Dear Jo,

I hardly know how to start this letter. I've written and rewritten it so many times now I've lost count. Writing to Malarky was so much easier and I hope you can forgive me for writing him but not you.

Jesus, I can hear you as if you were sitting on my bed as I write this telling me to just "get the fuck on with it, Buck. We don't have all damn day."

I miss you Jo. I miss talking with you, I miss giving you shit and you giving it right back. I didn't tell Malarky this but everyone walks on eggshells around me like I'm going to break at the slightest mention of the war.

Granted, I was a mess when I first got home, but I felt so much guilt leaving the men… leaving you. I feel like you've been by my side my whole life and now when I turn you talk to you, you aren't there. I feel like part of me is missing without you here. Everyone thinks they're protecting me by not mentioning it or changing the subject when the topic is brought up. I don't want them to. I want to talk about it, I want to tell them about you.

Shit, I'm starting to sound weepy. But fuck it, I'm not starting this letter over again. I have to get it to you.

You told me when I left that you were leaving me alone to face a world that wouldn't understand what we went through, what I went through. I thought you're just trying to ease my guilt for leaving but now I know you were right. It's a different battle altogether and this time I don't have you by my side to help me get through it. God I need you Jo. I need you because you know everything I went through and you're the only one who won't look at me with judgemental eyes. You'd be the first one to send a glare at these people. I'm sure you'd scare them off too, you know your eyes turn black when you're mad, right? All these God fearing people would think you're the devil and you wouldn't correct them because you have a sick sense of humor like that. Sometimes, when it gets real bad, I imagine you're here doing just that and it helps me get through whatever I'm doing with what little sanity I have left mostly intact.

God I miss you.

I've already said that. But I do.

I don't care what you say, you are coming to California after all this is over. I'll drag you here myself if I have to and you know that's true.

I love you Jo and I need you here with me. Please keep yourself as safe as I know you're keeping the men.

I'll see you soon.

Love,

Buck

0000000000000000000000000

I felt a sing in my eyes, the telltale sign of repressed tears as I reread the letter from Buck for the umpteenth time. I still missed that giant blonde idiot and I still felt his loss keenly.

I rubbed my nose in effort to keep the tears at bay and folded the letter, carefully stashing it in my front pocket. I looked over the lake once more, the deep orange of the sun just rising stained the lake and I breathed the fresh air deep into my lungs, clearing my mind and preparing myself to lead early morning PT before breakfast as the men slowly started to make their way sleepily out of our temporary barracks. They readily fell into formation and we got the morning underway as Buck's words replayed on a loop in my mind.

000000000000000000

I stopped short as I stepped into the room. I expected to only see my Captain in there, stalking around like normal but was met with not only Speirs but Winters, Nixon and another captain and major I had never met before as well as a private who stood quietly on his own with his head bowed. I cast my eyes about the room at the men before zeroing in on my CO. He looked angrier than normal which was saying a lot.

"Gentlemen," I greeted and everyone's eyes landed on me. "I was sent for."

"Benny." Winters greeted. "Have a seat."

He gestured to the chair at the head of the table closest to where I stood and I hesitantly sat as everyone else took their own seats. I glanced over at Speirs who sat next to me on my left. He kept his gaze from mine and glared harshly at the table in front of him. I felt my heart leap into my throat and was sure my heartbeat could be heard bouncing off the walls it's whooshing sounded so loud in my own ears. I took a deep, slow breath to try and calm my nerves and forced a neutral mask over my features.

"Sir, have I done something wrong?" I questioned openly but stared at Speirs. He briefly glanced up at me and his face softened for a moment before setting back into a glare directed at the wooden surface. "If my performance is not up to satisfaction please-"

"Benny, your performance is not in question," Winters cut me off. "You have served above and beyond what has been expected of you."

"With all due respect, sir, why was I called here if not due to my performance as an NCO?" I again looked to Speirs and he again kept his glare directed at the table.

"Relax Jo, this isn't a tribunal," Nixon spoke up, looking me directly in the eyes. He raised his massive brows slightly and I felt myself relaxing somewhat at the deeper meaning in his words. It's okay Jo, it's not about what you think.

"Jo, this is Major Adams with army intelligence," Winters introduced the blonde haired major who nodded politely to me.

"Sir," I greeted.

"Sergeant Benally, I've heard great things about you," Major Adams smiled. "This is Captain Puck, also with intelligence." He gestured to the red headed Captain who all but sneered in my direction.

