The early morning sun shone through the open door of Bucky's hut, its bright rays piercing all the way to his back room, serving as his alarm clock. He raised himself up, aware that he didn't have to do his usual routine of rolling off his pallet and pushing himself up with one hand, having become accustomed to his handicap. He considered asking Shuri to remove his new arm after the battle was over, but she and her assistants treated it as if it were a work of art so asking her to remove it would just be wrong. She suggested a holographic disguise for his missing limb in case he ever wanted to leave Wakanda, but he told her not to bother. He wouldn't be leaving here for a long time. The reason why still cut deep, bringing back the ghosts of his past life, but seeing Steve again played with his mind, his anger replaced with conflict.
He dressed and ate his usual breakfast, noted a sense of 'feeling' in his new hand. Tiny receptors connected to his brain gave him a sense of touch again. He kept flexing his hand, and running it over surfaces, enjoying the sensations. Shuri thought of everything.
After eating a simple breakfast, he stepped outside, into his small compound, the sounds of a waking world greeting him. Birds in the nearby forest sang to each other and somewhere deep in the forest something squawked. Cattle mooed in the distance and nearby the goats added their repetitive voices, letting him know they were hungry and wanted out of their 'house' where they stayed overnight.
His little friends hadn't come around, probably because they were still asleep because they stayed up late, joining in the celebrations. Sometimes they made him feel like a Pied Piper because they followed him everywhere and took great interest in his movements. He didn't know why. After he learned the routine of living in the village, his day-to-day life was much the same as their own but something about him fascinated them, probably because he was an outsider. They were now an amusing part of his new life. He liked them.
After releasing the goats into the pen and feeding them, he sat outside, staring out at the lake. His stint in with the Army, his time spent in the shadows, where they trained him to kill reactivated during the battle yesterday. The muscle memory returned with such force surprising him. He threw himself into the fight, ready to die for his adopted country then the unexpected happened. Thor's arrival, the intensity of the struggle, and then Steve disappeared in front of him. Thanos planned to destroy half the life in the universe and for a brief terrible moment he succeeded, then Steve returned, flooding him with relief. He came close to throwing away his firearm and rushing over to his old friend when he remembered… the pain. The memory of losing his original arm, putting the team danger, and now his exile, all because of what Steve had done. Here, in the quiet, he considered making the first step. One thing stopped him. Something about Steve was off. It was an intangible something he couldn't pinpoint. He wasn't used to uncertainty, but the only way to be sure was to spend time around him, to observe him but the only way that could happen would be if…but damn it, Steve promised, gave his word...the betrayal still hurt.
The faint sound of footfalls whispered in his ears. Not a child. His enhanced hearing could be both a blessing and a curse but now he turned with a smile to greet his approaching visitor.
"Good Morning Sam. You're up early!" He caught his friend in mid-step, his leg positioned in midair. He brought it down heavy, causing the twigs and leaves to crunch beneath his foot.
"One of these days, I'm going to catch you sleeping and then I'll…," Sam said.
"Do what?" Bucky turned away keeping his smile to himself. Sam joined him, easing himself down beside him.
"Dye your hair red or something." Despite the lateness of the celebrations, there was no trace of tiredness in his voice. "Nice arm. Vibranium? Do anything else except punch?"
"It's supposed to have other enhancements, but I didn't have a lot of time to try it out yesterday." He flexed his hand again. "I have feeling in it," He ran it through the sandy dirt, allowing some to trickle through his metal fingers. It was a simple sensation, but pleasant.
"That's cool. Glad something good came out of that mess," He stretched his legs out in front of him. "Could you believe it? I've been in a lot of fights, but nothing came close to that. Colonel Rhodes just… vanished. I never liked him, but I was glad to see him come back," Sam said.
"Same thing happened with Steve," Bucky said. The sun rose higher in the sky, casting its rays on the lake, causing him to squint. The lake was beautiful this morning. After yesterday, they deserved this. He answered the call to arms because he loved this place, and the thought of it being invaded angered him but it was over. He could return to his life.
"Wakanda knows how to throw a party. Thor, he enjoyed those revels." Sam yawned, stretching out his arms above him to show that the party last night had taken a toll on him after all. "That's why I came to talk to you. T'Challa wants us to come up to his compound for a briefing. To find out what happened. And they sent me to get you because Stark is back and in his words, assure you that nobody will let him try anything while he's in Wakanda."
"I'm not afraid of Stark, but what do I say to him… where do I even start?"
"To be honest, I think the time he spent up there," Sam waved his hand, pointing upward, "Did something to him. He's… changed."
"Changed? How?" Bucky asked, shifting his position. The sun rose still higher, making their location a little warmer. Sam's words made him uncomfortable, bringing back his own suspicions about Steve. He had little to go on, nothing but a feeling.
"He's different. Talks more, even cracks jokes. I met this Wakandan woman yesterday, her name's Thula… pronounced 'Tu-la'…"
"Oh, really… Do I have to remind you about…?"
