Dr. Robin Locksley watches the screen on his computer with absolute concentration. He wants to know in advance how many patients his new secretary has scheduled for this afternoon, and how prepared he needs to be to help them with their conflicts.
The fact that Mulan, his new secretary, has two weeks working with him doesn't worry him as much as knowing he didn't hire her because of her skills or experience in a similar position, but because of an emergency. His secretary had to go on maternity leave a month prior than planned, leaving him with very few options to fill that position.
He knows there are patients and …patients, and there are sessions that run smooth and, others, where real shit is addressed and he can't just say 'time is over, I'll see you next week' and go on with the next appointment. Therefore, his secretary has always understood the importance of avoiding two difficult cases on the same day or a difficult one and a new one, and he isn't sure Mulan is aware of this.
It's important to know what kind of sessions he might have ahead and not because he has something else to do and needs to finish earlier than usual or re-schedule one of those appointments due to an unexpected situation that got in the way. No, it's not that. He has no reason to hurry home after work, only to find an empty apartment. Definitely, that's not appealing.
Robin Locksley lives alone, he's divorced and has been that way more years than those he was married. His teen daughter, Raven, lives with his ex, in another city, in another country even. They both moved to Canada after his ex remarried. However, Raven comes to visit him twice or three times a year for long stays and those are the moments that light up his life most and the ones he looks forward so much.
Remembering his empty apartment, his failed marriage and his daughter, makes him recall why he chose to move all the way here from Europe, almost a decade ago. Yes, it had been to be near his girl, at least in the same continent, so that way it'd be easier for the two of them to spend vacations or holidays together without one of them having to be on a plane for endless seven or eight hours. He recognizes that had been the main reason behind his decision to move to another country, leaving his family and job behind, but choosing Storybrooke, Maine as the city to settle was due to a completely different reason.
It might sound ridiculous, absurd and even comical that a grown ass man's motivation to choose a city to move and begin again would be a woman. Moreover, one whose name he doesn't even know and whose legacy has been the remembrance of a memorable night of passion (which refuses to leave his mind despite the twenty-seven years that have passed since then), the clear image of a delicate crown tattoo in one of her shoulder blades and the delicious way she called him thief as if she was trying to stretch out the beginning and the end of that word.
Shit, why did he begin thinking about her when he is supposed to receive his first patient of the afternoon in a few minutes? Well, he still has some minutes to fantasize about her, because that's what he has been doing since the day he realized she was gone, leaving nothing behind, not even her name. For him she has been his Queen, that's how he's been calling her in his head all these years at the lack of her real name.
Actually, being honest, he recognizes she was stuck in his head after their brief, yet intense, encounter, but then he moved on, got a job, got married, divorced, and somewhere in between -he can't tell exactly when- he realized he began thinking about her again. During the last decade, maybe a little more, it has become an obsession, one which has increased throughout the last year and he doesn't understand why (or doesn't want to find out) he is experiencing this in his mid-fifties.
Robin knows how memories work, the way in which the human brain processes information, and how, at one point in life, pleasurable, blissful and satisfying experiences are the ones that fill people's mind, regardless of the moment those events happen. However, he recognizes this isn't the case of what's happening to him.
He finds this fixation with her somewhat entertaining, and sometimes he notices it has become part of his routine. He enjoys thinking about what she might be doing while he performs his habitual activities and tries to fit the little he knows about her in it. As he gets ready for work, he thinks she might be getting ready for hers somewhere in this same city; when he passes by a school and watches teens being picked up by their parents, he wonders if she had any kids, as she confessed him she'd wanted, and he has found himself peeking among the parents hoping to see her if by any chance she'd be there. He speculates about what would her life is like and goes through endless possibilities. Will she be married? Will she be happy? How does she look like after all these years? Would he be able to recognize her if they cross paths again? Maybe they already had? How is she as a fifty-year-old woman? He has an image in his head of a twenty-two-year-old young woman that certainly made an impression on him, but after twenty-seven years he doesn't know if it's something closer to reality or a product of his imagination.
He sometimes steps into dangerous grounds and ventures into the what-ifs of how things might have developed between them if he only would have insisted on giving his name or in requesting hers with more determination. He remembers well how they both agreed it would be better to keep their encounter in complete anonymity. It was supposed to be a one-time thing and both had been very honest about that; they both lived and had responsibilities in different places; she had just broken up with a boyfriend, it's ...complicated were her words and she hadn't said more (oh! if he closes his eyes he can almost hear her!), he had been well aware he was the rebound, and, well, they connected and shared first what most couples wait some time for.
