"OH JESUS! GOD HELP ME!" The young private on the operating table cried out.
"HOLD HIM DOWN!" I yelled to the surrounding medics, my scalpel poised and ready to slide into his bare skin.
"IT HURTS! MAKE IT STOP!" He screamed. "MOMMA!"
"More morphine!" I ordered above his screams.
"We don't have enough." Cooper said. "We can't afford to give him anymore, Jo."
"OH GOD! PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!"
"God damnit! Give him the morphine!" I ordered as I grabbed the struggling man's shoulders and brought he up to my chest holding him to me, trying to keep him from making his injury any worse. Cooper glared at me but did as I ordered.
"MOMMA!" The boy cried. "MOMMA!"
"Shh, calm down," I whispered into his ear rubbing one of my hands over his forehead and through his sweat soaked hair. "Shh."
"MOMMA! MOMMA! MO-" A gurgling noise came from his throat.
"No, no. Don't you dare!" I yelled in his ear and shook him. "Private. Private!" But it was all over. His glazed eyes looked back at me blankly. I gently laid the boy down on the operating table and stood back, staring at his lifeless form.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" I yelled as I knocked the empty boxes off of the shelf in frustration. "Fuck you!" I punched the wall, cracking open my dried knuckles in the process. I flexed my fingers and watched as my own blood seeped from the split skin.
"Jo?" Cooper placed his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off heatedly.
"Get him cleaned up and put him outside with the rest." I ordered and made my way out of the hospital into the cold winter air. I walked along the building and came to rest in an alley off the main road. I slammed my back against the wall and bent over, pushing my head into my hands and clawing at my scalp as I choked back a sob.
I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I needed to get away.
"Jo! More wounded!" Cooper's voice rang out from the main road. I covered my mouth with both of my hands and muted the primal scream that tore from my throat. I screamed and screamed, unable to stop, unwilling to stop. My throat felt as if it were on fire and fought to keep tears from pouring from my eyes.
"JO!" He yelled again. I pulled my hands from my mouth and took a deep, shuddering breath. I stood up and straightened out my uniform, using my shirt to wipe my face. I coughed, clearing my throat before making my way out of the alley.
"Jo, there you are." Cooper said. He raised an eyebrow at me. "You okay?"
"Yeah," my voice was a hoarse whisper. "Where are they?" I had to force my mouth to speak the words as my mind rebelled against the idea of facing any more wounded. My voice was gruff and raw with exhaustion.
"On their way, a whole truckload of 'em." I nodded and walked back into the hospital. I stepped over to a box of old rags we had ripped apart and sterilized into bandages. I grabbed one and wrapped it around my bleeding knuckles just as the truck pulled up to the door.
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It was the middle of the night and I was inventorying the pitiful amount of supplies we had left.
I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was killing myself and no one could help me, not even me.
I sigh as I looked over my own dismal supply report. I dropped the clipboard in disgust and flexed my sore hand until I could feel the sting of untreated wounds opening up and weeping. I unwrapped the bandage and watched as the tendons flexed through the skin when I made a fist. The lacerations for the most part would all heal well of their own accord, all but one. The cut on my middle knuckle had ripped open and sent a shockwave of pain up my arm. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feel of the physical, tangible pain as it overpowered the emotional pain. I squeezed it and watched at the crimson blood ran down from my wrist to my forearm and slowly trickled down until it dropped off of my elbow. I sigh and walked into the operating room. I searched until I found a needle and thread that had been sterilized with alcohol and a clean rag to wash the wound. I disinfected it with a splash of vodka, hissing as the alcohol stung the open wound. Once I was assured it was clean I poured some of the alcohol into a small bowl and used it to sterilize my hands before picking up the needle and thread.
I raised my hand to the candle light and slowly brought the needle to the open wound. I bit my tongue as it pierced through the delicate skin that covered my knuckle and then I pierced the other side of the wound, pulling the thread through. I repeated the step over and over, nine times in total before pulling the last stitch taught and tied it off. I cut the thread and dropped the needle and what remained of the thread into the bowl of alcohol. I sighed deeply as I rewrapped the wound with the dirty bandage and leant against the makeshift operating table.
"Impressive." Cooper remarked and I looked up to find him leaning against the door, his arms crossed. "Never seen anyone stitch them self back together before." He grinned sardonically at me.
