Bucky remembered the last time they stayed in Steve's quarters, right after that last mission when he took on the persona of Captain America. Along with it came the memory of their first night together when everything between them became real. The place was sterile, like a hotel room. It didn't look like home because they never meant this to be where they stayed full time. He went into the bedroom and took notice of all their things scattered on the bed and on the tops of the tables. With a sinking heart, he realized this meant an extended stay.
"Let's go outside," he suggested.
"Outside? Buck, they released you less than twenty minutes ago…"
"For a few minutes, please? I hate being cooped up inside and I need fresh air, and no, sitting on the balcony doesn't count. A walk around the gardens… please?" he reached out and caressed Steve's cheek.
"If you're sure you're up for this?" Steve asked, reaching out to stop him but smiled as he touched his hand.
"Once I get myself back in balance, I'll be fine. Practice makes perfect and all that, but as soon as I get used to it, Shuri will whip up something new for me."
"Bucky, they talked to you about that. The damage this time…"
"Steve, we're talking Shuri and we have Tony as a backup. Between the two of them, they'll create a miracle. Where's that famous optimism? Leave it floating around in space?"
"No. I want you to be… prepared is all."
"Thank you for the obligatory cautionary advice, but I'm not giving up hope. Let's take a walk."
Steve let out a sigh and nodded. Together they walked back into the wide hallway, past the guards and out into a large side garden. This exclusive place, intended for the monarch, became open to government workers and guests of the King after T'Challa ascended to the throne. A stone path weaved its way through colorful floral displays and pleasant scents wafted through the air. They met office workers taking a break from their duties. They nodded to Bucky and Steve, some taking the time to speak to him and inquire about his health.
"When I showed up on T'Challa's doorstep, I spent a lot of time here, before they fixed me and sent me down to the village," Bucky said, sitting down on a bench surrounded by exotic wildflowers. In front of them, a tall man-made waterfall created a mesmerizing sound as the water splashed down. "I spent a lot of time second guessing myself, wondering if I should even be here, but if I stayed, I put everyone else in danger."
"This is where my Bucky came to heal. He put himself on the ice again until Shuri fixed him," Steve said as he sat down beside him.
"I don't think I could do that. He sounded like a brave guy," Bucky said. He wondered if he should dig a little deeper. He wanted more information but didn't want to scare Steve off again.
"Yes, he was," Steve said. He acted like he would say more when a movement to the side distracted them. Wanda appeared, coming around a corner, with Natasha. Wanda pointed out a beautiful display to her but her companion didn't even glance at the flowers. An aura of emptiness enveloped Natasha's still pale face. Wanda tried to distract her again until she saw them and waved. Natasha's attention wandered across the garden and for a moment, a brief smile appeared on her face. Without waiting for an invitation, Wanda took her friend's hand and walked over to the two men.
"I never took the time to come out here," Wanda said, "Today seemed as good a time as any."
"How are you doing Nat?" Seve asked. Another small smile.
"Ok, I guess. I'm sorry about your arm, Bucky," she said.
"I'll be ok. No one's fault, except for me doing something dumb…"
"This is our fault. You wouldn't be in this situation if we…" she said.
"Don't do that, Natasha," Wanda said. "You told us what happened, back where you came from. You spared us. We're very grateful."
"Yes," Bucky said, taking Steve's hand. "Everything worked out."
Natasha stared at them for a minute, then shook her head."So much red," she said. "So much red, in both lifetimes." Without another word she turned and walked back toward the complex. Wanda sighed after her.
"She keeps saying that, and it makes no sense," she exclaimed. She sat down on another bench a few feet along the stone path. "What does she mean? She won't explain it."
"She used to talk about the red in her ledger, and that's why she joined up with us. All the people she killed. She wanted to wipe it out. If she remembers everything from both lifetimes, it's no wonder she's depressed," Steve said. He stood up and stared after Natasha, watching her as she went returned inside. Bucky could see his jaws tightened and his eyes narrow. Natasha's behavior rightly worried him.
