A/N May 4, 2019: If you currently are reading this story, note that all chapters have been updated. See author's note for chapter 1.

In the previous version this chapter was only the last few lines, so nearly all of it is new.

Chapter 19: More than words

JACK

When Jack received the order that he, Spanner and Peanut where to fly to Estonia without delay to assist in the search of a disappeared British Army section, he was first only concerned in the way he always was when such a situation presented itself because he knew he would not be requested unless it was serious. However, he was used to it, just a day at work like any other and was cool as a cucumber until he opened the manila envelope handed to him and read that the missing men were 2 section, under the leadership of Captain Aldridge.

"Was that all, Sir?" he asked with steady voice, shifting his gaze from the papers in his hand to his CO. "If so, I will go brief the boys and we're off in less than an hour."

"That's all McClyde. Good luck."

"Luck has nothing to do with what we do", he answered, somewhat cocky but they both knew it was true. What his unit achieved was down to skill and bravery.

"Well, I'll make you right there", the major smirked. "Dismissed."

As soon as Jack had closed the door behind him, he increased his step and hurried down the corridor to the nearest restroom, where he locked himself up and let distress he felt show. He clasped his fingers hard around the edge of the basin and met his own eyes in the mirror. For a while he stood like that, his chest heaving, cold sweat seeping and with the feeling that something heavy pressed him down.

Georgie was missing along with the rest of her section in a territory where both the cold climate and the Russian mafia were very real and lethal threats. He had not known he would react like this and certainly did not appreciate the lack of control he had over himself. He was not sure what it indicated, all he knew was that he needed to get his shit together to once again ensure she was safe, and it felt more important to him than his own life. He turned on the water and let it run until it was ice cold, then splashed it plentiful on his face until his breathing and pulse returned to normal.

'I will get her out of this', he promised his mirror image before he turned and walked out to contact Spanner and Peanut.

- OG -

He had done his best to forget about Georgie after their night in Bangladesh, but it had proved impossible. The first challenge had been during the raid against the Brigadier. He had steeled himself beforehand, knowing she would be there, yet it had taken all his willpower to treat her like anyone, not to smile at her like a smitten fool when she stood before him. So small compared to him but still fearless, with a challenging look in her brown eyes when they met his. She was of course uniform clad like the others, but he had not been able to disregard that he knew what she looked underneath and felt a twitch in his groin. Most disturbing though, was the butterflies in his stomach and the urge to simply wrap her in his arms and tell her how fucking happy he was to see her again.

He was mad at himself for all those things and prided himself in that he at least did not show it on the outside. It had been close, when she bravely threw herself at him to make him dodge the sniper's bullets. When she was on top of him, all he wanted was to pull her lovely mouth to his in a kiss and for that reason he did not even allow himself to respond to her in the same way when she called him Jack, despite that the secret intimacy made him ridiculously happy. He had to get away from her as soon as he could not to expose himself.

He barely slept that night, knowing she was so close but off limits. When he finally dozed off, he dreamt vivid dreams of her and it was a relief when dawn came, and they left for the airport with the Brigadier in tow.

- OG -

It did not help to put distance between them this time. He thought about her often, far too often, over the next months. Even more so when he knew her section was back in UK. From a well-informed administrator he knew fancied him, he found out where 2 section was based after their R&R and then managed to pull some strings and get stationed there during a home-based counter terrorism operation. He was not even sure why he did it, but he felt this urge to be close to her. He was not her CO anymore, they were not working together so it was in fact not forbidden for them to see each other. If she wanted to. That was the burning question.

He realised that beside one night of passion he might in her eyes not have anything to offer. On the contrary she might resent much of what he stood for; an Army man and SF officer who just like Elvis risked his neck on near daily basis; a man with dubious reputation who no one would place a bet on to get married, as he attracted many women but was more known for his numerous, brief love affairs than being dependable; a man who with the exception of one rainy night never had showed her emotions of any kind towards her, besides anger, frustration and disappointment when she did not reach up to his standards - only him knowing his reasons for that. He realised that I he was to have any chance to get close to Georgie Lane for real, it would take more than just being located where she was. He would have to up his game and try to show her that he could be more than all those negative things.

