Aragorn

"Stop it, Estel, you're going to wear a hole in the floor." Elrohir chucked a pillow at him, which Aragorn ducked before continuing his pacing.

"They've been gone for hours! What if something has happened?"

"If something has happened, Ada is more than capable of dealing with it," Elladan said patiently.

He knew this, of course, but it didn't stop him worrying. Before his brothers could assault him with any more items of furniture, footsteps had all three of them hurrying to the door.

Elrond was supporting Legolas with an arm around his waist. The prince was leaning heavily on him, his head resting on the elder's shoulder. Aragorn could see from his face that he'd been crying.

Against all odds, Aragorn was relieved. If his Ada had broken through the walls that Legolas had been stubbornly maintaining, perhaps they truly had a chance of helping the prince rather than watching him drown in his own self-hatred.

"Legolas? Mellon nin?" His eyes scanned the prince for injury, but found none.

Elladan helped get Legolas to his bed, and then he and Elrohir made a tactful retreat, leaving Aragorn, Legolas and Elrond alone.

"I'm sorry, Estel," Legolas mumbled.

"What are you sorry for gwador?"

"For pushing you away when you're trying your best to help me. Forgive me?"

He smiled brushing a stray tear off the prince's cheek. "There is nothing to forgive, Legolas."

The prince nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"Legolas and I have made an agreement." Elrond fussed with the coves before turning to Aragorn. "He is going to speak the truth of what he thinks and feels, when he experiences it. He won't hide his reactions. Right now, that is all we are asking of him, other than that he eat and doesn't hurt himself."

It was more than Aragorn possibly could have hoped for. Relief, glorious relief swept through him. "Thank you, gwador. Thank you." He pressed his forehead to the prince's. "Please, never hide from me."

"I'll try," came the soft response.

Aragorn knew that Elrond must have some ideas on how to help Legolas, but it was a good decision on his father's part not to speak of them now. Legolas was already looking overwhelmed, and Aragorn didn't want to burden him with anything else.

"Estel, a word."

Aragorn wasn't willing to leave Legolas in the room alone, even though the room had been emptied of anything had even a remote potential for being converted to a weapon. He walked to the door with his Ada, keeping an eye on Legolas.

"Legolas has given his word, and he will keep it, but you will need to remind him to tell you what he is thinking and feeling. Do not argue with him or refute his thoughts, no matter how crazy they may sound. Let him talk to you. Listen to him. For now, that's all you can do."

Listen? Legolas needed a lot more than for someone to listen to him. "Ada, he needs help. He's drowning. Just listening isn't going to be enough."

"I know. We will continue to keep him under constant supervision, of course. I will be seeing him daily. Together, we will delve into the root of this. It's too early to tell now, but I believe that I can help Legolas locate the source of his thoughts of perfection."

"And then you can help him?"

"We shall see. You know I won't give up. For now, just comfort him as best you can. I know it hurts to see him like this, but this is going to get worse before it gets better. If he's ever to be well, he cannot cut himself off from us and from himself."

"I understand, Ada."

"Good." Elrond raised his voice so that Legolas could hear him too. "I will leave you two for now. I will see you both at dinner."

Legolas closed his eyes at the mention of food. Aragorn gave his father a grateful look before turning back to his friend, clambering onto the bed with him. "What are you thinking?"

Legolas hesitantly put voice to his thoughts. "Food is the last thing I can afford right now. I'm tainted enough as it is."

Aragorn bit back the arguments he was dying to throw at that statement. "Does it make a difference which food you eat? You have to eat, mellon nin, but if some foods are easier, we can focus on those."

Legolas appeared to think about it. "Fruits, especially the ones with lots of water, like grapes. They're purer than other foods, I think."

"Then you will have fruit," Aragorn promised, delighted. This was already more progress than they'd made in the entire week before his Ada's arrival.

Legolas didn't look delighted. He looked shattered. "I'm so tired, Estel."

"Then rest. I will be here with you."

"I cannot. To rest, I must let go. If I let go… I will lose control of myself."

No wonder Legolas looked so exhausted. He had been holding strict control of himself for a week, not letting himself relax enough to sleep. Even elves needed more sleep than this. "Then lose control," Aragorn breathed. "I am here. I will catch you."

Perhaps it was his talk with Elrond, or perhaps Legolas was simply too tired to resist anymore, but his head drooped in resignation. He shuffled himself closer, and Aragorn moved toward him, pulling the prince's head to his shoulder like he had that first night.

The tears started slowly. Before long, Legolas was shaking with silent sobs.

"Talk to me," Aragorn begged, rubbing Legolas' arms and stroking his hair in futile attempts to comfort him. "Tell me what you are thinking."

