May 17th, 1996
Sirius Black had never seen someone look so broken. Even in the artificial sleep that they had put Audrey under, she still looked small and defeated in the hospital bed. Her brow was wrinkled, her body bruised, and the strength Sirius was so used to seeing during the two years of knowing her seemed to have dimmed in spite of the coming dawn.
Harry sat by the bed in the off-balance chair that continued to wake him every time his head fell to the side, causing him to rub the scar on his forehead as if it pained him each time he woke. Sirius was glad that Severus Snape, the slime, had finally left goddaughter's side – he was constantly worried over whether or not he was going into her mind and reading the truth from it. Audrey didn't need that right now, she didn't need someone invading her privacy or judging her for the things that had happened in the Department of Mysteries the night before. Drea looked as if she could barely keep herself sane nevertheless try to keep someone else from seeing the insanity she was trying to fight off.
Besides, Sirius couldn't get past the fact that Severus Snape had left her flowers. White lilies, no less. Deep in the recesses of his mind he couldn't help but worry about his relationship with Audrey; he remembered how desperately Snivellus had clung to Lily in the old days – had he really begun to try to leech off of Audrey's brilliance as he had her mother's?
The door to the Hospital Wing closed with a heavy thud and Sirius instinctively snarled at whoever had made the noise loud enough to wake his godchildren. He regretted that it was the snarl that actually woke Harry, who looked around the room with bleary eyes as he tried to focus on his surroundings – he focused more easily when he realized that there was someone else in the room now; someone he didn't want there.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" He grumbled, standing from the chair so he could look more intimidating.
The young Slytherin didn't bother to answer him. Again, it struck Sirius just how much he looked like his father – the features were impeccably like Lucius from his height, to his clothes, to his hair. His eyes, however, looked a little less confident than his father's usually did, particularly as he tried to spy Audrey over Harry's shoulder. Harry moved to the side a bit more, noticing that Malfoy wasn't paying proper attention to him. When Audrey was finally blocked from the Slytherin's sight, his eyes flashed to Harry – finally looking exactly like Sirius had expected him to look: angry and vicious.
"Can you manage to ever keep her out of your trouble, Potter?"
"As I seem to recall, she came because she wanted to help," Harry argued back. "With little help from you – what were you playing at, kissing her like that in front of our friends?"
"Your friends," Malfoy drawled back, sounding disgusted. "Your sister doesn't care what they think because they aren't her friends, you realize. She placates you by being polite."
"That's not true," Harry said quickly. "She plays you because you had information she needed."
"Did she?" Malfoy asked, smirking to himself. "I didn't give her information behind the statues, or in the empty classrooms, or in the Slytherin common room, not even in the abandoned corridors – in fact, I didn't tell her anything at all. We were far too preoccupied."
Harry looked like he was deciding between retching and cursing the boy in front of him, so Sirius let out a quiet growl so that he could remember that Audrey was here. Malfoy looked to Sirius quickly, his eyes narrowing as he recognized just who was at the foot of Audrey's bed before his eyes slid over her again.
"So, how'd you get her in trouble this time?" Malfoy asked, an edge to his voice. "And why is she the one in the hospital bed?"
"She was the one that was attacked worse by the Death Eaters," Harry snapped back. "Your dad had a nice part to play in that, Malfoy. Do you think she'll still be snogging you after that?"
"I don't believe you," Malfoy said, the muscle in his jaw twitching.
"I don't know why you wouldn't. He was there, as were all your usual dinner guests – Voldemort even made an appearance," Malfoy flinched upon hearing his name. "Tried to kill Audrey and I, of course. You know, after Audrey destroyed the very thing your father was meant to retrieve."
"Your stories are ridiculous," Malfoy said formally, sounding like a well-rehearsed actor. "My father wouldn't have been there and there wouldn't have been any need to attack you or your sister – you're not actually that powerful, Potter. They don't need an ambush to kill you off."
"You should ask your dad next visiting day at Azkaban."
Draco growled, pulling his wand out of his pocket, but he was not a faster draw than Harry was. The two glared at each other, wands drawn and waiting for the other to make the first move. Neither wanted to be the one to begin the fight – they only wished to be the one to finish it. Sirius took it upon himself to growl again, trying to make them come to their senses – this hatred was so reminiscent of his own time at school with Gryffindors vs Slytherins that it was shocking and he should have known earlier that it would escalate as it had. Feeling Audrey stir slightly beneath him, he jumped off of the bed and went between the two boys. Harry looked shocked by the interruption and even Malfoy seemed a little surprised and lowered his wand slightly.
"I have better people to worry about," Malfoy's eyes flashed over to Audrey again before he raised his wand to her bedside table and mumbled a spell to conjure a vase full of brightly coloured orchids, nestled right beside the lilies that Snape had left her. Harry, his face turning red, glowered at him.
"You can't just leave her flowers; she's not going to want to see you!"
"She likes flowers more than she likes being coddled," he drawled, raising an eyebrow toward the flowers on the table and then back to the wand in Harry's hand. "I see you went with the latter for once."
Harry grumbled to himself before pointing his wand over to the newest vase of flowers, but Malfoy was quick to move his own wand defensively.
"Confringo!"
"Epoximise!" While Harry's spell had hit first to try to blast the vase apart, Malfoy's had hit not a tenth of a second later and had negated the effects enough so that the vase was knocked over, but unshattered. Instead, the water slowly dripped from the table to the floor and when Harry moved to the table to try to throw it away, he realized with a colourful slew of words that it was permanently stuck there.
"Take off the charm," Harry ordered.
"No," Malfoy said flippantly. "They're not yours to throw away."
"As if you're just giving my sister flowers for the act of it," Harry scoffed. "What are you playing at, Malfoy? Why can't you just leave Drea alone? She's been through enough this year."
"I know," he said simply. "I was there for more of it than you were."
