We ambled onto the trucks, our loot weighing as heavy in our bags as our minds weighed on our shoulders. We had been in Belgium for so long, lost so many men fighting the Germans in uneven fights under terrible conditions.
I could still feel the blood of the wounded and dying. It caked my hands and seeped into my skin, becoming one with my own cells. I still felt them, felt their eyes on me as they looked to me to help them, to heal them. The bitter lies still sat heavy on my tongue, promises made in times of desperation. 'You're gonna be okay,' 'I'm gonna help you,' all lies as I tried my best to comfort and ease the suffering, giving them peace for their final journey into the abyss of death. The screams still reverted through my skull, calling out for me, begging me to make the pain go away. The shouts of 'Jo, we need you!' still haunted my dreams to the point that I would wake up from a sound sleep and go running for the door, even make it out into the hall, before I realized that I was no longer in Bastogne, that it was just a nightmare.
The men gave me sideways glances, pity and concern marring their features as the latest midnight escapades of Jo Benally flitted through the Company like the flu. But every word they kept to themselves, none of the stories ever reaching the ears of the officers or the medics. I was no danger to the Company or myself so they kept quiet, only stood by me stoically when the worst of the nightmares came.
I fought back my inner demons, put on a mask of ease, a smile that only Luz could tell was faked. Soon the stories, the pitying looks, the sideways glances all stopped. I still woke up and ran for the door every now and then, but it was getting less and less. The dead still weighed me down, still brought me to my knees as they overwhelmed my emotions with their grief, but I fought back. I got up off my knees, forced the tears back down and carried them onward.
The revelation that we were moving out of Belgium brought an odd sense of peace to me. To be moved out of the country that brought so much pain and suffering to those who were foreign to her soil lifted a weight that had settled down around my heart. I felt lighter, my smiles were less forced and more genuine. The nightmares stilled, I could distinguish their voices as dreams… for the most part. I still woke whenever my name was called, but I stopped running. The move from Belgium into Germany brought a new sense of peace I never thought I'd ever have again.
George smiled over the top of his truck at me as we approached the Belgian/German border. I smiled toothily back at him, the weight I carried becoming less and less the closer we got to leaving Belgium. I looked down around the men and saw their smiles, their relief, the shedding of the sorrow that was Belgium leave their bodies.
I took them in, really took them in, something I hadn't done since we left US. They were older, harder, they literally carried the weight of the world on their shoulders and it aged them, aged us. We were old beyond our years, wise beyond our knowledge. No one but those who surrounded us would ever know what we went through in Belgium, in Holland, in France. No one would understand what we did or why we had to do it. None of us would speak of what happened to here, of the horrors we faced and dealt. Only the person sitting next to us would ever understand what the rest of the world could never even begin to imagine.
I closed my eyes and let the sting of the cool air bite at my face. I felt the men as they all stood up around me, bouncing and jarring in the back of the truck bed. I opened my eyes as we crossed the border. We all turned and watched as Belgium drew farther and farther away. It drew the sorrow with it like one would draw venom from a snake bite. Luz turned around to look at me as the men dropped back onto the hard wooden benches.
'We made it.' He mouthed to me, a smile so bright it could block out the sun. I nodded and smiled back. We had made it to Germany, our intended target. We were no longer knocking on Hitler's door, we were inside his home, and now we were waiting for him to come out and greet us.
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March 11, 1945
"So, Doc. Give it to me straight." I smiled as I slipped my shirt back on. We'd been moved into Sturzelberg Germany the day before and I was in with Gene for one of my routine check-ups.
"You still needda gain weight." Gene said matter-of-factly. He was still determined to distance himself from those around him. I tried to bring him out of his shell at every turn, but he was one stubborn half-Cajun.
"So, am I good to go for now?" I asked and buttoned up my shirt.
"Yeah, jus' come back in a few days, Sergeant." He said as he wrote something down on a small notepad he kept in his pocket. I raised an eyebrow.
"You know," I began, a mischievous grin forming on my face. "It used to be that when I took off my shirt for a guy, he did more than just write things down in his notebook." His head snapped around so fast that the notepad fell from his hands. The look on his face threw me into stitches and I had to catch myself on the wall to keep from falling.
"Wha-?" He questioned with a confused look across his face.
"Oh, Gene, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about." I grinned as I raised my eyebrows.
"I-I-" He flounder.
"I'm kidding, Gene… well, sort of." I laughed.
"Dat's not funny, Jo." He glared as I stood up and headed for the door.
"Yeah it is." I stepped out of the room and turned to face the medic. "Besides, it got you to call me Jo again." I smiled wide before disappearing down the hall, leaving a very confused Gene staring after me.
