AN: I lost my home in Hurricane Harvey. Not an excuse for my absence just an update. Still going to finish this slow burner (and not start new fics). I'll start updating my progress and anything else that affects my progress on my tumblr/moisgayerthanyou so if you want to stay posted or just ask me some questions and interact with me directly you can keep up with me there. As always, sorry for the wait.
Hermione
It was finally over. Everything over the last few years, all the lessons, all the death, all the sacrifices culminated into this moment. Harry, Ron, and I walked the grounds as the teachers and Aurors cleaned up and began transporting the unconscious Death Eaters to some unknown location to await trials. The walk was mostly silent to accommodate whatever Harry may have been going through. He explained to us what happened when he entered the woods. From the ghosts of his loved ones to being in limbo, to returning and being concealed by Narcissa Malfoy of all people! Everyone was busy with something except Bellatrix who could be seen in the distance brooding to herself. Largely being avoided and avoiding others.
"It's weird, isn't it. Everything seems so peaceful and quiet right now. It's weird, especially with her here." It was Harry who spoke up.
"It is rather odd, but how long will it last? There is so much that still needs to be done and decided." I mused.
"Yes, but I meant more specifically, Bellatrix. She hasn't acted as maniacal as I expected. The night in the Ministry she was everything you heard of. Raving mad, murderous, and lacking empathy. I don't understand how she can make this 180 flip in a matter of hours. Much less stick with it for this long." Harry explained, staring across the grounds at a Bellatrix shrouded in the shadow of the Whomping Willow.
"I've been wondering that myself." I agreed.
"I've got a theory. Maybe she's just a raving psychopath and we shouldn't question that? I mean, you know the things she's done. I assume she can turn that type of thing on and off otherwise anyone who came in contact with her would be either dead or in St. Mungo's." said Ron from his perch on the bridge.
"I thought for sure that when I was the one to come back and not Voldemort she would snap and this whole joke would be over. I expected one last battle when I returned, but instead she looked . . . relieved." Ron's statement didn't seem to affect Harry's line of thought at all. I think that's progress. Maybe not to forgiveness, but maybe to the beginnings of understanding.
Harry has been very much within himself over the past few months since Sirius' death. He rarely talked about anything other than the hunt and the war, this was the first time he openly talked about Bellatrix as something other than his enemy and his godfather's murderer.
"You're starting to sound like 'Mione, Harry. Let's get back and see what we can do to help. You know, besides what we've already done, huh?" Ron joked as he hopped down and wrapped Harry into a tight side hug as they led the way back.
When we finally returned to the commotion Kingsley set upon us immediately. "Harry, Ron, some of the Aurors would like to speak with you two and I believe they would like your help with the prisoners." At the mention of the other Aurors the duo perked up immediately and hurried off in the direction where most of the commotion was coming from. Excited to be a part. "Ms. Granger, could I have a word with you?" He gestured toward the path that led back to the bridge and I fell into step with him, wondering what could be so important that he would need to speak with me alone.
"What are your plans for after all this is sorted out?" He asked as turned to glance at all the commotion and disarray that once was Hogwarts.
"I don't know, really. I thought I might track down my parents, but the more I think about it the more I think that's useless." I replied.
"It may be best to leave them where they are. They won't remember you despite your best efforts. I see no point in reopening the wound." Kingsley said. It was obvious that it wasn't just caring advice though he tried his hardest for it to come across that way. More of an order with the cheerful overtone of an informal request. I nodded in response.
We walked on in silence for a few minutes. The sounds of yelling and stone being magically rebuilt were slowly replaced by the sounds of birds chirping and the wind rustling through the trees to accompany the light of the early morning sun. It was surreal. To think that just a few hours ago so much death and destruction was made under the cover of night only for the sun to rise and bring with it a new day. As if the night before never happened. If it were not for the smoking rubble and foliage closer to the castle itself one may not even know what went on here last night.
