A/N May 4, 2019: If you currently are reading this story, note that all chapters have been updated. See author's note for chapter 1.

Chapter 14: Unexpected solace

When she reunited with 2 section, they were all very sympathetic and kind and she thought that she had the best section in the world. Yet, this was not where she wanted to be right now, and she found it impossible to stay focused on her daily tasks. Her mind kept drifting to her dad and how he would recover, and to her devastated mum. Georgie did not know how she would cope if Max passed away. Imagining either of them without the other was impossible. It also made her wonder anew if she ever would find anything like it. What she had with Matt was... good, but could it be as solid and everlasting and in a modest way all-consuming as her parents' love was? For them there had never been anyone else. For a while she had thought it was like that with Elvis, but she had been wrong. Was there any chance it could be like that with Matt? Or was that soulmate kind of love only found by a few lucky ones in this world?

To make bad things worse, Captain James delivered some disturbing news, rocking her world further. To Georgie it was not news really, but she had repressed that this was about to happen or maybe hoped it would not happen so soon.

The day after her return, he gathered the section, looking serious.

"Guys, I have both some good and bad news that I want to share with you."

They exchanged glances, wondering what was to come.

"First of all, on the good side, you know that Monk was allowed permission the other day as his baby was due. I have received news that he got a little baby girl, both she and the mother are well. Not sure how Monk is coping though."

He smiled, and all laughed. Their friend has grown increasingly anxious as the expected date of birth came closer and they had been joking that one could think that it was him and not his girl, who would have to press out something the size of a cabbage.

"The other piece of good news is that Molly and I are going in the same direction."

He paused, scratching the back of his head as if he was a bit embarrassed.

"Errm... We're having a baby five months from now."

"Shit, Boss! ... Congratulations!... Boss, does this mean you slept with the medic at least once?... Does Molly know she is having a baby with a rupert? I think someone should tell her, maybe she can still change her mind..."

They all cheered at this wonderful surprise, for a moment drowned him in congratulations, well-wishes and cheeky comments. He took it all in with an equally amused and proud smile. Once it got a little less noisy he continued.

"I won't comment how the baby was conceived Fingers, but thanks for the congratulations. Unfortunately, this will have some other consequences...or unfortunately may be the wrong way to put it because this is a conscious choice for my part, which I'm happy about. Both Molly and I have decided to leave the Army. The tour to Bangladesh was my last and I have already handed in my notice and it was accepted. I will stay with you until your new captain has been assigned."

Several jaws dropped as he delivered this message. No one looked happy, half of them devastated and all of them were moved despite that they were hardened soldiers. It was apparent that Captain James himself was deeply touched whilst telling them this. His voice was as steady as always, but he was rocking back and forth on his heels as he spoke, arms folded over his chest and his eyes were also suspiciously moist. The Army had meant so much to him for so long and 2 section above all. This was not a decision he had taken lightly, but even though he loved the Army, there were other things he loved even more. Like a certain chestnut-haired medic with green eyes and a smile that could touch his heart like nothing else.

2 section were all upset because they appreciated him so much as a leader and person and despite that Georgie had known this would come, she was now feeling absolutely devastated.

'Not now!' she thought. 'I need him to be our captain now.'

She did not say it out loud though, just joined the others in congratulating James. She did not want to burden him with her insecurities when she knew this choice must be hard for him as it was. When the meeting ended, she left the others as she felt she needed to be alone.

Instead of heading in direction of her quarters, she went for a walk. Let her feet take her anywhere they pleased, over the parade ground, through corridors where her steps resounded as her boots hit the tiled floor and made her feel more desolate than ever. A familiar but unexpected figure came striding towards her through the deserted passageway and for a split second she wondered if her mind was playing tricks on her, or if it really was Bones He had not noticed her yet, as he despite his determined step was looking done on his phone, multi-tasking walking and texting. She had not seen him since the last briefing in Bangladesh. That was as less than two months ago but with everything that had happened in between, meeting Matt, her father's illness, it seemed much more distant. Nevertheless, she felt butterflies in her stomach at the sight of him. By reflex, she briefly considered to hiding somewhere without knowing why for sure, but it would both have been ridiculous and difficult, so she just walked on with thumping heart. Now he tucked his phone in his pocket, looked up ang registered her too. His eyebrows were raised in surprise before he resumed his usual impenetrable mask. Not unfriendly but not exposing any emotions either.

"Corporal Lane."

"Captain McClyde", she saluted him formally as were expected from a private meeting a superior ranking officer. "You're here?"