Robin isn't in love with this woman. He doesn't think possible to fall in love with someone he had only met once and from whom he knows nothing (or very little). Still, it doesn't matter to him ...because what harm does it make? Those fantasies he's been having for some time have been his driving force since he moved to this city where he still feels hopeful they might meet again.
However, although he loves thinking about her (it's a fascinating way of exercising his mind), he has work to do, and hard work, so he thinks it'd be wiser to focus on the screen on his monitor, neglected for some minutes, and check that list of patients once and for all.
...
Robin smiles when he sees the Wednesday's regulars: Zelena Greene and her self-centered view of life that has been responsible for the multiple failures in her love life; Ruby Lucas with low self-esteem issues that leads her to a promiscuous lifestyle in her mid-forties (well, he has understood this has been her lifestyle always, and it's difficult for her to learn another way, different than sex, to relate with people), and he knows it's not his job to look after her and prevent her from having random sex, but it is, indeed, to help her love herself so that she can learn sex isn't the only thing she has to offer; Leroy Grump, a man with anger management issues, whose sessions are tough because he comes for consultation at his wife's insistence and not because he acknowledges his problem.
He's surprised when he sees another name, not a regular, but someone he didn't think would return after the first session they had last week: Carelle Deville, a woman with a dark side and complete lack of empathy, a tough case and a challenge he would have preferred to see on a different day as Leroy. And, finally, he reaches the last name on his timetable: Regina Mills, a new patient.
He tries to remember if he has heard that name before, but it doesn't ring a bell, and just then he sees the entry that indicates she's been referred by Dr. Hopper and realizes she has been Dr. Hopper's former patient. He thinks it'd be best to talk to Dr. Hopper and check if he can take a look at the records he kept during his sessions with this woman. He needs some insight in advance, so if by any chance there's something he would need to be aware of he can be prepared and have an effective first session.
After talking to Dr. Hopper, he feels relieved to know this woman already overcame all the issues that would have made him worry. Dr. Hopper told him that Regina was not a complicated case; she might have been when she first came for a consultation and it was obvious she had a lot of issues that needed help. However, she had been able to remain stable for years without medication and the last time he saw her had been some years ago, when he focused his therapy on grief counselling to help her cope with the death of her husband, after nineteen years of marriage. No, there's no need to request Dr. Hopper's records.
The information Dr. Hopper shares with Robin makes him think the reason for her consultation might be the need to work on the guilt of finding another partner after almost two decades of marriage. He has seen these cases in his field of practice; it's something most people that have been involved in long term relationships experience as a result of the short period in which they've been able to rebuild their romantic life with someone else. It's like if they want to grab the new chance life is gifting them with, and not begin thinking things through and through because they don't want to risk that this second chance fades away just as the person they lost did. And that rapid pace in which they begin retaking their love life, sometimes makes them feel guilty and firmly believe they'll be criticized by others.
So, after having cleared his doubts about the afternoon he'll have ahead and knowing -at least- where he stands in regard with this Regina Mills, he instructs Mulan to tell his first patient of the afternoon, Ms. Greene, to come in.
...
The session goes as planned … well, almost. Zelena Greene is more responsive, it seems this Chad guy she's seeing is helping her; Ruby Lucas' session runs smooth; he knew how things would go with Leroy, it's very hard to make progress with a patient who doesn't understand the extent of their problems, so for the next session, Robin has requested that Leroy's wife, Astrid, be present and have another approach; the session with Carelle Deville is very demanding, from both sides, so he requests Mulan after their session is finished, to reschedule Carelle or Leroy, on different days, so that he doesn't have to deal with them both on the same day, and shakes his head knowing he should have checked that patient list before.
As he waits for his last patient to come in, his mind wanders to Regina Mills, and his speculations about the motive for her consultation. He doesn't know a thing about this Regina Mills, which, in fact, will be entering his office any moment now. His experience tells him the guilt due to recomposing her life would be most likely the scenario he will find and the circumstances he'll have to deal with during the session with her.
An hour later, he would admit to himself he'd never been more wrong in his life.
Being a psychiatrist and therapist for almost thirty years has taught him the importance of firsts impressions, mostly the one a therapist will build after seeing a patient for the first time and which is based mainly on his observation skills during the first five minutes. When a new patient steps into his office, most of the times that person is genuine. Therapy hasn't begun yet, people are relaxed as they walk towards the couch in his office to take a seat there, and years in the field has proven him right because that's the exact moment when he can read people best. He can tell if they are there willingly; if they're nervous (well, everyone on a first appointment is somehow, but he has learned the difference between a first-time appointment nervousness and one where it's the constant state of the patient); if they don't care; if they believe in him and in the help he can provide; if they have the strength to overcome whatever issues they have … That first impression is vital for him ...and it won't be different with Regina Mills.