"I was hoping," Kingsley started again, pulling me back to the matter at hand, "that you would be able to help the Ministry in a very delicate matter." This was the first time I've ever seen the man unsure of himself or his words. He was always confident and collected and seemed to be several steps ahead of everyone else. Always ready to guide the conversation of plans in the direction that they need to go. "It is in regards to Mrs. Lestrange, or rather Black as she has corrected me so many times already. You may recall the night she first appeared outside Grimmauld Place with her proposition there was a divide between what should be done with her. A divide that you ultimately turned. Now that the war is over and she has more than fulfilled her part of the agreement it is time that we held up our end." He explained much to my confusion.
"I don't see how I tie in with all of this. Are you saying that she asked something of me as part of her agreement?" I asked truly mortified at whatever request the witch could have made of me.
"No, of course not, Ms. Granger. We would never have agreed to anything of the sort. I tell you all this because the number of people who made the original agreement, those who would have ultimately carried out our end, have dwindled seemingly overnight." He explained solemnly.
It dawned on me then all those who were not experiencing this new morning with us. Among the dead were Lupin, Tonks, Moody who we lost before the night even started; Professor Snape whom I could still see bleeding out in the boathouse; Fred whom I couldn't think of without a large lump forming in my throat; and of course Dumbledore. Those were just those who were connected to the Order, not mention the countless others.
"So, what is it that you need my assistance with?" I asked, now fearing exactly what he might ask.
"Understandably, the Weasley's have stepped away from any Order duties so that they may grieve and prepare. So, ultimately the decisions regarding Bellatrix have fallen to myself and Headmistress McGonagall. We agree that we will hold up our word to keep Bellatrix out of Azkaban and pardon her for escaping and the death of Sirius Black who himself was an escapee. However, we can't just let her roam free." He stopped there knowing that I would connect the dots.
"You expect me to be her keeper? How exactly do you figure that will work?" I asked because it seemed ridiculous to me. If there were any way that he could explain it that would make this make sense then I would consider it.
"You're the only person she is consistently non-hostile with. It is bizarre given that you are not a pureblood, but nevertheless she seems the most comfortable with you. You wouldn't be her keeper so much as a liaison. We hope that by sending you she will be more willing to accept our terms and cooperate with the interest of both parties in mind." He explained, but I got the feeling he was going around an important piece of information.
"What aren't you saying? I doubt I would be just a messenger between you." I asked and waited for his response. The longer he remained silent the more fearful I grew.
"This would require you to give up at least a year of your life and any plans you may have made with that time. I won't lie to you this will be an emotionally draining experience solely due to the nature of Bellatrix. While she can't do any serious damage, I wouldn't put it past her to cause you some kind of physical harm as well." He said without looking at me.
"And?" I pressed.
"You would need to be with her at all times to relay any misgivings or misdeeds she may do while in her probationary period. You would live with her and her sister Narcissa." I stopped walking then and turned to look at him.
I was in shock. How did they expect me to agree to anything like this? Then I thought back to how he started this conversation. He brought up that night so many months ago and how I was the deciding factor then. Of course.
"Because I was brave enough to speak up at Grimmauld Place you think I'm insane enough to actually live with her?" I asked and it was rhetorical. I was done listening to his reasons.
"I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't at least ask. You have every right to refuse, but at least think about it. I would never have asked if Minerva and I didn't think you were capable of handling this." Kingsley replied as he began walking back to the castle.
Upon returning, Kingsley departed to help the Aurors in their tasks and I let my feet carry me closer to the castle, eventually finding my way in through the rubble. The halls that I knew as home for so long were unrecognizable to me now. It was hard to imagine any magic that could restore such damage to its once glorious form. Wandering aimlessly felt normal. It was something I often did whenever I had the free time to explore the castle and think. Now was no different. The stairs no longer functioned as they once did, but it was not too difficult to find my way to the Gryffindor common room through the rubble. Finding the Fat Lady missing from her portrait and the door open I carefully stepped inside and was hit with a sense of sad nostalgia. It was if I never left. The fighting had not touched Gryffindor tower as it had claimed and destroyed so much of the rest of the castle. The familiarity was comforting, especially now with so many changes being made and so many decisions to make. It was the perfect place to think over Kingsley's proposal without being bothered.
