I'm so sorry this is so late. I've been in and out of the hospital
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Bella Swan/grateful for her brother/fiancé
"Come to the party, Ali," I plead.
The girl looks terrible.
I need to get her drunk and laid in whatever order she prefers.
Pronto.
Alice broke it off with Jasper after a night full of Viagra-induced pleasure and hasn't been herself ever since.
"I'm not ready."
"I already triple checked with Rosalie, and he won't be there."
She adjusts her giant sunglasses and cradles her Starbucks.
We haven't had a client in a few days because I'm fairly certain it's not just coffee beans in that cup.
Doctor Brandon could lose her license.
I'm basically getting paid to be the annoying friend.
The "get yourself back out there" friend.
The "you can't get over him until you're under someone else" friend.
A loud knock on the front door lets me know that my backup has arrived.
"Waddup, bitches?"
Emmett does not disappoint.
Hot pink feather boa, a pushup bra over his sweater, and a giant bottle of spiced rum.
"Or should I say 'what's Kraken'?"
I love my BFF.