"Hey Jo, how's the cover coming?" Buck asked as he knelt by the side of the foxhole.
"Almost done." I replied as I hefted the last branch up and placed it down so it would conceal the last of our foxhole. I stood up and stretched my back. "Done."
"Good job." He grinned.
"No thanks to you, sir." I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
"You expect me to cover my own foxhole?" He gave a mock look of shock and pressed his hand to his chest as he stood up. "I'm an officer, we don't do that!" I glared at him, but ended up chuckling.
"Wouldn't want to mess up your nails or anything." I grinned.
"Now you're getting' it, Benny." He laughed and slapped me on the back.
"Right." I snickered. "So, what'd Dike have to say?" Buck rolled his eyes and heaved a great sigh of annoyance.
"He had to go talk to Regiment." He replied.
"'Bout what?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, you know, same ol' same ol'." He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them.
"So… you haven't got a clue." I droned.
"Bingo." I rolled my eyes and slung my shovel over my shoulder.
"Well, while you're pondering the infinite mystery that is our CO, I am going to go and see if anyone needs help with their cover." I grinned.
"Alright, you do that." He nodded. "Just, be careful, okay?"
"I will." I gave him a small smile. "You too, huh?"
"Of course!" He said in mock outrage. "I'm always careful."
"There are four holes in your ass that call bullshit on that one." I muttered causing him to laugh. "Don't you have some, officer-y things to do somewhere? Like, oh I don't know, learning how to scratch your balls and rub your stomach at the same time or something?"
"You mean pat my head and rub my stomach?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Did I stutter?" I grinned.
"Benny, I'm almost afraid to know what officers in your time are like." His lips twitched. "Especially if they're all like you."
"Hey, we can't all be perfect." I shrugged my mock modesty. Buck smacked my helmet, knocking it askew.
"Dream on, kid." He laughed. I scowled at him and fix my crooked helmet.
"So immature." I muttered. Buck stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed.
"Get outta here, kid." He grinned as he used my helmet to push me away.
"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to dad that I'm not a fool." I sang as I slowly walked off, dragging my feet. "I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight. I hope I don't get in a fight." I heard Buck's booming laugh echoed behind me as I grinned and looked for someone to help.
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"Hey Lip!" I called as I jogged over to the First Sergeant who was dragging a rather large branch. "Need help?"
"Yeah," He replied as he dropped the foliage. "Could you grab the other end?" I grabbed the opposite end of the branch and stood ready. He nodded to me and we both hefted the it up.
"You know Christmas is over, right Lip?" I asked with a strained voice as I mentally decided he had picked a small tree up instead of a branch. "Where you taking this tree to?"
"Guarnere." He grunted. I nodded and we waddled our way towards Bill's foxhole, both of us huffing and puffing.
"Wait." I stopped dead in my tracks as Lipton grunted in discontent at my sudden standstill. "Did you hear that?" We both dropped the branch and stood quiet for a moment.
Boom. Boom.
"INCOMING!" Lipton yelled. We both took off in different direction.
"TAKE COVER!" I shouted at the men as I ran through the forest. "COVER!" The trees started to explode around me, sending shrapnel pounding against my back and arms. "GET TO COVER!" I yelled. I came upon a replacement who was frozen in shock.
"COVER!" I hollard, but his eyes just stared blankly at the trees as they were obliterated by the shells. I growled in annoyance and tackled the boy to the ground before dragging him into a nearby foxhole. I threw my body over his and used my hand to keep my helmet secured to my head as I was sprayed with mud and wood splinters.
I lifted my eyes and watched as the world around me was quickly blown to pieces. Trees were exploding everywhere, sending wood chips flying around us like the cottonwood cotton flew in spring.
After what felt like an eternity the shelling finally stopped and I was able to lift myself from the shellshocked Kidd. I sat up on my knees so I could see what damage had been caused.
"Sarge?" The Private whimpered.
