Notes:
Hi everyone!
Before I say anything let me say thank you to PipeDreamPrayer for Beta reading and giving advice. Without the help this chapter would have never seen the light of day.
I Will say a bit more after the chapter. For now, let me just say have fun and I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 8: The unstoppable
It was an Instinctive motion that made her turn around to see who was walking behind her, she did it without even thinking about it, her mind was still filled with heavy thoughts about the past days and about her promise to Yuri and Yusaku, the promise that she would find both of them.
Only half focusing, Serena saw a young man wearing a white shirt underneath a black jacket and a blue tie, loosely hanging around his collar. His spiky hair was blue and pink, but the thing that caught Serena's eyes the most was a flash of his emerald eyes.
Serena almost fell out of her chair from the shock. She had to grip onto it so she wouldn't land on the ground.
After managing to hold on and steadying herself, she jumped out of the chair.
The green eyes, the same eyes she had seen on the large screen, the same eyes she never wanted to see sadness on, the eyes she had seen hiding tears so often. They completely absorbed her.
Her son was standing in front of her. Yusaku was standing in front of her. She had searched for him since coming here and now…
The realization hit her and her mind was blank, she could only look for a long moment into the green eyes.
She only stopped staring as Yusaku closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Immediately her mind started to race.
Her heart was suddenly beating so quickly, her chest hurt and her mind could barely form a coherent thought.
Yusaku…
Immediately Serena wanted to do something, anything. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how sorry she was. A few times Serena opened her mouth to speak, but found that she didn't know what to say.
She cursed herself, why couldn't finding the right words to speak about things like this be easy for her, like it seemed to be for Yuzu? Why can't she think of something?
For almost eleven years she couldn't find the right words to reach him and now she stood there like every other time, an invisible abyss between Yusaku and her that she could not cross.
Her heart was aching and beating even faster, Serena was about to speak when Yusaku's eyes suddenly opened.
"Good afternoon, Serena-san." He said, quietly and without emotion. The coldness of his word immediately making her heart sting.
His voice was almost clear, almost calm, but Serena had looked into his suffering eyes too often not to see them ever so slightly tremble, struggling not to look away or blink. She knew that Yusaku was forming his hands into fists and forcefully holding his body strait to stop it from shaking.
Serena had often seen this fight, but Yusaku never won. It still sent a rush of pain through her body.
She felt how the tense silence was grinding on Yusaku, how hard it was for him. No more time for thinking.
"Hello Yusaku… It's good to see you again." Serena greeted, she wanted it to sound warm, to somehow tell him how she felt and to not be swallowed up by the abyss.
Seeing her son fight so hard, made a desire build up inside of her to rush over and hug Yusaku and to tell him that he needed to fear nothing. In the past she would have, but things just didn't work like that. Serena would still give everything to help him, but the years have told her that it isn't that simple.
Still she couldn't bear to see her son like that for any longer, she needed to do something.
"I…I'm here to visit you. We haven't seen each other in a while." Serena explained, quickly.
Silence. For a moment Serena wanted to believe that Yusaku had simply not heard her, but she saw her son fighting even harder now. His emerald eyes trembled even harder and Serena could almost feel how painfully he was forming his hands into fists.
No. Was the only thing Serena could think, she hadn't seen her son suffer like this for almost one and a half years, she always knew it wouldn't simply get better, but now, seeing him again, Serena felt a burning feeling inside her. She needed to say something, anything now.
But before she could, Yusaku turned towards the hot dog truck.
"I will ask Kusanagi-san if I can skip this shift, so we can go to my apartment." Yusaku suddenly told her in a matter-of-fact voice.
Yusaku walked towards the truck without looking back, Serena stood there in confusion. He was gone so fast she barely had time to process his words.
Serena saw Yusaku talking to the friendly hot dog truck owner. After the man had said something and took a quick look over to her, his face a mix of concern and confusion, he said something and Yusaku quickly returned back to her.
While they were walking, every step made Serena more uncomfortable. They made their way through the busy streets of Den city, the sun hanging low in the sky signaling the evening.
They didn't talk the whole way. Yusaku was walking in front of her, still having said nothing after telling her that they would go to his apartment. His steps were quick and she had trouble keeping up. He never looked back, Serena could feel the tension and urgency in his steps.
The loud sounds coming from the city's cars, advertisements and shops, made it hard for Serena to concentrated and to process what had happened and what she needed to do.
Everything happened so fast, Serena felt like there were still so many things to say, but she couldn't think of any of them.
The helplessness Serena felt after trying so hard to help all these years and failing was still with her and close in that moment, but she ignored it. There would be a chance to say everything.
She needed to stay calm, when they got to Yusaku's place she would figure something out, like Yuzu said.
After a short walk Yusaku suddenly stopped and walk towards one of the apartment buildings, Serena wordlessly followed him.
Yusaku got out his key and while he was opening the door Serena could see his unsteady hand shaking. He quickly grabbing his arm with his other hand to steady it.
They walked up the stairs to one of the upper apartments in silence. While walking next to him, she noticed that he was avoiding directly looking at her. At one apartment door Yusaku stopped and opened it.
Serena entered behind Yusaku and saw that stairs led down to the main room of the apartment.
She gasped at what she saw, before quickly steadying herself so Yusaku wouldn't notice, cursing herself a little for the slip up.
Yusaku's apartment was almost empty except for a bed and a desk with a computer. The wall looked rundown and she could even see a few cracks in them. The whole place immediately felt cold and lifeless to her. How could she let her son live like this?
Seemingly having not noticed Serena's shock, Yusaku quickly made his way down the stairs, not looking at her. After a moment Serena followed. She can't make her son uncertain now, she needed to act normal.
As Serena left the last step of the stairs, she noticed that Yusaku had stopped in the middle of the room with his back turned to her.