So, when Regina Mills steps into his office for the first time, he begins his work even if he hasn't said a word different than "Good afternoon", yet. The first thing he notices is that she's a very beautiful woman, classy, very well put together, she has nothing out of place. She definitely takes care of every detail regarding her personal appearance: her makeup, hair, accessories, outfit ...everything.
She's dressed nicely in a modern, kind of informal outfit, and because of the crimson briefcase she carries with her, it seems she must have come to the appointment directly from work. Her choice of outfit gives away that she works in something related to the creative process: publicity, marketing, photograph, visual arts, design, architecture ...and not something more traditional like law, accounting or, engineering. Either way, it seems she's an independent woman.
He observes delighted how fit she's for her age. The pair of pants she's wearing suits her perfectly and shows off the form of a toned, well taken care of ass. He feels like shit for checking out her rear, but he convinces himself it's part of the observation process which with he begins every first session, so if it's her ass what will help him with some insight about who Regina Mills is, there's no need to feel bad about it. She's wearing a top and a jacket, leaving a generous amount of cleavage exposed. He's no fucking fashion expert, but he sees a lot of women of her same age, and he can tell she's a modern woman with bold fashion choices, confident with her attributes, and by any means a shy one. The outfit she chose for that day is a very fitting one and proves she doesn't have anything to envy from a younger woman. If he didn't know she'd been married for almost twenty years, he would have thought she was younger than what she might be because of the way she looks. However, she has some little wrinkles that show up at the edge of her mouth, as she smiles to greet him, and around her eyes as she slightly closes them in an effort to look at something (or someone) that has caught her attention. But, those signs rather than taking away her beauty, make her look more appealing because he finds it to be the perfect balance between maturity and freshness.
She's certainly a woman that takes good care of herself and must have healthy habits regarding food, physical activity, and sleep. She's educated, well mannered, well spoken (from the little he has heard her say, that's mostly Dr. Locksley, good afternoon), clearly, she comes from a wealthy family, and has had a privileged education.
She doesn't seem nervous or anxious; she looks at him in the eyes which leads him to think she's an honest woman.
She looks familiar to him, though. She reminds him of someone, but he doesn't get to identify to whom or to place her somewhere it might have been probable to meet her.
College? No. He studied abroad and even if he spent some time in this same city twenty-seven years ago, he returned home after a short time. And even if somewhat they would have coincided in college, she seems some years younger than him, so it wouldn't have been likely to share classes with someone who was beginning their studies when he was about to graduate. Work? She doesn't seem the type of person dedicated to the medical field, and strangely Dr. Hopper hadn't brought that up; so, no, not probable. A friend of a friend of a friend? Possibly. Over the decade he has lived here he had frequented some friends, and friends of those friends, so yes they might have met briefly in some of those meetings.
So, after having made a mental image of who he thinks Regina Mills is he greets her properly, extending his hand to shake hands with her, "Glad to meet you, Regina. Please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable. Have you already filled your information in the form my secretary gave you?", he observes how she nods her head in agreement and continues, "Okay, good. I requested you to fill your own information because I won't be checking Dr. Hopper's notes. So, tell me why are you here? How can I be of help?"
Robin can't help but notice how his words startled her, and he doesn't know what he might have done or said to make her react like that. He takes a look at the chart she just filled and continues as if he hadn't caught her reaction seconds ago.
"Well, I see you are a widow, have been for some time, you have two children, you just turned fifty, oh! congratulations," he smiles at her and she smiles back at him, and there's when he thinks again about how familiar this woman is to him. That smile, he has seen that smile before ...but where?
He makes an effort and takes those thoughts away from his head. He's working; he should focus on his patient and don't get distracted by something that might not mean anything, maybe she was a face on an advertisement and that's why her face and her smile (yes, that smile particularly, and those big brown eyes, also) look so familiar to him. He decides to check that later, though, in the calm of his apartment and go through his old pictures. He will go backward in time trying to find out why does he think he has met her before.
"Regina, why don't you start by telling me how are you feeling lately?"
He watches her swallow, then bite the edges of her lips with her teeth which makes her mouth scrunch to one side in a gesture that he finds delicious. He knows she might be ordering her ideas, trying to voice her issues the best way.
