Chapter 4

Monroe couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure would Charlie come to his room tonight. He was nervous. Was she interested in him? What if she wouldn't come at all? What if she had decided to not try and form a more intimate relationship with him? What if it would also wreck their friendship? She would never be on his side again.

What if she would be with him just to get a revenge? That was farfetched but his anger lighted again. He pressed his hand into a fist. She wouldn't do that. She wasn't like that. He opened his hands and sighed. It had to be something else. She wasn't manipulative. He had been before.

He couldn't just be, so he pulled his jeans on and took the long-sleeved shirt from the chair.

He wasn't sure if he should go and find Charlie, or just wait if she would come to him.

Indecisive, he walked around his room. Finally, he heard something.

Charlie wasn't sure if she was going to Bass' room tonight. Everything was too bright, too hot, too messy. Her emotions all over the place. She didn't want to get hurt. Why on Earth she felt this way for Monroe? She didn't understand, and she didn't want to. Because she knew why.

She knocked on his door. Then she went in and pulled the door closed behind her.

"You came.", he said.

Charlie wondered why he was on his feet and dressed. The missing socks she didn't count. She didn't remember Monroe like this either. He seemed to be a little unsure. Nervous even. Why?

Could it be that he wasn't sure of her? Monroe interested her even more now. She saw him look down for a moment and put his hand on his neck.

Why was he like this?

"There are things which need to be solved."

"Like what?" Monroe dropped the hand, then he seemed to be himself again. His eyes piercing, like he would know what she was thinking. She knew he was probably bracing himself, expecting some kind of bad news from her.

"If you don't want to talk..."

He dropped the act a bit and there it was again. She saw a glimpse of what he was really thinking. His eyes worried, then dark. "Okay. Let's talk."

Then he reminded her of the days he had power. His expression grim. He was standing confident. Looking taller. Suddenly she felt very alone.

Maybe this was a bad call.

"You know we are friends."

Monroe softened a little. "Yeah."

"I don't want to ruin that. But I still can't help how I feel when I'm with you."

She watched him. His eyes enlarging from surprise. He looked confused. "How… I did all those things. You say you forgive me but then this?"

He breathed deep in and walked to the window. Watching out into the night.

Charlie didn't expect this. He acted like he didn't want to know.

"I'm sorry, maybe it was a mistake."

"Don't. You don't get to say something like that and then tell me it was a mistake. Just don't."

"Fine.", she said and walked to the door.

She could hear him move. Then silence. She didn't know what she had expected. But not this. It was like he didn't even care what she had just revealed. She felt hot tears burning behind her eye lids. She hated them. She hated how she felt. And she hated him. She turned and felt her anger rise.

"Listen Monroe. I didn't want any of this. So, could you just for a moment try and not be a dick?"

Monroe snorted. "You don't let me answer."

Charlie felt suddenly ashamed, for jumping into conclusions.

"I don't believe you."

"What? I'm done with your stupid games. Clearly this was a mistake."

She turned again for the door and left.

After the quarrel Bass started to drink (his stash of the old whiskey from the bar) and Sam joined him for a while. Then Sam went to sleep. Bass was left alone by the fire, in the dark night.

He didn't feel good. Although he could understand if Charlie didn't want him. He had been evil when he was the president of the Monroe militia. And done horrific things, just because he could. Now that he felt something different, maybe she didn't. He took a swig from his bottle.

Maybe she wanted to be with the Jamie boy. Hell, he would suit her for her age. But otherwise. It was a big no. He shook his head. He knew he was too old for her anyway. But he couldn't find any fault on Charlie. He wouldn't ever do that to her. She was gorgeous, intelligent, independent.

He still felt protective towards her, even though she would never like him the way he liked her. Another swig to sooth his nerves. He knew he would get angry if he didn't do something about it. He decided to get wasted, at least that way he couldn't think or hurt anyone.

His plans were disturbed by approaching footsteps. He wasn't sure who it was, so he was suddenly very aware about the sounds of the night. Through his whiskey hazed brains he saw a form appear. It was a woman. His blood running faster in his veins when he realized it was Charlie.

His heartbeat a little stronger. He sighed.

"What are you doing here?", she asked.

"I could ask the same from you.", he said, slurring just a bit.

"You've been drinking. Why?"

"I don't need your acceptance."

"But you need a reason."

"Well, fuck that. Who needs anything?"