"I don't know. There are no thoughts. Pain. All I feel is pain. And tiredness. I'm so tired…"

"Ok, mellon nin, ok. You can rest, now. I have you."

Legolas' body wouldn't let him rest, but kept wracking him with violent sobs. The prince no longer tried to muffle the noise as he clutched Aragorn's shirt. For his part, Aragorn stroked his hair and softly hummed the lullaby that Thranduil had used before.

"Help," Legolas whispered. "It won't stop, Estel. Please. I just want to sleep."

"It will stop, mellon nin, I promise. You just need to let it run its course."

"Too tired… don't want to… please…"

Wishing he could do more for his friend, Aragorn cupped Legolas' cheek. "I have you, gwador. You can let go. I've got you."

He tightened his arms around the prince, hoping to carry even a portion of his friend's sorrow. Legolas went limp in his embrace, except for when his body shook with his sobs. To Aragorn's great relief, these became less and less, until eventually, Legolas' body and mind took mercy on him and allowed him to drift into a deep sleep.

Legolas

It took a few moments for Legolas to get his bearings and figure out why he felt so safe and warm. Estel had been sleeping in his bed ever since the first night, but up until now, Legolas had avoided his touch.

Now, he was snuggled against his best friend's chest. Legolas felt lighter than he had in days. He opened his eyes to find Estel watching him. "How long have I been asleep for?"

"A little over a day. You needed your rest."

Legolas stiffened. A day. "Only the weak or injured sleep for a day," he said in answer to Estel's questioning eyebrow. "I'll have to make up for this…" He trailed off when he realized he couldn't make up for it. His knife was off limits, as was starving himself and throwing up. Lingering hysteria flickered on the edges of his thoughts, and Legolas forcefully pulled himself away from that line of thinking. He was so warm and comfortable here; he didn't want to ruin it just yet. Soon enough, he would.

"You don't need to make up for it. I can see you're still tired. Go back to sleep, mellon nin."

Legolas hesitated. He would dearly love to go back to sleep, but he was scared of what effect such an act of childish weakness would have on him when he woke.

"I still have you," Estel encouraged, tightening his arms, which were wrapped around Legolas. "You can rest."

"It'll be bad when I wake up…" Legolas knew he was too sleep-muddled to express himself properly, and he wondered if Estel understood.

"That's alright. Let it be bad. We'll face it together."

Were he wakeful, such an argument would never have worked, but Legolas had worn himself out more than he realized.

"Ok," he mumbled. He was already drifting off.

When Legolas woke next, Estel was still with him. "Oh, there you are," he said brightly, seeing Legolas stir. "Ada was going to come and wake you himself if you didn't wake naturally soon."

"Sorry," Legolas mumbled.

"No." Estel grabbed both of his wrists, suddenly urgent. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" Legolas muttered not meeting his friend's gaze.

"That! I can see you doing it. You're withdrawing again, trying to hide and be perfect. You promised Ada, remember. You're not going to do that anymore."

Legolas did remember. The reaction to bring himself into line was instinctual, and he battled with it. He'd given his word. He had to do as he'd said. "How do I not?" he asked. "It's like a reflex, like breathing."

"Talk to me," Estel said at once. "What are you thinking?"

"That I can't break my word, but I don't know how to keep it. I disappoint Elrond, or I wallow in my own patheticness, becoming even more despicable. Either way, I lose."

"Ada has told me not to argue with you, so I won't comment on the last part, no matter how crazy it is, but as for the first, I don't recommend having Lord Elrond disappointed with you. You don't want to get The Eyebrow."

Legolas winced. The Eyebrow. Yes, he wanted to avoid that. He voiced this thought aloud for Estel's benefit, and his friend giggled.

"Speaking of which, we should get you to the dining hall. Ada's been throwing a fit because you've slept for almost a day and half, which means you've missed about four meals. You really can't afford to skip another meal, but I convinced him to let you rest."

Just like that, any good cheer Legolas might have had vanished. "Do we have to?"

"We do." Estel was sympathetic but firm. "Tell me. What are you feeling?"

"Dread. Like a pit in my stomach. Fear, burning my throat. I'll never be perfect if I keep eating like this. I've had more food in the past week than I'd had in the previous year. Even a simple conversation exhausts me so much I'm passed out for over a day. Some perfect prince you are, Legolas."

Legolas closed his eyes, almost hoping that Estel would rightfully reprimand him for his idiotic fears. Instead, his human friend gently combed the hair back from Legolas' face with his fingers.

"When Ada came to check on you, he told me he's working on some potions for you. One that will help with the fear, at least, when you need it. I'm not sure of the others, they sound a bit more complicated, but I'm sure it'll all help."