There was a long moment of silence. Serena didn't know what she should do or say again. They were in his apartment and now what?
A few times she opened her mouth, but couldn't find anything to say. As she stood there, it felt like the moment lasted forever.
During the years Serena had often imagined dueling Yusaku, both of them understanding each other and healing with the connection dueling brings. Then she would find the right words and they could be happy again.
She knew from seeing Yuya, Yuzu and so many more of the friends she made that dueling has that power, the power to open hearts like it had opened hers. But for Yusaku, dueling was the terror that kept him up at night, his greatest fear.
A painful lesson, the past had taught her, came to mind. Every time she would be too fast with her emotions, it would overwhelm Yusaku and he would shut down and if she was too careful, things would stay the same forever.
The years had taught her that, but still, Serena knew there was another way, there had to be, Like Yuzu had said. Her boy was not lost forever, no he was not.
No more standing around like an idiot, Serena thought. Deciding to break the silence, Serena slowly walked closer to Yusaku, into his view.
"It's getting late. Why don't I make us dinner?" Serena asked, carefully.
Yusaku's expression was still blank and he was staring into nothingness, like he wasn't really there, like Serena wasn't really there. She half expected that to be the moment he would shut everything out again, but then he slowly nodded.
Serena, now alone for the first time, leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. The look on her son's face had been too familiar, it had sent a stinging pain into her heart, but there was no stopping now, she needed to help him, no matter what.
The room was just as small and uncomfortable looking as the rest of the apartment, with cracks in the wall and only a micro wave to cook any food. Serena opened the small fridge and decided to make one of the warm-up meals in it.
In the back of her mind she imagined her son's life in this small and dark apartment, with no healthy food or anyone to talk to. It sent a shiver down Serena's body.
This could be fixed too. Tomorrow she would go shopping and, after things get better, she would help Yusaku make this place a little nicer, or maybe Yuri could, he would be better at that. It would work out, she told herself.
Honestly her offer of making dinner would have been a dangerous proposition, if it would have been anymore then warm-up food. Her skills at cooking were often a target of Yuri's merciless mockery. He was usually the one doing the cooking and Serena had to admit that he was pretty good.
Thinking about Yuri made her hand instinctively go to her duel disk.
No. Now was not the time for that, she would worry about Yuri later. She needed to focus on Yusaku now and chasing after Yuri wouldn't do her any good, even if a small voice told her that she really needed him right now.
After placing their dinner on the kitchen table, she left the kitchen to call Yusaku. Serena saw him sorting something into a box and then push it into a corner. Yusaku then looked into it for a long moment.
"Yusaku." Serena called him, unsurely. He didn't move and continued to look into the box. Serena couldn't quite see what was inside of it only that it looked colorful.
"Yusaku." Serena called again carefully. She didn't want to startle her son, who was clearly in deep thought. Yusaku quickly turned around to look at her, his face showing a little surprise.
"Dinner is ready." She told him, forcefully not to let any of her thoughts into her voice.
Yusaku wordlessly moved to the computer desk and got the chair. Moving past her into the kitchen with it, leaving her confused for a moment.
"There is only one chair here." Yusaku explained, putting the chair next to the kitchen table. Yusaku, still standing, looked at her with the neutral expression which Serena knew hid everything. She realized that he was waiting for her, so she sat down at the table.
The warm up food she had prepared was nothing special, but Serena was hungry from the long day. They started to eat and immediately Serena felt the dreaded silence settle in. Her thoughts were racing again trying to find something, anything to say.
"So how is school?" Serena finally asked, immediately remembering all the times she had asked the question in situations similar to this and receiving no answer. She thought it was a stupid question to ask now, but Serena couldn't think of anything else.
Slowly, a bit of talk to make him comfortable and then something more meaningful, she told herself, with a side of her still doubtful.
Yusaku looked into her eyes and Serena immediately recognized the fight within him to hold his head up.
"It is fine." He told her, quietly. She quickly nodded to relieve him, give him the chance to look away again.
She felt a sting of pain, it was still so hard for him. His pain was still there, nothing had changed. Doubt started to creep into her mind, so she looked around the room to give herself a small distraction.
Serena noticed that Yusaku had divided his food into three perfectly same sized parts, separated from one another on his plate. For a moment she watched him line up his food in confusion before a memory sprung to her mind.
It had taken Serena a long time to see. It had started with the toys from Sora and Yuya. Yusaku had stopped playing with them and they were all lined up on the shelve. One day Serena noticed that they were all grouped up into groups of three.
Serena wouldn't have thought anything of it, but then she noticed more things. His school books, his pencils, his shoes and his clothe were all in groups of three
When she changed any of the groups they would always be back together after a short while. It was a small thing, Serena hadn't been concerned, there had been too many other troubles on her mind. She always wanted to tell Yuri about it, but never got around to it.
Maybe she should have paid more attention to it, maybe she should have askes Yusaku about it. Serena felt a wave of disappointment in herself, another way she had failed to be there for Yusaku.
Noticing that Yusaku was looking at her, staring at the food, she quickly snapped out of her thoughts. It was stupid thinking like that, she told herself. She would try to understand it better now, like so many other things. Serena will work out it, there is no way she won't.
The silence between her and Yusaku suddenly seemed to be even more oppressing and she once again had her mind racing trying to find something to say.
"If you want to, you could show me the city tomorrow? I'm sure there are places you like here." Serena asked, carefully. Something small they could do together, something that could give her a chance to get closer. Yusaku froze up at her words.
"Only if you want to, of course." Serena added, quickly. After nothing happened for a few more moments her mind already thinking of the worst.
How could she be so stupid? Her son never liked going outside after what happened, what made her think that he would now? What made her think he was ready for something like this?
Yuri always teased her that she never thought before saying something, normally she would protest, but this was way too important.
Serena's thoughts ended when she saw Yusaku forcing himself to look at her and he nodded.