Harry narrowed his eyes, Malfoy keen to meet the glare. Sirius didn't know whether to roll his eyes at their determined hatred for each other, or to start making bets on who would be the first to attack the other. Right when it looked like Harry was about to shout out some other insult, Malfoy took a deep breath and looked back at Audrey before he looked back to Sirius and Harry in turn, a sneer marring the fleeting emotion that had flashed in his eyes.
"Tell your sister I'll be back when the old nurse lets the dogs out, would you?" He asked snidely, turning on his heel and walking out of the infirmary as if the interaction hadn't happened at all. Harry took a deep breath, his hands clenched into fists for as long as it took for Malfoy to walk out the room and have the door close behind him. He turned back to Sirius at this point, who tilted his head as if to ask him if he were okay – there was no point, Sirius could tell he wasn't.
Harry looked guiltily down to his sister for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed, before he tried conjuring his own flowers for her. It took three tries for him to get the purple petunias the way he wanted them, but eventually they sat there, just as vividly as the orchids that Malfoy had conjured before him.
"I don't get it, Sirius," Harry muttered, his head shaking while his eyes skimmed confusedly over the bouquets of flowers back to her. "How did I not know?"
Sirius wished that he could comfort Harry in some way, but even if he were to become himself again so that he could speak to him, he didn't know what he would have to say. It was obvious to Sirius from even before this interaction that there was something going on between Drea and Malfoy – it was obvious to anyone who had read those articles, or who had seen the two interact. Their reactions were magnetic, energized with some extra energy that Sirius was not used to seeing...and he wasn't sure he really wanted to see this energy between his goddaughter and someone whose parents he despised.
The Malfoys were everything that Sirius hated about the Wizarding World. They represented all the Pureblooded supremacy that he had always fought against when he was younger and they represented all the darkness that had plagued him since he had escaped the horrors of Azkaban. To think that a Malfoy had wormed his way into Drea's vulnerabilities was not only sickening, but it was worrisome. She was a smart girl, but she was far too open – for him to have become so close to her in ways that Sirius always knew she walled off to others made him wonder what other ways he would be able to manipulate her later.
If he was manipulating her, that is. He couldn't deny that there was something very unlike his father when he looked at Audrey – it was true, that his fears were based off of a generation before this one; but how could it not have passed on? Look at how that world had ruined Sirius' own brother, look how it was already bleeding into Audrey's bitterness...even if Draco Malfoy wasn't as bad as his father, the potential for all that disaster was there. What was he to do as her godfather, tell her no? It would only make her more resentful – there was no safe way of going about keeping them apart...no matter who was the worst influence between the two of them.
As the sun began to sneak over the horizon and bleed into the infirmary around them. Sirius was trying hard to stay awake but was having a lot of trouble considering he had slept on the floor so that he could keep his ear down and listen for anyone who decided to come to visit Audrey again – he didn't want another Malfoy-Potter interaction like the last time.
Sirius was woken when Harry nearly jumped out of his seat and his foot came down right near his muzzle. He rolled over onto his belly, looking up at Audrey. She looked...drained. After all the sleep she had been forced to get, she still didn't look rested. Her hair, so much like James', was a mess and her eyes were bleary and dull. She gave a small, insincere smile to comfort the two of them.
"Hey," Harry's voice responded quietly. "I didn't know you'd woken up."
"Well, you seemed preoccupied," her voice was flat, even if she showed the slightest hint of being amused. Harry looked awkwardly down to Sirius, looking like he wasn't sure what he should say. Sirius didn't really understand what was so awkward about conversing with her – she had just killed a man to defend the both of them, she had just saved his mind from being overtaken by Lord Voldemort and she was finally willing to speak to them. How could he not find words to say now?
"I just...er, thought you might want some more company," Harry's face darkened while he looked down at the ground, trying to keep Audrey from seeing his reaction. "At least, I figured I'd be better company than your other visitors."
"Which were?" Sirius huffed to himself, knowing that Harry was just bursting to mention his curiosities about Audrey's love life with his Slytherin nemesis. This was hardly the time to mention it after the past day.
"Well, Snuffles hasn't left, Snape was here for a while, then your good pal Malfoy didn't like being thrown out of the wing and-"
"Malfoy came? When?" It was impossible not to notice how Drea had perked at the mention of him. Her dull eyes looked so hopeful that it was almost startling – a vulnerability that Sirius wasn't used to seeing from her...a vulnerability that worried him. She seemed to be completely unaware that Harry had said that Malfoy had been thrown out of the wing – not that he had been thrown out as much as he had been insulted to the point of storming out.
"A few hours ago," Harry answered bitterly. Sirius couldn't help but huff again, which made Harry sigh and begrudgingly point to her bedside table. "He brought you those."
Her facial expression was impossible to read while her eyes grazed over the flowers. Finally, after a moment of absorbing the gesture her eyebrow quirked, "did you knock them over?"
"I tried to get rid of them," he corrected, glaring at the flowers as if they were as insulting as all the things Malfoy had said just hours earlier. "But when he saw I was trying he used a sticking charm. The petunias are from me."
"I'd guessed," she mumbled, looking out the window across from her bed. She looked so strange, not snipping or making some witty comment to insult Harry's bad hair or acknowledging Sirius with some out-of-taste dog jokes. Harry, seeming to dislike the silence, decided to break it.
"So...you and Malfoy, eh?"
"Me and Malfoy," her eyes moved from the window to Harry with a look of acceptance. "What about it?"
"Do I need to be worried?"
"I doubt it," Sirius was glad to hear she almost snorted at the thought – at least she wasn't upset that she was being questioned. Perhaps she'd expected it, since Ron hadn't been able to shut up about it.
"But you snog," he asked, sounding like he feared the answer.
"You snog Cho," she responded, not answering the question.
"I did snog Cho. Once," he pointed at her accusingly. "And she's not your enemy."
"She might as well be," Audrey's eyes rolled. "And Malfoy isn't your enemy, either."
"Yes he is!"