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I was still laughing to myself as exited the makeshift infirmary and bumped right into a tall, hard body.
"Sergeant Benally." The voice of Captain Speirs filled my ears.
"Sorry, sir." I said as I fought to contain my grin.
""I take it you're feelin' better, then." He raised an eyebrow.
"I am, sir. Thank you for inquiring." I said as my grin fell to a smile.
"Good to hear that, Sergeant." He quirked his head slightly. "I made Talbert First Sergeant."
"I heard, sir." I raised an eyebrow. "He's a good choice. Tab's got all the qualities needed to be a great First Sergeant."
"You really didn't want that job, did you?" His eyes narrowed.
"No sir." I answered with a smile. "I'm content staying a lowly platoon sergeant for the time being."
He was quiet as he looked me over. A light suddenly came to his eyes and he took a step back. His eyes darkened and his eyebrows knitted together, a look fell across his face as if he was mentally fighting with something he had just figured out.
"What are you Sergeant Benally?" He asked.
"What am I, sir?" I raised an eyebrow, keeping a cool face even though I felt my stomach drop to the ground. I fought hard to keep my breath even.
"Yes Sergeant, what are you?" He frowned as if he could see my internal struggle.
"I'm…" I struggled for an answer. "A soldier?"
"Not that," he stepped closer to me. I looked down the street, desperately trying to find some out, some way to distract him.
"Navajo?" I tried again as he continued to step forward, trapping me between the wall and his body, cutting off any escape route I had. He bent his head down, his arms going on either side of my head.
A scene from one of those old documentaries popped into my head, the one where the lion chased the gazelle and cut it off from the rest of the herd. Without the protection of the herd, the poor little gazelle was doomed. It ran left and sprang right, but there lion was there, anticipating it's every move. The lion played with it, toyed with it before he took it down and ripped through it's jugular, effectively ending it's life. In that moment I knew a kinship with that gazelle.
"What are you?" He whispered, his forehead nearly touching mine.
"Want do you want me say, sir?" I said and cursed myself as it came out in a breathy whisper.
"Tell me what you are." He said, pulling his lips back and exposing his teeth like a wolf about to attack.
"I'm Tech Sergeant Jo Benally of Easy Company, second platoon. I'm from a small town in the Northwestern corner of New Mexico and I'm half Navajo and half German." I answered truthfully as I tried to fight back the shaking the excess of adrenalin had caused as it shot through my body. "That's what I am, sir."
"That's not all." He growled as his eyes dropped down to take in my form. I clenched my teeth and balled my hands into fists, trying to do anything to keep from letting him know how he was affecting me.
"What else is there, sir?" I forced out.
"I don't know." He whispered harshly. "There's something there, but I just. Don't. Know"
"Well, sir. We are in a fairly compromising position at the moment. Perhaps you could figure out what else there is at another time." I pointed out as I glanced past him and out into the open street.
He growled in frustration as he pushed himself back from the wall and stepped away. I hadn't realized how thick the air between us had become until I was able to feel the soft breeze against my skin.
"I will find out, Benally. I'll find out what you are hiding from me." His piercing gaze roved over me once more before he stalked off down the street and out of sight
I stood there, too shocked to move as I sorted through what had just happened. My brain tried to work, firing again and again like a truck's starter trying to turn over. I just couldn't comprehend what had transpired in that moment. I knew Speirs was a smart man, I knew he was observant and intelligent, but I was careful. I never let anyone but George and Gene see me as anything more than a man. There's no way he could have figured out what I was hiding…
Could he?
"Jo?" A hand fell onto my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I sucked in a deep breath, only then noticing that I had forgotten to breath during my exchange with the Captain. I gulped the cool air into my burning lungs and fought the wave of dizziness that overcame me. "Are you a'right?"
"I-" I stuttered as rubbed my temples.
"Jo." I felt an arm go around my shoulders and I jumped backwards, losing my balance in the process and landing on the cold ground. I looked up from my spot on the ground to see a startled looking Gene staring wide-eyed down at me. I groaned and dropped my head back down to the hardened dirt road.
"Ah, for fuck sake."
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I clenched and unclenched my fist, a stinging sensation shot through my hands as the dried blood and mud mixture cracked and reopened the wounds from where my nails had dug into my palm.
"Stop dat." Gene scolded as he brought over a warm bowl of water and a bar of soap.
"Whadda we gonna do about this, JoJo?" Luz asked as he chewed on his nails.
"What can we do?" I asked in frustration as I ran a hand through my hair and hissed as the strands drug through my cuts.