"Shh," I hissed, listening. "Stay here, private." I ordered as I started to stand. He grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back in, a look of absolute terror covering his sweat soaked face.
"It's alright, private." I said as I grabbed his hand and removed it from my arm. "Just stay here." He nodded and sat back down, covering his head with his hands as he did so. I jumped from the foxhole and made my way through the forest in a low crouch.
"Stay where you are." I ordered the men as I saw them start to stir. "Stay in your foxhole. We're not outta this yet."
"Benny." Lip called as he ran over to me. "You alright?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "You?"
"Fine." He answered. "We need to keep the men in their foxholes."
"Already on it." I replied. He nodded and we went our separate ways, telling the men to remain in their cover. There was no time for idle chit-chat, so I made sure that the men were alright and moved on to the next hole.
"Stay there." I called out as I searched the faces of the men.
"Stay down!" I heard Buck yell from a distance and I felt my heart skip a beat in relief. "Stay down!" Hearing his voice allowed me to breathe easy, knowing he was okay for now. I continued my trek, checking on the men and looking for Luz.
"INCOMING!" I heard Lipton's voice ring out.
"COVER! COVER!" I yelled as I skidded into the nearest foxhole. I landed on top of a hard body and turned to see Bull, his cigar almost chewed down to a stump. He grabbed me and hauled me deeper into the foxhole where the cover was thicker. I secured my helmet and watched as the trees exploded and became nothing more than stumps.
The shelling finally stopped and an eerie silence descended on the world. I instantly knew in my heart that there was something very, very wrong. I jumped from the foxhole and went bounding through the slivers of broken trees and scattered limbs… searching.
"Gene!" I called out as I nearly collided with the medic. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me.
"Jo, you alright?" He asked and looked me over.
"I'm fine." I nodded. "Have you seen Buck?" The haunted blue gaze of my friend had come to the forefront of my mind as soon as I realized there was something wrong. I knew I had to find him.
"No, I hav-"
"MEDIC!" A heart wrenching scream interrupted Gene before he could finish. My heart dropped to the ground, frozen like the snow that surrounded us.
"Buck." I was off like a shot, running faster than I ever had before.
I saw him. His tall form towered above the splintered trees, his white hair blending in with the snow. I surged towards him faster and skidded to a halt in front of him. My hands flew to his shoulders and I looked him over.
His eyes no longer held the light I had grown accustomed too. The were empty, glazed.
They were broken.
I knew I couldn't help that pain.
"Buck." I swallowed hard and forced my tears down. I followed his gaze and my breath caught in my throat as I shot one last look at Buck before running over to the bloodied forms of Guarnere and Toye just as Gene arrived. He set to work immediately on Toye and I knelt down next to Bill.
"You're gonna be alright." I said as Gene tossed me a package of sulpha. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a thin strip of fabric I had used as a tourniquet at the hospital. I carefully wrapped the strip around his thigh and pulled it as tight as I could, stopping the bleeding. He cried out in pain before I grabbed a syrette and jabbed it into his thigh. "Better?"
"Yeah," He mumbled. I looked over his leg and felt my stomach turn. The flesh had been completely blown away leaving only the bone and a couple tendons between his foot and thigh. I poured as much sulpha as I could over the exposed flesh of his thigh and gave him a small smile before moving over to Gene and Toye as Malarkey came running over.
"What can I do?" He asked Gene.
Gene ordered Malarkey to hold the bandage in place as I helped him lift the Sergeant's thigh and he tied a bandage around the wound.
"Bill first." I managed mumble to the medic as Malarkey gave Toye a cigarette. He looked over at me and nodded.
"Jesus, what's a guy gotta do to get killed around here?" Toye moaned.
"Bill, you're goin' first." Gene said as he unwrapped another bandage to place over Toye's leg.
"Whatever you say, Doc. Whatever you say." Guarnere replied.
"Over here, take this man." Gene motioned to the stretcher-bearers. I moved over to Bill and knelt next to him.