Feeling relieved, Serena couldn't help, but give him a smile. She didn't know if it was a good move, but it felt right, she would try to be positive and make him comfortable like Yuzu had advised her. Yusaku looked at her for another moment before turning to the food again.
He had not smiled back and there was still a part of her saying that nothing was happening, but maybe it was a step in the right direction. Was it really possible for something to change? Serena wanted to believe it.
After finishing their dinner Serena suddenly felt like voicing something, she had thought about saying since long before meeting her son again.
"Yusaku?" she asked, quietly, trying to get his attention.
It again took him a long moment before looking up at her with the completely neutral expression, that Serena knew all too well.
"I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see you again and that I hope we can…" Serena muttered, slowly. "That we can try to find a new future together."
Serena had to cringe at how that sounded. It was overly dramatic. She and Yuri would make fun of when Yuya and Yuzu would say something like it, but in that moment, Serena couldn't find any better words for what she honestly felt.
Yusaku's expression was unchanged, as if she hadn't said anything. Serena was about to curse herself for her stupidity again. Then Yusaku abruptly stood up. Serena, still focused on the moment, was startled.
"I will need to call Kusanagi-san." Yusaku stated, quickly. Why did he need to call his employer now?
"Why?" Serena muttered, shocked before realizing that her tone would probably make her son uncertain.
"There are three reasons why. First: You have no residents in the city and it would be a waste if you would book a hotel." Yusaku explain, showing the number with his finger.
"Second: This apartment only has one bed which is too small for two people, leaving me without a place to sleep." Yusaku continued, lifting a second finger into the air. "Third: Kusanagi owns a sleeping bag I can use."
His hand now had three fingers up. Serena was taken aback by Yusaku's quick words. Why was he thinking about this now?
Before Serena could say anything else Yusaku quickly move towards his duel disk on the computer desk, leaving her sitting at the table alone.
Serena also stood up, Yusaku was typing into his duel disk, his back turned towards. Then he stopped and stood completely still.
"Kusanagi-san will come over after he has closed up his hot dog truck and bring the sleeping bag. I must still do some homework for tomorrow." Yusaku stated. "There isn't a lot here, but I can get Roboppy to stream TV for you."
He still hadn't turned around and Serena felt that he was a lot further way then he was.
"No, I'm fine." Serena answered, quickly.
Yusaku placed the chair in front of the computer again and sat down. He started to meticulously place books and papers from his bag on the table.
"and… thank you…" Serena added, quietly. Yusaku froze for a moment before quickly moving on with his work.
Serena felt weird standing there in the emptiness of the apartment. She sat down on the bed, not really knowing what to do. She tried to gain a clear head again.
But she couldn't stop the questions building up in her head. Had anything she said reached him? Had she been to quick and forced him to shut down again?
In the back of her mind Serena had expected the uncertainty, the silence and the questions. She had faced them all before and didn't think things would be different immediately, but seeing Yusaku again, the future Yuzu had assured her would come seemed far away.
Serena had to sigh in frustration. There was a time when she could tell when something was wrong with Yusaku almost instantly.
When he had done something wrong and was overly nice so they wouldn't suspect it, she would easily see through him and when he felt down and tried to hide it, she always knew.
And after thinking about it, she could usually work out the right thing to say.
Raising him had always taken a lot of energy and it wasn't like she knew everything that was going on in his head or that she was especially good at giving advice, but with Yusaku she could always feel what he need. Serena couldn't really explain it.
That was all in the past. For over ten years now, an abyss had formed between her and Yusaku. Serena could never tell what her son was feeling now and she could never understand the horrible pain Yusaku had to suffer every day.
Everything she did to help him seemed to fail, all the love she could give him was drowned out by his pain, by the unending abyss between him and everyone.
This was all no use, Serena thought, all this questioning and doubting. Serena hated it.
…And if she was feeling this way, it couldn't exactly be easy for Yusaku. He probably needed time to process the day.
Something inside her already hated the silence and waiting that would come but maybe Yusaku needed time to think too, so she decided to let the events of the day settle on both their minds.
The only sounds in the apartment were Yusaku typing on his computer and the occasional sound of the city, like a car driving by or some far of voice out of a loudspeaker.
Only a short time after their dinner Yusaku went to the door and wordlessly returned with the sleeping bag he would use tonight before sitting back down at the table. The silence continued.
Serena promised herself she wouldn't let her mind wander too much, it would only lead her to a bad place.
She checked her duel disk for any message from Yuri. No reply had come.
Serena had to close her eyes as a deep pain hit her. She didn't really understand it yet, but it felt like something had changed between them. She already knew that this time an apology wouldn't be enough and that they would need to face the problem.
Serena still wanted to help Yuri. She saw him slowly struggle himself out of the darkest place. Together they had faced so much and they had grown with every obstacle. Serena couldn't see that person, the person she loved, fall back into the abyss he had fought against for so long.
But now Serena was sitting there, in silence, with their son still feeling faraway and everything she did coming with the concern that Yusaku would be lost forever.
She felt like she needed Yuri by her side, more than ever and his absence left a pain Serena wasn't sure would go away easily.
Serena slowly took another deep breath and exhale slowly. She would face it when Yuri returned, now Yusaku needed her and she would focus on helping him.
The exhaustion of the day had caught up to her, any more thinking would only lead to more frustration so she decided to go to bed.
She slowly walked over to the side of the computer desk, trying to get Yusaku's attention without startling him. Serena saw him tense up as he noticed her. It still took him a moment to prepare himself before he looked at her. Serena tried to ignore the familiar pain of her son's struggle.
"I'm going to bed, ok?" Serena asked, in the softest voice she could. It took him a long moment, but Yusaku managed to give her a small nod.
"Good night, Yusaku." Serena wished. Yusaku again only nodded and Serena painfully thought he was doing worse at hiding his struggle to look at her.