Legolas felt himself tensing. "I don't need to be babied with medicines like a sick elfling. I am not yet that weak."

Estel rolled his eyes, but didn't argue. "If it makes you feel better, I'll have Ada make double of everything and take it with you."

Legolas stared at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Of course."

"That… that might actually help."

"Then that's what we'll do. Come on, gwador, let's get this meal over and done with."

One of the servants must have run ahead, because when they arrived, Elrond, the twins and Thranduil were waiting in the dining hall with a number of plates of food. Legolas dragged his heels, wanting to delay the inevitable meal as long as he could. Estel walked around the table and plucked up a plate of grapes before urging Legolas to sit.

"How are you feeling, ion nin?" Thranduil's eyes were filled with love and concern, and Legolas felt his own eyes filling with tears at the look. No, stop it, stop it! He wasn't going to cry again. Even as he tried to pull himself together, Estel's hand on his cheek stopped him.

"No hiding, remember?"

"We're at dinner, Estel, or whatever meal this is. With my father."

"No hiding," Elrond repeated sternly.

"Tell me," Estel added.

Legolas gave up his battle against the tears, letting them fall. He addressed his father. "I'm so sorry, Ada. I wish I wasn't such an awful son. You deserve someone better than me."

At once, Thranduil was at his side. "I want no one but you, ion nin. Never think that you are an awful anything. You are my light and my love. Please, believe that."

The stupid tears were splattering down his face now as Legolas nodded. Thranduil pulled his chair closer, so that he had his father to one side and Estel to the other. Estel kept one arm around him while pushing the plate – a plate made of thick wood that wouldn't break easily – of grapes in front of him.

Legolas only realized that his breath was coming in short gasps when Estel pressed a hand to his stomach. "Breathe into my hand," he urged.

Elrond turned to a small workstation behind him, usually used for cutting up meat, but now, there were a number of herbs and bottles there. He snatched up a cup of what must have been a pre-prepared tea and handed it to Legolas. "Drink this, penneth."

He was in no state to question. Legolas gulped it down and tried to focus on Estel's hand. Surprisingly, he calmed down quickly, the panic melting into fear and then melting into mere nervousness. What had Elrond given him?

His thoughts were interrupted by a grape, held out by his father. Legolas flinched and clamped his mouth shut out of instinct. He'd eaten without any hysterics for a week before Elrond came, but that was while he was holding onto the tatters of his perfection. Those were long gone, and now he didn't know how to do it.

"Tell me." Estel and Elrond spoke at once, and in the same gentle tone of voice, such that they could have been the same person.

"Don't want it," Legolas muttered. He knew it was pathetic that he couldn't come up with a better reason. Estel squeezed his wrist, giving him a stern look, and Legolas voiced the thought. "I know I should have a better reason, but I don't. I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this, not now." The grape seemed to be growing in his vision. Surely, it hadn't been that big a moment ago?

"How about this? I'll peel it for you and take out the seeds, then you eat it."

Legolas was caught off guard by Estel's strange proposal, but he couldn't deny it had merit. Without the seeds or the skin, the grape would be pure, consisting almost entirely of water. Surely, he could manage that?

"Ok," he said softly. There were no sharp knives at the table, so Estel used his nails to get the skin off and make a slit in the grape to squeeze the seeds out. He butchered the poor grape, but at least it was smaller now.

Legolas hesitantly took it and popped it into his mouth, swallowing it with a gulp of water. Immediately, the urge to cut or throw up had him.

"Legolas…"

"Knife… or vomit," he gasped, clutching his stomach, wanting to tear the offending food right out of it. "Need – one…"

"I understand, mellon nin, but we cannot allow that."

"Here." Elladan got up from where he and Elrohir had been watching the grape peeling with increasing bemusement. "Elrohir and I will peel and de-seed the rest of the grapes for you. Estel can try to do something with your hair; it looks like there's a bird nesting in it."

Despite everything, Legolas laughed. The twins started in on the grapes while Estel got up and gently sorted through his tangled hair. The feeling of his friend's hands was comforting and calmed him further. Legolas had to admit, the grapes were easier to swallow and keep down peeled and without seeds. He snuck a glance at his father, who seemed impervious to the madness of the grape peeling. He beamed whenever Legolas swallowed one.

As Estel was escorting him back to his room to bathe, he even heard Thranduil murmur instructions to the servants to buy extra supplies of grapes and make sure they were individually peeled.

"And don't you dare let me find any seeds in those grapes, or it'll be your head. My son doesn't need to deal with that."

It was so ridiculous and so lovingly caring that Legolas couldn't help it. He was overcome with another laugh.