"Because he's a Slytherin, or because I've snogged him?" Sirius couldn't help but let his tongue loll out happily as he watched them – this was normal bickering between the two of them. He was glad that the conversation could still stay relatively light after all that had happened the night before. Sure, they were arguing, but what siblings didn't? It wouldn't be like Harry if he wasn't upset Audrey was dating – nevertheless dating a Death Eater's son.
"Because he's a bad person. And a prat!" Harry added loudly.
"A 'bad person' that I happen to enjoy the company of," she shrugged to herself. "You know, when he's not being a prat."
"You still snogged him," Harry shivered in disgust. Sirius couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh that came out like a small bark.
"I did," Audrey finally smirked, in that way Sirius knew so well. It comforted him to see it, even if he knew it only meant that she was excited to be making Harry so uncomfortable. "A load of times."
"Really, is that necessary?"
"Probably not."
"Well next time you decide something isn't necessary, don't tell me," Harry informed, relaxing back into his chair.
"Only when you don't ask me unnecessary questions." Sirius sat up a bit more, resting his face on the edge of her bed and enjoying the way she absently rubbed the top of his head.
"So..." Harry drew out the word again, as he had before. "Are you two...dating? Because I don't approve."
"No," Sirius barked out a laugh while Audrey let out a scoff of her own. "He's just a good snog."
"And you've only snogged? Because I definitely don't approve of-"
"Yes. We have only snogged..." she paused, as if deciding that it wasn't quite upsetting enough to leave Harry thinking about. "We have only snogged against every flagstone of this school."
"Oh, Merlin!" Harry hissed, shaking his hands as if something slimy had touched him. Sirius couldn't help but laugh watching the interaction, it was good to see that some things were still okay...that Audrey would heal and still remember who she was. And as much as he may not approve of the idea of her and Malfoy, she certainly did seem happier when he was mentioned – especially with Harry's dramatic reactions. "He's vile!"
"Not at snogging."
"I don't need to know that!"
"Then you should stop mentioning it," she responded in a monotone. There was another silence where Sirius could tell she no longer wanted to talk about her relationship with Malfoy. Perhaps it was because she had just sent his father to jail, or perhaps she didn't like thinking about the Slytherins and how they were going to find out when her friend Theodore was told about his father's death...
Sirius tried to hold back a whine when he saw the pain in his goddaughter's eyes and knew it was the latter.
"So..." Audrey drew out the word just as her brother had, trying to fight away the pain with distraction. "You have to kill Voldemort."
There was hardly a second of acknowledgement while the words weighed on the three of them. Sirius could practically feel the discomfort rolling off of the twins – he nearly expected Audrey to crack another window under the pressure.
"Yeah," Harry breathed out, trying to keep his voice steady. Sirius couldn't help but wonder how panicked he really felt about it – there was no doubting that he would feel overwhelmed; knowing that you have to kill someone; nevertheless the most powerful Dark wizard in history, could not have been an easy fact to swallow.
"And Voldemort's been the one making you a hormonal bitch," Audrey continued while Sirius tried not to roll his eyes at her tone.
"Yeah."
"And you have yet to admit that I was right," Sirius let his tongue loll out of his mouth again. Even though he knew she was hiding how hurt she really was over everything that happened, she was trying to be herself. The effort meant more than the result. It was also nice to see that she wasn't really holding this year against Harry as much as Sirius feared she would; Audrey could hold a grudge even better than Lily and considering he had gotten her in trouble, kept her out of something that broke the rules – such as his dueling club – and he had dragged her along to a false-alarm rescue mission...she was being quite forgiving.
"Right," Harry cleared his throat. "I meant to do that."
"No time like the present, then."
"You were right," Sirius barked out a laugh when it seemed like it was very hard for his godson to admit it. "You know...about everything."
"As always."
"As always," he agreed, but this time Harry's voice was not as light. Now it sounded like they were really talking about the actual problem at hand and even Sirius had to shift under the anxiety of what they had learned thanks to the battle the night before. "So tell me this...do you think I'm going to die?"
Sirius sat up straighter, paying close attention to his godchildren and their reactions. He was upset to see how resigned and calm Audrey looked as she spoke.
"I think we're all going to die," Sirius heard a growl escape his throat – he would never let his godchildren just die. "But I'll try to keep you alive as long as I can. Which I doubt will be very long."
"You always help me," Sirius knew that Harry would help her as blindly as she had just agreed to help him – but he didn't like how she just assured him that she would try to keep him alive, though she had just admitted they would all die. Did he have to be worried about her depression again? Audrey was a slave to her emotions, even when she so often tried to pretend she was lacking them.
"I don't know how great my luck will be with keeping you alive now that I'm a murderer." And there was the proof: Audrey Petunia Potter was not as emotionally invincible as she led everyone to believe and her downfall was that she didn't even realize it. "You might have to rely on your own luck from now on. I think I cursed mine away."
Sirius tried to keep himself from whining, the pain in her voice was palpable and behind her, the window quivered as she tried to keep control of her own grief.
"You didn't kill him, Audrey."
"I did," Audrey sounded as if she was fighting tears, something Sirius was absolutely not used to hearing from her. "I killed a human being."
"A Death Eater."
"Who was a human being in a mask," Audrey nearly yelled it, her voice breaking as she tried to make herself seem like more of a monster.
"A human being in a mask who was trying to kill you." Sirius was surprised how much Harry was trying to make it seem like because it was a Death Eater, it was okay – but a look that Harry threw him after Audrey took her head in her hands was enough to let Sirius know that he didn't mean it: perhaps he was trying to make Audrey's possible murder not seem as bad so she would stop tearing herself in two.
"A human being in a mask who was trying to kill me but failed...and was my best friend's father," Sirius wondered if her brother could even hear her, considering Sirius' heightened senses were all that was helping him. "I killed him, Harry."
"Bellatrix Lestrange's spell hit him, you don't know if that was what killed him..."
