Memories

Usually Severus would've just gone to bed after an afternoon of brewing. It's what he usually did while school was in session, but tonight he was in his own home, far away from Hogwarts. The fire was lit as it always was, and through dark, and slightly imbibed eyes he watched as the flames dance in the fire place, a scotch in hand. He took another sip, and as he did, a memory washed over him.

He had been young. Time seemed to be split into before Hogwarts, during, and after. He knew this had been during, but he couldn't have been older than twelve. He had sat in this very spot, crying, as his father had thrown something across the room into the kitchen. He could still hear Elaine's scream as the bottle made contact and shattered against the wall. It didn't soften him any.

For the first time in awhile, he looked around the empty house. The books were still on the walls, every wall, even on the door, magicked there so that they wouldn't fall off when someone opened it. Except now, they were filled with spell books, potions articles, even a few Muggle novels his mother had read to him as a kid. Before everything fell apart. He could barely remember it really, but there had been a time when his parents got along. They were a happy couple, and they cherished Severus Snape as their son. But it was he who had broken this illusion. There were a few incidents that he couldn't remember, ones whereas a small child, he had performed magic. Tobias had been witness to a few of them. Everything in their happy house had broken the night Eleen had told Tobias why these things happened. They would've broken anyway. Severus reminded himself. But there are some secrets that aren't meant to come out, even under the influence. And speaking of the influence, he reminded himself to take another swig. As he raised the glass to his lips, he realized both that it was empty and he was now drunk. Does it matter? He asked himself. There's been plenty of alcohol consumed in this house. What's a little more?

An unexplainable rage overtook him then. He had heard that line before. He heard his mother answer in his head.

"Oh, go ahead then Tobias, drink more. You've already drank through everything in the damn house, how're you getting the money for this anyway, stealing it?"

"You're one to talk," Tobias had sneered back "didn't think you'd be here anyway, it's Friday. Don't you have work to do? I thought prostitutes worked nights." Eliane paled while Tobias laughed "yeah, didn't think I'd know about that, did you? Yeah I ran into Bill the other night at the track, he told me he saw you in the bad part of town, getting in some random guy's car, with barely any clothes on. You haven't worked a damn day in your life, and sweetie, that's the best you'll ever do."

She lost her temper then, and she knew it. In all her rage, Elaine had ran forward and punched her husband straight in the face. It was the only time she had ever hit her husband.

Severus was on the floor. When he looked over in the kitchen, he could still see them. At the dinner table as a family when he was young, and when it came out that his mother was a whore. The two images couldn't have been more different.

"You fucking bitch." Severus said salvagly "You honestly thought you could get away with that lie? I'm surprised he didn't see you himself." He hated how much he sounded like his father. Any love Tobias felt for him had died when he was told his son was a wizard. "But that didn't stop you." Before he even knew what he was doing, he was on his feet, stumbling up the staircase. The door to his childhood room flew open in an instant, and he stood, slumped against the doorway. Staring. It had been years since he had been in here. It was still painted with Slytherin colors, his bed in the corner and his desk below the window. What the fuck am I doing? He thought. Who cares. Said Tobias in his head. It was the last thing he remembered from that night.

Pain. That was the physicality Severus knew the best. It was thorughly unsurprising that he work up with his head pounding, his stomach quaking, and his throat dry. He was on the floor. He didn't even care where. He fell down the steps and landed on the kitchen floor. Crawling, he made it to the door to the basement and pushed the thing open. He got up and ran for the cubboard and found what he was looking for just in time. Vomit fought hard with the hangover cure in his throat as he swallowed but, as it always did, the potion won, and his stomach subsided. His head was against the door of the cupboard, his breathing shallow and choppy. I haven't been that drunk in a long time. Was the first thought he actually remembered thinking. He didn't know how long he was there, but a screech from upstairs brought him to his senses. Walking slowing, he entered the living room and found two owls on the window. He begrudgingly let them in (and pushed away a memory). The first held the Daily Prophet. He paid that one and let it back outside, where it took off into the morning breeze. The second he didn't recognize, but it held a letter. He read

Severus

Thank you for before. I rest better knowing Draco is under your protection. He is cheerful, talking much of his plans with Bella, but I'm still worried. Bella, incidentally, is the reason for this letter. As you know, the Dark Lord wants her in perfect health (why, I have no idea) and has commanded you to brew a series of healing potions and nausea remedies to make the upcoming months easier on her. I guess he doesn't mind the baby. She never struck me as the mother type, even as children. I told him I would write to you (as there was no point in having a meeting just to tell you this). He seemed agreeable.

This might be asking too much, but would it be possible to see you again?

Write soon,

Narcissia Malfoy

Great. Severus thought bitterly. I became a Healer and a therapist overnight to two of the most crazy people I know.

The newspaper headline caught his eye though.

HARRY POTTER: THE CHOSEN ONE?

He snorted, not bothering to read more. Really, everyone couldn't get enough of Potter, could they?

"They don't use dark magic though." Lily argued in his head.

Severus worked through the morning and most of the afternoon. Various potions, antidotes, elixirs, and even poisons sat freshly brewed on the chopping table. Severus was listening to the muggle radio as he worked, frowning slightly. His Pepperup Potion was far too weak. He glanced down at the ingredients, frowning slightly. Picking up his wand, he muttered Revelare. Immediately, the peppermint glowed. Peppermint doesn't expire. he thought to himself. Suddenly, the stewing potion changed from sunshine yellow to bright blue. Swearing, he Vanished the muck and turned off the burner. He had had enough for the day anyway.

Walking upstairs, he saw his owl, Alice, was back from her journey. She was a tiny saw whet owl he had nursed back to health after finding her in the Forbidden Forest while picking ingredients for his work. Nobody, of course, knew Alice's real name. The staff knew his owl as just A. Only Dumbledore knew Alice was Lily's middle name. He couldn't help it, he had never seen green eyes on an owl before.

"Want to make another trip?" he asked after staring at her for a few seconds. She hooted at him and flew on his shoulder. Snape noted with amusement that her talons didn't hurt him yet. Once she got a little older maybe. He scribbled a note to Mr. Mulpepper's and sent her on her way. This done, he turned around and, once again, began to stare at the empty house. The fire crackling was the only noise. "Severus?" called the wall

Severus turned and stared at the now green flames, and the head in them. "Yes Albus?"

"Just checking in." and he disappeared

"Bloody brilliant." he said sarcastically to the fireplace "Yes Albus I'm doing absolutely spiffing, slowly suffocating in this dump of a house, drowning in memories. Good to see you, glad you're just checking in."

I need a damn drink, he thought to himself.

So, the dates and the books mentioned in this story will not be corespondent with when the story takes place. This will be more noticeable later.

Happy New Years everyone!