After some seconds, he hears her talk "I have a situation, and ...hmm ...well, I don't pretend you to tell me what to do. I've attended years of therapy sessions. I think you are aware of that, I understand this doesn't work that way, but this ...problem has been stressing me out I guess it's been already a month, and even if I know what I need to do, I feel overwhelmed and I feel I'm about to lose control and freak out any moment. I've had some issues in the past, nothing too serious: low self-esteem, anxiety, postpartum depression, depression after the loss of my husband, but now the anxiety is increasing. I can feel it most in the mornings when I wake up with the sensation of wanting to throw up, and I walk in circles in my room for some time as I think about the problem I have, and the solution, that's actually worse than the problem. And, there's the guilt also ...I ...I'm feeling guilty for having kept something from someone very important to me for a long time."
Robin looks at her; he's seated in an armchair facing her, with a notebook in one of his hands, and a pen in the other, taking notes from time to time. And there's something he hasn't noted before. She's sassy, direct and is getting anxious as soon as she addressed the problem that seems to be complicating her life.
"I see. You are somatizing. Has this happened before? Or, is this the first time the anxiety reaches this point?" he asks, without taking his eyes away from her.
"I've had anxiety before, nothing I couldn't overcome with therapy, but with my husband's death, I did feel the same. I ...hmm ...Dr. Hopper prescribed me some medication, then," she answers, and at that moment he observes she takes her eyes away from him and looks down, to where her hands are and begins rubbing them over and over. She definitely is nervous.
"Regina, look at me; there's nothing wrong with taking medication, and that's exactly what I'll prescribe now. We need a little help with the anxiety. I don't want it to reach higher levels. Let's try to get the anxiety under control, so we can deal with the rest later. It seems you have a pretty complicated problem, don't you? Would you feel comfortable sharing it with me? Would you think it would help?"
He watches her hesitate, opening her mouth as if she's about to talk only to stop, and then after some seconds, where the only sound in the room is the rhythmic tic-tac of the stylish clock on one of the walls, she says, "It's ...complicated. I need you to help me handle my anxiety. It has begun to temper with my life and job. My son will find out soon if I don't control this and I ...I don't want that."
It's the way she said the words 'it's ...complicated' what startles him. It's a particular way he has heard before, with a long pause between the two words and a low voice, almost a whisper. He knows where he heard those words, and who said them to him. It doesn't matter if it was twenty-seven years ago, he still would recognize the way those words sound leaving her mouth.
Shit! This can't be possible. Maybe it's all in his mind. Yes, that's it! It's his mind concocting and playing tricks with him. How many women around the age of his Queen would say those words in a similar way? He bets she's not the only one. So, he makes a supernatural effort to recompose himself after the sensation those two words left in him and continues.
"Your son? The information you filled in indicates you have two children, however, you haven't indicated gender nor age."
"Oh, I have two sons, but only one lives with me. The older one finished college some years ago and already got a job. He lives on his own and comes to visit from time to time."
"Hmm …I see …I would need the age of your boys."
"Twenty-six and fifteen."
He completes the information she failed to fill in the chart, pretending the digit twenty-six didn't sound odd or -at least- a curious coincidence, and without taking his eyes away from the sheet, he says "Maybe this problem has to do with the fact that your younger son will be leaving soon? I guess you two are the only ones in the house and it's hard to face an empty nest, Regina."
"This problem and all this anxiety I'm feeling ...well, it's not about my sons leaving ...this situation I have has to do with my sons, yes, but I'm not sure I want to talk about it ...yet, Dr. Locksley," she answers.
"Please, call me Robin. I want you to feel comfortable while I treat you and a first name basis helps. Believe me. It does."
The session runs smoothly after that ...well as smooth as a first session could be when he analyzes each of her words and gestures thoroughly and delves into his memories of twenty-seven years ago to determine to what extent this woman could be the woman he calls his Queen. However, he notices it's him the one doing most of the talking and asking Regina for some details than Regina talking or opening up about her issues. He knows this is something that should be expected for a first session, so it doesn't worry him much.
Still, he can say there's something off with her since the minute he greeted her. He feels there's a barrier between them, one she puts every time she says 'I know how this works', 'It's not about that' or 'I don't want to address that topic' and he can't get through it.
The hour passes by very quickly, and when she is about to leave, even after having said goodbye and the regular see you next week he doesn't fail to add when his patients are crossing the threshold of his office, she surprises him.
He's standing by the door, waiting for her to step out when he watches her turn around and out of nowhere say, "Er …Robin …I ...I want to ask you something. Hmm …have ...have we met before?"
His heart stops and he gulps trying to buy some time to think what to say next; there's no chance that he would answer with the truth because answering with a 'yes, I think we had sex years ago' to a patient would only make him earn a well-deserved slap in the face and a complaint to the board. So, not coming up with a better answer he lies, "I don't think so, Regina. I doubt I'd ever forget meeting you."
To be continued ...