Hi all! So I think it's getting close to the end for this story. I think there might be one or two more chapters left depending on how things play out as I write it. Still weighing my options for how to end it all. Hopefully things resolve nicely but I make no promises.

Chapter 6

A thick wave of incense surrounded them, permeated only by the scent of sweat and sex as hips clashed together. Sharp nailed raked down his back as Anakin groaned and buried his face in the thick fur at her neck. He heard her cry out his name, and behind closed eyes he was picturing someone else. The Queen bucked her hips against his as he rocked against her, bracing his arm above her head just like how she liked. Her walls clenched tightly around him as he felt pressure building on the verge of boiling over. With a strangled groan, his hips crashed against hers, rocking as he emptied himself inside her. It felt amazing, and glorious… until he opened his eyes and met the sadistic gaze of the Queen.

Anakin's eyes shot open as he panted, his dream, shaking him as he felt the unmistakable lust pooling in his groin. His wife lay beside him, blissfully ignorant as she slept barely more than a foot away from him. His hands trembled as he pushed the sheets aside and swung his feet over. On shaking feet, he stumbled as he made his way into the fresher. The blinding light was nothing compared to the conflicting physical and emotional turmoil he felt in his core. Anakin turned the shower fully on cold, the water blasting out of the shower head as his trembling hands stripped him of his clothes to allow him to step into the ice cold water. The affect was quick as he felt himself shrink but it did little to ease the frustration he felt. Cognitively he knew that he shouldn't feel anything but resent for the Queen. But, he didn't. Her guards had always been vicious towards him and enjoyed when the Queen ordered them to hurt him. Other slaves looked at him with contempt. And all the while, the Queen, when she was in her good moods, showed her the only thing that came close to affection during his captivity. Anakin knew this was all a part of her ploy, a means to an end with her game which centered around him. And yet part of him still took comfort and happiness from those moments.

His hands ran through his hair as he shivered in the cold, trying to banish the thoughts from his mind but to no avail. He couldn't forget. The dream and memories were too present. When he closed his eyes, he could still see her, still smell her. And he hated himself for it. He should be thinking about Padme. He should be excited by sleeping beside her. But he wasn't. And he couldn't fathom why. "Just breathe," He muttered, "She'll be gone soon. And then things will go back to normal…" He tilted his head back and let the water wash over his face. Normal. What even was normal anymore? He had used the word so much, used it to help him get through some of the hardest parts of his whole ordeal, that all he could think of when he used the word was the way things used to be. But was that even possible anymore? Could things truly be the way they used to be? Anakin was starting to have his doubts about that.

"Anakin?"

His head jerked around, water spraying from his hair as he turned to the door to the fresher. There, in the doorway stood Padme, wiping the remnants of sleep from her eyes. "I thought I locked it," He said, turning back to the shower and turning the water off before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist.

Padme didn't say anything, instead she just looked at him. Her eyes traced over his torso and his arms, taking in the deep scars that she had not yet seen. He wanted to turn his back to her, but he knew the scars on his back probably looked worse than what was on his chest. The Queen had always loved his chest and had only hurt him there when he seriously displeased her or in the throws of lust.

"She did that to you?" She asked, her feet taking slow steps closer to him. Anakin gave a small nod as she came to stand close enough to him that he could feel her warm breath on his skin. Her hand lightly traced over the dark colored scratches that remained from one of the occasions when the Queen's nails dug deep enough into his flesh to draw blood. He stiffened as her fingers ghosted over the marks before she leaned forward and pressed a kiss just above his heart where the scar ended. Anakin jumped back at the contact and pulled away from her. The hurt look on her face twisted the knot in his heart as his wife looked utterly lost at what she could do to help him.

"I-I'm sorry," He said as he bent over and grabbed his discarded sleep clothes and brushed past her to leave the fresher. Idiot! He reprimanded himself as he dropped the towel onto the floor by the bed as he stumbled into his pants. She was only trying to help. She only wanted to love him as a wife should… but he wasn't letting her. He didn't know how to. Anakin took a deep breath as he pulled on his tunic and tied the sash around his waist as he took the steps two at a time towards the veranda. The Coruscant traffic flowed slowly in organized lanes at varying heights. Everything had its place and everything was connected in all the ways he felt lost and disconnected from the world he had once been confident of his place in. He had been a Jedi. The Chosen One of an ancient prophecy. A husband, and a friend… now all those things felt wrong. He felt like he was broken and nothing all at the same time. The Queen had broken him in all the ways he swore he never would be broken. What else was left for him?

Anakin took a shaking breath as he stepped closer to the edge of the veranda and took a glance below. Light shone out for about fifty levels below the penthouse where he stood but he knew it went much deeper than that. It would be so easy. One step. One step and the torment in his mind would end. One step and he wouldn't be a burden on his friends any longer. One step and Padme could be free… the breeze from the traffic hit his face and he let his eyes fall shut as he imagined falling. The Force had always made it so that he could survive even the worst of falls. It hadn't helped much during his time on Zygerria. Would it be inclined to help him this time? Or would it let him fall?

A stronger gust of wind blew past him, and his surprise at it had him stepping back as he let his eyes open wide as his breath shook. Had he really just been thinking… his legs shook as he took several hesitant steps back until they hit the arm of the rounded couch that decorated the room. His hands fell to his side as he bunched his fists in the material of his pants. no, no no… he couldn't do that… he couldn't jump. He couldn't get this far only to end it all once he was home… Anakin slid his hands into his hair as he let out a strangled hiss and slid to the floor, rocking as he muttered to himself. What would it take for him not to feel the way he did?

