Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jim opened the door to the house, walking inside with his arms full of mail. "John's results are here!" He called, sorting the mail into piles by recipient. "And a letter from his mom!"
Clarissa yawned, taking a drink of her coffee as she stepped into the sitting room. "Good, maybe this will help us clear things up." She took the letter from Jim, opening the top and slipping the paper out of the envelope.
Dear Mrs. Standish, I received your letter regarding Johnny's birthplace and the events after his birth. I suppose I should start with how he came to be.
I was nineteen when I met John's father, I thought it was love at first sight, but after we got married, he was in a car accident that killed his best friend and injured both he and his brother to the point of mental issues that were never diagnosed. This accident changed him, he became distant and cold, until eventually I began looking for the love I wanted in other men. I'm sure John has told you about his father's doubts of his parentage, and I can assure you that John is his father's child.
I don't remember much of the night I became pregnant with him, that was the first night I'd taken a drink, but I do remember John's father hitting me until I was no longer able to fight back and he forced himself onto me, sadly John was conceived out of pain instead of love. John's father didn't know about my pregnancy until I was almost six months along, and once I began to show, he kicked me out of our house saying that it was my fault and that he didn't want the bastard child I was carrying. I spent the first night at my sister's house, and she drove me to our mother's the next morning after Jacob had called her saying that he would murder both me and the child if we were there when he showed up.
John was born early because I continued to drink for the first half of my pregnancy, resulting in him being underweight at birth. I gave birth to him locked in the bathroom of my mother's apartment, shooting myself full of any drug I could find to help the pain. John was born so blue that I thought for sure he was dead, and I regret to admit that I was relieved with that thought. I didn't want to return to my husband with a child, I was too afraid that he would be hurt like I was, but after John took his first weak breath, I knew that he would be a fighter. I can't recall my mother's address at the time, I only got to visit her a few times after John was born before she passed.
I remember John being six when his father first hit him, and I remember the heartbreak I felt for my child like it was yesterday. John was so battered that he couldn't even cry out from his pain. Believe me when I tell you that I did try to stop Jacob from hurting my baby, but he wouldn't have it, he defiled me in front of Johnny before locking me in the closet while he continued to beat my child. I became pregnant again after that, but I made sure that this baby would never feel the pain that John and I did. I went to an abortion clinic thinking that it was the best option for us, but now I regret every second of the prosses, I should have taken John and fled to a safe place for us.
John never knew of my pregnancy, and I pray you will keep my secret from him. I didn't want to scar him worse than he already had been by his father.
I'm not sure about John's entire drinking and drugging past. I know that he smoked a little weed here and there, and I also know that he had his first drink at age eight, but other than that I don't know what he did. I don't know anything about his sexual history either, I do know that he's had a few girlfriends over the years but I don't know anything else.
Please tell John that I'm sorry, and I wish I could have been braver for him. Sincerely, Beverly Jane Bender.
Clarissa wiped her eyes, folding the letter in her lap as she dropped her head into her hands.
"Mom?" John's voice asked, concern think in his tone. "What's wrong?"
Clarissa looked up at the young man, reaching her arms out to him and pulling him close as he sat beside her. "I love you." She hiccupped, feeling him return her hug. "You are so strong." She pushed her fingers into his hair, looking into his eyes. "I am so proud of the man you are."
John reached for the letter, wondering what it had said that made her react this way.
She pushed his hand away, knowing that he could never read what was written there. "No." She stated, not missing the hurt in his eyes. "Your mother asked to keep it between us, and despite what she did, I must respect her wishes."
John nodded, standing to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. "I get it." He sighed. "She doesn't want me to know about my sibling." He'd never let his mother know he new about the pregnancy, never told her that he'd found the test in the trash when he was looking for food. "I knew about it all along, but it doesn't matter now." He pushed passed Claire on his way out of the room, craving a good stiff drink but knowing he would settle for black coffee.