"Well, prepare to be amazed." came my cynical reply "for my next trick I shall make my own head explode." I brought my hands to either side of my head and cupped them against me temples. I made a sound of exploding as I pulled them away. "Mind blown! How does the half breed do it?"
I wasn't dumb, I heard the names the men had called me. It was all well and good when they were dying and I was there to save their lives, but I was still what I was born and in this time it was not who but what they saw after the crisis passed. I fought the urge to take a swig from the bottle of alcohol we were using to sterilize the instruments and sighed as I rubbed a hand through my hair.
"Yeah." Cooper huffed, he had defended me, reminded them of who had saved their lives. "what's next? Pull a coin outta your ass."
"You gotta buy me dinner first." I deadpanned and he snorted. We stood in silence and just stared at each other, not saying a word, lost in our own thoughts.
"When's it gonna end, Jo?" He asked with a sigh.
"I don't know, Coop." I choked out. "I just don't know."
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January 1st, 1945
"Patton's broken through the line!" Cooper yelled as he rushed into the hospital. "We're getting supplies, food, a medical team, the whole shebang!" He nearly laughed. Relief flooded my every pore as I glanced at our pantry that held only a single case of tinned beans.
"Thank fuck for small miracles." I groaned as I collapsed into a chair.
"Happy New Year, Jo." Cooper smiled as he knelt down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. I brought my head up and grinned at him.
"Happy New Year, Coop."
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"WHAT!" The Major yelled at me. I winced as he had practically screamed in my ear, but I was just so bone tired that I no longer cared I was actually being reprimanded. "You've been operating on these men and you haven't even finished Med School!"
"Yes, sir." I nodded and stared blankly at the bulging, purple vein in his forehead.
"I ought to have you court martialed!" He yelled at me. I noticed the louder his voice got the bigger the vein bulged. I vaguely thought about warning him of the dangers of hypertension, but decided it wasn't worth the effort; he was a doctor after all. I'm sure he was already aware of the side effects of high blood pressure. I watched the vein ebb and flow like the tide as he continued to rip me a new one. "I swear to God, Sergeant, if any of these men die because of your mistakes, I will have your half breed ass thrown in the stockade so fast your head will spin. Do you get me, boy?" He spat with as much regard as if I were a bug that had ruined his shiny black boots with my yellow guts, even though he was the asshole who stepped on me.
"Yes, sir." I answered with as much conviction as I could manage… which honestly was much less than the moment called for. The Major glared at me and stuck his nose up in the air, looking at me as if he had smelt something awful.
"… Conditions are disgusting… blood everywhere… unsterile… no food…"
Granted, it had been nearly a month since the last time I showered and by the looks of him his last shower was probably the night previous at the latest. His clean hair gleamed in the light and his cologne hung heavily in the air, causing my stomach to lurch.
"Dumbest dumb fuck in the whole dumb fuck universe… what else should I expect from a red skinned savage."
Funny, I could handle the smell of the hospital, but the heavily perfumed officer was about to send me into dry heaves.
"… Inform General of conditions… never practice medicine again…"
I was brought out of my daydream by a hand being slammed on the table. I tried to pay attention to what he was saying, but it was just so hard to focus.
"Now, why don't you crawl your stupid fucking prairie nigger ass back to the shit hole you came out of." He growled at me. I stared blankly at him for a moment, too tired to move. "Are you stupid or somethin' boy? I said get." I forced myself to stand and salute the man in front of me. "Fuck off."
I momentarily thought about pointing out that that was not an acceptable dismissal, but I figured I shouldn't press my luck and I exited the tent, passing by the gleaming surgical tools, the heating stove and the cushioned bunk on my way out.
Cooper gave me a look as I exited the tent.
"What an asshole." He growled, having heard the entire conversation.
I grunted in response, too tired to care anymore. I raised my hand up in the air as a jeep came up to us.
"Oh, taxi!" I called out. The driver stopped and grinned as I jumped into the front seat.
"I'm heading back to the line." I informed Cooper, he nodded.
"Yeah, I've been ordered to stick around town for a while until we get all the wounded settled." He rolled his eyes. "You should be the one to stay. You know everything going on here." I waved him off.
