A:N- hey guys sorry it's taken so long to get a new chapter out i have a lot happening in my life right now.
Chapter 8 :- Bleeding love
Chloe had noticed that since the night of the fight beca had changed. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but she knew something had snapped inside of beca.
Chloe had tried to be there for her and had even given her space. But things were hard and beca was hiding something. Chloe had started to notice small changes at first. Things like spending longer in the shower and hearing small sobs, or wearing long sleeved shirts on some of the hottest days. But today was different, beca had been going into work less, but today was a day she had finally chosen to go in so chloe took the opportunity to wash some clothes.
This is the moment everything clicked into place for Chloe, blood... on the inside of becas top. Chloe's curiosity took over so she headed into becas bathroom. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until she spotted 3 small drops of blood near a basket that beca used for her first aid and medicine things.
Chloe slowly opened the drawer to see everything as it normally was, except for one thing. A small plastic bag was now in there, Chloe held her breath as she reached for it. There it was a small bag containing 5/6 razor blades 2 had small blood marks on them. Chloe fell to the floor and cried holding the bag in her hands, she had no idea what to do, she was angry.
Chloe had been on the floor for a while before she decided to stand up, she moved quickly tears still falling down her face, she grabbed a pair of keys from the side and went into the garage, she jumped into the R8 and sped quickly out. Chloe knew where she was heading and she knew it would be trouble, but she needed to help beca and this was her way of trying. Beca had been self harming for nearly 6 weeks and Chloe had no idea.
30 minutes later Chloe arrived and she swung the car onto the driveway. Stepping out and walking to the door without a single inch of hestiation banged on the door. Chloe was still silently crying and hadn't realised how tear filled her face or the fact she was still holding the bag of blades in her hand, that was until the door opened.
Chloe? What are you doing here? Where's Rebbeca, is everything okay?
No, she's not okay and I don't know what to do but something needs to be said and done!
Chloe held the bag tighter as she wiped her eyes, feeling the anger still inside her she was still fighting the tears she looked behind becas mum to see she was alone.
It's okay. Come in, he's not here.
Chloe stepped in and looked around there were pictures and newspapers cuttings of beca everywhere. Chloe followed becas mum into the kitchen where she was told to make herself at home.
Chloe hesitated but then proceeded to waste no time as to why she had made the visit.
Beca is hurting herself and has been since the argument. I don't know what to do, she needs her family and this is the only thing I can think of.
What do you mean hurting herself sweetie? Her dad will come round but he's finding it difficult.
He needs to speak to beca then doesn't he and tell her he cares about her and that he's struggling but still loves her! She is self harming, has been for 6 weeks and I didn't even know. I found the blood on her shirt and the blades just under an hour ago!
Chloe three the bag on the table and becas mum
Gasped at the sight of it, she reached out and grabbed it inspecting each blade.
Jesus! I had no idea it would affect her this way, she's always been so strong.
You need to speak to him. He needs to re establish communication with her, I'm not asking he accepts her being gay but he needs to support her. Quite frankly so do you!
Chloe, I can try and speak with him... but things aren't that easy, he's a complicated man. I can talk with her tho.
After a long hour and a half of talking and figuring ways out to help beca, Chloe wipes her tears and stands to leave... as she does becas mum grabs her arm and pulls her into a cuddle. Chloe sobs deeply into her shoulder unable to move away, she hears her mum speak softly.
I know you love her, I'm proud she waited for you. She's loved you for a very long time Chloe, please protect her.
Chloe nods as she pulls away, she gives a small smile and heads towards the door. She gives one last look before leaving the house and returning home to wait for beca to come back from work.
When beca finally arrived home from work, Chloe had set the table with candles and a smell that could take anyone's breath away... beca always knew to appreciate Chloe and when she cooks. She was a great cook. She slowly walked over to the kitchen and stood in the door way. Chloe was singing away whilst cooking in boy shorts and an oversized t-shirt.
Beca slid her arms around Chloe being mindful to keep her sleeves down. She gently kissed Chloe's cheek and cuddled her as Chloe continued to sing.
Beca sighed and cuddles Chloe in a little tighter.
I don't deserve someone so amazing like you.
Actuallly beca, you deserve the world. I love you and I'm always here for you!
I love you too baby.
After they had eaten, beca headed up stairs and went for a shower, Chloe had been quick to realise that this was when beca was hurting herself. Chloe quietly headed up to the bathroom to hear beca crying. She gently pushed open to the door to see beca on the floor holding her head, her eyes were quick to notice the blood and the blade in the sink.
Chloe walked over to beca and sat down next to her, she gently wrapped her arms around her holding her as close as she could. Beca cried harder as she tried to speak.
I... I ... I'm so sorry chlo, I'm so sorry.
Shhh baby it's okay, I'm here. I wish you had told me, I could have helped you.
I was scared you would hate me for it and leave, I don't want to loose you. I'm really struggling Chloe, I'm not well.
I know bec, I promise you I'll do everything I can to support you and get you better. You need to see a doctor, they can give you tablets... and maybe try counciling?
No, I don't want to sit in a room and tell someone all my problems. I just want my dad to tell me he cares and loves me.
He does beca! He's just struggling to understand, he will come around. Why don't you try and talk to your mum?
He doesn't Chloe or else he would have said! She probably won't want me in the house either.
She does beca trust me... don't get mad, but I went to see her. She knows that you're not well, she cares about you and is worried.
What the hell chloe! Why would you-
Chloe leans in and kisses beca, it takes a second but beca kisses her back then quickly moves away.
