12
Bella Swan/probably going to hell
A deep voice starts guffawing and trying to talk at the same time.
"Emmett, please don't encourage him," the woman chides.
"Sorry, Esme."
He doesn't sound one bit apologetic.
"Edward, I'm not going to remind you again. There are children here, so you better watch your mouth."
I'm guessing it's Edward who groans.
"You wouldn't understand what it's like, Ma. Shit, my sex life just became nonexistent."
"Edward," Esme warns.
"I'm sorry."
He might be drugged, but I believe him.
With a face like that, I'd believe him if he told me that unicorns exist.
"You could always get one of those sex toys that simulate a pu-ow. Esme! Stop hitting me."
"The two of you are grown men, and you're acting like children," she says. "At least, Edward has an excuse. What's yours?"
"I'm like a lost boy," Emmett says in a serious tone. "I never want to grow up."
It's settled.
Emmett and I must become best friends.