Serena waited for a moment hoping her son would say something before returning to the bed, cursing herself for being so stupid and hoping she hadn't made Yusaku uneasy.
"Good night, Serena-san." Yusaku muttered, quietly.
Serena stood still for a moment. Realistically it was nothing and it would be stupid to give into false hope, but maybe there was something?
Serena wanted his words to have some meaning, she wanted there to be a reason for him to have fought them out of himself, maybe he wanted to change to?
But he had still called her Serena-san, his voice still seemed so far away cross the abyss.
Was there something?
Serena just wanted them to be able to change so much, but she didn't know how. It was so overwhelming, like every part of her body wanted to burst. She was so exhausted it made it hard to think and all the feeling from her day came rushing back to her. Yusaku, Yuri, everything. Serena didn't remember falling asleep.
The next morning Serena woke up, after a not quite relaxing sleep, to the sound of Yusaku moving through the apartment and getting ready for school. She slowly sat herself up on the bed, seeing the early morning light shining through the windows and hearing only unusually quite sounds from the city outside.
It was a calm moment that felt strange after yesterday. Closing her eyes and replaying all the events of the previous day in her head. Serena tried not to think about what today might bring.
Standing up, she watched Yusaku for a moment as he loosely tied the tie of his school uniform around his neck. He hadn't noticed her yet, or he chose not to look at her. Yusaku got his bag and started to move up the stairs.
A part of her felt hurt at her son just leaving like that, but quickly accepted how hard this must be for him.
Then she noticed Yusaku gripping the railing hard and stopping half way up the stairs. Serena quickly realized he was giving her a chance to say something.
"Good morning." Serena greeted, she hoped in a reassuring voice. There was no reaction and she already felt stupid for not having anything better to say.
But Yusaku hadn't started to move again, she still had a chance.
"I hope you have a good day at school. Do you still want to show me the city later today?" Serena managed, confidently. Doing something with him was a good chance to get closer to him.
"There are three things I need to do today." Yusaku stated, raising his hand to show the numbers as he spoke. "First: I must go to school and dueling club. Second: Even though Kusanagi-san said that he will not need my help today, I must still return his sleeping bag and buy one for myself. Third…"
Yusaku stopped. Serena noticed the uncertainty as Yusaku trailed off. She was about to reassure him that he didn't need to show her the city if he was busy.
"Third: I must show you the city and the places I like." Yusaku finished, quietly letting out a breath of air. His hands were almost shaking and Serena saw the tension in his body, she had seen it often now, but she still wanted to do everything to ease it.
"That sounds like a great plan, Yusaku. I am sure you will manage the day just fine." Serena told him, in a reassuring voice and with the best smile she could give him.
Yusaku Stood there for another moment. Serena still couldn't see his face and his body still seemed tense. She wished she knew what was going on inside him.
Without another word Yusaku made his way up the stairs and left the apartment.
Serena was now standing alone in the small and bleak room, not knowing what to feel. Had she reached him even a little bit? Or had she made him even more uncertain, made his pain even worse?
Serena cursed herself for thinking that and refused to entertain the thought any further. She decided to start her day.
A few minutes later Serena sat in the kitchen mulled over what she would do today, making her way through a bowl of cereal as she did so.
"Master, may I ask why you have deactivated me yesterday? Was my service unsatisfactory?" Serena heard an unseen voice squeak. "By my calculations you will be later for school if you do not…"
Serena looked around but couldn't find anything.
"…More recent analyses suggest that you aren't master at all…" the voice continued. Serena looked down and saw that it came from a small thing next to her feet. A robot looked up to her with a confused look.
"Yeah… I'm not Yusaku… I'm just a guest…" Serena told it, not sure what to say. It looked at her closely and for a moment she was afraid that the robot would activate some sort of alarm.
Then suddenly its face turned into a happy smile and it started to quickly drive around her using its wheels. Serena was relieved.
"It's been so long since our last guest left and Roboppy was feeling so alone. Now Roboppy is happy." It proclaimed, loudly.
Serena remembered Yusaku saying that name yesterday and she quickly figured out that this must be his cleaning robot.
For a brief moment and without thinking, Serena smiled a little at the robot's dance, but that moment ended and Serena decided to get her day started.
Serena had just finished breakfast and left the kitchen when it caught her eye. It was a metal box placed on the only shelf in the apartment. It had a glass window she could see through and inside she saw a duel disk.
It looked different now, obviously it had been modified to the point she at first didn't recognize it, but the duel disk was unmistakable to her.
It made images of a crowded garden come to her head. A present that was carefully packaged, Yuri wanted it to look perfect and stick out from the other ones, it had taken him a long time.
She remembered seeing Yusaku ripping it open full of excitement and him hugging both of them hard after seeing it for the first time, back then it was the newest model with features even they didn't understand.
Serena remembered Yusaku looking at them hopefully and them telling him that he could run off and have fun dueling with the others. Yusaku came back sometime later to tell them all about the fun duel he had.
He had kept it all these years. Serena sat herself down on the bed. Why had he kept it?
Serena closed her eyes as she put it together. She had seen it before, on the screen above the square, but she hadn't recognized it.
Yusaku must have used it to fight the knights of Hanoi. Dueling was something that must constantly reminded him of his pain, he had hated dueling above all else. Yet he still faced the knights of Hanoi for so long.
Yusaku must have used when he was Playmaker. Dueling had become something he hated above all else for its association with his what happened, yet he'd faced it head-on for so long to fight the Knights of Hanoi.
Suddenly it was clear how much suffering her son had put himself through for the sake of revenge, and with that clarity came a soul-deep pain.
Yet for all it felt the pain was crippling her, she knew it was nothing compared to Yusaku's.
When she had let him go on that train one and a half years ago, after he had asked to go to Den city high school, she had hoped that maybe he would find something here to help him, it was a foolish hope to her, even back then.
