Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-One

John limped his way down the stairs, walking into the living room and taking a seat on the sofa. He stared as his feet, scratching Chance's ears as she sat between his knees. "I need rehab." He stated, slowly lifting his broken gaze to look at the family. "I can't do this here…"

Clarissa took Thomas's hand, swallowing the pain in her heart at John's words. "Johnny… if you think you really need rehab… I'll take you to one… but just know, that we won't be able to see you for a while." She reached toward him, stopping when he flinched away from her. He'd only done that once before, that first time she'd touched him without permission, and it broke her heart to see him do that. "But if there is even a little part of you that thinks you can recover here-"

"Take me." He cut her off, tears brimming in his eyes. "Please."

Claire looked at him, able to see the crumpled remains of her man for the first time as she realized that he was really going to try this time. "John…" She touched his hand, smiling as he lifted his eyes to her. "I'm sorry."

Clarissa placed a pillow on John's cot, placing his favorite blanket on top of the thin blankets on the mattress. She smiled as she watched John playing with the teddy bear that Amelia had given him to remember her by. "Pumpkin…" She cupped his unshaved cheek in her palm, lifting his face to look into his eyes. "I love you." She kissed his forehead, rubbing her thumb under his eye. "And I will always love you. No matter what."

He nodded, taking a seat on the cot and leaning on her shoulder as they waited for the nurse to come in and assess him for treatments. "I'm sorry…" He mumbled, watching as Thomas placed a few of his belongings in the tiny dresser the center had given him.

She nodded, chuckling as Chance laid at their feet. "We'd like to know why you did it before you apologize."

He shook his head, he couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them know. They could never know what they'd done to him, never know the pain he'd felt, the shame he lived with every time he looked in the mirror. "I can't."

Thomas pulled a chair up beside John's cot, handing him something that the family had put together for him while he was away from them. "Here." He smiled as John took the photo from him. "It was Claire's idea."

John let the ghost of a smile grace his lips. "Thank you." He jumped as a woman walked into his room, noticing she had a young man who was only a few years older than he was.

"Hello Johnathan." She smiled, motioning to the young man with her. "This is Joey, he's going to be your sober-buddy while you're here." She placed a hand on her chest. "I'm Holly, I'm your councilor. So, I want you to come to me any time you need me to talk."

He nodded, placing the photo in his lap as he prepared himself to tell her about his past. "Hi…"