"It appears so", he smirked. "Working on a counter terrorism operation here in UK for a while."

He did not develop it further and she knew there was no point in asking.

"I take it the end of the Bangladesh tour went well?"

"Oh, yes. Uneventful compared to what happened before."

She meant him being blown up and the events involving the Brigadier, but just as she said it she realised he might think she eluded to what had passed between them and wished she could take it back.

"Well, hard to beat that", he said, and she wondered which part of it he was thinking of.

There was a slightly awkward silence and neither broke eye contact.

"You have a beard," She noted out of nowhere, simply because she did not know what to say. It was non-regulation for officers to sport a beard and she wondered if he was granted an exception because it was needed for the current job, or if he simply did not give a fuck.

With grin he let his hand stroke over his own chin, touching it as if he was unused to it too and he needed to remind himself it was there.

"Yeah, so?"

"I just never liked beard much."

Why did she say that? It was quite rude and absolutely none of her business if he grew a beard, even if it was true that she did not fancy facial hair much on any man. This was the worst conversation ever, could anyone please beam her away from here? How was it possible that things could be so awkward with someone you had been so intimate with? Or maybe that was the whole reason. When he was standing only a few feet away, wearing his barrack uniform as if it was tailor made for his lean muscular body, it was impossible not to remember what he looked like underneath and be affected by his presence. She could only pray he did not notice.

"Saves me a few minutes in the morning which I frankly can use for better things than shaving", he smirked.

A flash of a newly awake Bones, tucked between sheets, stretching his supremely fit body made her stomach twist.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that", she hurried to add and felt her cheeks turning hot. This was really not her week at all and suddenly she felt exhausted, tired at keeping appearances up; for her family, for the colleagues, for him.

He looked a bit perplexed but did not seem offended, instead he glanced around them, but nobody was near.

"How are you, Lane?" Now he was scrutinizing her face and she got the feeling he noticed other things than her blushing. The bags under her eyes maybe, but she could impossibly share how she felt with him.

"I'm fine, Sir... I'm great... I mean, I'm fine."

"That's a hell of a lot 'fine' but I feel less convinced for every time you say it. How are you, really?"

There was an unexpected hint of concern in his voice and to her dismay she felt her eyes filling up with all the tears she had not let herself cry. It was most unwelcome but something about his presence triggered it. She did not dare to speak because she knew tears would start flowing freely if she did, so she just shook her head.

"Come here" he said, took her gently by the elbow and led her to a bench in a secluded corner. He sat her down and when she refused to meet his eyes, he took her hand, wrapped it in his larger one.

"Tell me", was all he said.

Then it was like everything burst and all the tears she had been holding inside came flowing like a minor waterfall. He pulled her to his chest and held her there for a while, never minding his uniform got wet from the salty liquid or that this was not done between officer and private. For a while she allowed herself to rest there, with the reassuring hold of his arms around her, the uniform fabric a bit itchy to her cheek but comforting because he was underneath it.

When she finally looked up, she feared he would be judging her for being unable to hold herself together but saw nothing of the sort in his face. His expression was not the blank one he so often sported either and she found it difficult to interpret. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. He let his arms drop and retreated an inch too.

"Oh, what is the matter with me?! It is the second time I'm crying with you and I just feel so embarrassed."

"Don't be. Take your time. This is not like you, what is happening?"

"Everything! My dad had a heart attack some days ago. Captain James is leaving the army to have a baby. I don't know what to do with my life, what I want or should do. I want to be in the army, I think, but I also want to be with my family, my dad... and I want a family of my own, but I want to stay with 2 section and I don't want things to change."

"Okay..." he let her words sink in and tried to grasp it all as there was obviously several issues on her mind. "I'm sorry to hear about your dad. How is he?"

"He will live if he doesn't have another heart attack, but we still don't know how bad the first one was, how he will recover. My mum is just so devastated. They've always been together, you know, life-long love, and she doesn't even know who she is without him. I can't be there for her, because I must be here and work… and when I was home for a few days I felt like I wasn't enough. She needs me to be strong, but I don't feel so strong, I'm terrified too. I'm sick and tired of having to be the one that says that everything will be alright, like she needs me to do. And I do that, even if all I really want is to crawl under a blanket and cry, but I haven't even been able to cry. Not until now – and now I wish I could stop."

He nodded, reached for her hand again and she allowed him to take it. He squeezed hers briefly as if to transfer some strength, then let go again. Strangely, just holding his hand felt more comforting than being wrapped in Matt's arms had the other day.

"I understand that is tough and that you don't want to leave him. Have you considered compassionate leave for a while? That could be an option for you in this situation."

