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Bella Swan/used to like surprises
When I show up at work on January second, I hold my breath and set my stuff on my desk.
That's when Alice decides to pounce.
"Bella!"
"Yeah?" I ask.
I'm truly afraid of her.
"It's bonus time. You're my only employee, and I appreciate everything you do for me in and out of the office. So here."
She thrusts a medium-sized box in my hands and sets an envelope on top of it.
Mom always taught me to open cards before gifts so ...
"Is this real?"
That's a lot of zeros for an assistant who measures people's pupillary distances and talks them out of Harry Potter-esque glasses.
They don't look good on anyone. Except for the boy wizard.
"Duh. The second box is to show my appreciation for our friendship." She heads for her office. "Feel free to use the stock room."
"Okay ..."
The display across from me doesn't stand a chance.
Glasses are everywhere, and in the middle of the wreckage is a dildo the size of my calf.
"What the fuck?"