"Oh, well. Can't hog all the fun now, can I?" I grinned the kind of goofy grin you get when you're so tired you no longer have complete control of your body. I turned to the driver.
"Once around the park, Geeves." I told him, bringing my legs to rest on the dash.
"Yes Sergeant." He snickered and stepped on the gas. I waved back at Coop as the jeep went speeding back to the Easy Company line.
I was finally going home.
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"Benny! Good to see you." Winters said as he shook my hand and smiled.
"Jo, you look like shit." Nixon grinned and took a puff of his cigarette. I managed a half-hearted glare.
"Sorry, sir. I'm too tired to come up with a witty retort. I'll get back to you,"I mumbled making Nixon chuckle.
"You do look terrible." Winters said in a less condescending and more worried tone.
"I feel terrible, sir." I replied and let out an involuntary yawn. "I've been quite busy as of late."
"So I hear." Winters answered. I gave him a questioning look. "Doc says they've kept you busy at the hospital." I snorted.
"That's an understatement, sir." I sighed and rolled my shoulders. "But I don't have to worry about that anymore. Patton's surgeons have got it all under control." My tone was a little bitterer than I had intended and Winters raised an eyebrow.
"Care to share?" Winters asked.
"According to some Major asshole-"
"Benny," Winters warned with a slight grin as Nixon snorted.
"Sorry, sir. I'm the dumbest dumb fuck in the whole dumb fuck world." Nixon burst out laughing and Winters raised an eyebrow.
"You should put that on your résumé." Nixon said.
"Yeah. Should I also put 'prairie nigger' on it as well?" I asked with a little self doubt. Nixon's change in emotion was immediate and violent. He stood up from the desk he was leaning against so fast he knocked it back, sending the papers and pencils that laid on it askew.
"He said what?" the intelligence officer exclaimed. "I'm going to go beat that mother fu-"
"Nix." Winters warned placing a hand on the man's arm to keep him from running off.
"He can't get away with calling Jo that!" Nixon yelled.
"Nix, you're an intelligence officer, act like it." Winters cautioned. Nixon took a deep breath and leaned back against the desk with a huff.
"What else did he say, Benny?" Winters asked.
"The Major said something about 'never practice medicine again,' during his hissy-fit." I shrugged. Winters scrunched up his brow in concern.
"Why?" He asked.
"Well, other than really hating the fact I'm a half breed, apparently the room I was operating in was unsterile, the conditions of the hospital were horrible and I was practicing medicine without a license, which is a federal offence. In other words sir, I am pretty well screwed."I sighed. Winters smiled as he gripped my knee and squeezed it gently.
"You did what you had to do with the tools you had at your disposal. That is all anyone could ever ask of you and more. Just because some-"
"Ignorant fucker." Nixon interrupted, Winters rolled his eyes.
"-threatened you doesn't make what you did there any less amazing." He patted my knee once more and stood up, looking me up and down.
"Well, I think it's time you got back to your company, Sergeant." I smiled and stood up as well, Winters stuck his hand out and I clasped my hand tightly with his. "It's good to have you back."
"It's good to be back, sir." I nodded.
"And don't worry about that Major, Jo." Nixon smiled devilishly. "I'll take care of it."
"I look forward to it, sir." Winters rolled his eyes and I smiled as exited the tent and made my way back to the line.
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I grinned as I looked at the picturesque sight that was before me. George, Buck, Roe, Guarnere, Muck, Skip, Malarkey, and Babe were all sitting around in a circle as Joe Dominguez dished them up whatever he had cooked up. I slowly made my way over to the group and stopped just as I got close enough.
"I wished I had my camera, this is a real Kodak moment in the making." I said and nine heads whipped around to stare at me. "Gentlemen." I nodded with a smile. George was the first one on his feet and in front of me in an instant. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug.
"Jesus, Jo. You have no idea how good it is to see ya." He said as he pulled back. He let his hands rest on my shoulders as he looked me over. "You look like hell." I rolled my eyes and brushed his hands off.
"Thanks." I muttered as the rest of the men came over to welcome me back with quick hugs and pats on the back.
"Jesus, Benny, what the hell happened to you?"
"I thought you were supposed to be dead."
"You don't look so good."
"When'd ya get back?"