"Good to meet you, sir," it was nearly dismissive as I turned back to Winters. "Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Granted Benny."

"Sir, what does this have to do with me? Why am I here? I was pulled from training the men who need to be battle ready for the Pacific."

Speirs finally looked up and I could see a proud glint in his eyes.

"The army believes your talents are better suited elsewhere, Benally," he said short and gruff.

"I don't understand, sir." I looked towards him. "Am I to be transferred out of Easy?" I remembered the conversation we had just the other night. "I thought I was to stay with the company."

He looked me in the eyes and open his mouth to answer.

"You speak fluent Navajo, is that right Sergeant Benally?" Major Adams cut the Captain off before he could speak and Speirs refocused his glare onto the blonde man.

"Yes sir," I answered somewhat hesitantly as things finally started to click and my presence here started to become apparent.

"Your kind," Captain Puck nearly spat, "are being used to code messages in the Pacific theater."

Speirs gaze fixed on the Captain and his eyes darkened. He was not the only one leveling a glare at the man. Winters and Nixon both bristled as the Captain's tone.

"Am I going to be trained to be one of these men?" I was, sadly, used to the inherent racism of this time that still held roots in my own and ignored the Captain's tone with a practiced ease.

"Yes. You and Private Bitzoo here," Puck glanced and the silent private, not even attempting to hide his distaste. The private kept his eyes on the table where they had been since we had sat down.

"Bitsui," I corrected without a second thought. The private raised his eyes for the first time and looked at me. His dark eyes, much like my own, met mine and a small smile crossed his face. I nodded slightly in acknowledgement and turned towards Winters. "Am I being transferred, sir?"

"Not for the time being, Benny." He answered.

"But it's a possibility in the future," I said what he didn't want to say.

"Yes Sergeant," he nodded with a sigh.

"You're still one of my men," Speirs barked glaring at Puck, the Captain shrunk slightly at Speirs' heated gaze. The CO turned to look at me, his eyes softened as did his voice. "You'll still be expected to perform your assigned duties but you'll also report the Captain Puck," he spat the man's name with a glare, "to train in codes and translation. "

"When do I start, sir?" I asked focusing on him.

"ASAP," Puck grunted. Speirs' eyes held murder in them as he was cut off by the other Captain.

"You'll finish with your training duties during the day. Malarky will relieve you at 1500 each afternoon and you will train with Captain Puck until-"

"Until we're done," Puck cut in once more and Speirs teeth clenched as he glared harder at the Captain then I'd ever seen before. Puck winced and shrank away slightly before coughing in an attempt to cover his fear. "You may be kept well into the night."

"Yes, sir."

We discussed details of where and when we would be meeting as I felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. The officers stood from the table and I followed suit. Winters, Nixon and Adams nodded to me as they exited the room while Puck sneered and stomped out. Private Bitsui lingered for a moment but one glare from Speirs, not even directed at him, sent him scurrying after the officers.

I sighed and sat heavily into my chair, dropping my head into my hands and rubbing my temples. The chair beside me scraped against the floor and groaned as a body dropped weightily into it.

"This feels like a huge clusterfuck," I moaned and was rewarded with a derisive snort.

"No shit," Speirs grunted in agreement. I raised my head and looked at the Captain. He met my eyes and I could see how tired he really was as his defenses dropped. "Jo, don't think because he's an officer that you have to take any shit from him," he leaned forward so his face was closer to mine. "If he does anything to you, you tell me. You are still my Sergeant."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"You're not getting soft on me are you sir?" I joked, breaking the tension that had settled over the room and made me feel more than a little uncomfortable.

"Do you ever take anything seriously, Benally?" he sighed in frustration.

"I try not to, sir," I shot back with a grin.

"I will shoot you," a laugh escaped me and he rolled his eyes but a grin crept its way across his face. He straightened up and the smile fell away. "I'm serious Jo. I just got you back into fighting shape-"

"Doc said I was fat." He ignored me.

"-and I don't want you or anyone else to jeopardize that," he finished with a glare. I held up my hands in surrender.

"Yes, sir. If anything's fucky," he sighed and rolled his eyes, "I'll report it directly to you."

He narrowed his eyes at me and stared at me for a moment before realizing that was the best he was going to get from me.

"Benally."

"Sir."

"Get back to training."

"Roger that sir."

"Where's my sidearm."

000000000000000000000

Thank you for taking the time to read and if you enjoyed this have suggestions on how to improve please leave a review and let me know!