kaito closed his eyes.

Life be damned.

.o.

Kaito left all traces of Kid behind—his face, bike and clothes—and walked all the way to Aoko's house from the train station after changing his disguise at the nearby mall. It was further from his house, but time didn't matter when his brains and legs weren't conscious about it.

He was now in the disguise of a random ice cream shop owner he saw yesterday; dark brown hair, green eyes and wearing a black polo T-shirt and jeans. He didn't bother figuring out his name, much less his personal life, because all Kaito needed was a face to use besides his own.

It was close to ten when he reached Aoko's home. The neighbourhood was empty and dark; everyone had probably turned in early since it was still in the middle of the week. He would have thought the same when he saw pitch darkness through Aoko's house windows, but her missing car was the definite answer that told him she wasn't home.

Was it for work? Her father? Friends?

He settled on the steps in front of her door, staring down at the road where Aoko could come from. Wherever she was, whoever she was with, he just hoped it wouldn't be Spider. But even if that worst-case scenario happened, he was sure Spider wouldn't do anything to her, for now. At least not after Kaito had stolen the jewel.

And the subsequent ones.

Until Pandora.

Whenever Kaito heard a car driving close, he would look up to check, only to watch it pass the road and down the streets. He gave up on his efforts by the tenth one, and only after an hour of waiting, a car that came actually slowed down, fully coming to a stop by the mailbox in front of the house.

Kaito glanced up.

A few seconds later, Aoko got out of blue baby and slammed the car door shut. She was humming and twirling with the car keys in her hand (which he noted had a cute charm attached to his old chain), until she saw him.

She flinched, face full on alert. "Wha—"

Kaito stood up from the steps.

A second later her lips parted in recognition. "Kid?"

It was his turn to be caught off guard. Kaito hadn't said a single word, and wasn't he on a disguise? The sudden uncertainty made him reach out for his chin, feeling the wax material on his skin; his disguise was there.

Then how did she actually recognize him?

Aoko tilted her head. "It is you?" She prompted again, though the confidence in her tone faltered.

"Yeah. It's me." He said, hiding his puzzlement under his careful voice.

Her shoulders visibly relaxed as she made her way towards him. "Why are you here?"

He brushed off his previous wonderment and decided to focus on the priority. He asked back a question. "What are you up to?"

Aoko furrowed her brows, like she couldn't quite figure it out but still went with the flow. "I'm not up to anything." She said cautiously.

"Nothing? Are you sure?"

She placed a hand on her hip. "Why are you here and asking these weird questions?"

Because I want you to be safe. "Can we talk in the car?"

He noticed the flicker of her gaze from him to her house, and the mild shake of her head as if she just debated with herself. "Okay. Car. Sure." She said, twirling with the car key again.

After unlocking the car, they settled themselves inside—or perhaps it was just him who had settled down. Aoko was fidgeting with almost everything in the car; the rear mirror, the window buttons... basically her focus was on everything else besides the intention to start the conversation. If Kaito cared to observe, Aoko actually seemed nervous to be in the car with him. And it was ironic when they had been in much small space, like crawling through an air duct together.

But because his mind was clouded with worry and doubt, he didn't notice that little nervous tension coming from Aoko, which was also why he didn't bother cushioning the blow when he dived straight to the point. "You should leave the country." He said.

Aoko stopped, her hands hovering over the steering wheel. She let her arms fall limply to her sides before turning her head robotically at him. "Leave the what?"

"Leave the country." He repeated. "Anywhere away from here. Far away."

With just a snap of a finger, Aoko flared, but the anger in her eyes vanished just as quick and became solemn. "Why are you— Did something happen?" She asked in a low whisper.

"Her intuitive senses remind me a lot of you."

Kaito pressed a hand into his eyes, trying to squeeze the memories of the afternoon conversation away; the last thing he needed was Spider's voice to start echoing in his head. He swallowed hard. "Not exactly."

Her anger slowly seeped through the cracks again. "What are you talking about then? Why do I have to leave the country? I'm not going to—"

"You're in danger."

She stopped. "Danger? Why?"

Kaito took in a deep breath.

If Spider's threat was true, and yet Aoko was still confused about what danger she could possibly be, it meant she didn't meet Spider as Spider. It must be his other alias—the charming, sensational damn of an illusionist—that she met.

"Do you know Gunter?" He asked.

Aoko blinked. "How did you—?"

"You haven't answered me."

"I—Yeah." She mumbled, her lips thinned into a grim line. "We happened to meet in the lift when I was on a case a week ago, and he offered me a ticket for his performance. I went."

A week ago? Kaito pressed his nails deep into his palm. That bastard already had it all planned the moment he returned?

Kaito could literally feel the anxiety eating his guts out, and being in the car with so little space between them, it would be easy for Aoko to catch any irregularity in his breaths. He closed his eyes, trying to steady himself, but it didn't quite seem to work.

This is such a mess.

"Kid…?"

He opened his eyes.

"Are you alright?" She asked, her features masked with concern.