"I said stop." Gene scolded again and grabbed my wrists, effectively stopping me from performing any of my nervous twitches. He sighed as he grabbed a cloth and swirled it around in the warm water before rubbing it into the four matching cuts in my left hand. George and I silently watched him as he dropped the cloth back into the water and squeezed out the excess, tingeing the water murky brownish-pink color, before scrubbing at the cuts again.
"He doesn't know for sure." I finally said, my eyes locked onto Gene's skilled hands. "If he did, I don't think I'd be here still. I'm not even sure if he knows."
"Then what was that about?" George asked.
"I think he just suspects something and he's frustrated that he can't figure it out." I sighed as Gene grabbed my other hand and repeated his actions. We were silent again as we watched Gene gently scrub at the cuts in my palm.
"So, what now?" George finally asked.
"We just… go about our day as usual." I answered with a sigh. Gene grabbed the bar of soap and ran a corner of the cloth over it until it was covered in foam. "I can do this myself, you know."
"I'm sure you could," he spared a quick glance up at me. "But I doubt you'd have da sense of mind ta do it." Gene answered as he brought the cloth to my palm and rubbed the soap into my cut. I winced as the suds caused a burning sensation to shoot through to my wrist. We once again fell into silence as I watched Gene's soft, swift hands clean the dirt from mine.
"He brought you that uniform when you were sick, you know." George said.
"Who did what, now?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Speirs, he's the one who came and got that uniform for you." George said, his eyes staring intently at Gene's hands. "You might have said something in your sleep. You were hallucinating, after all."
"Maybe." I shrugged as I mulled the new bit of information over.
BANG
"GEORGE!" We all jumped and whipped around to glare at the intruder. "There ya are. I've been lookin' all over for ya."
"Jesus Perco." George growled. "Whadda you want?"
"We're gonna go look for some eggs, remember?" Perco rolled his eyes. George glanced over at me and I waved him away. Gene glared and pulled my hand back down.
"Alright, let's go." He sighed as he grabbed his helmet.
"What happened, Benny?" Perco asked as he looked around George.
"I fell." I deadpanned. He shrugged and left the room. George rolled his eyes as he followed, pulling the door closed behind him. I sighed and turned my attention back to Gene as he resumed scrubbing my palm. "We've got to stop meeting like this." I grinned.
"What?" He raised an eyebrow as he looked up at me.
"Seems the only interaction we've had lately has been you treatin' me for something or another." I replied.
"Well, if you're more careful and took betta care of yourself I wouldn't have ta keep fixin' ya back up." He sighed.
"You make it sound as if I'm a burden on you." I raised an eyebrow. He was silent as he focused on my hand. "Ouch, Gene. That hurts." I pulled my soapy hand from his and placed it over my heart. "That really hurts."
"Do you wan' me ta finish or not?" He growled. I shrugged and held my hand out to him. He grasped it tightly to keep me from moving it again. As we fell into silence once again I found myself unable to resist twitching my hands. Gene sighed and stopped his task as he looked up at me, frustration written clearly across his face.
"Sorry." I mumbled. He glared at me a moment more before returning to cleaning my hands. After another stretch of silence I found myself humming a song that my mother used to sing to me when I was young as tapped my toes to the beat and closed my eyes as the memory of walking around in the mountains with my mom.
"Never heard that song before." Gene said absentmindedly as he wrung the cloth out.
"One more thing to add to the pile of mysteries about me." I grinned. He rolled his eyes as he tossed the cloth to the side and walked over to grab a couple of clean bandages. He sighed as he sat back down and then looked me in the eyes.
"Can I ask ya somthin'?" He looked pensive.
"You can ask me anything you want, Gene." My eyebrows shot up. "I can't promise I'll answer."
"Those tattoos on your shoulders. I ain't never seen anything like them." He mumbled as he pulled a loose thread from the bandage in his hand. "Do your women all have 'em?"
"No, they don't." I answered and smirked. "Actually, the elders frown upon tattoos, it's a social stigma."
"Den why do you have 'em?"
"Gene, has anything I have said or done up to this moment indicate that I would follow social norms or edicates?" I raised an eyebrow.
"No. Not at all." He grinned and grabbed my hand and started to cover the cuts. "What do dey mean?"
"This one," I rolled my left shoulder indicating which one I was talking about, "is a bear. Bears are representative of power and courage. I got it just before I joined the Army." I rolled my other shoulder. "This is a ts'aa'. It's a duplicate to the basket my grandfather uses in his ceremonies. He's a medicine man. It has many meanings depending on it's use, but the center represents where we emerged from the world, the black indicates the darkness, the struggle and pain of life and the red indicates family leading you from the darkness."