"Looks pretty alive to me."
"You look like shit."
Yeah, I was finally home.
Buck and Gene were the last to greet me. Gene shook my hand and welcomed me back with a smile. Buck walked up and rested his hands on my shoulders as he looked me in the eye. I watched his eyes cloud over for a split second before clearing to their brilliant blue as a huge smile threatened to split his face in half.
"It's good to have you back, kid." He said as he clapped me gently on the cheek and pulled my head into his chest. He gave me a brief hug before pushing me away and looking me over. "Jesus, you look like shit."
"That does seem to be the general consensus." I laughed.
"Joe! Joe, get the kid some food, huh?" Guarnere laughed as he grabbed my shoulder and forced me to sit. Joe placed a cup of food in my hands and I smiled and laughed along with the men as I slowly picked at the food, savoring every morsel of it, even if I had no idea what the hell it was.
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I sat slowly drifting off to sleep in my semi-warm foxhole as a strange sense of peace came over me. I shook my head at the preposterousness of it. Here I was in some of the worst fighting this war would see and I felt at peace.
"Hey, Benny." Buck said as he slid under the tarp. As soon as he was in I was immediately curled into his side, stealing his body heat. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around me. All was quiet as we basked in our own little piece of heaven in the middle of hell.
"Don't ever scare me like that again, ya hear me." Buck finally broke the silence and pulled me tighter into his side. "I was so… When Doc said you were…" I heard him sniff and looked up to see his eyes glassy with suppressed tears. "Just, don't ever do that to me again." I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his shoulder.
"I'll promise as long as you promise to never leave me." I said into his chest. I hadn't sounded so weak in years, but my time spent in that hospital in Bastogne had changed me. It made me realize how lucky I was to have friends like him, Luz and Nixon. They were my brothers, each in their own different way. The thought of losing them, the thought of them being in that hospital and on that operating table… It would've killed me should that have happened.
"I promise if you promise." Buck replied and I pulled back so I could look him in the eyes.
"I promise." I said with all the conviction I could muster.
"I promise too." He said solemnly. I gave him a quick hug before dropping back to his side and curling my shivering body into his. I sat there, contemplating everything I had been through in the past month, finding myself unable to sleep.
"Buck?" I whispered, afraid of waking him if he was asleep.
"Yeah Benny." He said no trace of sleep in his voice.
"I can't sleep." I complained. I felt his deep, rumbling laugh vibrate through my chest.
"Whadda you want me to do about it?"
"Sing to me." I grinned. He chuckled.
"Why don't you sing, you are the girl after all."
"You wouldn't want that." I warned.
"Oh yeah… and why's that?" I could hear the grin in his voice.
"You know the sound a dying mule makes?" I asked.
"No, can't say that I do." He replied.
"Well you would if you heard me sing." His booming laugh filled the foxhole with a warmth and glow so great that I couldn't help but bask in it. The whole world seemed to relax around me and finally, after countless days and nights of sleeplessness, I was able to fall into a deep and relaxing slumber.
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Every offensive name Jo was called in this chapter is a name that I have been called at least once in my life.
Thank you to VendingMachine, loveonspeedial, britt, CP2girls, Azrael's Darkest Secrets, and Ashlynn for reviewing the last chapter. I love you guys!
britt- I'm glad you were exhausted, that was what I was going for in that chapter. I don't know of anyone who served in WWII either, my family were either too old or too young to serve, and my grandpa missed Vietnam. My brother, however, has served in Afghanistan, but he doesn't like to talk much about what went on over there, which is understandable. I used to visit the nursing homes where I grew up when I was a kid and I loved to listen to the old men who would tell me stories of the war, but that was awhile ago. I'm glad you liked the bit in there with Roe, I thought with the way he left it the last time he spoke with Jo he needed to make up with her. I'm so happy that you like this story so much, thank you for all the reviews you have sent me.
Ashlynn- I'm very happy to hear you like my story so much. I've put a lot of hard work into it and it's nice to know that you are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it. I'm glad you got the feeling of Jo being so exhausted, I was really trying to bring that across in that chapter and it makes me happy to know that you felt it. Thank you so much for your review.
Thank you all for reading my story. If you are enjoying it please let me know!
Please Review!
Amanda
Edited 7/11/17