57
Edward Cullen/Emmett is an evil genius
I'm at a neverending red light.
"My bachelor party better be bangin' because this ceremony my lady is planning will not be executed unless I'm still drunk from the night before."
I roll my eyes.
"Remind me why I agreed to be your best man again."
"Because I am awesome, and you can't imagine your life without me."
"That, or because I'm your only friend."
"Miss you too, asshole. Speaking of things I miss. How's my favorite brunette? Have you gotten your dick wet yet?"
The volume in my car must be too high because the old lady in the minivan next to me honks her horn and gives me the dirtiest of looks.
I wave, and she flips me off.
Okay then ...
"For your information, she gave me a three date limit and is making me wait until we're both stitch free."
"Have I taught you nothing? You take her home and make her breakfast, brunch, and lunch. You grab a pair of scissors and some tweezers and rectify that shit in like six hours."