"Actually I do," Audrey explained. "Because I was touching him when it happened. That spell may as well have hit me – and I'm not dead."
"Spells aren't like circuits," Harry leaned over Sirius, casting him another worried look while he continued to try to reason with his sister. "It could have killed him and you wouldn't have known it."
"But I did know it, because I did kill him. It's alright, I'm trying to come to terms with it. If you keep arguing it, it will just take longer." Sirius made the executive decision to later remind his goddaughter that she was not nearly as great a liar as she thought she was.
"I'm arguing it because it wasn't your fault..."
"Stop trying to be a bloody hero. I killed him," it was so loud and so angry that it made both of the boys she was speaking to jump. She hardly even noticed as she began to rant herself into hysterics. "I could have overwhelmed his senses and knocked him out. I could have frozen him, or petrified him, or stunned him...I chose to burn him. I chose to make him scream and writhe. And I chose for him to die. So yes, Harry. You can be the hero, but in the end I'm not: I killed him."
"You did what you had to, Drea..." Harry cut himself off, glancing from Audrey to Sirius and realizing that it was a losing battle; she was completely deaf to his rationalizations and she was glad to keep herself miserable. They all stayed quiet for a long time, Sirius let out a sigh when he realized just how lost Audrey must have felt. She barely even opened her eyes so that he could try to find her in the turmoil behind them.
"Do you believe what Dumbledore said?" She asked, breaking the silence. "Do you believe that there is a fate worse than death?"
"I thought there would be when you were stuck in that veil," he said quietly, as if he didn't want to consider answering it. "What was it?"
A good question. Sirius couldn't explain what had happened in the Department of Mysteries either. He had yet to meet with the Order to discuss it, but he had never heard of someone getting stuck as she had been. She couldn't get herself out, even though she was a master of Magnuse and the voices she had heard were a sign that something else was dreadfully wrong. What had happened that night had not made sense and Sirius could see that they were both scared of it.
"I don't know, I forgot to ask. To be honest, I don't think I want to know."
Sirius certainly did.
"Why did it suck you in?"
"They wanted me," she answered quietly. "They said they wanted me."
"Who said that?" He asked with a guarded expression while his eyes flickered over to Sirius worriedly. Sirius could only imagine that his expression would have been the same were he human.
"The voices," she sounded almost surprised that he didn't understand. "The people who have died."
Sirius was glad that Harry couldn't find anything to say, because he was pretty sure Audrey couldn't take being told that she sounded mad.
"I have to go see Neville," Harry said after a moment, throwing a look to Sirius as if to tell him to watch her. "He's waiting for me in the common room to go down for dinner."
"I'll come with you," Sirius immediately barked a few times in warning; she wasn't supposed to go anywhere until she'd been properly checked over, nevertheless was she about to leave when she was in such an unstable emotional place. Harry put up his hand to stop her.
"No bloody way, you still need your rest."
"No one can make me stay in this bed," Sirius barked at her tone, warning her that he would give it a try if she forced his hand.
"Please, Audrey?" Harry asked, sounding resigned on whatever her decision would be. "You don't really want to go down there anyway, do you? Just sleep."
Audrey looked to both he and Harry for a moment before huffing in frustration.
"Fine," she crossed her arms. "But I'm walking you to the doors of this wing. My legs are stiff."
"All right," Harry was noticeably proud to have won the argument and had an extra bounce in his step. Sirius waited for her to get back, he fully intended to have her lay down and then lay on her knees to make sure she stayed put. She was stubborn and knew that now she was awake she probably would want to move, see people, or worse apologize to people who didn't yet know what had happened. He could save her from that for just a little bit longer, force her to stay in the bed until she realized how tired she was and fell asleep on her own – then he would convince her to do the same tomorrow, the next day, and even the day after that until she was strong enough to come to terms with what had happened.
Then again, maybe he was too late for that considering how quickly he was alerted to the voices coming from behind the curtain nearer to the door. One of them was his goddaughter. Both of them were angry. Damn, Sirius should have known that Audrey's curiosity would get the best of her, that she would have to go and take a look behind the only other drawn curtain in the room. Dolores Umbridge usually kept to herself while in the hospital wing, but from what Sirius knew of his goddaughter's hatred of her, he doubted Audrey would be as considerate.
It wasn't their raised voices that made Sirius start to run, though he had already been on his way – it was Audrey's scream. It was as if he were in the battle all over again, hearing that scream and hearing her in pain. By the time he had pulled back the curtain around the area, Audrey was hissing and holding something out of reach of the squat, horrible woman.
"It's mine, I say! It is a Selwyn family heirloom that has been handed down-" the Ministry woman spoke while she reached greedily for whatever Audrey held out of her way, but she couldn't reach. Audrey was small, but this woman was even smaller – besides, Audrey's wild eyes and look of slaughter was enough to let Sirius know she wouldn't give it up without a fight. Umbridge rose to the occasion, moving around to grip at Audrey's arm and scratch at the skin helplessly; Audrey held it above her head, looking as if she was baring her teeth at the woman.
"Liar!" Audrey's voice sounded odd, somewhat strained or transposed – Sirius realized she was in pain. He moved forward, knowing that he had to stop her from hurting Drea any more than she already had. "That necklace may be ugly enough for you, but I can promise that no one in your family has ever been talented enough to put that kind of curse on it."
Umbridge had no time to respond to Audrey considering Sirius clung his teeth around her ankle and tugged harshly in the opposite direction. The blood that rushed into his mouth was more than unpleasant, but he was glad that he could pull her farther away from Audrey.
"Snuffles, no!" Audrey threw something to her feet and lunged for Sirius, so he let go of the woman while she dove forward to grab what had been dropped. Sirius gagged, barking out his distaste before he saw Umbridge hold a necklace close to her chest as if she was terrified of having lost it.
"I'll have that dog put down!" She shrieked, pointing her finger at him. "I'll kill it!"