He saw her already one of the first days at the regiment. She and the rest of 2 section sat on the grass outdoors during a break, as it seemed just recently returned from their permission and catching up. Jack had come walking down the outdoors colonnade, spotted them and for some reason lingered hidden in the shadows, eaves-dropping to their conversation.

The sight of her made his breath hitch. She looked happy and at ease, joining in the banter with her fellow squaddies. Despite the usual tight regulation bun and fatigues she looked more relaxed somehow and he was not the only one who noticed.

"So, what have you been up to during R&R?" Rab asked her.

"Nothing much, mate", she said but her smile was mischievous, and her eyes twinkled.

"That's not what I heard. I was told someone has been dating."

Georgie turned to Maisie.

"Maisie! I said not to tell!" she protested.

"Sorry, just slipped my lips."

The rest of 2 section cheered, whistled and demanded to know more. Jack suddenly felt sick and did not want to hear another word but could not make his feet move away.

"Okay, okay", she said. "I have seen this guy named Matt a few times and that is more than I have been dating anyone since Elvis. It feels good, really good and it might be the start of something real, but it is early days."

Jack was finally able to tear away but had already heard more than enough. She was happy with someone else and their moment had been a parenthesis in her life, that much was clear.

He remained based at the regiment but for his operation went back and forth daily to other nearby destinations, disturbed that thoughts of her distracted him even if he did not see her for over a week. He saw the rest of 2 section on one occasion, but she was missing that day and he wondered why.

Then one day he ran into her in a passageway, where it was only the two of them and the encounter was unavoidable. First thing he noticed was that she looked very different from the last time he saw her, the relaxed joyful easiness gone. She had dark circles under her eyes, the spark in them was missing and replaced by distress. Without thinking he had pulled her to his chest and she had not protested, instead let herself sink into him. For a minute he had allowed himself to relish that feeling, before he composed himself, knowing what she needed in that moment was not a superior drooling over her, but someone supporting her. So, he hid his feelings and wishes and tried to be just that. He hoped he had succeeded and that she would get more support when she got home from that boyfriend of hers, hoped that he would be the guy standing by her side which Elvis had not been, because even if it irked Jack to think of her with someone else, he only wished her the best.

He did not see her again until in December but knew through his channels that she had taken his advice to get compassionate leave. His thoughts returned to her again and again; if she was well, if her father was well, if she would really leave the Army and if she had decided what to do then and if she still was seeing that damn boyfriend. When he finally spotted her sitting alone in the mess one day, he allowed himself to watch her for a while before he approached her. Despite that she was fidgeting with some papers, she looked more at ease again, happier and it made him really happy in turn. He realised that his feelings and wishes remained unchanged even if it was futile when she was taken.

His stomach made a somersault when she greeted him with a smile and as he sat down in front of her he wondered if she even noticed that he had shaved off the beard that had been so offensive to her. He had been so glad to find out that she indeed felt better, like she was back on solid ground, but as glad as he was that she had found out what she wanted to do, it grieved him that she would leave the Army because that was the only touch point they had. Soon she would be gone, and he would likely never come across her again. She did not mention the boyfriend during the conversation, but then again why would she? She would not talk about such things to any officer, and least of all to him considering the awkwardness of their night together.

He wanted to grab her shoulders, stare her in the eyes and tell her that their night together had meant the world to him, that he never had experienced anything like it and yet it was nothing compared to the overwhelming feelings he had in the pit of his stomach every time he just saw her since then. His need for her was more than physical and it made him sick to think of her with someone else – but he said nothing. He had no right to when she was with someone else. Instead he impersonally wished her luck and felt like he maybe was dying a little bit when he left her that day.

Now she was missing, and he did not know if she lived and he ever would see her again, it was like a punch in the solar plexus of this hardened special forces captain.

- OG -

Upon their arrival at the base in Estonia, he impatiently arranged for the briefing to take place immediately because he did not want to waste any time. He found Major Strickland a bit slow and ceremonious and wanted him to just cut to the point, almost zooned out until he heard the magic words.

"…except Corporal Lane who stayed behind due to a sprained ankle."

Had he really got it right? His eyes scrolled the room and there she was, leaning against the wall in the back, looking at him. In that moment a sob of relief very nearly escaped him. Thank fuck, she was safe. He still had to save the others, but she was safe.