Bass tried to drink again but Charlie took the bottle away from him. "Let's have a drink to that."

Charlie took a swig from his bottle. He watched her. Her lips on the top of his bottle, where his own had just been. It was weird but hot.

"Now we are going to talk.", the look on her face determined.

"About what?"

"Why you are acting this way?"

Monroe walked to the fire and sat on a bench. She followed and sat a bit further from him. Silence.

"I give up.", he grunted.

"On what? I'm listening."

Monroe watched the fire. "Do you ever think that something should be different but you're afraid to change things if they go for the worse?"

"I'm really trying to understand you Monroe, but could you be more specific?"

He was silent again. Then he gazed at her.

"There are better men than me...", then his voice trailed off.

"If you don't talk, then I don't know what is going on."

"I know you like him."

"Jamie? Well, he is nice and funny."

Charlie had the weirdest feeling when she realized that Monroe took this somehow very seriously.

"Maybe I was stupid enough to hope you would like me."

Charlie inhaled deep.

"I know, I know...", he said, his voice descending into a whisper. "You hate me."

"Hey, look at me. Do I look like I hate you?", she asked.

He leaned into her direction, shifting enough to turn to her. His hand on the back rest, almost touching her. He gazed at her, then down.

"You should get some sleep.", she said.

"No… I don't need sleep. I need you."

He gazed at her again. He was afraid that he would cry.

"You will never like me. Not after what I did."

"I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. Just what I said earlier."

"Why?", he asked, his voice breaking a bit and giving up the turmoil inside him.

Charlie put her hand over his shoulder. He grabbed her hand, gently.

"You are different now.", she said.

He couldn't believe it. Yet he was insanely happy and sad the same time. Her other hand landed on his knee, when she was supporting herself when she came closer. Instinctively he leaned in, very slowly. "What do you mean by liking?", she asked.

"Everything.", slipped from him.

He only hoped she would get it. He stared at her and looked at her lips, then back to her eyes.

She wasn't backing away but didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what she was thinking.

Just then, when he was about to give up, she moved in on closer. He felt again the rush of blood and his heart started to pound in his chest. He mimicked her and closed the distance slowly, with her. He closed his eyes and felt her lips brush his. It burned in his blood and he lost all coherent thoughts. He needed more. He opened his eyes. She looked at him.

"Oh God, Charlotte.", he gasped.

She kissed him again. This time it lasted longer, although it was still tentative. He enjoyed every second of it.

Monroe woke up alone. He missed Charlie. At downstairs he ate something and went to work. He didn't see Charlie. He had already cleaned and greased all the harnesses, bridles and saddles. So, there was only the task of leading the horses to the pasture and clean the stalls. He saw Charlie from the distance, walking in the corridor of the stables with Jamie. He watched her, not ogling Jamie this time. She looked back at him and smiled. Bass felt something he thought he had lost for good. He felt joy bubbling inside him, and he smiled back at her.

He went in early for the lunch. Lizzie was there.

Monroe had already got to know her a bit, so he smiled at her. "Good day."

"Good day, Jim."

"When do you have lunch time?"

"I was thinking, maybe you could end the work for the day and take Carla for a pick nick to the river?"

Monroe stared at her.

"I'm not stupid, I have eyes. I know there's something going on with you two", Lizzie said and grinned.

"If it's okay with you."
"That's settled then. I'll put some food and drinks for you into a basket. You can clean yourself, change clothes. Jamie will prepare the horses."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. It's important to find some love in this God abandoned world."

Monroe wasn't sure if Charlie loved him. At least she was into him. It was enough for him now. He went to wash himself.

Monroe chose the blue jeans over his old pants. And the white t-shirt. He pulled his fingers through his wet curls and wondered, did he need to trim his beard. He decided not to do anything to about that. There was no time, if the basket and the horses would be ready soon.

He trotted the stairs down, grabbed the basket from a table in the hallway, shouting thanks for Lizzie and bolted out from the door.

Jamie was holding the other horse. Charlie was already mounted, waiting for him. Her hair was open, but her clothes were something he hadn't seen before. He couldn't see or hear anything else after he laid his eyes on her. She had a turquoise summer dress with spaghetti straps. He had never seen a dress on her before. It was a notable moment.

She was so beautiful, he didn't remember the last time he'd have been so impressed by anyone. He had to remind himself that there were things to do and force himself to move.