"No you will not," Audrey's statement was a poorly concealed threat. She took a step forward and smiled in the scariest, most pleased way Sirius had even seen when the woman squirmed away from her. He was not used to seeing the look in her eye – the look of not caring if she did lose control.
"You – you," Umbridge pointed a stubby finger at the young girl. "You are a monster! A lying, traitorous, monster!"
"I am," Audrey leaned forward, her face a contortion of disgust. "So you'd best stay out of my way...or I'll kill you, too."
The woman began to scream and Audrey laughed, it was less maniacal than she had sounded earlier, but it made Sirius shiver from the intensity of it. Her palm barely seemed to bother her, no – it was bothering Sirius far more than it bothered her: why would she have been burnt? As he had found out, she usually did the burning – it was strange to see the magic rebound so angrily on her – if that's what had happened. Even if Audrey didn't feel alright with what had happened, Sirius was happy that she felt like herself if she got frighten Umbridge shitless.
Audrey's telling Theodore about the Department of Mysteries had been painful – he hadn't heard much of it, having to listen from Dumbledore's own quarters, before he was let out to see her once the boy was gone. The way she had broken down and sobbed was something that would always haunt his memories. Even when Snape had come to comfort her, which he would usually abhor, was something that was a relief – he wouldn't have been able to hold her together on his own. It was terrifying, to see how she was so beaten down by her friend's words. She had hardly stepped two feet into the Hospital Wing before she was demanding sleeping potion, drinking it down like it was the answer to her problems. Sirius watched her rest, watched how troubled she seemed even in her sleep. Even when his own eyes began to droop, he kept them placed on her, just in case she needed him later.
He should have known that it wouldn't be the end of it. He should have known that telling Theodore would only open up a new load of baggage that would weigh her down, because soon enough the two were not alone.
"Potter," the voice woke him from his sleep, making him jump and look around wildly. Circe, Audrey's pet kneazle that lay beside him, blinked her eyes groggily. She didn't seem concerned, which was a good sign; maybe the sound had been in his head.
"Potter," apparently not. "Look over here, dammit. I can see you."
Sirius growled, raising his hackles and trying to warn away anyone who would wake Audrey when she was so distraught. There was a figure crouched near where Umbridge's bed was; he was easy to see – the moonlight on his fair hair and complexion illuminated him and made him look effervescent.
"Malfoy?" Sirius was surprised by how awake Audrey sounded and silenced when she placed a hand on his leg to comfort him. She didn't look surprised to see Draco Malfoy after everything that had happened at the Ministry; her eyes were dull, as if she was preparing to be yelled at again. "What the hell are you doing here at quarter to four?"
"I was out to find a book on insomnia...no, I came to see you, twat." Sirius growled at the insult. "Will you get your mutt to shut up?"
"He's not a mutt," Drea countered immediately, shushing Sirius again.
"Oh, I know he's not a mutt," Malfoy made eye contact with Sirius and narrowed them, "he's a cousin, I believe?"
Sirius was hardly surprised that Draco Malfoy knew about him; Audrey had warned him of this earlier in the year. As much as Sirius held a grudge against his father, seeing the two begin to interact made it easy to see the differences between them, especially after having spent the other night fighting the monster – the difference was in the eyes. Draco Malfoy, though he had the same eyes, did not have the same intention behind them.
"Not to me," Audrey pointed out, her voice a warning. "Are you here to tattle?"
"I'm here to ask you what the hell you were thinking," he stalked forward, suddenly looking much more angry. "Did you really think that telling Nott you killed his dad was a wise idea? Or did you do it to be noble?"
Sirius growled a little more loudly, Malfoy stopped again.
"Enough," Audrey commanded, Sirius quieted instantly, berating himself for actually acting like a dog. He turned his eyes to his goddaughter and glared; not only was that unnecessary but he was only trying to protect her from a Death Eaters son. He shouldn't have been here, even if he and Audrey had been disgustingly...close. "He deserves to know."
Serious whined out his disagreement; he did not deserve to know what had happened. Audrey needed to process it for herself first; she didn't need him calling her a moron or a monster. He could see through his goddaughter's posture that she was expecting just that. Still, Malfoy looked pleased; his smirk more smug than any newspaper article. "Hear that, Black? I deserve to know."
"You don't deserve to be a arse," Drea retaliated, her voice lowering. "And yes, I told him."
"Why in Salazar's pit of snakes would you do that?" Sirius was surprised that he seemed more confused than angry, maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he imagined? "The entire house is in uproar!"
Sirius certainly hoped not; Dumbledore had been so confident that Theodore would keep it to himself, that he wouldn't tell people who needed to know. Then again, if Malfoy knew it was possible that he had told everyone. How would Audrey survive that?
"They ought to be – the whole world just changed, Malfoy. I don't even dare to think what is about to happen to your family."
"My father will beat the charges again, I'm sure," he obviously was living in denial, every member of the Order had witnessed Lucius Malfoy there, commanding the broods of Death Eaters like some alpha lion during a feast – he wouldn't escape justice this time.
"He tried to kill me, you know. Your father," she explained listlessly.
"Yeah," Malfoy sighed, sounding almost as if she had just stated that he had told him some embarrassing childhood stories. "He does that."
"You won't defend him?" Audrey actually was able to sound curious, which was an improvement. She had sounded so dull, so dead these past few days – for her to actually sound like herself was something that made Sirius not so upset that Malfoy had stopped by.
"I'm not going to denounce him, either, if that's what you're asking." Malfoy leaned against the bed beside Audrey's, obviously trying to stay calm. "Can we get back on track? You told Nott you killed his father. What were you th-"
"I told him I killed his father because I did kill his father," Malfoy rolled his eyes, as if he knew how dramatic she could be and just assumed that she was acting out as she always did. "I did, Malfoy. Stop ignoring what I'm saying: I – killed – him. I won't defend it, but I won't denounce it, either."
"Funny," he muttered, looking out the window for a moment. "Are you're sure it was you?"