Why did she let this happen? Why?
The knife lodged itself even deeper into her heart.
Serena always suspected things wouldn't be just perfect after defeating Zarc, but she had always hoped all her life that Yusaku would never have to fight like she had to and now she saw that he had to face something even worse.
Serena took a deep breath. She needed to be strong for Yusaku now. Seeing the duel disk Serena realized, she would need to tell him that she knew what he did.
In her mind stalling delivering bad news to people was always an exercise in stupid, Serena could never see a point in mess around, instead of just getting it over with. She was never one for backing down and she wouldn't start now.
To her things were best when there were direct, sometimes to the shock of Yuzu and Rui.
In that moment part of her understood that sentiment, but Serena would do it. It's like ripping of a bandage. Once they no longer have that thing between them, they could work on the future. Then maybe, with little step, they could get more comfortable with each other.
Still the thought wasn't very pleasant and Serena decided to distract herself by looking at her duel disk.
Deciding to ignore altogether that there still wasn't a message from Yuri, Serena instead focused on the message from Yuzu asking her how she was doing. She quickly wrote back that everything was fine. Yuzu had been there for her so long, Serena would use her advice and face this alone.
But it was still a long time until Yusaku would return. Serena didn't really know what to do for the rest of the day. She walks over to the window to look outside. The city was starting to come to life fully, People and cars were starting to fill up the streets.
Serena also noticed a flower on the window ledge. Its violet color seemed very out of place in the bleak apartment.
It seemed familiar to Serena, in the back of her mind she could remembered Yuri telling her what this particular kind was named during one of his lectures of how normal watering wouldn't do for them, after she did just that, but she couldn't even remember the name back then.
And Yusaku probably didn't care for it. She saw signs of neglect on it, the leaf was starting to grow brown and the blossom was hanging down.
She tried sitting on the bed for a time, but the silence of the apartment was getting to much and she started to walk up and down the length of the room.
She Found Roboppi happily at work, when it noticed her it gave her another exited dance. It amused Serena for a moment, but she quickly went back to walking.
She failed to fight the urge to check her duel disk again and found nothing. Then she paced some more before suddenly pausing.
She couldn't keep this up all day.
With one last look at the flower Serena decided to leave the apartment.
The hot dog tasted pretty good, but Serena was very aware that she had eaten here for three days in a row now and that wasn't too healthy. She was never overly concerned with what she ate, but Yuri always annoyed her and Yusaku to eat better.
Still it almost made her forget what she would soon do, so Yuri's protest fell silent.
The hot dog truck owner, Kusanagi, had given her a surprised look when she came here, but quickly smiled at her, as cheerful as ever.
Serena had walked around the city for a bit, but found it far too loud and busy for her liking and was drawn once again to the truck. She also knew that Yusaku was going to come by here after school so she decided to wait for him.
It was at least a place to waste some time at, even if her eyes were now avoiding looking at the screen that sometimes showed her son.
"How is my new favorite customer?" Kusanagi's kind voice came from behind her. He quickly moved next to her and gave her a smile.
"I'm all right, thank you." Serena muttered, quietly. She didn't want Yusaku's employer noticing anything strange with her.
"Can I ask you a question?" Kusanagi asked, softly. Serena looked at him and nodded quickly. Kusanagi sat himself into the seat next to her, still having a reassuring smile.
"You are Yusaku's mother, aren't you?" Kusanagi asked, knowingly and still giving her a reassuring smile.
At first Serena was surprised by the question, but then she remembered Yusaku and Kusanagi talking yesterday and him asking about his employee wasn't the strangest thing in the world.
"Yes, I am." Serena answered, quickly. After a moment of silence, she wasn't sure if this conversation was going anywhere and instinctively looked away towards the screen.
"The hair really gave it away." Kusanagi joked and Serena noticed him looking in the same direction. Serena's hands instinctively went to her hair.
Everybody always told Yuri and Serena that and it really was quite obvious.
Serena and Yuri used to have arguments about who's hair had more influence on their son. They got pretty fierce. Most told Serena that it was her, Yuri instantly dismissed that as clearly biased.
Despite their later competition, Serena clearly remembered that when Yusaku's hair first started to look like a mix between hers and Yuri's, Yuri hid tears from her.
"Yusaku is a real…a real… hero." Kusanagi muttered, almost too quiet for her to hear, while still looking at the screen, absentmindedly.
"What?" Serena blurted out, confused, now looking at Kusanagi, who looked a bit caught off guard.
"Ahh… I mean he is a really good employee." Kusanagi offered her with a nerves smile. "And a good friend too."
His last words surprised Serena so much that she forgot about him calling her son a hero. This man had just call Yusaku his friend.
"You're Yusaku's friend?" Serena could only ask, bluntly. For a moment there was a strange hope inside her. Maybe her son wasn't all alone anymore. There were many more questions, but the hope was so sudden.
Kusanagi looked surprised at first and didn't answer right away. He slowly looked over at the screen again and kept his eyes on it for a long moment.
Serena was about to curse herself for acting so weird in front of this person who calls Yusaku his friend, but the she noticed Kusanagi. Serena thought his smile looked slightly sad and his eyes seemed to look into the distance like he was in deep thought.
"Nah, I don't think he would call me that…" Kusanagi finally sighed, turning at her with a small laugh at his own words. "But I would gladly call him that…and he is a really fine one at that."
"How do you and Yusaku know each other?" Serena asked, feeling that there was clearly something she missed. Who was this guy?
"Ahh… Yes, we just met because Yusaku wanted a part-time job..." Kusanagi laughed, slowly, standing up and starting to move towards the hot dog truck.
"I have to get back. The best Hot dogs in the city don't make themselves." Kusanagi told her. "And…I think he will do a lot better now that you are here. No reason to sit here brooding."