"Nothing like that. Well, not yet anyway. We spent most of the time talking. Some of the people who blinked out are …a little different and, and not just confused different. Didn't Steve seem off to you yesterday? His reactions? Colonel Rhodes isn't acting the way he normally does. Didn't cross my mind at the time but after things calmed down, he should have been up there arguing with T'Challa for extradition but nothing-and he called me Sam. He sort of hinted it was some sort of temporary battlefield truce but I don't know. I want you to see for yourself. Professor Banner and Agent Romanoff spent a lot of time together yesterday."
"Really? What would they talk about? Did she even talk? She's such an ice princess and he..."
"That's what I mean. They're not friends outside of work, but there they were, talking to each other like they were old friends and she was mingling with the crowd. She doesn't do that, she hates parties." Sam picked up a stone and threw it toward the lake. Bucky reflected on Sam's observation, adding them to his own ideas. "I want you to see for yourself and tell me I'm just being paranoid or…"
"I'll come back with you, but if Colonel Rhodes tries anything…" He held up his new arm. The black, and gold metal made it appear more powerful than ever as it reflected the light.
"Don't worry. If he tries anything, I've got your back," Sam said. Of all the uncertainties in his life that one thing was a given. The two exchanged a smile before Sam threw another rock.
They could have called for one of T'Challa's hovercrafts but Bucky preferred to walk. The trail led them through a section of the forest and back out on what had been the scene of the battle and the celebration the night before. Now it quiet, and clean. Someone had already replanted the grass and roped off a small portion in anticipation of a memorial garden. They planted a single torch upright in the middle of the sacred section, and even though it was daytime, it glowed with the light of their precious metal. They passed people who nodded to Bucky, and he greeted them in return.
Above him on the hill, the Complex loomed large and imposing but Bucky took little notice of the grandeur. No one impeded their progress as he and Sam entered and made their way through the long halls to the conference room.
The bodyguard outside the door nodded to Bucky as he walked in the room. He was confident she would defend him and her King if things went bad but Bucky wasn't expecting any trouble. Still, he found a chair in the back corner far from the table, near the door in case he needed an exit.
Sam took his place at the wide table with Steve. Romanoff sat beside Sam, and across the table, Banner. Romanoff's eyes shifted around. She looked, nervous? She never looked nervous. Colonel Rhodes sat on the far end of the table, close to Stark. An almost pleasant version of his resting face replaced the usual frown. That was different. The hardened military man took little notice of Bucky. Maybe Sam wasn't just imagining things.
Bucky didn't plan on making eye contact with Stark at all but as his eyes did a turnabout the room, his glance caught him and held him. He and Stark weren't exactly friends but they did spend a lot of time together in a fruitless effort to clear his mind of the remaining programming. What do I say to him? Bucky repeated the question in his head. What could he say? Sorry wasn't enough but that was all he had. Bucky looked down and concentrated on flexing his new hand.
T'Challa stood up on the front of the room, thanking everyone for all they had done and informing them of a plan to investigate the recent events. Thor had returned to space with his friends, giving further assurance to everyone the threat was gone.
There was great concern about other happenings in the world. Chaos had erupted. Government leaders from office, in the US, the 25th amendment went into effect because the President was 'indisposed' even though his doctors found nothing physically wrong. T'Challa said the same thing had happened to his own people, but the good news was they all appeared to be healthy despite their inability to focus.
Then Stark took over. Sam was right. He didn't sound like himself. The man was almost, witty, nothing like the dour personality famous for putting Senate hearings to sleep but in the middle of his report, Agent Romanoff had a coughing fit. He paused as an aide supplied her with a glass of water before continuing, asking their indulgence and explaining he was acting hyper because he was overtired. He then returned to his more familiar plodding cadence. He recounted his adventures in space, assuring everyone his report of the events 'up there' would soon be available for anyone to study and he would answer questions.
"We've done some investigating of our own, of the effects on the populace. We can report there are widespread post-traumatic stress and other after-effects of Thanos' messing with our minds… and space. It will affect memories but in time, we believe things will return to normal."
"What does that mean?" asked Okoye. The General stood as always, behind T'Challa, squinting her eyes as she spoke. She was trying to concentrate. Bucky wondered if she should even be in the room but considering her sense of duty it wasn't surprising.
"Some people will experience disorientation. We'll share our findings with the scientists here but I am confident they will reach the same conclusion. When we experiment with space and time… side effects happen."
His explanation sounded plausible enough. A traumatic event had taken place, shaking everything they knew to the foundations, so it was reasonable to believe it would affect people but it didn't go far enough. Memories were one thing, personalities another. Bucky allowed himself to seek Sam's reaction. His friend gave him a quick glance and a slight nod as if to say This is what I was talking about.
While directing his eyes back to Stark, he locked eyes with Steve. A thousand conflicted feelings warred within him. He had never been afraid of his feelings for him, accepting them and not caring who might misinterpret them. If he were honest with himself, he missed him. A lot. Especially at night. He felt it all flaring up again despite their rift. The man he knew wouldn't have backed down so quickly after the battle but would have held him there, it might have even descended into a shouting match. Was this part of the 'disorientation' Stark talked about? He pulled his eyes away, back to his new hand.