"Yes," Sirius let out a growl, whipping his tail to hit her arm – he wanted to let her know that even though Nott was dead, it wasn't her fault. It was self defense; Audrey or Nott...hell, Harry or Nott. She'd been trying to protect Harry and herself – that didn't make her a murderer. Besides that, there was no way of knowing if it was her magic or his insane cousin Bellatrix who had cast the final curse, the final moment of doubt and death would haunt her forever. "It was me, I was there. I felt it."
"Your dog doesn't seem to agree," Malfoy caught Sirius' eyes and glared, as if trying to read his thoughts and figure out what he really thought. This was something Audrey always did, and like when Audrey was trying to analyze him, Sirius was glad that he was a dog and harder to read. "What do you mean you felt it?"
"It was with Magnuse," Audrey curled in on herself, sitting on her hands as if trying to hide the blood that had already been washed off of them and Sirius watched while Malfoy's eyes watched the movement as if she were a wounded animal he was wary of. "Then we were both hit by one of your aunt's curses-"
"Aunt Bella?" his face dropped, shock overcoming his steely exterior.
"Yeah, her."
And then there was concern – something that made Sirius cock his head to the side as if he really were a dog that couldn't understand what he was seeing. "Potter, you should have died-"
"Yeah? Well, Nott did," Audrey gritted through her teeth. Sirius raised his hackles slightly, but she wasn't even looking at him anymore, her eyes were completely trained on the Malfoy boy as if he were the only thing in the world – and part of him wondered if Malfoy was, right then. There was no denying the connection the two had, the similarities between them – the way they thought, the way they were. Not even Sirius or Harry could rationalize, could think close to Audrey...but it almost looked as if he could.
"Then it wasn't you," Malfoy was suddenly passionate and stern. Sirius wanted to somehow agree with him, but he didn't want to break the bubble they had going, he didn't want to bring Audrey back to the present where it hurt. "Aunt Bella only aims to kill."
"But I was the one who finished the job," Audrey assured, she looked like she wanted to look at him but couldn't bring herself to do it. "If people would stop telling me I didn't do it, it would be easier to move on from."
"Potter," he looked as if he wanted to move closer, but gave Sirius a look of nervousness. Sirius wouldn't have taken away Malfoy's influence on her, considering she seemed so distracted. She was talking about Nott's death, sure, but it was almost as if saying how she wasn't in denial was her denial – and if that's what kept her sane, Sirius would let her live all her days that way. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Nothing," she seemed able to ignore just how intimate Malfoy's tone was, even if her cheeks did redden ever-so-slightly. "I would have thought you'd had enough of me by now...though the flowers were cute. And the sticking charm you put on them was a charming touch."
He smirked over at his work for a moment, likely playing the memory through his mind. Sirius nearly rolled his eyes, trying not to admit just how similar the two Slytherins really were.
"Thank you," Audrey said again, much more quietly. "For the flowers."
"I'd heard you fancied them," he looked away from her, as if he were embarrassed about his own moment of sentiment. He had been when he'd brought them, but Sirius had figured he may have been more open about his affections to her face – apparently not.
"Did the others find out that you helped me out of the castle?" Her eyes flickered to Umbridge's bed and Sirius had to hold in a growl when he remembered the night before, his eyes flickering to the barely healed burn marring her palm.
"No, I pretended to be stunned; just like you told me," Malfoy smirked as if it were a pleasant memory. "You missed it: it was comical to watch people running around like dogs with their tails between their legs – pardon the pun, Black."
Sirius huffed; he hated to admit it but were he not a Malfoy, the boy would have been a great friend for Audrey. At least they were well equipped with similar, terrible dog jokes.
"Wish I would've seen it." Sirius nearly let out a bark, he was so happy to actually see Audrey smile. Malfoy seemed to be just as pleased, holding back a smile of his own, both looking down and away from each other as if they were ashamed to let the other see it. Sirius couldn't deny how strange it was to see the interactions of Slytherins this way...he had a feeling, were he watching Gryffindors in this situation, it would be worlds apart in behaviour.
"You should stay with one of the Slytherins this summer, Potter," Malfoy suddenly decided, as if the idea were obvious. Sirius immediately began to growl and the silver-eyed boy held up his hands defensively. "It's for her own good, dog."
"It wouldn't be for my own good now," Drea said bitterly. "Come on, don't be so daft."
"I'm not saying stay with me while everything's being sorted," Malfoy frowned, as if the idea of her staying with someone else was something he had decided only after she had dismissed it. "But maybe with Daphne, or Blaise – someone not influenced by the Dark Lord. Stay with your friends instead of with your brother's, stay somewhere where those of us with resources can keep an eye on you."
"You don't trust that I'll be safe?" She laughed bitterly, squirming as if she was realizing her hands were uncomfortable things to sit on.
"Oh, I'm sure your little Order will do everything in its power to keep you safe," he drawled with a derisive tone, giving Sirius a bored glance to acknowledge he was one of the ones who had better make sure she was safe. "But they can't keep you safe from yourself."
"I'll be fine," she finally moved her hands from under her and rubbed them against her legs, shifting away from the crack in the wall she had made yesterday – it naturally drew Malfoy's eyes to it. He looked at it; his head rolling back in realization and worry before his eyes narrowed in on her as if he now had a target.
"I've seen that look in your eyes before," Malfoy said seriously, his voice firm. "You're worse off now than you were after Diggory died."
Sirius was not really sure what he was trying to accomplish – bringing up the time when she was the most upset, besides now...couldn't that accumulate and make it worse? Still, he seemed confident that he knew what he was doing and he had gotten farther in the past few minutes than Sirius himself had gotten the past few nights.
"If you plan to lecture me, you may as well leave-"
"I'm not lecturing, I'm enlightening...and you can't tell me I'm wrong."
It was the first time since the battle that Sirius was glad to hear Audrey's silence. At least she was acknowledging that she wasn't okay – that was a vast improvement from just hours ago.