Kusanagi was gone before Serena could ask him anything about what he had meant or how he seemed to know so much about Yusaku.
After a moment of confusion, Serena decided to jump up and go after Kusanagi.
When she turned around, she saw Kusanagi talking to Yusaku. Her son was just handing over the sleeping bag to Kusanagi.
They talked for a moment. Yusaku was as static as ever, his face showing nothing, but his body seemed just a bit easy around Kusanagi, Serena didn't really understand it. Kusanagi on the other hand was smiling at him and seemed to be giving him a few reassuring words.
After a moment of talking, Yusaku finally said something to Kusanagi and slowly turned towards her. Kusanagi nodded and went to his hot dog truck. Yusaku's body instantly becoming a bit straighter. As he slowly moved towards her, Serena felt his fight to keep going.
Serena couldn't keep watching her son struggle anymore and decided come towards him.
"Hello Yusaku." Serena greeted, hoping to offer him some reassurance.
"Good afternoon, Serena-san." Yusaku greeted, his look was empty as his voice.
Part of her cried out in frustration, but Serena defiantly decided not to let herself be discouraged and continued to give her son a smile.
"Do you still want to show me the city?" Serena asked, kindly.
After a moment Yusaku simply nodded and started walking, Serena took that as a sign that he wanted her to follow him.
It is better than him shutting down, Serena told herself, but maybe that would follow with what she was about to do.
Serena cursed herself at that thought. It won't and even if it did Serena would fight to bring the two of them out of it.
Serena was starting to wonder why Yusaku would ever want to live in a city like this.
They were walking along a path inside the Den city park and even here the loud sounds of the city weren't far away and technology was everywhere.
The way signs were holographic, cleaning robots were keeping the park trash free and automatic shop robots were driving along the path selling snacks and refreshments.
The one in Miami City was a quiet place were the colorful city seemed far away, it was never her favorite place, but it was much better than this.
Serena briefly thought what the point of this park was when it was just going to be as busy and technology filled as the rest of the city.
Maybe Yusaku was drawn to all of this, Serena thought, but when Yusaku had started to skillfully work with technology, after what happened, it was always just as joyless as anything else in his life.
Then Serena remembered, the knights of Hanoi had been here. He must have moved here because of them, or maybe he just wanted to get away from his childhood home that had too many painful memories for him and he had found the knights of Hanoi afterwards.
Serena didn't know and she cursed herself for it.
Yusaku hadn't changed. They hadn't spoken during the entire walk here and he was looking forward, forcefully keeping his eyes steady.
Serena wondered why he had taken them here as he clearly didn't enjoy this place. Painfully Serena thought that he probably didn't like anyplace in the city.
The silence had settled between them again. Serena was again cursing herself for not finding anything to say, a bit of small talk would have helped getting Yusaku more comfortable, but Serena couldn't figure anything out now.
Serena wanted to sigh, but didn't.
They had reached a more secluded part of the park near a railing overlooking all the large skyscrapers, massive bridges and highways of Den city. She knew that there was no use waiting anymore, she had thought about how she would do this during their way here, it would work… it would...
"Yusaku?" Serena said softly, getting his attention for the first time during their walk. He looked at her blankly and Serena gave Yusaku a look, she hoped was reassuring.
She had a plan, or at least something like it. That feeling that told her what Yusaku was feeling and what he needed might not be there anymore, but she had thought it through.
She couldn't tell if it was the right thing, but she would go with what her instinct told her, Serena would just need to handle the uncertainty.
"Do you remember when we told you about what happened in our youth?" Serena explained slowly. They had stopped, Yusaku didn't respond in anyway, Serena wondered if he remembered at all.
It had been one of the hardest discussions Yuri and her ever had, far too close to their hearts for any of their usually playful arguing and sarcastic remarks.
Serena had argued that they should tell Yusaku about their past. Yuri wanted to wait until he was older.
Serena still remembered the look in his eyes. Fear, it was one of the only times that Serena saw fear on his face. He said that Yusaku would be scared of the story, of all the evil the lancers had faced in the past.
But Serena thought she saw something different in his eyes. The fear that Yusaku would not look at him the same way again, the way that told both of them that they were Yusaku's heroes. Maybe he even thought that his view on Serena would change too.
It had been a struggle, but in the end, Serena had gotten through to him, they had told him.
Always in a carful way and slowly at first, the basic story and then more and more. She still remembers Yuri carefully explaining his role in what happened and how he had changed afterwards.
It had been a long talk, but after a time Yusaku seemed to understand, somewhat, slowly. They had wanted to tell him more, but that was before everything.
She still remembered Yuri only relaxing again after hours had past. It was one of the few evenings he didn't have anything sarcastic to say.
"Back then I fought because I knew it was right… and also because I was angry, because I couldn't believe how many lies, I had been told…" Serena explained, slowly. "Later I realized I had people who were counting on me, even if I didn't see that at first…"
It used to be hard for her to talk about this, but now she knew what to say, she had gained a lot of experience through the years, thanks to Yuri and Yuzu and Rin and Ruri and everyone.
"There were moments when I would charge head first into danger without thinking about it. I was angry instead of afraid most of the time." Serena continued, a part of her wanting to smile at the memory or curse herself for how reckless she had been. "Afterwards… after we won… For a short time, I thought I had nothing left, but that wasn't true. It took me a long time to figure everything out afterwards... but I had people there to help me, people there who loved me and who stood by my side."
Yusaku was still giving her a neutral look, but Serena had feeling that it was becoming harder for him.
Now it's time, this was all leading somewhere, no more use in waiting, Serena thought. There had been enough waiting because of uncertainty, Serena was a fighter, always has been. She would go on with this until the end.