"Hey Lip, they got ol' Guarnere this time." Bill said as the first sergeant came onto the scene. The stretcher-bearers set the stretcher down on the other side of Bill.
"We got ya soldier." One of them said.
"Careful." I ordered as they started to lift him and he cried out in pain.
"Just lay back." The soldier said. I carefully grabbed Bill's wounded leg and maneuvered it onto the stretcher, wincing as he cried out again. They lifted the stretcher and I sat back on my feet, head bowed in the sudden onset of weariness that overcame me.
I wasn't aware of how long I had been there, time blurred as I sat curled in on my own thoughts. But as I took in the world around me I saw the once crimson snow had turned pink with fresh powder and the jeep that carried Toye and Guarnere had long since left.
"JoJo?" I looked up into the dark eyes of my best friend.
"Luz." I swallowed hard. He knelt down in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"You alright?" He asked. I nodded and cleared my throat.
"Fine. I'm fine" I answered. "What about Buck?"
"Lip's talking to him." He said, avoiding the question.
"How is he?"I asked again. Luz sighed and just looked at me.
"I think… I think you should probably talk to him." He finally said. "He's... not good." He whispered.
I nodded and stood up. George patted my arm and I forced a smile before turning and making my way over to the Lieutenant. I tapped Lipton on the shoulder and he turned to look at me. I gestured to Buck, who was staring off to the side, trying to keep anyone from seeing the tears that were welling up in his eyes. Lip nodded and stood up, motioning for me to take his place. I knelt down in front of the Lieutenant and placed my hand on his thigh.
"Buck." I whispered. He didn't turn to look at me but his hand flew to mine and I felt it tremble as he squeezed. I sighed and wrapped my other hand around his, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.
"It's okay, Buck." I murmured. "I'm here."
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I sat beside Buck, my hand rested on his back and I rubbed small circles in an effort to comfort him. I watched him as the tiny cracks the he had gathered along the way stretched their tendrils around the big bear of a man, slowly meeting each other. The sight of Guarnere and Toye laying in the snow and staining it crimson with their blood was the final blow that had sent him shattering to pieces right before my eyes. He breathed deep, trying to fight back his tears and I bit my lip to keep my own at bay.
It physically hurt to see my friend, the man who I had grown to trust with my life, the man whom I loved so deeply I would have given my life for, the one man, besides my father, who I thought would never see break, sitting there, fighting for his sanity. I let out a shaky breath and dug the cigarette Speirs had given to me out of my chest pocket. I put it between my lips and lit it, drawing deep from it before gently placing it between Buck's cracked lips. He puffed the stick like a chimney barely conscience that it was there and I continued to rub his back.
I sat in the silence and watched him for a reaction, any reaction… But none came. He just stared blankly off into the distance, his eyes rimmed red with tears that he refused to let fall.
I sighed and pulled the cigarette from his lips when it had burned down to the butt. I took a final puff of it before tossing it to the ground and watched it as it burnt itself down to ash.
"Jo?" I turned at the sound of Gene's voice as he beckoned me over. I nodded my head and stood up.
Buck's hand immediately flew to mine in a vice like grip. His wild eyes locked onto mine.
"You're leaving?" He asked and my heart skipped as I detected the fear and anguish in his voice.
"No, I'm not leaving." I assured him. "Gene just needs to talk with me a moment." I motioned to where the medic stood and Buck turned his eyes to the man. Gene gave a small wave and smiled kindly at the man who dropped his head and took a deep breath before looking back at me.
"I'll be back, I promise." Buck gave a jerky nod before releasing me from his steel grip. I squeezed his shoulder in a comforting gesture and made my way over to Gene.
"How's he doin'?" Gene asked and I shook my head.
"Not good." I ran my hand nervously through my hair and sighed long and deep. Gene raised an eyebrow at me.
"How are you doin'?" He asked. I was caught off guard for a moment.
"I'm… fine." I answered and forced a smile.