"I don't have the energy or carelessness to take your advice – or your friendship – right now," she closed her eyes as if she was getting ready to be yelled at. "Things are about to get really bad, Malfoy – you need to keep your distance."
"Oh, don't you dare start!" He growled, his eyes widening as if he was both furious and confused.
"I'm not starting anything," she said, her voice once again sounding dead and toneless. Both Sirius and Malfoy seemed to automatically know what it meant and how she was curling back into herself to protect them again. "I'm finishing it."
"Don't you dare pretend that you're the hero, Audrey," Audrey noticeably winced and Malfoy actually stopped speaking for a second, shocked by the reaction. After a moment of analyzing it, he moved forward to place his hands on her shoulders and waiting until she caught his eyes. There was a long moment between them, a moment where they were the only two in the world, as he tried to explain that he understood what she was doing...and that he wouldn't just let it happen. "Don't push us away like a prat because you want to 'do what's right'."
"I already didn't do what was right," she looked away and Sirius let out a whine upon seeing that her eyes were watering – she was ashamed of it. "It's my fault this all happened, Malfoy. And I'm going to get you in trouble – I can feel it."
"Like you felt that you should 'stay away' from me last time?" Now was not the time for him to be condescending and Sirius found himself growling until Malfoy continued, his voice strong and his eyes reassuring. "Don't flatter yourself, maybe I like the danger."
"Well, I don't," she wiggled, trying to make him move his hands. He held on more tightly, as if anchoring the two of them to each other and the real world all at once. "And since it was my fuck up that got Nott killed, your dad locked up-"
"He won't be charged."
Maybe they were both living in a bit of denial.
"-and all of my friends hurt...maybe it's a sign this isn't working."
"Your head is what isn't working," Malfoy groaned, though he looked up and took a deep breath as if he was hurt and worried about where this conversation was headed.
"No, this isn't working!" Audrey all but yelled. "Sneaking around and snogging at night isn't going to be my main priority when Voldemort comes knocking on my door again!"
"So what then?" Malfoy snarled back – Sirius wanted to interrupt them and explain that he should be gentle with her, that she was already not okay and yelling wouldn't help – but they were immersed back into their own little world and he knew that he was not at all included there. "You're going to pretend that you enjoy your time with St Potter's band of merry men and leave the rest of us to deal with this on our own?"
"You want me to help you deal with it?" Audrey laughed bitterly. "We've seen what happens when I 'deal with it', Malfoy."
"You don't want to leave us behind," he shook her shoulders lightly, trying to sound more sure of himself and convincing. "You like us, Potter – it's no matter whether or not it started for your brother: we understand you better than he does. You like having people who think like you, who work like you, who act like you...people who don't judge you for being who you are."
He was right. As much as Sirius hated to admit it, Draco Malfoy was right. Audrey was a Slytherin – and she had friends that understood her better than the Gryffindors ever would – because they were entirely separate kinds of people. They had different values and morals and ways of perception...maybe that's why Audrey always felt so much worse about things, maybe that's why she always felt so alone when she was crowded by people. Maybe it was because they weren't her people...maybe this was something he would need to learn to accept. He was too late to accept it about his brother, but maybe he could make it right by accepting it about his goddaughter; she had earned far more than that.
Still, he could see that Audrey was closing herself off. She may as well have been shrinking into a corner and trying to mould into the wall – Sirius wondered if Malfoy hadn't been holding her up if she would actually try it.
"I'm a murderer, Malfoy. Now is not the time people will decide not to judge me."
"Sure, Nott will take some time to win over," Malfoy started, as if he were telling her that she would have to eat food she thought looked disgusting but knew she would like it – as if her ruined relationship with Theodore was easily fixed. Sirius had his doubts; of everything he knew about Theodore he was a good person...but there was only so much good and forgiveness one person has in them. In no way would he blame Audrey for Thuban Nott's death, but Sirius knew that it was something that wouldn't easily be forgotten...especially by his orphaned child. Malfoy – as if he were thinking along these same lines – absently ran his hands up and down her arms a few times; Sirius watched Audrey lean into it, goosebumps appearing on her skin...a strange reaction, an intimate reaction. He was surprised that she liked the sensation considering everything Sirius had learned about Audrey had started with her hating to be touched. "But the rest of them will understand. I understand."
Of course he did, Sirius didn't doubt it. The spark in their eyes was so similar Sirius would almost wonder if they had been friends for years; before they dated, before Hogwarts. The looks they gave each other was unnerving, he just couldn't imagine why – infatuation happened all the time, he knew that well...but that look...
Sirius barked nervously when the floor trembled lightly; Audrey, he could now see, was starting to spiral into her own thoughts and it was becoming dangerous again. She had done this just before Madame Pomfrey had given her the sleeping potion earlier in the evening.
The glass behind Audrey's head cracked again, for the fourth time since she'd returned from the Ministry.
"Potter, stop," Malfoy said nervously, his eyes moving from the crack crawling up the window back to Audrey, shaking her slightly and fighting hard to try to grab her attention. "Potter, get a hold of yourself..."
"You don't understand," her voice sounded dead, as if she were one of the ghosts that had plagued these halls for hundreds of years. She sounded that old, that exposed. She shook her head, trying to expel his influence from her mind and to shake off the hands gripping her shoulders.
"Audrey," she stopped immediately, her eyes wide as if he had just admitted his undying love for her. Sirius had no idea what about her own name had left her speechless, silent in a way that seemed awed. Malfoy, not nearly as shocked and far more composed, watched her like a hawk. He was criticizing her as if she were an exam he was taking, Sirius hardly knew what to make of it as he gripped her shoulders and lowered his face to be at level with her own. "Audrey, calm down."