"But it wasn't supposed to work that way," Wanda said. "I don't understand…"
"I didn't either," Steve said. "It's a mystery."
Another movement to the side distracted them. Vision. He stood on the edge of the garden, looking lost. Upon seeing them, his face registered recognition.
"Got to go," Wanda said, "I have seen so little of him since all of this started. I hope we can figure all this out and bring everyone around to what they're supposed to be." Within moments she left them and joined her companion. They greeted each other and walked out of the garden back into the building.
"Is life better, for them?" Bucky asked.
"Much better," Steve replied, sitting back down on the bench. "They're happy, or as happy as they can be in this situation. I don't know what to do about Natasha, how to help her. Maybe she's right. Maybe we shouldn't have come here…" his eyes became distant and unfocused.
"How can you say that?" Bucky asked. He still held onto Steve's hand, squeezing tighter. That seemed to bring him back around. "I don't like to think about it, what I would do if you disappeared in front of me and stayed gone." He chose those words on purpose, looking for a reaction.
He got one. Steve stood up and walked a few yards down the path, pretending to inspect an interesting metal sculpture giving Bucky the confirmation he needed. The off planet trip triggered something deep within Steve, a pain he carried with him for years that waited until now to show itself.
"About time to eat," Steve said, "You want to go back to the room?"
"What I want to do is go home!" Bucky said. "Do we have to stay here the whole time? Can't we go back during the day?" He knew he was coming close to whining.
"After a few days, if nothing changes, we'll ask…"
Bucky sighed. "I'm used to doing things. This, doing nothing seems… wrong."
"I know you don't like to hear this, but you're still in recovery! You need to take it easy for a few days, and it doesn't matter if you are a super soldier!" Steve said, his tone sharp. For half a minute he reminded Bucky of the other Steve, of the guy he lost. He bit back an equally sharp retort, reminding himself they no longer communicated that way. The old arguments were a thing of the past.
After lunch, they went back to Steve's place where Bucky spent most of his time on the balcony, the door open so he and Steve could talk but his companion was doing something he rarely did. He was on the computer. He was looking up historical events and now and then, he would comment on something.
"John Kennedy died a natural death here. Even though he was so young, they hid his bad health and prescription drug use," Steve said.
"Yeah, it was shocking. A lot of conspiracies. It was suicide, it was a mercy killing, his family did it, the CIA did it...happened while I was asleep. They told me about it after they woke me up for a mission. What happened where you came from?"
"Someone shot him."
"Damn!"
"Just as shocking and we had the same conspiracy theories, but like you, I was fast asleep. We missed a lot."
"Yeah, I know, it can get depressing, thinking about how life went on without us, but I try not to think about it. It's best to move on," Bucky said.
"That's not as easy as it sounds," Steve said. Bucky turned to face him. He was staring at the wall above the computer screen, a sad, thoughtful expression on his face. Bucky wished he knew what to say but didn't want to spark another angry outburst.
Evening came, and they called it a day. After getting himself ready, Bucky sat on the edge of the bed. It presented him with a small dilemma.
"What's wrong?" Steve asked.
"You'll laugh at me, and call me sappy," Bucky replied.
"I'll do that, anyway. What's the problem?"
"I can't sleep on this thing, Too uncomfortable."
"Well, sleep on your good arm."
"If I do that, I won't be able to... touch you. Don't say it!" Bucky tried to use his most commanding voice, but Steve still laughed.
"I think we might work something out," he said. He left the room and Bucky could hear him rummaging around in the other bedroom. He returned with an armful of pillows.
Together they arranged them high enough so Bucky could lay down in comfort and then Steve joined him. His fingers caressed his good arm, like the old days, when they were kids, or at least that was how it was in his memory but Steve had said his own was much the same.
"Remember our first night here?" He asked.
"You know I do, although most conventional people have their first kiss before they go to bed together," Bucky replied.
"What about us has ever been conventional?"
"Thanks for reminding me!" Bucky shifted himself.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Steve said. His hands wandered, his fingers exploring everything. Bucky didn't stop him because his gentle touch was just what he needed to help him forget the trauma of the past few days.