I understand why they would want me to do this. They would be tied up in more pressing matters and I was the last level headed and mostly unbiased option left, but actually living with her and other recent Death Eaters? Regardless of circumstance, the thought alone makes my blood run cold.
But then, what would happen to Bellatrix if I don't accept. Would they send her back to Azkaban indefinitely until everything else is sorted out? That was hardly fair considering everything and I truly believe that Bellatrix deserves another chance. I just never thought that the decision would rely so heavily on me and so soon.
Seemingly triggered by just the thought of the witch the marred skin on my forearm began to sting and burn. As if the knife were tearing it open again this time with the painfully evident. I'd done my best to heal the scars when I was safe, but the wound went untreated for too long and now the raised and shining reminder of this war and what it truly meant was permanently linked to my skin. Surely if Kingsley and McGonagall knew what this woman was capable of, comfortable with, doing to me they wouldn't suggest something so insensitive. Surely. Then again, maybe they did see. Maybe they thought I got off easy considering everything else she's done to others. Maybe the fact that I have this heinous reminder of the brutality of Bellatrix Black etched in my skin and I still chose to stand by her side made them believe that I could handle more.
"Hermione?" The soft and quizzical voice startled me. It hadn't occurred to me that there were others crazed or bored enough to enter the castle right now.
"Luna? What are you doing here?" I asked purely on impulse. I realized long ago that I would never understand the reasons why the strange girl did anything.
"Looking for anyone that may be hidden." Was the cryptic, yet simple response.
"Oh."
"Why are you here?" She asked in response.
"I needed to be alone." I answered, hoping she would get the hint.
"I see. There were better places to choose from you know." She pointed out without moving.
Resigned to my fate of never finding a moment of peace after this war I finally caved, "Would you like to sit with me? I doubt anyone is still in the castle. If there are I'm sure there are plenty of people who can take care of them."
"I suppose you're right. I could be using my time to help a friend in need." She concluded.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You have been a wonderful friend to me all these years. Maybe I can return the favor. What's got your mind in such a funk?"
"I-I'm not sure if I can say." There was something about Luna that always made me feel exposed. Even when she made no sense.
"That's alright. Does it have anything to do with Ms. Black and why she is going unnoticed?" She aptly guessed.
I was speechless. She hit the nail right on the head without even a moment of thought. She seemed to know a lot more about what was going on around her than anyone gave her credit for. There was only a moment of nervous consideration before I finally caved.
"They want me to be in charge of her, keep an eye on her so to speak. They want me to live in the same house as her indefinitely. I don't think I'm strong enough for that." My voice was small and hollow.
"Oh." Was her much-anticipated response.
"Oh?" I asked. "Is that all you have to say? I would have been better off sitting alone if that's the case!" I exclaimed, not thinking once about the words leaving my mouth.
Luna sat quietly staring at me. Not so much as blinking. I don't know what it was about her, but I felt guilt coil in my stomach immediately.
"I'm sorry, Luna. I didn't mean that. I'm just stressed is all." I apologized.
"No need. If you didn't mean it you wouldn't have said it. But I understand. This is an awfully hard decision to make. It will change the course of your future most definitely." She nodded almost enthusiastically. Like she was almost excited about the prospect of me living with former Death Eaters for the foreseeable future. If the prospect brought her so much joy then she could take my place by all means. I didn't dare say that.
"You know, in a way, you both have had to make difficult decisions that changed so much. She decided to forsake everything she knew to do what was right and now she has a second chance to get things right perhaps. And you, Hermione, you get to decide if she deserves that second chance." Luna mused in that carefree way she often did.
"When you put it that way it feels like we're exchanging freedoms. She gets to be free and I get to be imprisoned." I snorted.
"That's very pessimistic of you Hermione." She laughed back.
Our combined laughter eventually tapered off into a more comfortable silence. Although I was initially wary about Luna's presence I was thankful now for her optimistic nature. It was an unexpected, yet welcome intrusion.