Gene didn't look convinced but he had more important things on his mind and let it drop. He sighed and turned his gaze back to the broken Lieutenant. He was quiet as we both looked at Buck's still, almost catatonic, form.
"It's a shame," Gene said with a deep sigh. "'Bout his feet." My head jerked up to the half Cajun's face.
"What?" I knitted my eyebrows together in confusion.
"His trench foot." Gene looked me in the eyes. "It's a shame he's gonna have ta be taken off da line."
"Yeah." I whispered as what he was saying finally dawned on me. "Yeah, it is."
"Lipton and I already talked ta Captain Winters about it," Gene told me. "Da jeep will be here soon." I nodded in understanding. He smiled at me and I made my way back to my broken friend. I touched his shoulder and his hand grabbed mine as I sat down beside him.
"See, told ya I'd be right back." I smiled at him and he managed to return it with a strained, forced, broken one of his own.
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"C'mon, Buck." I mumbled as I placed a hand on the big man's back and guided him towards the awaiting jeep. I helped him into the vehicle and smiled at him as his eyes found mine. Just as I stepped back from the jeep his hand reached for mine and he squeezed it tightly. I stepped back up to him and clamped my other hand over his. We looked at each other, everything we needed to say passed through us as in that one silent gaze and for the first time since the shelling I saw my old friend behind those glassy eyes.
But as the jeep started up he blinked and my friend was gone again, replaced by the broken, empty shell of a man who was fighting to keep his last ounce of sanity. He dropped my hand as the jeep pulled off and I watched it as it bounced off though the trees and out of sight.
"You okay?" George asked as his hand touched my shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning to him and smiling.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered. He raised an eyebrow. "I am. Don't worry." I assured him. He nodded hesitantly but I just smiled and walked off into the forest.
Once I was sure I was far enough away from the company, I sucked in a deep breath and fell against a tree. My hands flew to my mouth to stifle the sound of my anguish as I slid down the trunk of the evergreen. I moaned and I pressed my face into my knees letting the tears I had been holding in all day fall freely from my eyes.
As a Ranger I was taught that your 'Ranger Buddy' was your best friend. If you fail he fails and if he fails you fail. Your 'Ranger Buddy' is your counterpart, the man that is there beside you no matter what you're facing. Through hell and back he is the one man you know that will never leave you, he will go through hell if that's where you're going. In essence he is an extension of you and when you lose him you lose a part of yourself.
Buck was my 'Ranger Buddy.' He'd been there fighting next to me since D-Day, through everything that the Germans threw at us he was right there by my side. When he had been shot in Holland and taken off the line I had felt lost, like I was missing a part of me and when he returned I was whole again. He watched out for me and protected me throughout the entire war and I did the same for him. He kept me sane when I should have lost my mind. He was the epitome of strength and confidence and being around him I knew that I was safe.
But he was gone and he wasn't going to come back to me this time.
I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. I no longer felt its beating against my ribcage or the warmth of my blood as it rushed beneath my skin. I was numb in every sense of the word.
I was left standing there alone in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from and I could feel myself slipping into the darkness of my own mind.
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I want to thank all my lovely reviewers. CP2girls, EmmyMK, britt, Ashlynn, Eliaw, Azrael's Darkest Secrets, and a special thanks to my two new reviews ally leigh, and Lift the Wings! You guys are the best!
britt- I'm glad you liked the last chapter, I wanted to put in a little bit more of the relationship between Buck and Jo before the events of this chapter. I love me a tormented Roe, lol! I love the way Speir's kinda creeps in from out of nowhere. Even in the series he does that, so of course I was going to make him a creeper! I hope I didn't make you cry too much with this chapter! Thank you for the review!
Ashlynn- Buck and Jo's friendship scenes are some of my favorite scenes to write. There are just so many places I can take it. For the Roe scene, I just kinda took from what we see of him in the Bastogne episode and elaborated on it. As for the romance, you'll just have to wait and see! Thanks for the review!
Please, let me know what you think of this chapter.
Please Review!
Amanda
Revised 7/12/17