Of course, she knew about compassionate leave, but it had not occurred to her it might be an option for her. She thought that applied only in really serious situations, but maybe this was considered as one. She wiped her nose as it seemed some tears had strayed that way, sniffled and knowing she must be an unattractive mess right now, she tried to pull herself together.

"I hadn't really. I will think about it. It would be such a relief not to be away from my family right now."

"I'm sure you would be granted a longer leave for a situation like this, but even so Lane, when you are home, try to be honest with your mum and the rest of your family about how you feel. This will be far too heavy for you if you don't."

"They expect me to be the strong one, they need me to keep my shit together…"

"And you are! It doesn't mean you don't have the right to be worried or sad, on the contrary.

It made sense when he said it.

"Then you mentioned James? He is leaving the Army? And a baby?"

"Can you believe it? Molly is pregnant and they're both leaving. He told me already in Bangladesh and then I was only happy for him, but now I realise it means we will have a new captain and I don't know what that will be like."

"You mean to say it isn't always easy to have a new leader?"

She glanced at him and thought she saw a teasing flicker in his eyes, but he remained serious, as she was. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, it changes things and it may not be for the better. I always liked working under Captain James."

"And you don't want 2 section to change..."

"No, they feel like my anchor point. So much has happened over the years when I have been with them, but they have always remained the same. Now it feels like everything is changing and I can't do anything about it."

"And that makes you feel unsure if you should stay in or leave and what you should do with your life if you do?"

He did not mention her wish to have a family of her own. She was grateful for that as it was something she had blurted out unintentionally and she was not keen on discussing it with him really.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

He was quiet a moment, as if measuring his words before speaking again:

"There is one thing we can be sure of in life; nothing is constant. Things will always be changing whether we like it or not. Either you can be passive while the world around you changes, maybe in ways you don't like, or you can decide how you want to change your life and make it happen. Not everything will go your way always, because sometimes things that suck just happen, but at least one can try. Like with 2 section, it will change for sure. You already know James is leaving. Monk is a father now I heard, and then you don't know how long he stays an army man. Rab and Maisie… sooner or later one of them will have to transfer so they don't work together."

"You know about them?!"

"I wouldn't be a very good commander if I didn't know my team, would I? As long as Rab and Maisie weren't too obvious and did their job I chose to ignore it. I know you think I just came in as an unsensitive bulldozer, but I noticed more than I let you know. Anyway, what I'm saying is, the others will make changes, so you should think about how you want things to change for you."

Again, what he said made perfect sense, but it was still complicated.

"Okay... but how do I figure out what I want to do and be when I grow up?"

"I didn't say it is easy, but we're already all grown up by now, aren't we? Is is time we make our own decisions."

"Yes, I suppose we are... but sometimes I just wish someone could figure it out for me. Life. Make all the difficult decisions."

"I don't think you do, really", he smiled. "If your parents had decided for you, you would have been unhappily married to a doctor now and left the army since long, remember?"

She remembered but was amazed that he did. She sat silent, thinking of what he had said. As they sat side by side on the bench, their hands were almost touching, and she wished now that he would take hers again, but he did not.

"If you decide to take a leave, which I really would recommend you, spend some time thinking about what you want. Not just now but also a few years from now. Think about what you need to do to get there. Make a plan."

"Do you have a plan?"

When she first met him, she had taken him for a rough brute. In addition to being far more intelligent and compassionate than the first impression implied, she also had a growing feeling he was a strategic thinker who did not enter any situation without a game plan.

He looked surprised at the question in return but chose to answer.

"Not for everything, but I have a few things I want to happen in my life."

He looked her straight into her eyes and for a moment looked like he was about to add something, but then thought the better of it and did not elaborate further on the subject.

"Why weren't you like this when you were our commander?"

"How do you mean?"

"Understanding. Supportive."

"I thought I had told you. There's a time and place for everything. It wasn't what you needed me to be. 2 section were a tight, in many ways performing, team already and you had support in one other. You needed an outsider to push you, provoke you even, to get even closer and up your game. The way all of you developed over our months together was impressive."

She knew he was right, but she liked him better this way.

A corporal named Johnson approached them.

"Captain McClyde, you're wanted in the E building"

Bones got to his feet but turned to her before he left, looked down on her and touched her shoulder.

"I'm sure you will figure out what you want, Georgie."

Her gaze followed him as he walked away and the feeling of his hand touching her lingered. An odd thought flashed through her mind. Odd because she was with Matt now.

'But what if what I want is you?'