Because I love you beca and I didn't know how to help you, I got angry and went round to tell them how wrong they were. But I just cried instead, your dad was out but I spoke to your mum. You should call her bec.
Really? You did that for me? I'll call her tomorrow, I'm off work. I just want to spend tonight with you.
Okay, let's get you cleaned up? How about we have a nice bath together instead of a shower? I can give you a back rub?
Sounds amazing. Thank you Chloe.
What for?
Being there for me when I needed you and knowing that there was something wrong.
I'll always be here for you.
Chloe ran them a bubble bath and helped clean up becas arm, as she looked at the lines on her girlfriends wrist her eyes filled with tears, she leaned down gently and kissed each individual mark.
I love you, even your imperfections. You're my girl and nothing will ever change that.
Gayyyyy
Beca laughed as she replied and turned herself around so she was leaning backwards into Chloe's chest. She sighed deeply as Chloe wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly. This was becas safe place, nothing beat being in Chloe's arms.
How about that back rub?
The pleasure is mine
They spent the rest of the evening lying on sofa together watching Chloe's favourite films, beca smiled as she saw the smile Chloe wore so innocently as she watched the TV. Beca realised she was lucky to have someone like Chloe support her.
The next day beca woke up to see Chloe was missing from the bed. She rolled over to get her phone to check the time, it was only 11:23. She took a deep breath in and had a small stretch.
Beca was sat up in bed checking her emails, more demos and paperwork to complete. Chloe hadn't realised beca was awake as she gently pushed the door open, and tried to sneak in. She saw beca on her phone and smiled.
Morning baby, I made us breakfast.
Good morning! Oooo thought I could smell bacon.
Not just bacon, I made bacon pancakes.
God I love you!
They sat in bed eating and talking, beca spoke about how to approach her mum, as Chloe helped her to type out a message to send to becas mum.
All Chloe wanted to do was to fix this hurt of becas. She wanted to show her she was loved and wasn't alone. They spoke about taking away the blades and if beca felt the need to cut she would go to Chloe and they would talk or do something to help beca come away from the thoughts of cutting. Beca seemed to appreciate the effort Chloe was making and tried her best to make ideas on how to come away from it.
After beca had sent the text to her mum she received a phone call from her. Chloe heard the conversation was flowing well so she left them to talk in private. A short while later Chloe sent beca a text saying she was going to work for a little while and that she would be back for tea. Chloe had been so caught up in beca that she hadn't been going to work much either, however Chloe's work knew she needed to be at home even though they didn't know the details but respected Chloe's privacy and understood when she needed to be off or leave early.
Becas day had gone surprisingly well, especially between beca and her mum. She had been told how her dad was feeling and that he needed time to understand what had happened and learn how to become accustomed to it, he was struggling as he had never really encountered this situation even though he had seen hundreds of parents go through it when he was lecturing at university. However it was stressed to beca that he did love her and he still just wanted her to be happy.
Chloe came home from work around 6pm to find the lights dimmed and the table set for dinner, with soft music flowing in the background. Chloe saw a note on the table.
"Chlo, Just in the shower, I'm okay. I had a really good day! Got a lot to talk about, thank you for being so amazing and supportive.
I love you so much beautiful.
All my love
Beca xxx"
Chloe smiled as she read the note, she knew that recently their relationship had unofficially been on hold whilst they focused on becas mental health, but Chloe really wanted to start moving forward now things were looking a little better. She really wanted to talk to beca but wasn't too sure how to do it.
When beca had finally emerged from upstairs she was wearing a short sleved t-shirt and some skinny jeans, they sat down for a nice cooked meal and beca spoke about her day on the phone to her mum. Chloe felt great about how things were going, beca was getting her sparkle back in her eyes, she knew it wasn't over but she also knew it was getting better. After they had eaten and finished talking Chloe stood and grabbed a car key off the side.
"Lets go for a drive baby"
Beca smiled as she walked over and reached Chloe's hand to hold it. They walked into the garage and got in the car, they drove off.
Where are we going?
Beca asked curiously as chloe had a clear destination in mind, she knew this because her turns were planned as she indicated too far in advance.
It's a surprise, but I know you'll like it.
Oooo I love a good surprise!
By time they arrived it was just going dark, the sun was just setting and had stained the sky an blood orange colour, Chloe jumped out of the car and raced around to becas side to let her out, her face Beaming with happiness as the last few rays of sun caught her curly ginger hair.
It's beautiful chlo, I can't believe we've never been here before!
I wanted to bring you when the time was right and tonight felt like one of those nights. This is where I come to chill out when I feel stressed or sad. I thought this place would be just as valuable to you now too.
I love it chloe I really do! Look at all these people down there living their everyday lives whilst we stand up here looking down and nobody even knows we're watching.
I know I find it really peaceful, I could sit here for hours sometimes.
There was a content silence as the girls sat on the hood of the car looking out at the veiw, it was a perfect night, the sky was clear and the stars were out, a gentle breeze. It was perfect Chloe grabbed becas hand. The exchanged glances and a smile, as Chloe softly spoke.
I love you beca, I really want to be with you forever.
I love you more.
A/N: okay guys so beca obviously isn't cured of her depression and it will be a battle she faces but Chloe helps her make it easier.
I'd also like to add to anyone who is feeling depressed or is self harming, it's okay to talk. We all go through it, it just effects people in different ways. Please visit your doctor or talk to your family and friends! You're never alone !!