Warm arms wrapped around him and on instinct he turned into the embrace, breathing in the light scent of his wife as she stroked his hair with slow and soothing motions. He felt her lips touch his brow as tears freely fell from his eyes and his shoulders started to shake. Padme only held him tighter, not minding one bit as he gripped her arm in his hand tightly as if she were keeping him from sinking, and in many ways she was. Thinking of her had kept him going every day they had been separated and it was her physical presence that helped reinforce the reality of the current situation. He was home.

Padme stayed up with him through the night. Every time she saw him she was at a loss for what she could do to help her husband. She wanted to talk to him like she used to, wanted to use the gentle but blunt words that used to get through to him in an instant. But none of that would work. His emotions were too erratic to tell what and when to say things. Sometimes he was too closed off and others he was too exposed and it often took her awhile to figure out which one he was. The previous night she had awoken to an empty bed and found him in the shower, muttering to himself. For the first time, the full physical extent of the damage he had suffered was on full display to her eyes. The war had left many scars on her husband's body and every time he got a new one, she memorized where it was, the texture of it, and she would pray to the old Naboo gods that the war would soon end so that he would never be hurt again. Seeing what Miraj Scintel had done though, she could no longer see the scars she had become so familiar with. The old scars mixed with the new ones in an intricate pattern of torture that she wanted to cut into the flesh of the Zygerrian Queen herself. Anakin had eventually fallen asleep in her embrace and as uncomfortable as the floor was for them both to sleep on, she was loathe to wake him. Neither had slept well, but for Anakin, any sleep was better than none.

Even after waking in the morning, they were hesitant to get up from the floor, almost afraid that the moment of peace would end with the slightest movement. Anakin traced invisible patterns on her arm as her fingers ran through his hair. Peaceful was the best way she could describe this small moment. The rest of the galaxy was a distant thought and all that mattered were the two of them and the unspoken love they felt for one another.

"It shouldn't be live this," She heard Anakin mutter, "You deserve so much better…"

Padme sighed as she slid her hand from his hair and cupped his cheeks in her hands, "I deserve you," She said, pressing her forehead to his. "No one but you can own my heart."

His lip trembled as his eyes closed as he pressed his face closer to hers until their noses touched as she could feel his breath on her face. "I-I want that too," He muttered. "More than anything…"

"It's yours," She whispered, "All you need to do is take it."

He shook his head, "I can't."

"Yes, you can. I believe in you."

"You shouldn't."

"I do. And I trust you."

"You can't."

Padme sighed as she traced his cheeks and whispered words to try and get him to open his eyes, but he didn't. "Anakin," She said, "Look at me," She said. Nothing. "Look at me," She said again, and watched as his eyes slowly fluttered open, bearing the tortured pain her love felt to her. She traced his cheek with the back of her fingers, "Talk to me."

"I can't."

"Try… please," She said. He shook his head. "Anakin—"

He groaned as he slowly pulled himself from her and rolled onto his knees before standing and he started to pace. He muttered words she could only barely hear as he ran his hands through his har.

"Anakin," She tried again as she too stood. She felt stiff as she leaned back against the arm of the couch. "Please. Trust me. I'm here for you, I love you—"

"You shouldn't," He said, his pacing paused as he turned his eyes back to her, "You shouldn't trust me, or love me, or anything."

"Why?" She asked, "I don't blame you for what happened! You didn't have a choice!"

His voice strained as he ran his hand down his face, "But I did!"

"What do you mean?" He didn't answer. "Anakin—"

"What do you want me to say?" He shouted. "Do you want me to tell you how she forced herself on me? How if I didn't… perform how she wanted, she'd whip me, or even put her guards on me. Or do you want to know about how she wanted me to pleasure her in front of an audience of her subjects wearing the most humiliating outfits or nothing at all. Anakin scoffed as he turned his back to her and took a few slow steps.

Padme held her tongue and took a breath as she listened to the pain he was in. She didn't want to interrupt him. This was the most he's said to anyone. And part of her hated herself for clearly pushing him to this, but she also knew he had to let this out at some point.

Anakin let out a strained sound from his throat as he turned back to her. His eyes welled with tears as he shook his head, "Or, maybe…" His voice cracked as he pressed the heel of his hand to his eye, "Or maybe you want to know about how I sometimes enjoyed it— enjoyed her." His fist tugged at his hair as he shuttered, "Since I got back, I… I've found myself missing her. And I know I shouldn't."

She felt her heart break at the admission but that didn't stop her from closing the distance between them and pulling him into her arms again. His large form crumpled against her as his arms wrapped around her. Padme heard his rushed apologies and the guilt he felt for breaking his vows of marriage to her but that only made her hold him tighter. "It's alright," She said. "It's not your fault. She took away your will to choose. Everything she did was physical and psychological. And in time, all of it will get better," She said, her fingers ran through his hair and down his back as she spoke, trying to find the words to make him feel better. "But she never took your heart," She said, "Your heart is your own. And only you can decide what becomes of it."

She felt him nod against her shoulder, "My heart has always been yours," He said and her arms tightened even more if that were possible as tears fell freely down her cheeks.

Padme pulled back until she could see his eyes and gave him a small smile as her thumbs tickled the corners of his mouth, "I love you, Anakin," She said.

His hand rose from where it rested on her back to her face, his thumb brushed away a trail of tears, "I-I love you too." Their lips met in a soft and chaste kiss, the first kiss since he returned. And for the first time, it felt like things truly would be better.