The next morning, Toadette went to check her mail, and found another letter from the same post office box, and the same bad spelling.

Deer Toedet, thank u fore yor ottograf. I wil trejur it alwaze. If it is posibel, kood u send me mor pickchers of u? Becawz u r so bootiful tu me. I luv u. I want to be yor litel skwidgie widdums! Luv, yor bigest fan

"Squidgie widdums?" Toadette asked, making a face as she read the letter. "Eww."

Toadette crumpled up the letter, and threw it into the trash. She no longer thought it was from a child. No way was she going to respond to this letter, that was for sure. When Gruber didn't get a response to his letter, he immediately wrote another one to Toadette.

"She probably didn't get it," he said. "She'll get this one. I'll make sure of it!"

In order to make sure Toadette got the next letter, he went to her house, and stuck it in the mailbox himself the next day. Then he hid in the bushes, and waited for Toadette to check the mail. When she did, she opened the letter, and read it.

Deer Toedet, I am riting this becawz u probly did not get my last letar. It probly got lost in the mayl, but that's ok. I still luv u. Pleez rite back tu me! Luv, yur litel Skwidgie Widdums

"Again with the Squidgie Widdums," Toadette sighed, as she crumpled the letter. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!"

Toadette threw the letter away, and left her house. She had to go to Peach's castle in order to help make the arrangements for Mario's latest party. Gruber jumped out of his hiding place, and glared after Toadette.

"Oh no you don't," he said. "I'm not gonna give up that easily, my little princess poopsie woopsie!"

Gruber ran back to his apartment, and began to write yet another letter to Toadette.

"She's just playing hard to get, after all," he said, as he dropped his latest letter in the mailbox. "She'll learn to love me, I'm sure of it!"

The next day, Gruber stuck three letters in Toadette's mailbox. Toadette retrieved them, and opened them, one at a time.

Deer Toedet, I figerd I'd stik my letars in yur maylbocks myself, just to mak shur u ar geting them. Pleez replie. I need to no yur reeding them. Rite bak to me, my deepist dezyer is to heer frum u, my luvlie fungus froot roll! Luv, Skwidgie Widdums

Toadette made a face, rolled her eyes, and went to the next letter, which wasn't much better than the first one.

Deerist Toedet, I wish u wood anser my letars! I want to heer from u, my sweet shuger babie buttar been! I luv u mor than I kan say. Pleez rite bak! Luv yur litel yummy gummy Goomby Woomby Goo. PS, send me mor pickchers. I adoor gazing upon yor beeyutifull face.

"Sweet sugar baby butter bean?!" Toadette shouted. "Oh yuck! These must be from that Goomba that was at the Tiki Lounge the other night! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!"

Toadette then went to the third letter, which had an audio tape inside of it.

Deerist Toedet, I luv u, I luv u, I luv u, I luv u! Luv (get the pickcher), yur litel Schmoopsy-Poo. PS: Enjoy the song. PPS: I luv u!

"Ugh," Toadette groaned, and she took the tape inside her house, and went up to the attic to dig out her old tape recorder.

"Maybe it's a good thing I saved this," she said. "You never know when you're going to get an audio tape in the mail."

Toadette put fresh batteries into the tape player, and pushed the play button. Almost immediately, she wished she hadn't. The voice of the Goomba was the next thing she heard, singing.

You're my honey bunch, sugar plum

Pumpy-umpy-umpkin

You're my sweetie pie

You're my cuppycake, gumdrop

Snoogums, boogums, you're

The apple of my eye

"Bleeccchhhh!" Toadette shouted. "I know I'm the cutesey-wootsey type, but that's too much, even for me to handle! I've gotta clear my head."

Toadette left her house, looking a little sick. As she was leaving, she ran into Toad, who was taking a walk around Toad Town.

"Hey, Toadette!" he called out. "What's the matter?"

"I've got a not-so-secret admirer," Toadette said. "I think it's that Goomba who was at the Tiki Lounge the other night."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and he's so gross. Look at these letters."

Toad began reading through the letters, and he made a face at some of the nicknames he used in them.

"And that's not the worst," Toadette said. "He also sent me a tape of him singing the cuppycake song."

"Oh no!" Toad shouted. "Not the cuppycake song! Gross! Ooooohhhh, I like cute as much as the next Toad, but that song is just too cutesy-wootsey for anybody! Bleah!"

"I know. I need some air."

"Come on, I'll take you downtown and buy you a nice strawberry banana smoothie."

"Thanks."

"And maybe a cuppycake."

Toad let out a laugh, and took off running, before Toadette had a chance to punch him, but she did chase after him. Gruber watched them leave, and was not at all happy.

"Looks like I've got to keep this up," he said. "I refuse to stop until she answers me!"

Gruber went back to his apartment, and began writing more letters, and stuffing them into Toadette's mailbox. Toadette was getting downright sick of it. And she nearly literally became sick when she found one of Gruber's letters smelled like rotting fish and old cheese. He had bought some cheap cologne and sprayed that particular letter with it. It got to the point where Toadette recognized the handwriting, and didn't even open the letters anymore.

"I need some advice," she sighed.

Toadette then went directly to Peach's castle. If anyone in the Mushroom Kingdom knew about abhorrent admirers, it was Princess Peach. She brought the unopened letters, the letters she kept, and the audio tape as well. When she got to the castle, she found not only Peach, but Mario and Luigi there as well.

"Hello, Toadette," Peach said. "What brings you here?"

"Yeah, the party's not for a couple more weeks," Mario said. "They've still got to build the boards, and that's gonna take awhile."

"I've got a problem with an unwanted admirer," she said, handing Peach the letters. Peach handed some to Mario and Luigi as well.

"Little yummy gummy Goomby-woomby goo?" Luigi asked, making a face. "Ohhhhh . . . . I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Even Bowser isn't this bad!" Mario shouted. "Not when it comes to names like this, anyway."

"The worst he's ever used is Peachykins," Peach said.

"I thought if I ignored him, he'd go away," Toadette said. "But he just keeps on writing."

"Yeah, Goombas are persistent little monsters, aren't they?" Mario said. "Obviously, ignoring him isn't going to work."

"Maybe you should write back to him," Peach said.

"What?!" Toadette shouted.

"No, really," Peach continued. "If ignoring him is going to make him continue to write to you, I think you should write to him and let him know you're not interested."

"You think that will work?" Toadette asked.

"I don't know," Mario said. "You've told Bowser you're not interested at least a billion or so times, and he never seems to get the hint."

"I suppose you two have any better ideas?" Peach asked.

Mario and Luigi looked at each other, and shrugged. Peach did have a point there. They couldn't come up with anything better, so Toadette went back to her house, and began composing a letter to the overly amorous Goomba.

The next day, Gruber went to check his P.O. box, expecting it to be empty (with the exception of a couple of overdue bill notices and general junk mail). Inside, he found a letter from Toadette. Immediately, he ripped it open, and began reading it, excitedly.

Dear Mr. Goomba, I am not interested in being your "little sugar baby butter bean," and I certainly don't want you to be my "little yummy gummy Goomby woomby goo." You will never get any more photos from me, and I am now regretting I ever sent my autograph to you. You are extremely annoying, not to mention disgusting. Stop writing to me. Signed, Toadette

Gruber's lower jaw hit the ground after he read the letter. The little hearts that were floating above his head cracked, and fell to the ground as well.

"This . . . . this can't be," he said. "She loves me! I know she loves me!"

Gruber just stood there, not knowing what to do, or say. Finally, he threw the letter down, and began stomping on it.

"No!" he shouted. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I refuse to believe it! I'll make her realize she loves me if it's the last thing I do!"