T'Challa's soothing voice came through again, thanking Stark for his contribution. Wakanda's resources would be available to help with this investigation. Everyone would do their best to restore order in the world. Bucky accepted this meeting was necessary but his hut by the lake was calling, reminding him of all the things he needed to do. His thoughts had overtaken him to where Sam had to prompt him to retell his version of events.
"I was fighting Thanos, got knocked over. Thor came, then… Steve disappeared, there was that weird fog everyone else saw and when it cleared, Steve was back." He tried to be as succinct as possible, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall, defying anyone to make him say anything more. He would not describe the odd impression he felt that Steve was about to rush over and hug him. His expression was of absolute joy…. which I did not return. Once again, he avoided looking at Steve.
The briefing ended, and he dismissed everyone. Bucky bolted for the door but Sam found him before he left the room, restraining him. "Stark wants to have a word with you. I'll be right outside."
"I don't know..." Bucky knew he had to face Stark eventually. "I need more time..."
"You got to get this over with and it can't hurt to listen, remember what I said. Study him."
Bucky remained in place, nodding to certain people as they filed out in front of him. Romanoff and Banner exited first, they both spoke to him as they went by and Banner even asked how he was doing. When he had joined their group, none of the other Avengers greeted him with open arms. He didn't blame them, considering how he had tried to kill them all on various occasions, but Banner was different. He knew what it was like to have an uncontrollable 'other guy' in his life and understood how hard it was to live with the fallout afterward.
Colonel Rhodes still had that pleasant appearance until he noticed Bucky looking at him. He drew a curtain over himself. His brows knit together and his mouth formed into a hard straight line. He gave Bucky a curt nod as he walked past but the change of expression wasn't quick enough. He should have said something, made some kind of threat like he always did. Maybe he just didn't want to parade his authority in the place where Bucky had been granted sanctuary.
That left Steve. Bucky thought he would say something but he passed on by without a word. That wasn't like him. He would have held up traffic to speak his mind. Memories of him fading away haunted him. Part of him wanted to reach out and stop him, to make sure he was real, then he remembered. The roots of his anger ran deep, almost replacing his affection for the man.
Mr. Stark remained alone in the front of the room. He had turned away, facing the window leaving Bucky no choice but to interact with his reflection. "I wanted you to tell you, the guys who are after you, they're not mine, and"Mr. Stark began "I've told all my people to stand down. The ones who are hunting you, they're from the factions we haven't been able to clean up yet, but don't worry. We'll stop them and you…" he turned around to face him. "Can leave Wakanda, go home with us if you like, but you seem to have made yourself a nice life here."
"They're good people," Bucky said, almost impressed with Stark. The confirmation he was not the one responsible for his exile was welcome. "Thank you for telling me. I never believed it was you, not after everything you tried to do for me. " He took a deep breath before continuing on. "I'm sorry about your parents, Mr. Stark."
Stark turned back to the window. He was scowling, his hand clenched into a fist. "That's not why I asked you to stay…"
"I have to explain, to apologize. My memories were returning, but disjointed. I had only bits and pieces to go on, had my suspicions. The thing is, I wanted to tell you myself, and how it was, about how I… regret everything. It was important for me to do this, and Steve knew, he promised… if he had just waited…"
"I was getting close, dad's old pals were getting close. I saw the date of their death in a corrupted file but I didn't know I wasn't the only one looking. Captain Rogers believed he should tell me so this information wouldn't surprise me. You weren't there, you were off on a mission. He thought I needed time to process it. Who knows what I might have done if I found it out cold…"
"You? You're the prime example of self-control. You wouldn't lose your temper, even for that." A brief flash of pure astonishment crossed the reflection of Mr. Stark's face. The great man looked like someone else for a brief second, but he collected himself.
"Well, we all have a breaking point. That could have been mine. We couldn't have predicted the the wrong people finding out." He turned back to Bucky. "I accept that you weren't responsible for what happened, you had no choice. The bad guys were in control of your mind, but I thank you for your apology… so are we good?"
"That's all I wanted," Bucky said, allowing himself to relax. He had been dreading this, but it meant everything to him. It would satisfy the ghosts. If Steve apologized, he would tell him all about the weird things inside his head that constantly haunted him, but now it was over. Tonight they would not disturb his sleep.
"Do me a favor, and give Steve a break, he didn't mean to turn your life upside down, he meant well." Stark was speaking out loud but looked past Bucky at the wall behind him. "Your friendship is legendary. Best friends coming back from the dead, alive after all this time. Be a shame to lose that."
"You could be right," Bucky said, still studying Mr. Stark. He called him Steve "Tell him he knows where to find me."
Sam was waiting outside the door. "Well?" he asked.
"You're not being paranoid," Bucky said, "Something's not right."