"But dere is more black." He pointed out.
"Yeah, but it is interspersed with white. You learn and grow and then the outer rim of light represents spirit world where this no darkness only light." He looked at me wide eyed.
"My grandmother was a healer." He mentioned as he tied the other hand. "She was a faith healer, a traiteuse."
"We've got a lot in common," I smiled and he returned it with one of his own.
"Yes we do." He finished wrapping my left hand and held onto my wrist. He pushed my sleeve you a little higher tracing the permanent ink on my forearm. "What 'bout dis?"
"Broken arrow," my eyes traced the final tattoo I had gotten before I woke in this strange place. "It means peace. Kind of a… hopeful wish."
I watched as his thumb traced the simple yet meaningful design.
"My grandpa was there for each one I got, he wanted to make sure the artist got everything just perfect. He's always been more open-minded than most of the elders." I smiled at the memory of him hovering over the tattooist, correcting the artist before any mistakes were made. "He told me if I was going to go to the Creator with art all over me it had better be accurate."
Gene smiled as he dropped my arm, tugging the sleeve back down as he did.
"All done." He announced and stood up. I followed suit and before either of us knew what was happening, I threw my arms around him and gave him a quick hug, taking him off guard.
"Thanks for taking care of me, Gene." He raised an eyebrow at me as I grabbed my helmet and stuck it firmly on my head before spinning around. Being the graceful person I was I promptly tripped over my own two feet and fell to the floor, laughing up at the ceiling as I did so. His grinning face blocked out the knotted wood as he held his hand out to me and I grabbed it before he pulled me to my feet.
"Be careful or you're gonna put yourself inta traction." He rolled his eyes as a smirk fought it's way across his lips.
"Me? Never." I grinned. He shook his head and smiled as I opened the door and stepped out into the hustle and bustle of day, all dark thoughts lost and replaced with the happy memories of my past.
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I wanted to give you all one more semi-lighthearted chapter before we get into the really heavy stuff from 'Why We Fight.' This just wrapped up 'The Last Patrol,' gave a little more insight into Jo's past, and hopefully brought a few laughs. I hope you all enjoyed it!
I'm very curious to know what you guys see when you think of Jo? What does she look like to you? Let me know because I was wondering about that last night as I was editing this chapter!
Also, I'm going to be creating a new series of one-shots that I wrote that don't seem to fit into the story, but are fun to write and give you a little more insight into Jo's life both with the men and in her own time. So keep an eye out for that!
Thank you to all my lovely reviewers! You gals are all the greatest fans in the world, which is why I always take the time to personally thank you both in review replies and at the end of each chapter. So, thank you EmmyMK, britt, Master of Wishes, Azrael's Darkest Secrets, Lift the Wings, Ashlynn, ally leigh, zombie lovely, Dizzy and CP2girls ! You're the greatest!
britt – School tends to do that to people. It sucks souls and feeds off of them. But I'm glad you were excited to see the update, and that it was able to brighten your day, even if it was just a little bit.:) Poor Gene, he just can't catch a break. You're right about it though, it's easier to let someone go when you don't know them. Gene, jealous? … Maybe, but does that mean he might be the love interest? … maybe. Does that mean it might be someone else? … Maybe. I still have a few things up my sleeve as per Jo's love interest. I love Coldplay, they have a good song called Fix You that reminds me of both Jo and Gene, and See You Soon makes me think of Jo. I'll have to check out the Veils. Thanks for the recommendations. If you have anymore, let me know! Thank you for the review!
Ashlynn- Nixon is always so much fun to write. His sarcastic humor just seems to flow naturally as it does with Luz. They are both great characters to write. Gene is always worrying about someone or another and yes, Jo does need to take better care of herself. That was exactly what I was thinking when I wrote that line. I'm glad you picked up on it! Thank you so much for the review!
Dizzy- It's okay, thank you so much for taking the time to review both chapters. It means a lot to me that you enjoy this story so much that you reviewed them both. I'm glad you like Luz and Nixon, they are so much fun to write. He's a little pissy, yes, but he does have a reason to be. Thank you so much for your reviews!
As for everyone else who has read the story and not reviewed, thank you for reading and please let me know what you think of this story! Good, bad, not so bad, just let me know what you like or don't and any suggestions for improvement you may have!
Please take the time to leave me a review, it is always greatly appreciated!
Amanda
Translations:
Ich liebe dich- I love you (German)
Tochter- Daughter (German)
Edited 08/05/17