His voice was so calm, even Sirius felt reassured. Audrey, still trying to fight helplessly, shook her head, her eyes starting to fog over in a way that made both men visibly uncomfortable. Malfoy even took in a breath, as if preparing himself for if tears actually fell. "I can't, it's not-"
"You can," Malfoy argued, his voice tense as his eyes moved danced from each of Audrey's eyes as if to see if one eye was telling him something different from the other. When he seemed to see something that encouraged him, he spoke again. "So stop being such a bloody girl and do it."
She narrowed her eyes, but it was just the distraction she needed. Their eyes stayed glued together, that unnerving look in their eyes sparking together like scraping metal while she calmed down in the wake of his taunt. Even though Sirius would have thought to challenge her, he had a feeling that it would not have had the same response. And that look...it was so familiar...
"See?" Malfoy shrugged arrogantly. "I know everything."
"No you don't," Audrey rolled her eyes, though she choked out a dark laugh. "If you did, you would understand why this isn't so black and white. You'd understand that it's best if we stop this-"
Sirius didn't know what to make of the fact that a Malfoy then grabbed his goddaughter and kissed her – he sure didn't like it. He couldn't tell if it was because he was a Malfoy, because he was a boy, or because he was being forced to watch it. In fact, Sirius felt sick watching simply because it was so intimate. It was one of those sweet ones that he had to turn his eyes from because he was interrupting such a romantic moment. But even as he turned his eyes away, and waited impatiently, he was upset that the kiss didn't seem to end.
Sirius, awkwardly, made a noise at the back of his throat to try to cut the kiss short. And then he did a second time because they hadn't seemed to be paying attention for the first. Malfoy immediately turned angry eyes to him, but Sirius couldn't make himself feel too badly – he had Malfoy to thank for calming her down, but he didn't owe him any intimate time with his goddaughter.
"Don't tell me you didn't understand that," Malfoy said quietly, looking back to Audrey – she looked as if she were confused; fingers against her lips and a look of bewilderment in her eyes – her very teary eyes. The fog in her eyes had disappeared and been replaced by a thick gloss.
"You should go," she whispered. She wasn't able to bring herself to look at him while she said it...which was a pity, it might have made her change her mind; it might have left her feeling more cared for, less alone...because Malfoy was hurt by it, as Audrey was hurt by her own words. Sirius felt his heart drop as she watched the two struggle with the words and understanding them – she was dismissing him...she was dismissing her best hope of understanding and the only one who seemed to have any chance at making her feel better. Sirius felt nearly as pained as Malfoy to hear it – Audrey was turning away from the best help she had.
"Don't do it, Potter," Malfoy warned, his tone low strong, but his eyes were begging in a way that he wouldn't let his voice. "Don't push us away."
"I have to."
"Don't push me away," his voice sounded more firm, but all the same more withdrawn – he was doing the same as she was...pulling back so that he wouldn't feel the slap that he knew would come. "I'm the only one that understands."
"Goodnight," she whispered, refusing to draw her eyes up to him as she moved back to lie properly on her hospital bed and turn her back to him. Sirius felt his insides curl when he saw that Audrey had finally given up and begun to cry – fat tears rolled down her cheeks in sticky, thick rivets that didn't seem capable of drying.
Behind her, Malfoy looked nearly as wounded. Tears did not fall from his eyes, but they glossed as if he had been staring straight into the sun; his hands were clenched into fists and he looked like he was teetering to take another step towards her, to continue the argument further until she finally gave in to seeing things his way. But he didn't move and Audrey didn't turn around, so he stood there helplessly, aimlessly, waging war against the words Sirius could almost hear playing in his own mind.
At one point Malfoy did manage to take a step forward, his mouth open and his finger pointed towards her accusingly – Sirius gave a soft growl and shook his head, making his point as clear as possible in this form. Malfoy looked back from Drea to the dog, his eyes fogging over again before he closed his mouth and shook his head back at Sirius. He moved forward despite the warning, looking as if he were going to lean against the wall so he could bend down to her level again...but he stopped himself. He waited a moment and reoriented himself so that he was facing away from her bed, slamming his fist against his own vase of orchids – it cracked under the force of his hand, but did not move. He pulled his hand back, shaking out the pain of the blow and sneering at the fact that the flowers were still there.
Malfoy took his injured hand and pulled out his wand, watching Audrey in her bed and looking more ripped apart than Sirius could have imagined. For a moment, Sirius wondered if he should transfigure himself back into a human – was Malfoy upset enough to do something stupid, to attack Audrey with the wand he was likely to snap between his fingers? But before he would have had a chance to react, Malfoy turned his wand to the orchids...and he wilted them.
He looked at the remains of the wispy flowers blankly, regarding them as if the message hit him only then as Sirius knew that the message would be so clear to Audrey when she saw them. After a moment of acceptance, Malfoy turned on his heel to head from the hospital wing. On his way out he was sure to curse loudly, walk over past Umbridge's bed and shatter a few of her kitten plates just to lift his own spirits – but by his quick steps and taught shoulders, Sirius guessed it didn't help. He watched as the boy ran his sleeve along his face, almost as if clearing tears that Sirius had not seen fall and when he reached the doors he opened them, daring to take one last look at Audrey.
She was not watching him leave...and that seemed enough to tear him in two. He gave her one last look – this horrible, terrible look that was so helpless and hopeless and... And then, Sirius understood exactly what he was seeing – exactly why that look between Audrey and Malfoy had made him so uncomfortable.
It was because it was exactly how Snape had looked at Lily.
Based off of my story Green Eyed Monster.
I do not own the Harry Potter universe or its characters. I do own Audrey Potter, her ridiculously vivid potion-making skills, and her wicked nicknames.
Thanks go out to Ergelina, Mischief and Magic, xXMizz Alec VolturiXx, SwiftAlice, Lizzy B, Littlemissvengeance, Angel of the Night Watchers, Nicky-Maree, John's Mourning Moustache, LoveableAmethyst129, BlackRose, instarlightinanotherworld, Cookie Seller On The Dark Side, bleeding-roses-16, WORMoverBOOK, and Geri for their wonderful reviews.
Enjoy the flashbacks and please review :)