76
Edward Cullen/awesome Aunt Maggie
I attend Aunt Maggie's Christmas party because I know if I don't she'll show up and drag me kicking and screaming.
For an eighty-nine-year-old woman, she's freakishly strong.
I bring her a poinsettia that she makes me take straight to the garbage because she's recently acquired a dog.
"Charlotte finally kicked the bucket, and I couldn't let the only good thing about our friendship go to the pound," she tells me, picking up the hairy rat.
Pika is old and missing most of her teeth. That doesn't stop her from snapping at anyone walking by.
"Your mother is in rare form tonight," Maggie says. "I'm glad I hid the good Scotch."
"We're currently at odds over my girlfriend."
My aunt snaps her fingers.
"I knew there was something different about you besides the cast. You've gotten laid. It's about damn time."
Normally, I would be embarrassed by such an old woman commenting on my sex life. Especially when that old woman is my mother's much older sister. But I'm not.
I'm simply used to Maggie.