Kaito straightened on his seat and turned away, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden swirling feeling in his chest—which he wasn't sure to account it for his anxiety or the sight of Aoko's face. But ignoring those thoughts, along with the question she asked, he continued.

"About him—this Gunter—you must stay away from him."

Aoko frowned. "But—"

"And me too."

She flinched, shifting in her seat. "What are you talking about? Stay away from him… and you? Why is he—? Wait… were you disguising as him all along?"

That was worse than any insult Kaito could hear. "No. I am not him."

"Then what do you mean?"

Kaito bit his lower lip, gathering the courage in him to speak the truth, which was like exposing himself in the cold he hated. And it was hard, when he'd spent the years bundling in thick layers of vigilance and doubt and the painful knowledge of how brutal the truth could hurt.

But there was no other way around this.

"He works with Snake." Kaito said as he watched Aoko grew motionless. "And so do I."

His heart suddenly lurched at the sight of her eyes widening like blue full moons, and he became fearful of her tears and worried for his ears—

None of his fears came true.

"You... lied to me." Was all she said.

But God, he hated how fragile her voice suddenly sounded, and how easy it seemed to break her. She wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be loud and screaming at him, demanding why he lied (not just stating it like a fact), and all this all that. Here, there was nothing about Nakamori Aoko in her voice.

There was nothing in that voice.

"Yes." Kaito said, suddenly remembering to breathe. "And I should have told you the truth and ended things there."

"Ended what there?"

"Our meetings."

"Then why are you telling me now?" She asked quietly, her voice like a ticking time bomb. "Why don't you continue lying to me?"

Again, a choice between two conversation routes. He could lie, to save some pride, hide his feelings and deny everything Aoko was possibly guessing in her head. Or he could say the truth, feel his own words amplifying his pain, and live a couple of years shorter because of heartaches.

He didn't want the latter.

But he gave her what she wanted.

"I just… didn't want you to see me as a person like Snake." Kaito turned away. "But I realized I can't do that anymore. Not when Spider is involved in this. That's why you have to leave."

He didn't dare to look at her to anticipate what her response would be, so all he could do was wait; and the wait felt like watching a balloon filled with dread floating around his face, threatening to pop. He didn't have the patience, but he did his part to not let it show. He just wasn't sure how long he could last—

"I can't leave." Aoko finally said.

His exasperation gave him the courage to look at her in the eye. "Do you not understand what I've just said?"

"I do. But I can't do that with a snap of a finger. I have a job. My father, my friends; everyone I know is here." She gestured her hand wildly in the small space of the car. "I can't just up and leave—"

"If they know what could happen to you, I'm sure they will ask you to leave too."

She snapped her head towards him. "Is this a threat, Kaitou Kid?"

"If that's the only way."

"You can't do that." Aoko growled, her face drawn tight and furious. "I will not leave."

"Spider is dangerous—"

"Who the hell is Spider anyway? I know he's Gunter, if that's what he is. But who is he? I've never heard of him. Is he a thief like you or—?"

"Of course you wouldn't hear of him. Nobody is alive to speak about him." He said, barely above a whisper. "He's an assassin; a murderer."

Aoko opened her mouth, sucking in a loud breath that made her face bloat. "Assassin…?" She echoed, a little breathless.

"That's why you have to leave."

"I— I still don't get it. What is his motive for getting close to me?"

"To screw me up."

"Screw you up?" Her eyes began darting around, as if the clues were in the air and she was trying to piece them together. "Is he using me to threaten you or—"

"It's my fault," Kaito said, cutting Aoko off and brushing a hand past his hair, "and that's all you need to know."

It was true; he wasn't just bullshitting for the sake of shutting Aoko up. Everything had been his fault. He shouldn't have returned those paintings. He shouldn't have gotten on Aoko's car during Gozu's pursue. He shouldn't have agreed to that five favours. He shouldn't have shown her his face. He shouldn't have agreed to bring her to all those clubs just because she insisted. He shouldn't have done so many damn things, but he already did all of them, just because she was Nakamori Aoko.

And all along Kaito thought he was the best at rationality.

"If this is about avoiding Spider, I can do it. I can protect myself." Aoko said, with so much determination that Kaito almost wavered. But he didn't in the end and continued to hold his ground.

"It's not that easy."

She gave him a taunting look. "You don't trust me?"

"I trust you." He said, (and he pretended he didn't hear it when Aoko gasped). "But they are far too dangerous. I can't take the risk."

"And yet you work with them."

"This is different—"

"If that's the case, can't you protect me?"

His head shot towards her, mouth gaping open before he pressed his lips together, keeping the words locked in his throat.

Why couldn't she get it? Why couldn't she understand this was his way of protecting her? But he didn't say it, not when he realized the form of protection he meant was not the protection she wanted.

Aoko was still waiting for his reply.

"I can't," Kaito said, lowering his gaze to his hands… the hands that were responsible in picking locks, throwing bombs, and dragging Aoko to this mess—He had no rights to claim he was protecting her, or how he could protect her. "Like I said, it's not just them you should get away from... You need to get away from me too."