"I'm telling you this because, I think to move forward into a new future you need to rely on others." Serena explained, confidently. Serena paused for a moment, she reminded herself that this was necessary, that things would never get better without it. "Yusaku, I know what you did in LINK VRAINS. I Know that you are Playmaker."
At first Yusaku's look didn't change at all, like he hadn't listened to anything Serena had told him, but she knew that he had. Serena wanted to shake from the uncertainty in that moment, waiting for him to respond.
Then Yusaku's look broke.
He was now staring at the ground and Serena could see the hurt in his eyes openly now. There was fear and pain in them, more emotion then Serena had seen him show for the last few days.
It felt like a knife plunged into her heart and a punch landed in her gut. It was worse than all the pain she had experienced during the war put together.
No matter how much she had expected that something like this would happen the world still stopped around her, nothing exited excepted Yusaku's broken and trembling eyes staring at the ground and her entire body felt like it was drifting without weight, like nothing around her was real.
"There are three …I…" Yusaku stuttered, not able to form words, it reminded her so much of the boy who hid himself away from everyone, the boy she could never reach, no matter how hard she had tried.
Her heart was aching hard, there was only the feeling of desperately wanting to help him roaring out of her.
"I'm not anger... You … You were really brave Yusaku and you saved everyone." Serena assured him, slowly. But she knew there was something more to it then saving people, she knew it from experience. "I can't fully understand why you did what you did, but I'm here for you Yusaku… I meant it when I said I wanted to find a new future for us."
Yusaku slowly steadied himself, his hands formed into fists, but that didn't stop his body from violently shaking. He forced himself to meet her eyes again, but they were now trembling even worse than all the other times.
Serena opened her mouth to say something to him, anything reassuring, but then Yusaku's look suddenly changed. He hid all the pain again and his eyes look was even more emotionless and detached, but his body was still shaking.
"I am sorry, but I will need to go. I still have to do some work for a school project, I will only return to the apartment late." Yusaku finally stated, starting to walk away from her.
"Yusaku, I can understand if you want to be alone now… just think about what I said, ok?" Serena told him, in what she hoped was a reassuring voice as he was leaving.
Seeing him unsteadily walk away, not looking back, made the knife twisted itself even further in her.
When Serena returned to the apartment, after wandering the busy neolith streets of Den city failing to form a coherent thought, it was starting to get late and Yusaku wasn't there.
Her head was spinning and she felt completely exhausted. For Serena thinking clearly was becoming difficult.
Had anything she said reached Yusaku?
Serena had known it was coming, or at least she had known that something like this could happen, but all the pain had still overwhelmed her.
If she closed her eyes, she could still see Yusaku looking away from her, looking like the child that hid himself away from everyone every day, the child who battled nightmares every night, the child she could never help.
Would they ever get closer, now that Yusaku knew what she knew?
It was getting late and the room was only lit by the setting sun. Serena's head was threatening to explode, as she made her way to sit on the bed.
Where even was Yusaku?
She wouldn't let herself get dragged down an endless spiral of uncertainty and doubt, Serena decided, fighting to regain some focus for even just a moment.
Whatever the answers to her questions are, she would not find them by thinking here, completely exhausted, in the darkness.
Now she would go to sleep, Yusaku needed time, he will come back, this was never going to be easy for either of them.
Tomorrow she would get up and start another day fighting to help her son… she would…
As Serena opened her eyes the room was completely dark. She wasn't sure what had awoken her, when she heard a noise coming from the darkness. Disorientated Serena sat herself up on the bed.
And then she saw it. Yusaku was lying on the other side of the small room in a Kuribo themed sleeping bag, he must have newly bought. His whole body was shaking violently, his arms sometimes lashing out into the darkness and his scared voice echoing through the apartment.
It was something Serena recognized instantly, Yusaku was having a nightmare. She didn't hesitate for a single moment, she got out of her bed and moved towards her son, it was instinct to her.
As she sat herself next to him, she saw tears swelling in his eyes. Serena felt her heart sting, she hadn't seen it in such a long time, but of course Yusaku still had them, nothing was better for him, if anything it was worse.
After his hand landed on the floor, from another lashing out against the terrors in his dream. Serena grabbed it softly with both of her hands. She started carefully caressing it, to stop it from shaking. It, were motions she knew by heart.
In that moment Serena was there again, by his bed side, like she had been so often. Every night after Yusaku had finally fought himself into sleep, because he was afraid of what awaited him, Serena sat by his bed side for hours.
Sometimes Yuri would sit by her side. Serena could see the anger and sadness in his eyes, it would often lead to him going out and looking for answers.
Every night the nightmares kept coming, sometimes easier and sometimes a lot worse. Almost every night Serena had to watch Yusaku suffer, failing to escape whatever terror was in his dream.
Serena would have given everything to help him in the past and in that moment, but in all the years she had never found something that could help him. She could only hold his hand and hope it gave him some relief.
A stray thought entered her mind, Serena wished she could sing him a lullaby. It was a thought she often had when sitting next to his bed in the past.
Serena thought it was a stupid wish with her son now old, it was only a foolish hope that it might help him through his nightmare.
Even back then Serena never knew any lullabies, they never sang one to her in academia and she never learned one since.
Ruri or even Yuzu could have probably taught her one, but even with her having opened up to them, she never felt like it was a good time to ask.
Another way she failed to help Yusaku, Serena thought bitterly.
In later Years Yusaku would try harder to hide his nightmares from her and Yuri and there were fewer times when she sat by his bed side, but Serena still knew they were there, she could still see him suffer.
Yusaku was still shaking violently and he let out another scream of pain, all of Serena's exhaustion, thoughts and questions from the past days were forgotten, her boy was suffering and she just needed to help him now.
It felt like forever as the shaking turned into a lighter trembling and his screams of pain to a quite whimpering. Serena had always remembered waiting and desperately hoping for Yusaku to get through the nightmare, she never remembered falling asleep.