Suddenly, she was standing again. "I think I'll be going now. I believe I intruded on a rather intimate moment and I don't wish to be a bother any longer. You have a lot to think about I suppose." She talked and moved faster than normal and before I could process what she was saying she was nearly gone already.
"Wait, Luna!" She stopped abruptly. "You don't have to go." I assured.
She nodded, "I think I should. I have no place in this decision. I don't want to influence you in any way. That wouldn't be fair to anyone involved."
If it were anyone else I would have thought it was an excuse, but coming from Luna…
"Whatever you decide, I'll understand. If no one else does." With that parting comment, she was gone taking with her the fragile comfort and clarity I need and leaving behind the scent of a garden.
She was right of course. This was my decision and only I could make it. How I wished for just a night of rest. A week without any expectations. Could I have that? Would Kingsley allow me that or was this a matter that needed to be handled now? Thinking it over it seemed silly. I would only be prolonging the inevitable. If I hid away from this when the time came to make the decision I'd be in the exact same situation as now. I most likely wouldn't even get the rest that I seek. No doubt this would be in every one of my waking thoughts. And what would happen with Bellatrix in that time? Would she be hauled off somewhere and held prisoner by someone who didn't understand why she wasn't being executed?
My fingers subconsciously trailed across the raised scar on my forearm. If I decided right at this moment to never see the dark witch again, this ugly scar would make sure I never forgot her. Try as I might, I was attached to her in the most physical sense.
I need someone to defend me and no one else will.
Bellatrix' words from earlier rang in my head. She asked for my help in the aftermath and although I think she meant in a more physical aspect I promised my support. It would feel like a broken promise if I let anything happen to her now.
I need someone to defend me and no one else will.
The sincerity in her tone made the request undeniable and the more I thought about possibly turning down this arrangement the more I felt like I was turning my back. I couldn't do that.
I need someone to defend me and no one else will.
Bellatrix
He was actually gone. I never actually believed it would be possible, but standing here under the shade of an old tree and watching the organized chaos unfurl was almost calming. I didn't feel the need to run and hide or play both sides. Still, I couldn't help but feel a certain sadness. The Dark Lord delivered me from a life or unappreciated servitude. He recognized my potential and unlocked it. It was easy to become lost in his idealism and fanaticism when he offered so much that I would never have known otherwise.
There were witches and wizards ambling about everywhere. All not even noticing my presence and I preferred it that way. If the entire wizarding community could just ignore my presence I would have a chance at a normal life. I knew that this wouldn't last long though. Eventually, this place would be restored enough that they would start looking for a place to hide me. Or more likely, imprison me under a more politically correct name. I might as well bask in the shade now while I still had the chance.
I don't think the Order would go back on our agreement, at least not outright. They would, however, repackage our agreement so that it would benefit them the most. Cause them the least amount of grief while still technically keeping their word. This outcome hadn't been the one that I most anticipated seeing as it meant that The Dark Lord would have to be dead and gone from this world for good, but I would be naive to believe that my needs, my wants, would matter at all. My life was paved with death, destruction, and misery. I deserved whatever lies ahead.
"Ms. Black." The heavy Scottish accent seemed to come out of nowhere. Had I not known so well who the voice belonged to I might have been startled into a rash reaction.
"McGonagall. Did you sneak up on me as that God-awful cat? I'd be careful if I were you, lots of things around here that would love to make a nice snack out of you." I responded, already anticipating what this conversation would be about.
"I'm fairly confident that I can handle myself." There was only the smallest twitch of a smile before her face twisted into something that resembled pained confusion. "You know what this is about, don't you?"
"About my next prison cell." I stated plainly.
She wrung her hands before answering. "No, not exactly. You might be happy to know that you are not a top concern at the moment. Given, well, everything."
"Why would that make me happy?" I snapped.
"Because you get to be a ghost for the time being." She explained clearly not impressed by my attitude.
"What does that mean exactly? I get thrown in a hole somewhere until you're ready to deal with me?" I asked.
"Nothing that dramatic. You would be with your family under protective watch."
"Protective watch." I snorted, just another way of saying imprisonment.