A dog barked at the distance.

Two cats scurried across the road.

The silence began to grow again, turning thicker and thicker like smoke, intoxicating and suffocating them in the car. Kaito was tempted to get off and run away, but every second that ticked by suddenly seemed so precious to him. Every second that was soaked in Aoko's presence, her air, the sight of her… It would be the end of it once he stepped out and leave.

This was supposedly their last meeting—

"Does that mean..." Aoko said, the crispness of her voice breaking his thoughts and silence. "We won't be seeing each other again?"

He swallowed. "Yes."

"And that would make things better for you?"

He stared at her.

She turned away to look out of the car window.

It was a question he didn't consider; he didn't think about him. He only thought of her. Her safety. Her life. He just wanted her to leave as far as possible, and that was it. He never wondered the implications for his sake, but now that she asked, he did.

Would it make things better for me?

The answer was no.

But in the end Kaito said "Yes." because it was the only thing he could say to keep her safe. If anything, anything, happened to her, and that he didn't stop it with all he could, he would never forgive himself.

He had so much things he hadn't forgive himself for. He didn't want to add on another thing on the list.

Aoko was still looking outside of the window, her hair covering her features well, almost entirely that he couldn't tell anything from his point of view, and that could be precisely for that reason.

He hated himself to be the cause of the reason.

Kaito glanced down at his hands again and flicked a thumb… There was nothing else he could think to say besides making a move to leave, but then he remembered the thing that started it all, which connected them together from a bad start till… this bad end.

"About the favours," he began. "I don't think I can return the last one."

"That's unfair." She mumbled. Not angry, not hateful, but sour. Like a kid who didn't get to play even though she finished her homework.

The side of his lips tugged. "You can ask one now, if you can think of any."

"I don't know." She shrugged, careless and nonchalant. "This… You— I don't know."

Already having an idea in mind, he offered. "Or I can tell you something."

Finally, Aoko turned to face him, her eyes looking almost accusingly. "What else do you have to tell me?"

It might not mean much. It could mean nothing at all. But it was the only truth he could say, and one that he allowed himself to let her know:

"My name."

She gaped at him.

There wasn't an answer, but he took her long silence as one. "My name is Kuroba Kaito." He said.

Aoko first let out a breath. Then a snort. Then a loud cackle that sounded all too fake, and Kaito was impressed that he didn't cringe. And Aoko too—It was either she was unconsciously convinced in her act, or she didn't have that mentality to care.

Kaito only watched her until her fake laughter died down. Even in the darkness, he could spot the pink hues across her cheeks that reached her ear, and it became even clearer when she nervously pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear.

"Th-This is nothing, isn't it?" Aoko blurted, her words tainted in the awkwardness of her smile. "Like your real face, Shinichi must have known your name too."

"No, he doesn't. Only three people in this world do." Kaito paused, letting it sink in. "Jii-chan. My mother. And now you."

Aoko widened her eyes.

Seeing how she still looked too stunned to reply, Kaito continued. "Favours all returned. I'm done." And it was the right moment to leave too. This conversation had been prolonged far too long.

He reached for the door handle.

"Wait—" Aoko called out, and Kaito stopped. She seemed surprised that he actually did what she ask, and now that the unexpected happened, she wasn't sure how to continue. She bit her lower lip, contemplating, but Kaito couldn't bear to stay in the car anymore.

The longer he stayed, the worse this was going to get.

Kaito cleared his throat. "If there's nothing…"

"Are you—" Aoko began. "Are you still going to continue working with those criminals?" Those murderers?"

The strength of her voice was returning, unlike the past few minutes when she sounded so deflated like her entire life was sucked out of her. She was becoming back to her old state, including her feisty, justice-like self. He always preferred that part of her over anything, but it was also the part that he feared now; he couldn't afford having this confrontation with her.

He rubbed an eye, though nearly forgetting that he was still wearing contacts. "Just heed my warning and get out of here."

With that, Kaito opened the door and got off, feeling the rush of cool air sweeping across his cheeks. His hand was still on the door, but he closed it shut in the end without looking back, determined not to glimpse at her face, determined not to be tempted to stay.

Kaito trudged away.

Ever since he became Kaitou Kid, he'd always lived on the edge; the thrills, almost-deaths and could-have-beens… but those were the times when he felt at the peak—the most alive he could ever be.

Ironically, it was these moments that made him feel more than dead—when the ones who got hurt wasn't him. When he walked away scratch free. When he could still walk away. When he was still breathing fine (tried to, at least).

Now and here, as he continued walking away, continued breathing in the cold air that didn't null the ache in his chest, this, was the third time he felt like he had died.

A/n: Because of potential spoilers, I didn't mention that this story is sort of inspired by the magic kaito special series (the one with only 12 episodes), where there's this OC character named Spider. If you didn't watch that series, you will definitely be confuse about this Spider person (I guess this story is now a hit or miss for some readers out there ahha). And well, my depiction of Spider is definitely lacking due to the little canon materials out there, so I tweaked him into something that could drive the story. Hope you guys liked it.