When Serena woke up the next day, it was still dark, but Yusaku was already gone. She found herself back in the bed and couldn't remember when she had returned to it.
Not feeling like sleeping anymore Serena made her way through the dark apartment, seeing almost nothing. Her thoughts were quiet at the moment and Serena was very thankful for it.
As she was about to go to the kitchen the setting full moon in the sky caught her eye.
There was always something that had drawn her to it, a few of the only peaceful memories she had of academia was her sitting on the window sill of her room in one of the high towers, watching the moon shine over the water.
She slowly made her way towards the window as a thought entered her head. She didn't want to think anymore or at least not for another moment, but she couldn't stop it.
Was she making things worse for Yusaku? Was his nightmare so terrible this night because she was here? Had the abyss between him and everyone only growing worse because of her?
Serena wanted to violently banish that thought from her mind, attack it for the stupid worry induced by the uncertainty that it was, she wanted to tell herself that today she would take another step to Yusaku and things would get a little bit better, even if there were going to also be terrible times.
But the exhaustion of the last few days made that fight harder and harder. Serena continued walking towards the moon light.
Then she suddenly felt her feet hit something on the ground as she took a step and Serena couldn't stop herself from tripping and falling to the ground.
Now lying on the ground Serena looked out and saw Roboppy rushing over to her.
"Master's guest, routine analyses indicate that you have fallen. Do you require medical attention?" the robot asked her in its squeaky voice, it's face directly in front eyes as she was lying on the ground.
"No, I'm fine." Serena muttered as she got up. Roboppy gave her another worried look, tilting its head sideways, before doing a celebratory dance around her. Serena looked back at what had caused her to fall.
"Strange. This box is not in its normal place." Roboppy noted. "It's unlike master to move things around. Do You know why he moved it?"
Serena looked over to were Roboppy was standing. Next to it was a box in the middle of the room. It was on its side, she must have kicked it over when she had tripped on it
The Robot was starting to inspect the box and the things that had fallen out of it. Serena didn't want to look through Yusaku's personal stuff, but Roboppy started lifting things out of the strange box to inspect them and Serena couldn't help but see a few things.
It was a red and white dragon with one green and one red eye and a blue tiger with a few pointy looking ends that didn't look save for children at all.
Then she remembered, this box wasn't unknown to Serena at all. She had packed it herself. She had put all the things into it Yusaku used to play with and loved during his childhood. She had put it to the things he would take with him to Den city herself.
The thought had been a foolish one to her, back then. It was a faint hope that he would open it and be reminded of times their family had together that weren't all suffering for him, times she treasured over everything else. Serena had hoped he wouldn't forget about them completely and maybe it would help him reach something new someday.
Why had he kept it? Had her plan actually worked? Or had she only given him a constant reminder of the pain that he couldn't get rid of?
The questions were filling up her mind and a part of her thought she was stupid for all this wild speculation, but she just wanted to know what is going on in her son's mind again.
"Master's guest do you know what this item?" Roboppy asked her, with a curious look on its face, holding up a piece of paper between its little arms.
Serena looked at it and almost gasped. It was a child's drawing, drawn with pencils of all colors. It showed Her, Yuri and, standing between them, a young Yusaku. They all had a big single line smile painted on their faces. They looked happy.
Serena remembered Yusaku excitedly showing it to them. He had spent time on a secret surprise and had refused to tell them what it was. Yusaku had looked very proud of what he had made.
Serena could still remember the look of overwhelming joyful surprise on Yuri's face. He used to have that look often, Serena would sometimes tease him about when he would stop looking like the fact that he had a family now was a complete surprise for him.
Even though she would tease him later, that time Serena herself had been smiling a wide smile. It had gotten a proud place in their apartment … and now it was here…
No, Serena decided.
The answer to the questions she had asked herself was no.
He had kept it, it was the same box he had looked into the day they first met again, and he had kept it.
She wasn't making nothings worse, thinking that was stupid. Yusaku has always been struggling, when he was here alone, he went on a quest for revenge. He needs help to get better.
Serena remembered all the times Yusaku had fought himself these last few days, all the times he had fought not to look away from her, not to shut himself out again. He had been fighting. Maybe now they could both change?
No, not maybe, now was the time they could change, the moment Yuzu told her would come, he has kept the box for a reason.
Serena gave the picture another look and then took it from Roboppy's hands, holding it carefully.
She would no longer let Yusaku slip into darkness and despair. She has failed before and there were times when she couldn't have succeeded, but now Serena knew Yusaku wasn't beyond her reach, that abyss wasn't too far to cross.
Of course, to cross it there was never going to be just one moment where she would get through to Yusaku. She needs her to stand by his side, to offer support after every nightmare and every painful conversation. Serena would make sure he knew that he wasn't alone.
There were going to be hardships and she would still hate fighting uncertainty and doubt, there will still be times when nothing Serena does will make Yusaku suffer less, but Serena was nothing if not a fighter and if she was fighting for her family there was nothing that could stop her.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
So, this chapter took nearly 3 months. That can be put on me wanting the first few days between Serena and Yusaku to be right because I think this was central to the story. Again, thanks to PipeDreamPrayer because without the second point of view I would have never been certain enough to upload this.
I really enjoy writing this story and hearing what you readers think so if I am gone again, what I hope won't happen again, know that the story is always on the back of my mind.
I thought it would be fun to ask a question semi relating to the chapter at the end like last time so: Who from the ARC-V cast do you think made the best birthday gifts to Yusaku when he was little?
If you comment you don't have to answer, I just thought it would be fun.
Pls tell me anything you want to say like, criticism and feedback or parts you liked in the comments openly and with no hesitation.
I feel like you reader talking to me helps improve my story and it makes it more fun (=
Preview: Yusaku takes a history lesson he doesn't need and tries to change the future like he promised.
I hope you have a good week and stay frosty.