It was probably a stupid impulse to keep her as close to him as possible that made him request for her to join his unit in the capacity of medic. He regretted it immediately, knowing how dangerous it would be but when he gave her the option to pass she bravely refused it. He did not know if his strongest feeling was anger with himself for opening up for her to join in the first place, or admiration for her because she would not back down when she could be of help to her section.

How she had fought, marching and crawling through the snow and thicket, not once complaining despite that he knew it was much harder for her on her shorter legs than it was for the three tall men. Only one time did she stumble, and he caught her, without a word as he thought he might say something stupid like offering to carry her like some bloody knight in shining armour. He knew that both she, Spanner and Peanut would have laughed their pants of if he had done that.

When they split up in two teams, he kept her close to him, would never had dreamt of letting her out of his sight in this dangerous situation. Only afterwards did it occur to him that it meant they would spend the night together alone. He hoped she did not think he had planned it or that she felt awkward about it, what with their history and her current boyfriend. He did not want to put her in a situation where she would feel uncomfortable around him, never wanted her to feel like he was pursuing when she did not wish him to. Still, due to the cold they had no choice but to snuggle up close to one another. He tried not to enjoy it, tried not to think of her sexually, tried hard to fall asleep - and failed, until she asked him if he thought about their night together.

He had been reluctant to go into that conversation and been careful to keep his emotions and actions in check, because 2 sections lives were at stake, but when she had told him that she was not with that other guy, that she had not loved him, then turned to him and looked at him as if she wanted him to kiss her, he had been so immensely happy. He had been in a state of total happy disbelief, but his spinal reflex had been to do the right thing and tell her this was not the time for having this conversation. Certainly not the time for kissing and lose focus as he knew he totally would the moment their lips touched. He knew he had disappointed her, and his thoughts were still spinning madly when he eventually heard her breathing transform into that of a sleeping person. For long he just enjoyed having her sleeping next to him and promised himself that in the morning he would save 2 section, bring her back to the base and then give her the kiss her eyes had been asking for.

- OG -

Last evening, he had done that. Equally nervous and expectant walked over to 2 section's shared quarters where she now was staying alone. He had maybe looked confident enough, but he had far from felt it when he saw her sitting on her bed, fresh from the shower and with damp hair. He had not said anything before kissing her, afraid his voice would fail him. Only when she kissed him back with equal measures of passion and tenderness had he trusted himself to speak, asked her to come with him and she had accepted.

Only once had he tried to tell his father that he loved him. The father had looked at his six-year old boy with barely disguised contempt and told him that love was a four letter word coming from a man and that he never wanted to hear his son say it again. Jack had not known what a four letter word meant then, apart from the obvious, but he had understood that he never was to say it again. After that he had hesitated to use it even to his mum or sister, instead tried to show them in his actions how he loved them and cared for them. It was still like that.

This night he attempted to let his body do the talking with Georgie, show her in his actions rather than words how he felt. He was not sure how they made it to his room, but once there he tried not to let himself be overwhelmed by passion. Tried to be as gentle as he could, give them time. Let his hands discover her body anew, let his lips trail all over her soft skin before he finally closed them over her clit to give her the first shattering climax, which was soon followed by another as he moved slowly inside her, long and hard, stroking her most sensitive spot so perfectly that she came undone again and he felt her warm, damp walls contract around him until he released too, then stayed close to her, stroking her hair, kissing her softly.

He had thought that she might want to fall asleep then, but she had surprised him. Come on top of him, touched and kissed his body until he grew hard anew, then lowered herself over him. Rocked her body, arched against him until he was buried deep inside her once more and they had moved slow, until they were unable to keep it slow anymore and he had let himself go again with a groan, clasping her delicate waste and hips never wanting to let her trembling body go.

With her laying on his chest, the dark soft hair fanned out over him, he was overcome with emotions.

"I have been waiting for this so long", he whispered.

They stayed like that until she fell asleep and even after. Like the night before he stayed awake much longer than her, did not want to miss any of it. He was so relieved. She was safe, and she was here in his arms in the most sublime way.

He never wanted to let her go again, but he knew he would have to.