Steve was in Brooklyn. His Brooklyn. No one could see him but he could see them, the neighbors, his parents, Bucky. Then it became the other Brooklyn, small changes. A pot of flowers sitting where it shouldn't, a broken street lamp, the street cop was a different man. This vision was just as familiar as the life he had lived. He was carrying both in his head and now he could see them, spinning around him like scenes from a movie.
Then he was in England. Peggy, smiling at him. Peggy, not knowing him, walking by without a word. Howard Stark, funny, friendly. Accents, and Bucky. Memories were trying to mesh together, they tore themselves apart, then came together again in infinite variations, a never-ending cycle.
The bar, the place where he couldn't get drunk after he lost Bucky. It was empty except for one man dressed in a World War Two uniform sitting at a table. The man turned when he walked into the room. He saw himself.
"Where am I?" Steve asked. His voice sounded hollow as if it were coming from outside the room.
"You are in a hospital in Wakanda. Hooked up to monitors," the man said. "But that's not what you mean. Welcome to the meeting of minds, literally."
"You're the other me?" he asked.
"I am you," He said. He turned up a bottle of beer and drank deep. "Different experiences, but still the same. This idea of yours, fascinating. You couldn't live with your grief..."
"It wasn't just my grief. It was universal."
"And you always know what's best for the Universe."
"Is this it? Where I have to pay the piper?"
"You can't go changing the world and not expect consequences, fall out."
"We knew things would be different, things would merge. I didn' t know this would happen."
"There's no way you could have know. But now, you have a problem. I'm not going anywhere. Something tried to erase me but something caught me before it ripped me away and so, I exist even if it's only here, inside your mind. Now, what are you going to do with me?"
"I'm sorry. I thought..."
"Not your fault. They didn't give you all the facts."
"Who? What facts?"
"There are other forces at work here, with different agendas. They only helped you because it helped them but that's not your problem. You have a choice to make. For the record, I'd like to continue on existing, in some form or another." He took another long drink from the bottle. "You can walk around with the knowledge of two worlds inside your head, which I wouldn't recommend," he continued, "or you can allow it all to come together. You've already noticed little bits here and there. Memories that aren't yours, other people remembering things they shouldn't. Personalities shifting. So what do you keep, what do you give up? Take my advice, don't fight it. Let it happen. It will be a new you. Say hello and goodbye to yourself."
"Do I have to decide right now?"
"Take your time. It's only about two days out there but in here, you'll live two lifetimes, sifting through your life, and mine. And you're getting a choice, something more than most people are getting."
"And my decisions...?"
"Will leave a mark. One of the reasons I'm here is to make sure you do what's best for Bucky."
"What is best for him?"
The other Steve smiled. "I think you already know."
"Is this going to happen to the others? To Tony...?"
"It's happening now, but they'll come to their own crossroads. Eventually, any paradoxes created around you will resolve themselves."
"Will I remember any of this, after I... wake up?"
"Maybe. Maybe not. This is new territory. I'll always be with you in some form or another." The other Steve stopped long enough to take a drink. "There is something you should know about Bucky, the Bucky I know, is perfectly happy the way he is. He wouldn't want to change. He's not a child. He's a grown man, but with certain things, he's a little different."
"I know that..."
"You don't know the whole story. He'll never experience sexual attraction, not for you, not for anyone. Don't take it personally. He won't understand a lot of things, things that are a given to the rest of society. It's his orientation. It's what he is. Maybe he'll agree to sleep with you, but it would be like asking a straight man to sleep with another man. It won't make any difference, it won't change a thing about him."
"I wouldn't want him to change."
"I know. You seem to be a nicer guy than me. You're the guy Bucky was always looking for, just below the surface, the guy I could never be again. Maybe this is for the best. See you around."
The man faded away but Steve knew he was still here, as real as if he had just slipped into the other room. Down deep he knew he would be with him forever.
He started with the other life, the one he didn't live. He wanted to keep the bond he had with Tony, of Tony finding him, fixing him and creating a friendship that nothing could break. A team that never separated.
He saw Peggy again, smiling, laughing, fading. The events of his life were acted out like a play in front of him. He tried to reach out and touch people, but they faded away.
He saw the way he was with Bucky. More than a friend, more than a brother, in a relationship that confused him but he made no demands, asking for nothing but to be close to Steve, the quiet understanding they had with each other.
Sam and Bucky, friends...
He wrestled with himself, each good and painful memory returning as clear as a photograph. Pick. If he picked this one, then that never happened. The others would make their own choices and time would twist to accommodate them. It made no sense. He rushed out into the streets to the bright flashing lights of Times Square feeling empty and lost. Tony chasing after him, then turnign into Nick Fury.
Going to sleep, Bucky beside him, holding him, Bucky fading into dust, seeing him again.
Paris. He saw Paris, with Bucky and saw what went wrong.
Running into the street again, Times Square, the traffic, the lights, the future; feeling sorrow at every good thing he would lose, fear at each new memory.
Making choices. Choices he might not even remember making...but if he was to live here and now, in this new reality, he had to adjust, and he would, as he always did. He finally agreed to follow his own advice. Let whatever was going to happen, happen. The terrible past was gone, he could start over. This healing, this return to life, was worth any sacrifice.
He surrendered to the cosmos and fell back asleep.