Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-One

Claire tiptoed past John's room, peeking inside to see him holding Amelia close to his chest as they slept. She could see that for once he was dreaming of nice things, the years of pain and suffering melting away from his features letting him look like the seventeen-year-old he was. She smiled, leaning on the doorframe as he stirred, knowing that he was happy in this new life he'd taken on. She'd noticed that in the last few months, his temper had faded, and he'd even become more trusting of her father. He didn't shy away from physical contact as much, and he'd even been letting Vernon be in the same room alone with him now. She didn't know why he'd never allowed that to happen before, she knew that he'd never liked Vernon very much to begin with, but it'd seemed to get worse after he'd locked him in that closet in detention. Who knew what had gone on inside of that room, but she knew that John had been on edge around the older man ever since.

John shifted, slowly waking up with the need to go to the bathroom. He rubbed his eyes, smiling at Claire as she stood in his doorway. "Hey, Sweets."

Claire pushed off of his doorframe, walking farther into the room and brushing her fingers through his hair as he pushed into a sitting position on the edge of his bed. "Hey, Sugar." She kissed his forehead, giggling as he buried his face in her chest.

He moaned as he breathed her scent, the sweet smell of vanilla and melted sugar. He pulled her onto his lap, letting her thighs straddle his hips as he looked into her dark eyes, able to see the whole universe in those pools. "If we were married, I would take you right now." He whispered, kissing her neck.

She ducked her head, looking at her baggy sweatpants and the old stained sweatshirt she'd been wearing since she was fifteen. "I look like shit." She mumbled, letting him pull her closer to his body.

He shook his head, touching her cheek and cupping her face in his hand. "You look beautiful." He smiled, not bothering to fight the burn in his loins at the thought of her. "I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

She pushed away from him, able to feel his hard between her legs. "Even my flat chest?"

John stood, placing his hands on her sides. "I love everything about you." He smirked, kissing her nose. "Besides, when I get you pregnant, they'll get bigger."

Claire roller her eyes, wondering if John really wanted kids, or if he was only willing to give them to her because she wanted to have them. "Do you really want kids?"

John sighed, still unsure as to exactly what he wanted. "I want kids… but I don't want to turn into Jacob… I don't want to fuck them up." He met her gaze, his dark eyes showing his fear and pain at the memories.

Claire nodded, thinking about how cruel his father had been. "If you're not ready… I'll take the pill until you are."

John gave a small smile, knowing that there were also other options that didn't involve medications. "I can use condoms too." He laced his fingers with hers pressing a kiss to her hand. "I don't want you to take pills so that I don't impregnate you before we're ready."

She touched his cheek, feeling the soft beard on his face. "I don't mind… it stops my periods so I'd rather take them."

John shook his head. "It's hormones. Hormones are just as good as the shit I did."

"But if I don't get my period, we can do it a lot more."

He chucked, shaking his head. "Condoms. End of discussion." He dropped her hand, walking to the bathroom and closing the door so he could relieve himself. "Besides, that way we know it's safe sex until I get tested to see if I've got any shit that I shouldn't from those damn drugs."

Claire rolled her eyes, remembering what she'd overheard Ryan and her parents talking about the tests that they would have to do to make sure John was healthy and the ones that were required by law for him to be able to drive again. "Ryan was talking about one test that they might need to do for you to get cleared… but it would mean a needle going into your spine. But he was saying that they can look for other things if you wanted to."

John opened the door, curious about exactly what kind of tests they would have to do. "What else?"

She shrugged, seeing his worry in those eyes that she'd come to love so much. "I only heard that little bit."

He sighed, looking into his room as a small sound escaped Amelia. "I wish they would just tell me what the fuck they're gonna do." He smiled as Amelia, crawling into the bed as she reached for him. "Hey, Squirt." He mumbled, fighting off his natural fear as she hugged his neck. "What's the matter?"

Claire sat in the bed, brushing her fingers through the child's hair as she began to cry into John's shoulder. "Bad dream?"

Amelia nodded, trying to take comfort in the older teen's presence. She breathed John's scent, remembering their night of terror in that old house. She could still see him bloody and bruised when the bad people had dragged him through the door to the room she was inside of, remembering the grunts of pain that had come from him when they'd kicked his body until he gave them the phone number for Clarissa and Thomas's home. She could still hear the cruel laughter that had come from them when John had finally broken, the image of John's beaten body weakly struggling to get to her as she'd cried flashing in her mind. "John…" She sobbed, feeling him hold her closer, and lay her on the mattress with Claire cuddling up to her back as the young man curled around her protectively.

He shushed her, wiping her tears from her cheeks as he tried to stop her fear. He met Claire's gaze, blaming himself for the trauma this child had been forced to live with. "It'll be okay Muffin… Shh… I'm okay." He pulled his blankets over her little body, pressing her head to his chest so she could hear his heart. He wasn't sure why, but his heartbeat always calmed her down. "I'm okay…"

Claire gave a broken smile, turning out the lamp on the side of the bed she always slept on, snuggling into the bed as she listened to the child's cries start to fade and eventually letting herself fall into a deep sleep in the comforting embrace of John's arms. She smiled at her boyfriend's moonlit face, noticing the cool tones in his skin that seemed to make him glow like something from a fantasy story. She listened as his breathing changed, his inhales becoming deeper and more even as he fell asleep. "I love you…" She whispered, closing her eyes and making herself at home in his bed.