"Yes, Bellatrix, protective watch. Did you think that you would be left to your own devices for the time being? There will be a Ministry hearing to formally pardon you, but that won't be for months. Until then you'll need to stay out of the public eye, but somewhere that the Ministry can still check-in on you." She explained.
"And where would that be?" I asked, not thrilled with the possible answers.
"With your sister and nephew at Black Manor." McGonagall stated plainly.
I was speechless. It had been decades since I had been back there. Not since I was married. Not even when my mother or father died. That place held every tainted memory of my childhood, every propaganda rhetoric that was drilled into my head was started there, every decision that started my criminal career was made for me there. All of my hopes and my dreams died there and were replaced with those that fit more readily into the pureblood agenda. Needless to say it was not a place I was eager to revisit, even less enthusiastic to be staying there indefinitely.
My throat constricted painfully and it took several attempts to speak. "And what poor Ministry official will have the pleasure of watching over my darling sister and I?"
"Well, actually, they would be watching over you and your nephew." McGonagall clarified.
"Really? Draco? His only offenses would be a cowardly attempt on Dumbledore's life and repairing a vanishing cabinet. Sure they sound like large issues, but compared to what people like his father were up to its child's play." How desperate do you have to be to hold a child accountable for something he was persuaded to do? Surely there were enough criminals rounded up just today to let Draco go free.
"Rest assured. Lucius Malfoy will spend the rest of his days in Azkaban for his role in all of this. Draco's punishment, if it can be called that, is more for appearance than anything. I do believe the trauma he experienced in Malfoy Manor is deterrent enough. The Ministry liaison is mainly for you." She explained, ringing her hands more and more with each word that left her mouth.
"You never told me who this liaison was. And why is it you telling me all this, not the acting Minister for Magic?" I asked, more curious than before.
"This was a joint decision on our parts. He's speaking with the possible liaison at the moment. Our first choice, the most amiable one for both parties we think, holds the right to refuse." She continued, it was obvious she didn't want to reveal who this mystery person was.
"Do I have the right to refuse?" I asked, more rhetorically than anything.
"Hopefully you won't feel the need to. That is why we handpicked this person."
This person.
Who the bloody hell could this person be. McGonagall was acting vague, nervous even. In all my years of knowing her, she never seemed anything but calm confidence. This was offputting. Just as I was about to point this out the deep voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt carried over to our shaded area under the tree.
"Minerva!" He gestured for us to join him and the others who had gathered in the middle of the courtyard. The captives were already gone to whatever hole they would rot in until their trials and now only those who fought settled around him.
I guess Kingsley wanted to give a grand speech. As soon as everyone was gathered he plunged into what was most likely a well-rehearsed and dramatic demonstration of his diplomatic speaking prowess. Unfortunately, I could care less to hear it and it would seem that a certain young mudblood felt the same way. I was just about to point out said absence when just the same mudblood appeared on the far side of the group making her way to the front. We made eye contact for a brief moment and she gave me the briefest nod.
A larger part of me is relieved that Harry came back. The girl would not have stood a chance against the Dark Lord. It would have been an awful shame to waste such a promising life on the likes of myself. From my place behind everyone else, I could make out McGonagall's outline as she made her way as discretely as possible over to the girl. They exchanged a few whispered words and a brief embrace before McGonagall turned a gave me grave look that didn't fit with having just won a war. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.
Finally, Kingsley had heard enough of himself and witches and wizards left in a hurry to be with their families. Narcissa was sitting on the now repaired steps of the castle, still holding Draco as if some unrecognized danger were going to swoop in and take him away. That was understandable I suppose. Especially if she knew where her fate lied. I decided to offer whatever offhanded comfort I could by sitting at my sister's side and holding her hand. A show of solidarity and protection that I hope came across as genuine and strong instead of terribly afraid.
AN2: This chapter was so hard for me to get through. I kept rewriting it and rewriting, but I just couldn't get to a point where I was fully satisfied. But this is where the story really gets started for us. The war is over and now we get to really get some more Bellamione interaction and character development as well as uncovering a few things along the way. I'm so nervous I hope you guys will stay along for the ride!